Category Archives: Text

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Trouble and a bike

Tuesday, August 19, 2014 

TEXTS
Kris: Gonna go hang with “bad boys”. old black bar buddies. have to find their current water hole in the burbs…cops shut down old one. dumb cuz they would just find new one. I’ll find it…won’t drink…PROMISE. my nick name with them: “Crazy Kris”. for real. but now it’s just for “show”. but they don’t know that. so I’ll get “respect”…and be ok. and won’t drink. my intimate, “non-sexual” (HA!) friend. 6:23 PM
Kris: Say hi to mom for me. tell her I owe her a lunch. and when u go to the bathroom we can swap secrets about u. tell her I’ve got some really juicy (literally) ones to share. OMG!!!!!!! 6:46 PM
Me: We were just talking about you! We’re at The 99 again. I showed her your bike. 6:48 PM
Kris: What did she say? 6:49 PM
Me: You look skinny. 🙂 6:49 PM
Kris: She’s a riot! You’re too fat and I’m too skinny! Ever here the bad joke about Mama Cass and Karen Carpenter? 6:53 PM
Me: No…do I want to? 6:55 PM
Kris: Probably not. think that will stop me? 😉 6:56 PM
Kris: If Mama Cass had shared her sandwich with Karen Carpenter they’d both be alive today! 6:58 PM
Kris: Bad. I know. Ok. off on bike to play bad boy biker. Walter Mitty. 6:59 PM
Kris: Google what caused Karen Carpenter’s death if u didn’t get that bad joke. I really am an evil man. You’re just blinded by the occasional mediocre sex. 7:03 PM
Kris: Ok…off on bike. later… 😉 7:04 PM
Me: I am still smiling about late Sunday…mmm. 7:12 PM
Kris: U r incorrigible. taking advantage of poor skinny little me.  😉 7:17 PM
Kris: (not on bike yet. cleaning up house a little first. have renter. can’t be fun slob. 🙁 7:20 PM
Me: You betcha! Mwah! 7:20 PM
Kris: 🙂 7:20 PM
Me: Come see me instead? 🙂 7:25 PM
Kris: Gotta get it outta my system.. nutha time (less u get bettah offer in meantime. in which case go for it!). 8:10 PM
Me: Have fun! 8:11 PM
Kris: Maybe one of those AM winks is a nice man. just poor! 😉 8:11 PM
Kris: “Have fun!”. So u! Thanks for treating me like a grown up. another reason hard to let u go…Ms. Unflappable. 8:20 PM
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from: Sassy
to: Kris
date: Tue, Aug 19, 2014 at 9:32 PM
subject: Trouble and a bike
Here’s an interesting photo that reminds me of you. 
http://simplensexy.tumblr.com/post/73228475738/i-always-seem-to-find-trouble-lol#notes

 -S

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Kris: U probably won’t read till morning. went to several bars. no one around. tried to have some fun by offering “working girl” ride on bike. but she said had to be a “working ride”…guess what I said.  NO THANKS (SHARKS, ALLIGATORS, PIRRHANAS…GOD KNOWS WHAT’S IN THAT POOL). Oh well…time for Walter to go home. Had two cokes and played juke box. more danger with Sassy than that! Yawnnnnn!!!!!!! 12:09 AM
Me: Thanks for the update. Was thinking about you  🙂 12:11 AM
Me: FYI – Hubby and his lady are away overnight next Tuesday, 8/26 and returning Wednesday. If the stars align and you could keep me company that evening, I’d adore having you stay over.  12:16 AM

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Meet #28 Feeding Kris

Sunday, August 17, 2014
TEXT to Kris
I have a perfect ripe pear. It should be eaten tonight.  Can you pop down and help me out with that? 1:09 PM
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1:16 PM TEXT from Kris
I shouldn’t but can’t resist.  Won’t take advantage of poor little me will u?   😉
1:17 PM TEXT from me
I can text you when I get back from lunch. Aim for 6? 
1:18 PM TEXT from Kris
Ok
1:19 PM TEXT from me
🙂 
1:24 PM TEXT from Kris
Don’t frighten the children. down Sassy. sit. don’t scare poor Kris   😉
1:26 PM TEXT from me
Who? Oh… she’s gone.  I shut her away. 
1:40 PM TEXT from me
I have corn on the cob, grapes and raspberries from the farm stand too
1:43 PM TEXT from Kris
You’re a liar… the demure lady can barely handle Sassy. But I am a big boy… and never did anything I didn’t want to.  Stories?  Oh yeah… I’m a regular “Lying, Cheating, ‘Christian’ Don Juan.”  If I’m no good for a fuck… at least I’m “highly-entertaining!”  LOL
5:08 PM TEXT from me
Heading home so 6 pm timing looks good, or whenever suits your schedule after that. 
5:29 PM TEXT from Kris
7:00 🙂 
7:16 PM TEXT from Kris
Here..where should I park bike
7:17 PM TEXT from me
Yay!  I’ll meet you in the garage.  
7:17 PM TEXT from Kris
K…  🙂 
I dashed down to open the garage door.  I stayed a distance from him as he took off his chaps.  I took a photo of the bike to send to Philip.  He walked over and gave me a long hug, then surprised me with a kiss on the lips!  That always feels good, but it was especially wonderful since I thought I wouldn’t get any physical contact! 
We went upstairs.  He sat in a tall chair near my kitchen pass-through while I grabbed food to feed to him.  He must have been starving.
  • He started with the “perfect pear” and ate all of it except the stem!  
  • Next he asked for a bowl of Progresso pasta e fagoli soup and some apple juice.  
  • He ate an ear of corn on the cob.  I fed the other one to Hubby.  
  • I also gave him a grilled chicken breast.  
  • And some green beans.  
  • And raspberry sorbet!  He poured milk on it!   
  • He made himself a cup of instant coffee. 

