AM men so far

January 1, 2013

Happy New Year!

I am feeling a little better this morning – regrouping, taking stock of where I am and trying to figure out where I am going.  I feel done with Ashley Madison but don’t see a clear alternative.  Here’s a quick summary of my contacts since I joined AM in mid-September:

  • 10 men contacted me that I replied to 
  • 6 Met 
  • 3 Had sex with (2 good, one bad)
  • 8 Gone
  • 2 Still talking (Mr Truck and Panties Man)

Month            Met       Status Comments


   #1                   No        Gone    Guilt king, stood me up

   The Lawyer     Once     Gone     Regular guy, so sweet, too busy to cheat

   Dancing Man    Once     Gone     Regular guy, One and done without a word

   Panties Man     Once     Active   Kinky, sweet, too busy to cheat

   The Professor   Once     Gone     Vanilla, erudite, lunch and silence


   Mr Truck          No       Active     Email king, porn king, kinky


   Speedy             Once     Gone      Selfish, shorter, thinner, one and done

   Period Man       No         Gone      Too many periods!


   SmoothGuy       No        Gone     Nice guy, said he won’t cheat

   Volt                Once     Gone     Great guy, generous, guilty

Speedy postscript

Being with Speedy was a meet that on first examination seemed exciting, had its moments, could have gotten better next time.  But the more I thought about it, the worse it got.

How could a guy be so different in person?  His texts and phone calls were so sexy, so attentive, full of great ideas of things we could do together and then?  Ugh.

He lied about his height so he wasn’t a little taller than me but a little shorter… which shouldn’t matter but it does.  If he had been great in other ways, I might not notice.  But that was not the case.

He didn’t like to kiss.  Everyone else has said I am THE BEST KISSER EVAH! so it can’t be me.  What’s up with no kissing?!

Then he didn’t take care of me.  Sadly, this is not rare.  It was the norm with the men I was with before Philip.  Guys – help me cum!  Really.  Just once.  And I will be so much happier with you!  And make you much happier!  More times is better, but really… you can’t manage once?  Grrrr…. if you can’t tell if it’s happened, ask me!  I will tell you!  I don’t ask for a lot… no presents, no meal, no fancy hotel… just this one thing.

Yay he was multi-orgasmic!  Boo… I got to find that out because he asked for multiple bjs.  

I never heard from him again.  *sigh  Just as well, I suppose.  
So… not a word from the first AM men I had sex with.  
Four whole words from the second one.  Bleh.  I HATE SILENCE!

I feel like not seeing anyone else.  I have a grand time talking with them and flirting and poking around in their heads, and then a lot of nerves about meeting, and awkwardness trying to please each other, and then nothing.  So as much as I want to meet them and have them touch me, it kills all the fun.  And I feel dissed.  Not the desired result!  It may have nothing to do with me – they may be pump and dump, as I hear from many women in the blog world.  I will probably meet other men, especially ones like the Professor who have talked for longer but… this is all only in the “better than nothing” realm.

Okay… enough ranting.  Maybe the next guy will be better.  Please please.  Onward and upward!  

Meeting Speedy

Monday, November 12, 2012
Speedy asked me to meet him at the Red Roof Inn, halfway between us, about 45 minutes from me. It was the perfect day to go – no traffic due to the holiday.  It was an easy place to find, just one turn off the interstate.  
I got up early, and he called me.  He asked me to arrive earlier, said the room wasn’t going to be ready until 12:30 pm but we could sit in the car for awhile.  I showered, shaved, clipped my toenails, then put on my favorite work outfit – blue slacks, blue jersey top and lighter scarf. 
I left home about 11 am.  He called me about 10 minutes after that and we talked most of the way down the highway.  
11:50 am
I got there first and parked behind a little shed toward the back of the parking lot, which was mostly empty. I got out to enjoy the unusually warm sun.  I leaned against my car and looked around at the woods, the nearby highway and the hotel.   
12:00 pm 
He drove up and smiled great big at me.  I gave him a thumbs up and he got out of his car for a quick hug.  He is a little guy – he said he’s 5’9″ tall but he is a little shorter than I am, and I’m 5’8″.  He is trim and nice looking, had on a thin-striped blue & white dress shirt and jeans.  He reminds of Seinfeld, with lovely silver hair.

Jerry Seinfeld

He gave me a hug, then we leaned against my car.  We talked and I held his hand and stroked his wrist.  He said, “Let’s sit in your car.”

