Visit Part 8 – Heading home

Day 3 – Thursday, October 7, 2010
I woke up several times in the night when Phil brushed against me in bed.  Damn… just a touch of his hip on my leg or a stray foot can set me off.  I toyed with the idea of waking him to ravage him again, but decided against it.   
He got up at 6:30 am to shower.  I popped out of bed, packed up, dressed and ate a cereal bar for breakfast.  He went out to make a phone call.  He tried to give me his copy of a Dan Brown book, but it wouldn’t fit in my suitcase and was too big to carry, so I returned it to him.  I checked around to be sure I had everything, and take one more look at this place that had been the anchor of the best 39 hours of my life.  We put everything in the car.  I kissed him silly before he could drive away. 
He drove me to the airport.  The traffic was fierce until we got onto the GW Parkway.  What a pretty road!  It reminds me of the Taconic Parkway in upstate NY, winding its way along the river.  I saw all the monuments and the Ladybird Johnson gardens… lovely.  We sang along to the 50’s SIRIUS radio station.  I tried not to pay too much attention to the lyrics about love.  It wasn’t too tough, oddly enough.  We rolled on to Dulles. I thought he would drop me off, but he pulled in to park.  I thanked him and invited him to come to Boston anytime.  He said he’d be there in December.  I was disappointed that he’s stopped thinking about coming up in November.  *sigh*
He walked me all the way to security, passing the USO office offering free coffee.  He said he might stop in on the way out.  We stopped just short of the spot where you have to show your ticket to go any further.  We were lucky that there was no one else around.  I kissed him over and over.  I realized that we had not talked about us, or made any plans and started to panic.  Just then, he hugged me tight and said, “I am going to see you in December.  We have a date right?”  When I didn’t answer immediately, he tilted my chin up and looked into my eyes. “Right?” he said, a little frantic.  “Oh, yes,” I replied, nodding my head adamantly.  I was afraid I might cry but I managed to keep my composure.  He hugged me even tighter and the only thing I felt was how right it was to be in his arms.  I kissed him once more, then turned to hand my ticket to the guard and walked away. 
Security took almost 30 minutes.  Yuck!  I sat down to put my shoes back on, then took the double escalators down to the train that takes you to the terminal.  I found my gate, B70, went to the bathroom, and got a bottle of water. 
I was sitting at the gate, realizing I really didn’t know how he felt about our days together.  Right then, I got a text.  It was clear from the timing that after he left me at the security checkpoint, he must have sat in his car and texted me.

8:46 am Phil: Got my coffee! Have a great flight.  I had fun, ate some new things that I enjoyed, enjoyed the conversation, was a very enjoyable couple of days. 🙂

I texted him back and said,

9:25 am Thru security, at gate. Thanks for your sweet msg and all you did to make me feel special.  It was fun!

9:26 am Phil: Be safe.  Traffic was no sweat. Just pulling up to work.
9:31 am So glad you got in easily. Have a great day!
9:40 am Big hope was “you rock my world” and no regrets — my thoughts right now! Viva la chemistry!” 
3:37 pm Phil: “Great! Thank you!”

Visit Part 7 – Dinner delights

Phil drove me to his office; he’d forgotten something at work.  He gave me the nickel tour and let me see where he works!   It was very odd to see people salute him!  
We went to Crystal City in Alexandria, VA.  We sang along to the 50’s SIRIUS radio station.  I tried not to pay too much attention to the lyrics of Neil Sedacka’s “Breaking up is hard to do.”  He stopped in at Macy’s department store looking for knives for a wedding gift.  He remembered I hate shopping, but it was fun with him.

He took me out for Greek food at Athena Pallas. Yum.  