It was strange and fun to cook for him.  I never cook! 
We took a couple of my dining room chairs up to the roof deck.  It was a beautiful clear cool night.  We sat next to each other and I listened to him.  The big news was that he had gotten on ChristianMingles.com and was going to have lunch with three different women next weekend!  He characterized them as “Marlo Thomas,” because she looks like that actress, “The Little Old Lady Who Lives in a Shoe” because she had four children and married a guy with five children and they adopted 10 more!, and “the one like me” who went to the same college, and works for the main competitor of his employer!  I asked what about the Kris who advised his wife to wait at least six months to date so she doesn’t do something stupid on the rebound?  He said he is bad, already lying, telling them he was divorced.  I felt bad for these women and told him so.  He asked me if I was jealous and I said not really.  He can do what he wants when he is not with me but it seemed like a bad idea for him and for them. 
This ticked me off.  He puts me off because he needs to focus on the tasks around his divorce and renting out rooms in his house and… he starts using brain space for three more women!  I told him I was taking that personally… that he doesn’t want me and sex with me is no good.  He reassured me most emphatically that is not true.  He said he is crazy.  I asked if he has a brain tumor.  He said that would be great – if he could have a reason he has done all this crazy stuff.  I asked if he would let them cut it out and go back to normal.  He didn’t answer.  I asked if he thinks he is mentally ill and what DSM 4 code would he give to it?  He laughed and said that was a good question!  He asked if I would visit him in prison, that he was so crazy he assumed he was going to screw up something and get into trouble.  I told him not to talk like that. 
I spent most of my time trying not to touch him.  Not to kiss him.  My instincts press me to comfort him, to touch him, to give him some release, make him forget his troubles for a little while.  But I fought it.  He held my hand.  I struggled not to stroke his fingers. I watched the planes going and coming from Logan to take my mind off it.  
It got to be midnight and very cold, so we decided to go back downstairs.  Hubby was ensconced on the sofa playing video games so I asked Kris if he could sit on one side my bed and I’d sit on the other.  He said that would be fine.  He made a cup of coffee and I went in and sprawled on the far side so he could have the bedside table to put his cup on.  He came in, leaving the door open, and sat on the edge of the bed drinking his coffee.  
In a couple of minutes, he sprawled out and started to talk again.  He rolled over next to me, tugged me over so my head was on his shoulder.  This was incredibly tough for me… I so wanted to caress him!  I felt like I would go crazy not kissing him, but I gritted my teeth and stared at the ceiling to listen.  He told me about the tasks on his mind.  He told me more about his wife’s demands for their divorce.  He was quiet for several long periods and I thought he had fallen asleep, but when I turned my head slightly to look, he would open his eyes and smile at me.  I rubbed his face.  
About 1 am he got up to use the bathroom, and closed the door to the bedroom.  Oh?  He crawled back into bed beside me.  I was flat on my back.  He turned on his side and cuddled up next to me.  He reached across my stomach, lifted my top and traced patterns on my skin.  I shivered.  He traced lower, trailing a finger around the waistline of my slacks.  I was so revved up from holding back for hours, I started trembling and breathing raggedly right away.  I didn’t want him to ever stop, but I wanted to understand what was going on so I didn’t cross some line in my ignorance.  
“Why are you doing that?” I asked.  He said he liked listening to me get excited, liked to touch me.  He put his fingers inside my slacks, trailed them down the side of my panties, then pushed the crotch aside and started flicking my clit!  My hips popped up and I started talking to him.  
I told him how good he was making me feel, how much I love it when he finger fucks me, how much I want more, how hot I am, he makes me burn… oh yeah.. just like that.  I freed my right breast from my bra, rubbing my nipple.  He nosed my hand out of the way and sucked my nipple.  I asked him to bite it… twist it… he complied and I lost my mind, whimpering and shaking.  I came so hard!  

I told him I wanted to scream for him, but I’d better not with Hubby in the living room.  He said he understood, that he could tell what was going on.  I asked him if my body tells him and he said yes – my clit gets hard and I get very wet and I shake… he doesn’t talk much during sex so this was a real treat! 
He didn’t stop when I came… just kept flicking and pulling and sticking his finger inside and then up again.  It felt like it was going to be too much, but I rode it and it felt incredible!  I thought of very raunchy videos I’ve watched… I thought about describing them to him but my brain was beyond speech at that point.  None of them are things I want to do but thinking about them takes me over the edge!  
My phone rang at 2 am – it was Hubby calling from the other room!  He asked if he could go to bed soon.  I told him I needed 15 minutes.  
I undid Kris’ belt, undid his jeans and took his cock out of his underwear.  I thought he might stop me, but he didn’t!  I played with it with my hand until it got erect, which didn’t take long.  Then I licked it from bottom to top and cupped his balls with my other hand. He moaned and popped his hips… rubbed his hand in my hair.  I asked what he would like, as we had so little time. He said everything I do is wonderful, to just keep going. 

I slurped him down in one gulp and he gasped and started pumping his hips, fucking my mouth.  Oh man, I adore that.  I moaned to let him know how much that turns me on.  I flicked my tongue around the crown and into the hole, then sucked really loudly and bobbed up my head.  He started his patter… OH… Sassy… oh man… yes yes… and moved his hips pulling him in and out of my mouth.  He pressed my head and stayed in and gushed cum down my throat!  Yay!  I swallowed twice and he pulled out a little so it got all over my cheek and his tummy.  I played with it.  I asked him if he wanted a taste and he was like “Ewww!  No… gross!”  I told him it was natural and a lot of men taste their own.  He insisted it was not his thing.  I said it tastes good, like salted caramel.  He shook his head.  He pulled me up beside him to cuddle.