We jumped right into touching and kissing.  He didn’t want to kiss for very long, like 3 seconds. Odd.  He got me going with his hand between my legs. I was puzzled that he wanted to do so much in the car when we were heading inside, but maybe it was a test?  I was a little shy, but he pulled out his cock and I saw the pre-cum and I had to taste it.  It was an odd angle but I got him relatively deep.  He is long and big around.  It seemed like he expected me to just suck him all afternoon.  *sigh

12:40 pm
I finally kicked him out of the car to go try to check in early.  A big truck pulled in next to my car so I moved it closer to the door.
12:50 pm
He texted me the room # – 227.  I went in and took the elevator up.  The desk clerk was in the back watching TV and never even looked up.  I knocked on the door and he let me in.  We had a nice hug, then I looked around the room and pulled out my supplies – wipes, water, granola bars, lube. He drank some water but we didn’t end up using any of the rest of it. 
He sat on the bed and took off all his clothes except his shirt.  I helped with that.  I want a man to undress me, but he just looked at me and waved like “get rid of all that,” so I took off my clothes.  I cuddled up to him and he sighed in that way that men do when they get that first naked hug.  I tried to kiss him, but he stopped me very quickly and told me he needed me to suck on him again.  So I did that for awhile more.  I felt rather disappointed that he was not doing anything for me. 
We rolled around.  I asked him about the condoms we had discussed.  He tried to talk me out of it. I hate that.  He toyed with me in various positions a la missionary and then put me on my stomach and lied on top of me, revving me up but not going inside.  That felt amazing with his hard cock sliding around my ass and his weight on me.  I bucked back against him and he moaned well.  He did not go inside me… rimmed my ass, then lower… weird.  And then he wanted me to suck him more.  *sigh
I told him I needed his fingers.  He was rather rough but got me going.  He started hurting me, so I rolled over.  No oral. Grrr…. he stopped just as I was about to stop him and told me he was ready to come in my mouth.  I went down on him and fingered his ass, and he came relatively quickly.  I swallowed.  Tasted good.  He collapsed.  I stroked his face and played with his nipples.  I tried riding him, but he didn’t move much, just smiled, so I rolled off.  He played with my chest, gave me a nice mark on the right breast.  That made me hot. 
He said he wanted to cum in my mouth again.  *sigh  So I helped him get hard again, using my fingers and mouth and swallowed another load.  He asked me my name.  I hate it when men do that, especially in bed.  I agonized over telling him but managed not to do it.  
So he didn’t do much of what he had talked about, except the blow jobs.  I get… nothing?  No oral, no vaginal sex because I stood firm about condoms.  And he gets three blow jobs.  Another selfish man.  I am an idiot.  
He made noises about needing to leave.  I asked if he could grab a condom and be inside me.  He said no, he had to go.  I kissed him and hugged him and he got up to clean up and dress.  I sprawled on the bed on my stomach, enjoying lying there, displaying my assets as he moved around, free to be naked as I am not at home.  He asked if I was going to stay over, and I said no, just resting and staying out of his way.  
3:50 pm
He gave me a quick hug and left.

I went to the bathroom to clean up and catch up on emails on my phone.  I ate a granola bar.  I marveled at how I managed this entire thing without him seeing me hobbling. I walked in alone, did a sultry slink along the furniture, then stayed on the bed!  Heh.  Here’s to not having to explain about plantar fasciitis!  

4:20 pm
I dressed and took off.  I missed a call from the Professor, so I called him back and talked for the 10 minutes he had left.  He can’t meet tomorrow.  He has a special meeting at work that sounds legit.  So he postponed for two weeks.  But asked if he could call me again tomorrow.  All good!

The traffic was very light, and I was home by 5 pm!

So… this meet wasn’t what I wanted it to be, but it had its moments.  I texted him when I got home, thanking him.  And he replied.  “Nice being with you.”  
I am not overwhelmed, but I try not to judge from the first time.  I’ll probably go again if he asks… see if he gets better?  Whee!