We had a charming older male waiter.  I introduced Phil to taramousalata, a wonderful pink salty caviar dip. We shared that spread on pita bread and stuffed mushrooms for our first course.  He had moussaka.  I had a combo plate with moussaka, grape leaves in lemon sauce, spanikopita, a meatball and pastichio.  I shared a lot of that with him and there were still leftovers.  He got a bit snockered on a half carafe of red wine, and starting going on a bit about drinking binges in a villa in Corfu, the night in Turkey smoking cigars in a British pub,  a shopping trip in St. Thomas, and the night in Sorrento.  I had a moment where I knew I had to get away from him.  So I went to the bathroom and thought, “This will keep me from missing him overmuch.” 
I had a magic moment when it came time for dessert – I asked if they had galaktobureko [a philo custard square], which was not on the menu but is a standard in authentic Greek places. The waiter smiled and said he’d check, and brought out a slice! Yum. Phil loved it, and was astonished at how savvy I was to know to ask for it.  He savored a scotch and we split the sweet pastry.  The waiter asked if I was Greek!  I said no, I just love Greek food!  
I grabbed the check and paid.  Phil raised an eyebrow but did not argue.  He had been so worried about money, I figured it was my turn and it would make us about even.
Sassy – Flight $149 + Parking $4, Greek Dinner $72 = $225
Phil – Hotel $98 + Thai Dinner $82 + Buffet lunch $25 + Airport parking $12 = $217
We strolled out to the car, and I was desperate to kiss him.  I pressed him against the car for a lovely kiss in the parking lot.  It started to rain but we kept on kissing.  He is such a fabulous kisser!  I was worried about him driving after all that scotch and wine, but he was completely steady.  We headed back to the room.  The gate guard snapped to attention and saluted him as he presented his ID.  I just can’t get used to that.  
We got back to the room and he went outside to call home.  I sat at my computer reading headlines, and showed him the ESPN footage of Roy Halliday’s perfect game during the play-offs when he returned.  He was very interested.  Only the second one in Major League Baseball history!
We collapsed on the bed and fooled around for a couple of hours.  I was a little dismayed that he was falling asleep.  But just kept doing what I pleased, with him perking up now and then for specific things he liked.  He does have magic hands.   He made me come with just his fingers.  He was pressing straight in horizontally, and I told him to curl his fingers and aim for the ceiling.  He understood and changed the angle.  Wowzers.  He did amazing things to my breast with his mouth.  Marked me.  Heh. 
I asked him to tell me what he wanted, and he climbed over me with a knee on either side of my face and presented me with his cock for me to suck on!  Whee!  I put my head over the side of the bed, and managed to get it quite a ways down my throat, and massage him at the same time until I got a moan out of him.  And when I told him I needed him inside me, he perked up and put my legs on his chest and fucked me good fashion.  Whee!  
He fell asleep a little before midnite. I caught up online, wrote to my pals. And started to prep to leave. I dread leaving him but I am ready to go home. 
I posted a blog entry about my day and managed not to lock it.  Arrgh!  Luckily, my sister saw it and called me and told me to hide it.  It was only up about five minutes.  Phew.  A vivid reminder of how easy it would be to screw up and let the world in on my secrets.  Ugh.  I am not used to this double life!

I sent Phil a message before I went to sleep. the way I always do.

October 7 at 12:53am
Thank you ever so much for sharing such amazing dinners! Here’s a list of the three new foods I shared with you:
Thai soup – tom ka gai – coconut soup with chicken
Greek appetizer – taramosalata – salty pink blended fish roe dip (served with warm pita bread)
Greek dessert – Galaktoboureko – custard and phyllo dough coated with clear sweet syrup
Yum. Order them again and think of me. 🙂

Visit Part 6 – Deep discussion

Phil came in from work about 5:10 pm, showered and changed into casual clothes.  He sat on the edge of the bed and drank a little Scotch. We don’t talk about our spouses much, but it’s obvious that she has a rules like “Don’t kiss me when you’ve just had a Scotch.”  So he carries gum.  I could give a rat’s ass about such stuff.  So when I went to kiss him, he held back, said, “I’m going to taste like scotch…” and I said, “I don’t care” and grabbed him.  That got quite a response.  *cough*  It was so great to feel him relax into the kiss and understand that I am different and accept him as he is.   It took us quite a few minutes to stop kissing. Mmmmm… 
I called my mother while he went outside to call his dad for his birthday.  I think I am going to get away with this trip without her knowing!
We got ready to go out and I was putting on my shoes.  He leaned against the wall by the TV as I sat on the couch, and told me about his plans for the weekend:
Thursday night – drive home to the beach to get his family
Friday – drive to our old hometown, birthday dinner with his parents and lots of drinks.  
Saturday – Oktoberfest.  Lots of beer. 
Monday – drive to NYC, dinner in Little Italy and go to the football game.  More beer. 
He said his partying with his family drives his wife crazy.  She calls them “a bunch of drunks.”  She is planning to go off to look at foliage while they do Oktoberfest. (I have to say I had the same reaction, and that I so could not be around when drinking is all that is going on.  Another lesson for me that I cannot be part of his “normal life”).  But I kept that to myself.
He said they’re not drunks.  He has been around drunks and that is different.  He told me about his aunt.  And then about his father.  The abuse.  Shoving his mother out in the snow, throwing her shoes after her but not her coat.  She had to walk half way to the next town before someone picked her up and brought her home.  His father hitting his aunt until his uncle came with a loaded shotgun and put it in his face and said, “Touch her again and I will shoot you.”  I rubbed his arm and listened intently.  Yelling.  Beatings.  His brother and his dad beating each other.  Phil intervening.  Getting away to the military at the first chance.  Never spending the night at home again.  Too many ghosts.  Suddenly his moodiness as a teenager made much more sense to me.  I marvel that he is as stable and healthy as he is.  I asked him if he ever talked to anyone about it and he said no, what could they do.  I told him people had come to my dad and he had made a difference, sometimes.  He said he had no way of knowing that.  I asked him if he ever beat his wife or his children, since that is often the pattern, and he said never, that he walks away, goes off to the gym when he gets angry.  He shooed us out of room to run errands.  I felt awful for this sweet man whose father beat him, mother didn’t protect him and wife is mean to him.   I rubbed on his back as we walked to the car, and thanked him for telling me now. 
We stopped at the base convenience store to get liquor for his parents.  It is very cheap there.  He chatted with the clerk and I caught the tail end of her telling him about a serious medical condition and him telling her a funny story to cheer her up.  I asked if he knew her and he said he’d never seen her before.  I thought back over our time together and realized that he had charmed everyone we ran into.  People have a way of trusting him, talking to him and he puts them at ease.  I mentioned it and he said he thought we were the same.  Probably so.