I asked him to cancel his dates with the women.  He asked why and I said that I want that time and energy, and I feel bad for them.  He said he would think about it.  We looked at the clock.  It was 2:30 am!  He got up and pulled his clothes together and went out to sleep on the couch.  I checked to be sure he had what he needed and turned in myself. 


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Stay my friend

Saturday, August 16, 2014

I finally got a couple texts and a late-night email.  He was in rare form, dropping bombshells.  
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11:30 PM TEXT from Kris
Divorce imminent…dating other women…but no sex with them. telling u cuz not ready to let u go. u know me in ways no one else does. that’s a kind of intimacy I can’t easily let go of. could u be my intimate friend with no sex?
11:46 PM TEXT from Kris
If u say yes…u will stay my friend. then I should meet your sister so you won’t be sad that I didn’t.   I want to hear how u explain our “new relationship” to her…  (assuming u let us have one…unless it would be too hard…..since Sassy can hardly resist Kris Kringle.   😉

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From: Kris
To: Sassy
Sent: August 17, 2014 1:48 AM
Subject: re: Weekend times 
Sent you a text asking you if we could have a unique, intimate, non-sexual relationship.  May be too much for Sassy to resist Mr. Studly Kris….but you are in a unique position.  Literally no one in the world knows the “real me”–the good, bad, and ugly like you do.  Here’s an ironic fact…I could hardly get laid to save my life on AM.  But I have Christian women beating down my door who are looking for husbands.  I have dates with several of them lined up.  So now I can “cheat” on them with you…AND NOT EVEN HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!!   Now tell me why I shouldn’t be officially crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I could not think of how to respond.  I don’t know what he is really offering or if I want it, and I am certainly not going to answer electronically.  So I decided to sleep on it.  I focused on getting him here to talk in person.


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Meet #3 The Lawyer’s Annual Visit

Thursday, August 14, 2014 
From: Sassy
To: The Lawyer
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 7:49 AM
Subject: re: hey there
Good morning hot stuff!  

The sun has returned and I have this feeling it’s going to be a fantastic day!  
-S
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From: The Lawyer
To: Sassy
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 8:41 AM
Subject: hey there
I’m certainly looking forward to it, and to seeing you! 
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I crossed my fingers that he would not back out.  I managed to get some work done, then left the office early at 3 pm and took the bus home.  It was such a perfect day – clear, 70s, not humid. 
I cleaned up a few more things… thank goodness the cleaners were here yesterday! 
========

Just as I was beginning to worry – he texted me! 
TEXT 4:01 pm from The Lawyer 
I’m almost there

TEXT 4:02 pm from Sassy
See you at the garage!
TEXT 4:03 pm from The Lawyer 
Ok
TEXT 4:08 pm from The Lawyer 
Missed it — going around block
I stood outside waiting for him.  Very quickly, he turned into the lot in a beautiful classic sports car.  He smiled and rolled down the passenger side window. I forget what an amazing smile he has… and that twinkle in his eyes!  So merry!  
He offered to go park on the street but I told him this was fine. I told him my space number and he pulled in. 
He got out and gave me a quick hug.  We walked to the elevator, and had a nice kiss alone in there. 
I showed him the first floor – gym, lobby, pool – then we went up to my condo.  I showed him around inside, offered him water or grapes or… he said he was fine. 

He was very nice to my cats.  They smooed all over him!  
We went into my bedroom, hugged and kissed, then sat on the bed and talked for about half an hour, catching up on each other’s lives – his kids, work, about my projects, about Hubby finding a nice woman.
I told him about seeing two guys this year from AM – much better than the bunch from the prior year!  I told him about Kris getting busted.  He told me he sees a college friend now and then.  
We started kissing… groping… undressing.  He has such a great body! 
He focused on me – exploring my body, touching, tasting.  He has great oral skills! He also likes to tease my ass, using my juices to get his finger wet then circling…mmmm. 
I returned the favor.  I got out my toys to show him.  He touched each one, fascinated.  I told him about how they had enhanced my sex life, how my last guy had said the combo of my mouth and the vibration was poetry!  
I chose the silver bullet to try out on him.  I used it and my mouth, and he said he agreed with my last guy, though it felt more like a symphony to him!  Hee!  He came hard and I swallowed gulp after gulp. Yum.  
He collapsed smiling.  He rested awhile, and we talked.  
He got that special smile and reached for the silver bullet vibe and the tiny black vibrating butt plug, using them together on me… whee!  I had a tingling orgasm.  Sooo good! 
I rolled over and we cuddled – his front to my back.  He played with my chest and my clit!  Yum. 
He said he was ready to go again, couldn’t wait anymore… I nodded and he pressed me onto my stomach, got behind me, grabbed my hips and went inside me with one quick push!  He gave me a great pounding doggie style!  Yowza.  I came hard while he filled a condom spurt after spurt!  
We cuddled together and talked about broken bones, 9/11, various lawyers we know.  He told me the story of meeting his wife at work!  I adore his stories!  
I marveled that he was working right there in the building next door most of the time I worked for the law firm.  We talked about where he goes out to lunch, many of the places I frequented!  He said he might have been in line behind me and admired my ass while I ordered a steak & cheese sub!  I told him I was quite the looker in those days… in a Harve Benard suit, silk blouse, high-heeled pumps, skinny, long dark hair… 
He played with various spots on my back.  Mmm… 
We finally looked at the clock – it was 7:05 pm!  He said he really had to go.  I asked if it had been okay to be here?  He said it was fine.  I asked if I should invite him again soon or leave him alone for a year.  He shrugged and said the stars had aligned this time, but it is tough and he needs to be careful.  I told him he could invite himself if he notices any time that would work.  
He asked if he could shower?  I waved him into my bathroom.  I checked my email – there’s a new baseball commissioner! 
I dressed and kissed him a bit more, then went down to the garage with him, and opened the door.  He waved with a big smile and headed off into the twilight. 