Those moments

Sunday, November 11, 2012 
To: Advizor54
From: Sassy 
Subject: Those moments
Good morning!
One of those moments… amazing what happens on a quiet Sunday morning in November.  
A blog post
I am reading your Sunday blog post.  Trying to gloss over the typos.  Thinking of you teasing and writing with that woman. Smiling that you got to play with her.  Getting very wet.  Wishing I could find you to play.  Knowing you are surrounded by your family, on your way to church.  
My phone pings – Google Voice text coming in.  The man I am meeting at a hotel tomorrow.  He wants to call and cum for me.  But he has to get work done, be with his kids, ride his bike on the last warm day of the year.  And he wants to save it for tomorrow.  I tell him not to think about it, go work, play, relax… don’t think about my chest, or my hot holes or my tongue.  He says I am so bad.  He is going to cum in all my holes.  And then have me suck him clean and cum again.  He says he is going to put his fingers in my holes and his swollen cock in my mouth and kiss my nose, so I’m airtight.  He says my needs are deeper than I say.  He wants me to let go tomorrow.  
I look at the cock shot he just emailed.  I think about how that will be to play with and I am excited.  And frightened.  He was an experiment.  Lots of talk in chat about not looking at stats – find a good profile and respond even if the guy isn’t tall or big or young enough or close by.  Trust the content.  And he is wonderful… calls, texts, sexy voice, beautiful words, considerate, fun… and he wants me.  Other guys have been talking for six weeks without a meet.  He wants to meet 9 days after he first saw my words on AM.  Please let him want me.  And let me want him.  Chemistry.  I smell a one-time thing – the flames are burning too hot to last, but at this point, that’s fine if it will get a man in my arms and all my holes.  I try to remember why that is so important… worth the nerves and the risk and the mess.  But I know when I get there, it will be clear.  If.. if… 
I look back at the screen.  Read over the last words again.  Yes… email is grand.  The internet is fabulous! 
My phone pings again… a different sound.  It’s Philip on Facebook.  Just back from placing flags at the cemetery.  Veteran’s Day.  A very emotional day for those in the service of this country as they remember those who never made it home, wonder why they did, soak up the rare appreciation for all sacrifices they make – not doing the work they want, wearing what they want or living where they want or being home for occasions, rarely being themselves, taking orders, being around the best men and women and the seeing the worst of human nature.  But he talks of football and chili and working out.  Half-expected some crack about Petraeus but no.  Always wonder if a story like that will silence him forever.  But no.  In our third year of making each other smile.  I search for any hint that he’ll let me talk sexy to him.  See none. Offer anyway.  I want him so fiercely.  Would give up everything to be with him.  But he doesn’t want me.  He is a man of honor who will stay with the wife who is lazy, mean and won’t have sex with him.  Or leave her for the younger woman at the beach.  Not me. And I cry. Why God?  Why did you show me this amazing man and how he could make me feel and then never let me touch him again?  I know the answer… he saved your life.  You can’t expect more. 
I look back at the hot post on the screen.  I smile and think of the intricate man and woman who wrote those words.  Who find something special in each other across the miles that makes them a little less lonely. And remember what he makes me feel, what he taught me.  How I shared his blog with everyone in chat last night and said read what this man writes.  They were in awe.  And I smile.  Yes.  The internet is fabulous! 
My foot hurts.  I can’t walk without excruciating pain… plantar fasciitis.  My body is falling apart… started insulin shots on Wednesday.  HATE THAT!  Boss is being a total jerk at work… threatening to bring in HR because I can’t do the work of 2 people way beyond my pay grade or job description… scared out of my wits that I will get fired, and all my health care providers are tied to my job… and I don’t have any money in savings… it is too much.  I am standing at a fork and can’t move.  Hubby caught me crying yesterday and actually came over to hug me.  Adds to his feeling of worthlessness and despair that he can’t support me in any way.  Always been a good girl who worked hard and just wants to be appreciated.  Don’t want to admit to anyone that I am a bad employee that my boss would rather have gone.  I should be looking for a new job but how can I when I can’t walk?  And I don’t want to work anymore… at least not for The Man, 9-5 in an office.  The very pillars of my life are crashing around me.  Can’t tell any of the men in my life except maybe… one. 
I look back at the screen.  I think about the next time I will write to him.  I’ll be less serious. How he will make me smile.  Unlike any of these tin men on AM. They are here.  Ready.  Willing.  Simple.  Sexy.  Shallow.  
He is there.  Faithful.  Fierce.  Sweet. Sexy. Complicated.  Deep.  
Yes… the internet is incredible!
November 13, 2012 
From: Advizor54
To: Sassy 
Subject: Re: Those moments 
These are the things that you should be posting.  These are powerful, sad, wonderful, erotic, fantastic words.
This is what you should share.

Speedy communicates!

Speedy is incredible!

I’ve never seen the likes of this man in terms of communication.  Morning, noon and twice at night!  He is so smart, so funny, so sexy, so interesting!  He has a beautiful voice and an amazing vocabulary.  Mmmm….

He texts me first thing in the morning, like… he wakes up thinking of me and has to let me know.  I roll over and see, “GM.”  Uh…what… oh!  Good Morning!  Yes it is!  My heart races and other parts of my body react because I know I’m going to hear his voice soon.

Pretty quickly after that he texts to ask if he can call.  He starts my day off right with a very sexy discussion. If he woke up with me, he’d… touch me.  Kiss me.  Make me burn.  Oh yeah.

Then around lunch time, he starts again.  Sexy texts.  Can I go somewhere so we can talk?  Not usually – the office has been so nuts this week.  But he wants to… that is so good to know.

As I leave work, he is texting again.  When can he call?  He calls when I first get home and talks and asks good questions and listens.  And he wants to call later, talk longer.  Wow!

And late at night it gets really raw… super-intense talking about what he wants to do with me, asking what I want, what I’ve done, what I want to try… I lie on my bed and squirm!  I make him so hot and hard.  Yes!