He did the whole “Southern gentleman” thing of opening car doors for me, so he would escort me to the passenger side of the car, open the door and I would grab him and kiss him!  He would blush and start to walk away, then come back and kiss me again, pressing me against the side of the car so I could feel my effect on him.  Heh.  As we were leaving the store, he was in a hurry to get somewhere, so when he came around the car to open the door, and I said, “You know what is going to happen if you come over here” (it would cause a delay).   He smiled, winked and said, “Why do you think I come over here?”  

Visit Part 5 – An unexpected lunch

Day 2 – Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Phil woke up very early, showered, and put on his uniform.  It made his butt look spectacular!  I told him so and he blushed.  He had always said he wanted to keep his job separate from his personal life, so it felt very special to get to see him dressed like that. 
He gave me a big kiss then headed out, said he’d see me in the late afternoon.  I ate a cereal bar, did work on the computer, and showered.  I sent him a message on FB the same as I would any other morning. 
Wednesday wonders 
Between Phil and You
October 6 at 7:25am
Hey there, sweet man. It’s a gorgeous, cool morning here. Full of colors – blue sky, white clouds, green grass and trees, brown buildings… and people of all colors going by. Everything seems right with this corner of the world. Have a great day!

He called mid-morning, said it was quiet in the office and he couldn’t wait all day to see me!  Wow!  He wanted to take me out for lunch.  I put my hair up and dressed up a bit.  My sister called and we had a nice chat. It was the first time she really let me talk about him.  She seemed to finally understand how wonderful he is for me.  The housekeeper came through to make the bed and give us more towels.
Phil returned about noon, and took me over to officers club!  They had an incredible buffet! Wowzers. It was a gorgeous country club building, and a huge dining room in colonial style with big chandeliers. What an incredible array of food! There were five tables – salads, soups, two entree tables and dessert! I had ham chowder, a fried chicken breast, kielbasa, green beans, broccoli, mac & cheese and a salad with beets.  I was very virtuous and did not go back for seconds! I ate a tiny taste of cherry jello, German chocolate cake and pecan pie!  Lots of sweet tea. Our waiter was a very friendly black older gentleman who fawned over Phil.  Phil told me stories about his dogs and the neighborhood cats.  He seemed nervous.  I did not touch him.  Too many people around. I got a good look at his uniform and metal – his name tag had quite an impressive title.  The waiter tried to con his watch off him! 
I kissed him in the car in the parking lot, but he seemed nervous about who might see us.  He drove me back to the room and pressed me up against the wall for a long kiss. Oh, how wonderful he makes me feel!  
I had a nice chat with my online friend, Betsy. She let me gush about Phil. She likes him. Heh. She told me she is very proud of the way I am handling it, staying in the now. Not peppering him with questions, just having fun. I told her it’s because I can talk to her instead!
I finished up all my work, and decided to rest my eyes until Phil arrived. He was almost 40 minutes late, so it was good I was mostly asleep and not fretting too much.   