It was a lovely interlude.  It made me miss Kris.  It made me realize how deep Kris and I are into each other.  Or were.  *sigh  But this was light, fun and definitely fulfilled my physical needs without complications! 
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From: Sassy
To: The Lawyer
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 7:58 PM
Subject: No more Dolphin
Thank you for a lovely afternoon!  
Went back to my computer and this popped up.  I have such fond memories of our first lunch there! 
Boston Burger Company May Be Moving into Dolphin Seafood Space in Cambridge
Boston Restaurant Talk
http://bostonrestaurants.blogspot.com/2014/05/boston-burger-company-may-be-coming-to.html
A burger restaurant that has locations in Somerville and Boston may be opening a third, with this one apparently being between Harvard Square and Central Square in Cambridge.
View on bostonrestaurants.blogspot.com

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Beautiful and clear

Thursday, August 14, 2014
From: Kris
To: Sassy
date: Thu, Aug 14, 2014 at 7:54 AM
subject: Re: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hi Sassy Real you (even though you don’t see yourself that way  😉
That was the most beautiful and clear email.  Thank you for taking the time to say all that.  I understand where you are at.  I’m glad you have moved on from where you were when you originally wrote “the email not to send.”  I might still be curious to read it if you would let me…just as a “comparison point” to see how you were “in one place then”…..and “another place now.”  But it’s not a pressing thing….just curious.  
I thought about the 2 1/2 hour ride on the bike after I wrote it and realized that you probably had in mind “to the end of the parking lot and back”  LOL.  But you are such a good sport–and not a scaredy cat at all.  Think of the things you’ve done with me that you never did before–how some of them were scary but you decided to do them anyhow.  I loved how you were gasping out like having an orgasm terrified as we got toward the top of Mt. Washington in my car.  I kept teasing you saying, “You’re having an orgasm.”  You were making gasping sounds that sounded like it (not that I have much experience knowing how you sound when you have orgasms–give you a quarter later.  You should charge me more for self-deprecation if you really want me to stop).  
Anyhow, I know you want physical contact (a polite way of saying fuck your brains out as much as possible).  But you are so experienced at “taking whatever you can get.”  So you are figuring out what that might look like for where I’m at right now…that you can live with if you still see me.  I’m still highly-conflicted—even about this much contact.  But apparently I haven’t decided to stop communicating with you altogether–or I just would.  But I would at least tell you, “This is what I think I should do.”  Of course, I tried that once before–and wasn’t successful.  But I promised I would never “just go silent” without any warning.  
I won’t be able to be single forever.  If I start dating other people I will tell you.  They would probably be Christians with the good intention of not having sex before marriage (of course as many don’t really succeed at that as do).  In the meantime, here we are…and I’m happy to be talking to you…conflicted about it…..and now starting to cry.  
Lots is going on here.  You are right – there is nothing you can really do directly about any of it, except what you are doing. just be your “Sassy/Real” self…thank you.
Kris
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Kris: Good morning…Ty for that beautiful email. made me cry…sent one back. know u r swamped at work. I have to get ton of financial docs together for divorce settlement. taking time off from work to do it. hard to be forced into pure “save my ass(ets)” mode. dont want to ramble or vent here. hope u survive “b on wheels” today.  maybe chat tonite. 8:05 AM
Me: Good morning! Running to work. Thinking of you. Sending you strength and a crotch grab! Mwah! 8:17 AM
Kris: Wow! Try to keep that Sassy on a leash there toots! 😉 8:19 AM
Me: I may have a meet this afternoon… The Lawyer! He was the first AM guy I met. I see him once a year. Heh. It’s been a month since I had any action so I am READY! 12:53 PM
Kris: go for it girl! makes me a little sad, but glad u r moving on. lost a lover but for now keeping a friend and intimate one, just in different way 1:09 PM
Me: Please don’t be sad. This does not change anything for me with you. I am still here for you in all ways you will have me. Just a once a year thing while you are focused elsewhere, to help me from pouncing on you! 1:40 PM
Kris: I know. I understand but I can’t help it. u may think I should b another way but u know me better than that miss smarty pants. Make sure he wears a condom, in case I have a future “weak moment” with u – u know how I am about sharks in the water. 😉 1:53 PM
Me: I definitely want you back in my bed, (Busy tomorrow night? Hubby will be out 🙂 ) but I completely understand what you’re going thru, and am not pressuring you, just keeping up our agreement to be honest. This is me getting relief elsewhere but it means nothing. I do not think you should be anything other than what you are and I will roll with whatever that is. Condoms for sure > I know how you are! He is very similar! 2:04 PM
Kris: u don’t need to explain so much. I know u want me. I can’t in all the ways u need right now. still want u on my bike though… 😉 2:35 PM
Me: Hiya! Hope you’re having a good evening. 9:48 PM 
Kris: just got back from working out. bought a laptop. rented a dvd to watch. got an early morning breakfast meeting with pastor and friend tomorrow. hope they don’t ask u know what.  brain is cooked. gonna watch movie and go to bed.  🙂 10:35 PM
Me: Thanks for the update. Gentle hugs… 10:37 PM
Kris: 🙂 10:42 PM
Me: I miss you dear man… Sleep well. 10:52 PM
Kris: u 2… 🙂 10:59 PM