Very quickly he started talking about me taking a day off to play with him.  Oh how I want to!  I don’t know… it seems too soon.  I don’t know enough yet to know what will make it special for him.  It smells of “once and done.”  Is once better than none?  Hard to say.  The distance makes it tricky.  Not worth him driving up here for a coffee.  Lots of pressure to meet at a hotel if we’re going to drive that far.

Every day this week!  We talked more this week than I talk to most men in a lifetime!  It is such a nice break from all the crap going on in my life.  When things get rough, I think of our last conversation and look forward to the next one!

It gives me great hope that we will be dynamite together!  Boom!

Slutty Saturday Seven

From my private journal
November 4, 2012 07:48 pm – Slutty Saturday

 My my my… what a day this was!  Conventional wisdom says weekends are the quiet time in the cheating world, as people have to focus on their families.  That’s usually true but NOT TODAY!  
After a quiet week swapping p0rn with Mr Truck, I heard from SEVEN men today… TOO MUCH!  I seem to be fulfilling Marian Daniell’s mother’s advice that every woman needs seven men in her life.  Heh.  

I had friendly online chats with 2 chatters, a delicious phone call with a blogger and contact with 4 AM men! The emails, IMs and phone calls were flying!  
TWO new AM men sent me messages yesterday!  They spent money to contact me.  Wow.  Nothing like the “start the month off fun” guys! 
1) MidKnight
A brand new AM guy!  Late 40s.  Okay.  Nearby in the same city.  Nice.  6″2 195.  Another tall and skinny one.  I can deal with that.  Hmm… “unhappy husband of an unappreciative wife.”  No no no… don’t bitch about your wife in your profile!  “Looking for a lady who has a wild side.  Fun.  Companionship.”  That’s better.  Vague but fine.  He posted a lovely photo of himself in a suit and tie, standing in a law library.  Heh.  Bet it came from his work web site.  I worry about men who show their face.  Really?  But it was a nice face.

I sent him my mischief Yahoo email and he pinged me on Yahoo IM mid-afternoon!  It’s awkward to start out chatting without any previous emails, but I ran with it.  He seemed distracted, said he was watching college football with his son, and didn’t have long.  Gosh, mister, way to make a woman feel wanted… NOT! I got to ask a few questions.  Good answers!  Another lawyer!  He took off after about 20 minutes saying he’d ping me tonight.  But he never did.  

Lesson learned: I can have a lovely chat, just start feeling a spark and liking the guy and wanting to know more and… he didn’t feel it and that’s it.  How could he not get that I am THE BEST WOMAN EVAH?  Hee hee.  Ah well… I hope he found another lady and had lots of fun. 
2) Speedy 
The second brand new guy on AM!  Let’s see… 50.  Sure.  From… hunh… the next state over.  Hmm… if he will visit my area, do I care?  5″10 160… uh oh.  Shorter and skinny!  But… maybe I will take a chance… not pay so much attention to height and weight?  I want guys to do that for me, I should do it for them, right?  He checked a few random boxes.  Eh.  Then he wrote a little bit:

What really turns him on: “Would like to meet an intelligent, uninhibited, woman with a good sense of humor and a high drive.” Do I have a high drive?  I suppose so.  Sounds like me.  
He closed with: “I’m an intelligent, professional, fit guy, with a good sense of humor.  Communication creates chemistry. Let’s talk. Would be happy to share photos off of this venue.”  Makes sense.  But it doesn’t give me much to work from.  
He gave me his Yahoo email in his first message, so I responded there.  His second message included a photo – just his face.  He looks like… Seinfeld!  With gray hair.  Very distinguished!  Another suit and tie, probably his business website photo.  He asked if we could switch to IM.  Sure.  He gave me his real first time, and his work website… hmm… I’d rather not know!  But you know I googled him.  Nothing freaky.  We typed along and very soon he said he wanted to hear my voice, could he call me?  Wow… um… sure.  Definitely felt like a salesman needing to meet his quota.  Heh.  Moving very fast but it all sounds good, so I roll with it.  This is definitely the fastest I’ve ever gone from contact to the phone. We had a very sexy conversation.  He sent me an email right after, and called again just after dinner.  Wow!  Full court press!  It felt great! 
3) Rick aka “Panties Man” 
He was in the midst of writing a paper for school, pinged me in Yahoo IM to check in.  He is so polite and nice!  He couldn’t stay long but he made me feel special that he took the time to check in.  
4) The Professor
The great cypher professor checked in.  I gave him my phone number.  He said he would call on Monday from his office.  I never went to office hours in college but maybe I can get something from a professor now?  I bet he has a wonderful voice from all that lecturing!  
This definitely felt like TOO MUCH!  And it doesn’t count Stan or Tom or Philip… geesh.  
But who to give up?  How to step back?  Hmmm… which one is going to touch me?  Make me smile most often?  No way to tell… might as well leave all my irons in the fire until something happens.