Visit Part 4 – A late dinner

We finally got dressed about 9:15 pm and he drove me to the National Harbor area in Maryland.  The first song we heard on his SIRIUS radio 50’s station was a song he had sung at a talent show in high school that we had been talking about as we dressed.  What are the chances?  We burst out laughing.  We got a little lost, but made our way back around.  I kissed him at traffic lights, and played with his knee with my fingers while he drove.  We sang along with the radio.  I marveled at his beautiful singing voice.  
The National Harbor is an amazing new conglomeration of hotels, shops, condos and restaurants along the river.  We parked across from a dueling piano bar and he extolled their virtues.  I paid the meter with my credit card – the first time I’d seen a meter that will take a card!  We strolled through the Gaylord resort and gawked at their atrium and dancing fountains.  Then strolled the streets along the river looking at restaurants. 
We found a brand new Thai place called Thai Pavillion.  We sat across from each other at a small table for two.  I was starving!  We each had a bowl of tom ka gai [chicken coconut] soup (which he’d never had before) then shared the chicken satay appetizer with a spicy peanut sauce, and ended with a mound of fried rice with shrimp, beef and chicken.  He drank a Singha beer and I had thai iced tea.  Everything was delicious!  He tried the four hot spices the waitress brought him.  We were the only people in the place for the latter part of the meal and the staff was very attentive.  
We told each other stories about our travels and favorite dishes at restaurants.  I played with his hands.  It was such a luxury to be able to touch him whenever I felt like it.  I asked to be sure it was okay to touch him, and he said, “absolutely!”  Though he never reached over to touch me.  Not sure why.  I think he is used to not being able to do that.   He paid for dinner.  
We strolled back to the car.  I gloried in stopping to kiss him at regular intervals.  I pulled him into a doorway for an extended make-out session.  He laughed at me doing that, but seemed genuinely pleased.  And I kissed him in the car at every stop light on the way back to the room.
He went outside to call home.  I set up my laptop on the desk and emailed folks to let them know things were going well.  We took off our clothes again, crawled back onto the bed and fooled around at a more relaxed pace.  I put my hands and then my mouth on him.  He watched me for awhile, but then his eyes rolled back in his head and he started breathing really deep.  I got him revved up, then backed off.  Then started up again.  Taking him to the edge, and stopping.  He seemed very pleased.  Finally he grabbed me and went in through the back door again.  Damn… we are so good together!

He fell asleep about midnight, but I was wired so I got up and went online to write a diary entry for my journal.  I wanted to capture every detail so I would never forget this magic time with him.  

What a day!  I can’t believe how comfortable I feel with him, how easy he is to talk to, how hot he makes me… I thought that part of my life was over, but he has turned it all back on again in a major way!  

Visit Part 3 – Going All The Way

Once I stopped shaking, he let me go, rose, smiled, stepped back and took off all his clothes!  I stared.  He is beautiful!  And has a great smile.  I looked at him and wondered how I got so lucky, to be able to see this gorgeous man without his clothes.  And suddenly it hit me – I am going to be able to touch him, too!   I ran my hands over his tanned, smooth skin.  There is no hair except a little on his chest and between his legs in the front.  He smiled and helped me out of my clothes, unbuttoning my top, removing my bra as I stepped out of my pants, draping them over a chair.  He said, “There!  You’re naked!” 
We dashed to the bedroom and fell down on the queen-sized bed.  We rolled together and kissed some more, experiencing that amazing “skin-on-skin” sensation.  But there was no going slow this first time.  He rolled me onto my stomach, grabbed my hips to pull my ass up and entered me from the rear.  Oh…my…god!  He was so hot and hard!  I was a little startled that he chose this position to start, but I stopped thinking as I was clawing the comforter and writhing, moaning loudly.  He pulled me onto his cock over and over, pounding into me and driving me wild.  Then he flipped me over and pulled my legs up to his chest and entered me from the front.  He looked into my eyes, going slowly at first, looking at my reaction, and whispering sexy, dirty words as he got faster and faster, closing his eyes…  until I started to clench around him.  He was frantic!  He got the most amazing smile… I wish I could have been inside his head to hear his thoughts as he realized he had finally gone all the way with that girl who had haunted him for years and the woman who had mesmerized him since August.  I closed my eyes and started thrashing and squealing and shaking all over.  He pumped into me a couple more times, then stayed in and was still, his breath ragged as he came deep inside me.  
He flopped down beside me.  We smiled at each other, cuddled a bit, kissed some more.  I mentioned how surprised I was that he’d done all that sober.  He said, “Why wouldn’t I be sober?”  I answered, “Sometimes it takes a little liquid courage” and he scoffed and spanked me on the ass as he rose to do something.  I said something about body shape not mattering (my big worry had been whether he could have sex with a fat, old, married lady) and he chuckled, “No, ma’am.”  He asked me if I was okay and I nodded.  I realized he couldn’t see me, as he turned back to touch my face and asked, “No regrets?” with a worried expression.  And I assured him I was fine.  More than fine – fabulous!  He went to get a drink then, scotch in one of the little plastic hotel cups.  I realized I had just been unfaithful without batting an eyelash or giving it a thought.  And that I wasn’t sorry.  It felt so right.  And I felt so lucky to have the chance to touch someone so sexy.  It was better than anything I had imagined.  
We cuddled in the bed, and he told me stories about his scars – the knee injury from when he got hit by a car as a small child, the broken ankle from the time his brother talked him into swinging on a vine that was not attached to the tree, that he never went to the doctor about.  He made his brother sound like a sadistic jerk.  I told him what I had read in my diary about Tommy coming and going from our friendship, taking me to my junior prom, missing Phil together, and then finally he disappeared into a relationship with another girl and stopped talking to me altogether.  He shook his head at that and hugged me tightly.  I have never felt closer to another human being.  