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Fly with me

Wednesday, August 13, 2014
from: Kris
to: Sassy
date: Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 12:37 AM
subject: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hi Real You+Sassy 😉
I sat on my bike after work at 8:30pm last night and texted you my craziness about riding on my bike.  And I want to take you for a ride on my bike, but it’s about being conflicted, and I shouldn’t be talking to you or suggesting anything and it’s not fair to you, but I still have little fantasies and miss you, and interviewing a divorce lawyer yesterday and today, and people moving in to live with me (provides some income but don’t really want them here) and sad, and adult children angry with me……..
I sat in a library to use their wifi and reveled in plotting out a whole trip on back roads from Boston to just north of Newport RI…fantasized about taking you on that road this coming Sunday – going to that restaurant you love down there…and you know if you said you would go….I would.  
It would be a long trip on back roads – probably 2 1/2 hours, but I would not let anything bad happen to you. Remember how you said you just put yourself in my hands on the boat and it worked out?  It would be just like that.  You would be a little scared, but I would make sure you were safe.  I sat there in the library and moved the route along by pointing and clicking and changing the default route and I tried to find roads that looked like they wouldn’t be too heavily traveled, but not too slow. and I looked at the weather. It’s supposed to be nice on Sunday. so tell the new guy who thinks he’s getting a blow job on Sunday he’ll have to wait to another day. LOL. sorry. I’m now almost completely crazy.
Just contacting you again crossed the line. might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb, but I don’t know what I can do…or want. want to bring you for a bike ride, but that’s not really it. but sort of is. so if this sounds crazy, well, I’m a strange man.
Real Kris misses real you more than Sassy… and Sassy wants Kris to fuck her. but real me has these silly lines and pushes Sassy back and hugs and lightly kisses…but that’s an affair as much as fucking. and it’s REALLY hard and confusing on too many levels right now.
write me a really long email and let me inside your head… really inside. you know me.
sorry you had a long day yesterday…tell me about that if you want to.
texting is too tedious….should commit emotional adultery through IM again.  Were we doing that (IM) on some form of Gmail? Can’t remember.
Send me the things you wrote down for the three weeks we didn’t talk.  I don’t care what it was or if you feel embarrassed by it. I REALLY want to know!
If this is too hard and painful tell me, and I will treat you with the same respect you have treated me with and let you go……
Kris
=====
Kris: Good morning. Sorry if I taxed your tired brain last night. Sent u a “rambling” email middle of the night. Reply if u want…or feel free to say “Need a break” or “Should end for good”…. or whatever is really in your heart. Hope we r beyond just being “nice.” (Though u always r…which is something I miss). 9:01 AM
Me: Good morning! Adored your email. Glad that you can take a break from the weight on you and fly with me in your mind. Work is crazy. I’ll respond more soon. I want you. You are fun to be nice to. You make me smile. We’ll figure it out. Stay dry! 9:34 AM
Kris: 🙂 9:57 AM
=====
from: Sassy
to: Kris
date: Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 3:37 PM
subject: Re: conflicted / don’t know what to do
Hiya Real Kris and Crazy Kris, 
I hope your Wednesday is going along okay.  It is so dreary out and my boss is being a total toad, so having your email to make me take a break and think of better things is so wonderful! 
Strap yourself in – I am going to blather on! 
I adore it when you tell me where you are and what you doing and thinking.  I can see you with your chaps on, legs splayed over that monster machine… yum.  I know you need to tell someone and I am happy for it to be me.  It’s tough for me to tell how much requires a response and how much is you “letting off steam.”  I’ll respond a bit and if there are parts you wanted my take on that I don’t reply to, feel free to say “but what about…?” 
Sorry I was so slow on the uptake last night.  I am in a huge crunch at work for the next two weeks, where I need to be three people and my boss is being awful to me about it, and then being with my mom was tough and then I came home and prep for the cleaners because Hubby can not seem to understand the concept.  *sigh  My brain literally stopped functioning!  You know I adore playing your games and will try to keep up next time. 
I’m so happy that you had fun dreaming of taking me on another trip.  The idea of going to RI with you both delights and terrifies me.  When I said I wanted to try riding with you, I was thinking… about a mile and back!  I can’t imagine doing it for hours at a time.  I have no idea what that means!  But this is me being a scaredy cat again.  I want to get over it, be brave, but this is very very tough.  I would love to be with you, show you my favorite places.  Let’s wait another day or two to decide if you should carry through with your offer.  
I can’t help much with your conflicts, other than to be here for you and give you space to figure it out.  Only you can say which way makes you less crazy.  Seems like you have tried “no contact” and that is not working.  So you are tossing around other ideas.  I don’t want to be your “bad habit” or your “weak moment.”  But I am willing to be your secret, your support, your sometimes lover and your always friend, whether I hear from you or not.  I find myself still very interested in what happens to you, and I still enjoy being with you.  I strain for more physical contact, because I don’t get it otherwise, but am willing to be patient while you figure out your boundaries.  I do not want to cause you extra stress.  
Still undecided about whether to share “the email I wrote not to send” as I have moved on from there… I will look it over later tonight and decide.  Maybe I will let you look at it when/if I am with you again. 
The night you said goodbye was hard, but fair.  Not hearing from you was hard.  I have crossed over into a better place now.  If it gets too tough or painful, I will tell you. I think we’re to the place that no matter what happens, we’ll be connected somehow, sometimes.  I’ve been through a crisis with you and that bonds people in good and bad ways… I hope we can make the best of it in ways that make both our lives better. 
You are welcome to IM me again.  If you look at Gmail on your computer, there should be an area on the left side that has chat options, with a green button next to my name.  You can click it and type in the chat box that opens.  I will get it on my phone and computer.  I may not be able to respond right away, but I will.  Hubby will be out tonight and I will home, so I can talk whenever!  But if you need your brain for other things, I will not be offended. 
Non-threatening hugs! 

-S
by

Guessing Game

Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Kris: I just spent 20 minutes staring at the send button. Match me in risk – guess what am i going to ask…miss smarty pants? clue: desperate people do desperate things (too easy for a smarty pants) 8:49 PM
Me: The cemetery is already closed.  8:52 PM
Me: You want some grapes? 8:53 PM
Me: Coffee? 8:53 PM
Me: Me? 8:53 PM
Me: I need a clue please. 9:37 PM
Kris: Really!!?? Thai Restaurant. offer u made I called “desperate”.  You’re playing with me. come on. you’re smarter than that. 9:53 PM
Me: Been a long day… 9:54 PM
Kris: still dont know? 9:55 PM
Me: No 9:56 PM
Me: But I want to!! 10:03 PM
Kris: want to what? 10:09 PM
Me: Know what you’re talking about. 🙂 10:09 PM
Kris: if u r tired this guessing game must b annoying…want to sleep on it or want more clues? 10:14 PM
Me: Please tell me! Curious! 10:15 PM
Kris: no. u have to guess. here’s another clue 10:16 PM
Kris: remember sitting at the Thai restaurant in NH? 10:17 PM
Kris: (that’s a yes or no question. 😉 10:18 PM
Me: Yes. Scallops veggies 10:19 PM
Kris: OMG. there’s more to life than sex and food! u asked me a question. u were offering to do something – not because u really wanted to….but because u knew I would like it. I said it was “desperate”. u said there was another way to look at it. I said maybe, but it feels a little desperate. COME ON! or I’m going to need proof u were really that smart. 😉 10:26 PM
Me: Aha. I know now. Take my first ever motorcycle ride on your bike. 10:27 PM
Kris: FINALLY!!! TOOK U LONG ENOUGH!!!!! 😉 10:30 PM

Kris: Hmmmm….. Think about it…let me know…. 11:35 PM


by

Meet #27 Up on the roof

Sunday, August 10, 2014
I had a quiet Sunday morning, caught up on project work.  My phone beeped a little after lunch time. 
=====
from: Kris
to: Sassy
date: Sundary, August 10, 2014 12:42 pm
subject: seriously torn 
if my ambivalence was any higher i’d be schizophrenic.  deleted your phone number already. text it to me again.  or don’t…if my craziness is just too much.  even you have to have limits…though for whatever reason even i never found where they were….since you remained so “unflappable” all the time (bet no one’s used that word much with you lately)….
=====
I texted him my number again.  With a smiley.  
=====
I dashed off to a project meeting at 5 pm.  We got done in record time – 32 minutes!  
I had this very strong feeling that Kris would contact me again tonight.  I sat in my car for a few minutes after the meeting, wishing he’d ask me to dinner.  I couldn’t resist any longer.  I texted him.  “Dinner?”  I was going to offer to drive to NH so we could eat and talk at a restaurant. 
I went home and ate some of the bounty from my trip to the farm stand with Mom yesterday – fresh local corn, veggie risotto.  Twenty minutes after I got home, my phone beeped.  
=====
Me: Dinner?  5:41 PM
Kris: k…for me to contact u this way i might as well have just fucked u…in terms of having to hide things. u know me well enough to know exactly what i mean. dont reply right now…will write again soon. 6:01 PM
Kris: ok miss smarty pants…let’s play “Clue” and see how smart u really r… 😉 …. Here’s ur 1st clue…… 6:20 PM
Kris: Martin Milmore, sculptor, Boston….”American Union preserved…African slavery destroyed by the uprising of a great people…by the blood of fallen heroes.” (side of Sphinx). 6:25 PM
Kris: Jump in any time….need another clue? 6:26 PM
Kris: Tell boyfriend you’ll blow him later….have to play a game with a strange man. 6:27 PM
Kris: 😉 lol 6:28 PM
Me: 🙂 6:29 PM
Kris: ok….guess 6:29 PM
Me: Don’t have to guess. I know. But it closes at 7 pm. 6:30 PM
Kris: what’s the answer? 6:31 PM
Me: Mount Auburn Cemetery 6:32 PM
Kris: what about it? 6:32 PM
Me: Isn’t that right? 6:33 PM
Kris: yeah….but specifically. 6:33 PM
Me: the Civil War monument in front of the chapel 6:34 PM
Kris: yes. but in reference to me…right now 6:35 PM
Me: You wish you were there? 6:36 PM
Kris: close 6:36 PM
Me: You are there? 6:37 PM
Kris: yes 6:37 PM
Kris: think it closes at 8 6:38 PM
Me: Wow! Why? 6:38 PM
Me: May I join you? 6:39 PM
Kris: yes….reason I’m here….shouldnt….but want to….can u meet me at office? 6:42 PM
Kris: no wonder boys didnt like u. too smart. 😉 6:43 PM
Me: Yes 6:43 PM
Me: :p 6:46 PM
Me: You make me smile! 6:48 PM
Kris: ;)….u know i shouldnt b doing this…. and Will only b stealing a little time. sure u want to come?here today…..gone tomorrow 6:56 PM
Me: Do you have your earring in 6:58 PM
Kris: that’s random! but yes. bike too… leaving chaps on just for u… 😉 7:00 PM
Me: Almost there 7:03 PM
Kris: k 7:03 PM
=====
Kris played a guessing game with me, but the upshot was that he was sitting in the cemetery near my dad’s stone and wondered if I wanted to join him!  He had not seen my invite to dinner – he was driving to meet me!  Strange and wonderful how our minds were on the same track! 
I drove like a demon and made it there in 15 minutes. I was worried he would change his mind.  I pulled in at the office and there he was!  Phew!
He was sitting on his motorcycle, wearing full leathers.  So sexy!  I got a great, simple hug then we strolled through the flora and fauna and headstones.  We sat on the bench in the middle of Spruce Knoll and caught up on each other’s lives.  He asked me first thing if I had been with other men.  I told him about the two sexy phone calls, seeing the Blog Fan and the awful lunch with The Russian, but made it clear (in true Bill Clinton fashion) that I have not done any “penis in vagina” sex.  He was surprised.  
I admitted I had been crying, missing him much more than I would’ve expected.  I told him I had four pages of an email I wrote so I wouldn’t send it.  He was genuinely surprised.  
He said he should not be here with me – if anyone asked him when he had seen me last, he’d either have to tell the truth and get crap for it, or lie and get crap from himself.  He said he can’t see it as a regular option, but he is weak and needs someone to be nice to him and get some comfort.  We hugged and I patted his knee, held his hand, but nothing more. 
I had a list of over a dozen questions I had written down in the draft email, and he answered each one.  He has made real progress in the past three weeks! 
The big news is that he is renting out rooms in his house, so he won’t have to sell it.  He offered to buy his wife out and will not have to move.  This may not be long-term but is a brilliant way to lessen the upheaval in his life at this point and leave the door open for her to return.  He talked to 15 different realtors and had two come over to get an idea of the house’s value and the fixes that would have to be done before it goes on the market.  
He got his own phone account (he was on one in his wife’s name with his son) so his wife and son can’t monitor his activity that way anymore.  He has closed his AM account and the yahoo email that went with it (the one his son hacked). 
He said his wife is managing to communicate civilly about 75% of the time but still launches into invective and vitriol on a regular basis, with no sign of relenting.  He is weary of her constant reminders that he is a bad, evil, godless person.  Her lawyer has asked for a divorce hearing on Sept. 4th and in NH that can be a final decree!  Kris is getting free consultations with three lawyers – one thru his EAP at work, and two recommendations from a friend.  The first one he talked with said his wife’s lawyer is a reasonable person who will deal with them in good faith.  The lawyer also said, “One indiscretion in the past 25 years?  That should be forgiven.  I see it forgiven all the time!”
When he asked his wife why she is in such a hurry to divorce, she told him she wasted the best years of her life, and she needs to get started on finding someone new to marry who will be nice to her!  I told him everyone in chat thinks she was already cheating but he says he knows that can not be true.  He is astonished that she can talk that way less than 6 weeks after she found out, suggested that she take time to heal etc. but she yelled at him that it is not his concern anymore.  His children are not talking to him.  They tell his mother things and she passes them along. He went back to church and they are being supportive.   
He is hanging on to his “wild side.”  He is riding the motorcycle, did not cut his hair and left the earring in.  
So we talked amongst the dead until the cemetery closed at 8 pm.  He asked if I would go to a restaurant with him and I led him to the Greek place.  We drank iced tea, then shared a sampler platter of stuffed grape leaves, hummus, baba ganoush, taramousalata, tomatoes, cucumbers, tsatsiki, tabouleh, feta cheese and olives.  He tried the fried eggplant.  We shared a flan and the Greek coffee.  We stayed there until they closed at 10 pm.  I paid for dinner so his visit would not impact his finances.  We went out to the street and I told him I still wanted to talk – could we sit in my car?  He asked me if he could come back to my place and talk on the sofa?  I was surprised and pleased.  
So he followed me back and we went up to my roof deck to look at the super moon.  I hadn’t been up there in years – the view is amazing! We hugged and joked and I made it clear I wanted to kiss him and he refused.  He gave me a lovely back rub as I leaned over the railing.  It was so wonderful to be touched.
We returned to my living room. I sat on the sofa and he put his head in my lap.  I listened to him and stroked his hair.  He asked if he could sleep on the couch overnight.  Sure.  We talked until 1 am.  He fell asleep.  I covered him up and he asked me to wake him at 7 am.  I went off to bed.  What a day!  
by

Yes

Saturday, August 9, 2014
Late tonight I noticed Kris was online on Gmail.  This is the first time in the three weeks since he said goodbye.  I wondered 
• Is he was courting someone else?  This was a special account we set up together, for us… so that thought made me growl.  But whatever.  
• Is his son was hacking this account?  Argh.  
• Is he just on there closing it?
I focused on the little green dot next to his name in the hangouts column on the left… begging him to write to me or ping me… but fearing that if he did it would set me back in getting over him.  I added a bunch of text to my “not gonna send it” email, so I wouldn’t ping him. 
Then that magic (1) showed up on my inbox.  A new email!  This better not be spam from LinkedIn!  
======
from: Kris
to: Sassy
date: Saturday, August 9, 2014 11:22 pm
I shouldn’t be doing this…but I can’t stop thinking about you.  Text me your phone number. I deleted it.  I have my own phone plan so no one can monitor my texting—number is the same: [his phone number].  Sassy will never restrain herself…but I really miss the gentle, compassionate, caring, dedicated, “boring real you” the most.  
The things you said to me the last day we were together were more intimate than any sex in the world.  They broke my heart…they still make me cry.  They were so raw and real.  The thing that makes me cry the most is when you said matter of factly:  “No one flirts with me (real you).”  That broke my heart…it still makes me cry.  I should not be doing this…but I can’t resist.  Not promising to start up again…but might want to sit in the cemetary quietly some day with “real you” again.
=====
It was from him!!!  Sad but oh so gratifying for me to hear that he misses me!  and that I had not been crazy thinking he would suffer away from me.  I read his email over and over.  Do I want to answer?  Or not feed his slippage?  I picked up my phone to text him my number.  Just sent the number, nothing more.  Probably a record in brevity!
=====
Me: [my google voice number] 11:25 PM
Kris: S?  That you?  11:27 PM
Me: Yes. 11:28 PM
Kris: dont reply right now…u r unbelieveably respectful of others choices….thank u…..but dont reply now….cant deal with it…..shouldnt but Will probably contact u again soon…..so one word answer…..k?  11:34 PM
Me: Yes.  11:36 PM
=====
I can’t tell you how happy it made me to hear from him!!  I had told him I could not be his friend, but I have changed my mind.  I’ve decided I want to stay connected however he can handle.  I want to know what happens!  You can tell me I am an idiot. 

Hubby and I had a long talk starting at 1:30 am… I was too keyed up to sleep.  He told me he wants me to be happy but wishes I would get on a regular dating site like OK Cupid to date single men, or let it be known in the community that I’d like to date – he thinks the line would form to the left for my affections!  So strange to hear him say the opposite of what most people would think.  Here I am, being discreet, keeping my affairs private and out of our circle and he wants me to be more open!  He worries about me running into a betrayed spouse, another dangerous man, or the other perils.  I see his points but I can not fathom being “out” in my community.  I promised to think about it.  *sigh 
by

Meet #19 Two O’s

Saturday, June 28, 2014
Me: Hiya hot stuff! Leaving Mom’s. Eta 3:15 pm. You headed my way? 2:42 PM
Kris: water cocks… I mean phlox. I’m bringing u a bigger flower pot with heavier soil (from the sacred ground of my veggie garden) so water will be in soil longer. poor little cocks. I mean phlox…dying of thirst…all alone and neglected. don’t worry little cocks…I mean phlox…Uncle Kris will try to save u from mean Sassy…who’s too busy with sex to even give u a little drink now and then. but dont worry little cocks…I mean phlox. 2:42 PM
Me: You are a strange and wonderful man 2:43 PM
Kris: there’s that “strange” again. don’t understand. 😉 2:45 PM
Kris: home. doing laundry. WATERING PLANTS. will text when I leave here with eta there 2:46 PM
Me: Okay. 🙂 2:47 PM
Me: I’m home. Took my niece for frozen yogurt! 4:11 PM
Kris: fun! leaving home now. eta 5:30. will be late now by time done work. still want me to come? 4:14 PM
Me: Yes! Stay again if you like? 4:21 PM
Kris: you sure? please make sure it’s ok with Hubby. tell him I wanted u to check 4:24 PM
Me: He says, “Sure!” 🙂 4:24 PM
Kris: k…will stay but have to leave by 8 to go to church. I will b “questioned” about it…..need to “show” 4:28 PM
Me: Hubby’s gone! Where are you? 6:20 PM
Kris: eta 6:45 6:25 PM
Kris: 5 min away 6:40 PM
Kris: here! 6:45 PM
Me: Holding the door open – roll on in! 6:45 PM

=====

Part 1
I woke up about 7 am and went out to the living room.  Kris was still here!  He was reading the Bible.  We talked seriously about scripture and its historical underpinning.  Whee.  How do I end up with these religious men?!  Good thing my minister’s daughter upbringing lets me keep up. He seemed much calmer this morning.  
I made him breakfast.  Yes, I actually cooked!  Ham & cheese omelets, English muffins with raspberry jam, OJ.  He was impressed.  I have this feeling he won’t eat when he’s alone so I want to make sure he has one good meal!  
He continued his work to pare down his expenses, being on the phone with Verizon for eons to cut off his son’s phone and get rid of other extras.  He got a message from his mother – she can’t lend him more money right now. His panic ratcheted up again.  He called her back. I went into the bedroom to give him some privacy. He found me there when he finished his call.  He said he got lots of support but no money.
We had a nice cuddle in my bed before he had to leave.  I thought he was going to leave without doing anything, then he leaned over me sucking on my left breast and fingering me to two orgasms!  That’s a first! 
He said he had a lot of work to do today.  I invited him to grab his computer from home and return to work here, to hang out while Hubby goes off to a project meeting tonight.  I wonder if he will come back? I know he hates being all alone in their big house.  
I walked him to the garage and saw him out on his motorcycle, then headed to my Mom’s to take my niece and her to lunch.  
Part 2
Kris returned at 6:45 pm!  He had to buckle down and do work, so he set up on my living room coffee table where I could see him from my desk.  His laptop computer was acting up, which made it tense.  I downloaded and installed his remote access software on my laptop so he could use my computer if necessary, but right after I did that his computer behaved.  Ha!  I made myself supper – two hots dogs and chips.  
He got a text from his wife – “check the mailbox.”  That made him a bit crazy.  I thought he might take off right away for home but he had to finish his work to get paid and he needs the money, so he continued, stopping now and then to look at me and smile, then ask for help concentrating. 
He finished his work around midnight.  We went into my bedroom and cuddled a while.  He made me cum with his finger!  I’ve figured out a way to think very sexy thoughts about some p0rn video or other scenario that puts me over the edge when I’m close.  It feels slightly traitorous to “leave the scene” in my mind and get inspiration elsewhere, but whatever works!  I rolled onto my stomach.  He pulled my ass up and went in doggie style and came pretty quickly.  Hooray!  Orgasms for both of us!
I sense a certain desperation – trying to get the most out of every moment together.  Neither of us knows when the last time will be.
I tucked him back in on the sofa about 1:30 am.   I watched him for awhile.  It is so tough to leave him there to sleep on his own and go to my bed to sleep with the man who won’t touch me.  *sigh