Visit Part 2 – The Truth Comes Out

We had been in the car about an hour and were turning around the base of Capitol when Phil cleared his throat in an odd way.  I stopped gawking at the dome and turned in my seat to look at him.  He asked me if I’d like to freshen up or change clothes before dinner.  I said that would be fine.  He said he had a surprise on the hotel front.  He was not taking me to a hotel.  I raised an eyebrow and he quickly explained that he’d gotten a deal in the guest quarters on a local military installation!  I had no idea what to make of that.  
He drove up to a guarded gate.  The uniformed sentry brusquely requested Phil’s ID card, but then got very polite and saluted when handing it back.  The sentry lifted the gate and he drove down a boulevard lined with flags, passing by a small store and on to the guest quarters parking lot about a mile from the gate.   It occurred to me that if anything went wrong, it would be very tough for me to get off the base or call for help.  Ah well…my decision to place myself entirely under his control took on a new level of trust.  
He parked, hopped out of the car, and walked around to open my door in true gentlemanly fashion.  I had not seen that in a long time.  He got my computer bag and suitcase out of the trunk and insisted on getting them in to the room for me.  I took in the two story building that looked like townhouse condos from the 1970’s.  He must have checked in earlier, because he already had the key and his gym bag was in the room.  I looked around – we had a suite with two rooms:

1) a living room with a window overlooking a grassy field, couch, coffee table, two chairs, a TV, a kitchenette with a sink and fridge, and a desk and chair with free wifi, then

2) the bedroom with a queen size bed, a side chair, a TV, a bathroom sink, and a tiny bathroom with a stand up shower stall and toilet.

It decor looked like it had been the height of fashion 40 years ago, but it was clean and spacious.  

He set down my bags and helped me take off my sweater.  When I turned around, I was determined to get my hands on him.  Luckily, he had the same idea and we grabbed each other!  He looked slightly surprised as I put my hands on his shoulders, but put his hands on my face and kissed me.  It was not tentative or gentle, but a fierce, passionate clashing of lips and dueling tongues right off the bat.  Relief and joy and electricity coursed through me!   He had been waiting for us to be completely alone!  Aha!  
Such an incredible kisser!  He wove the fingers of one hand into my hair at the back of my neck, and wrapped his other arm around me to pull me tightly against him.  We fit together!  I could feel him hard as a rock against me.  I put my hands on his chest and sucked on his tongue.  He moaned a low mmmmm…like he was savoring a special treat.  This was the hottest moment of my life!  Burned into my memory.  No hesitation – deep kissing, so exciting with an intensity and comfort I’ve never felt before.  All the doubts were melting away.  I didn’t even care that he deviated from the plan to take me to dinner first.  
He did exactly what he said he would do.  In one of the early messages in August he described what he would do if he ever got me alone.  And he followed it to the letter.  I felt the searing heat of his gaze when he yanked up my top and bra and touched my breasts, then stepped back to get a good look at them.  I smirked, thinking “Yeah, I knew he’d want to look at my nipples right off the bat” and he said, “What?”  I didn’t say anything, just grinned and stepped back into his arms to kiss him some more. 
There was even more heat when he dipped his head to put his mouth on me!  It sent a jolt of heat and electricity right to my core and my breath caught in my throat.  My knees grew weak, and I thought I was going to fall over.  He gently sucked on my right breast and squeezed the left one, flicking the nipple with his thumb.  He bit the other nipple and a soft moan escaped my mouth.  I worried my lips with my teeth and ran my fingers through his hair.  My breath grew ragged.  
He straightened up to kiss me again.  I am never going to get tired of that, I thought.  He put his left hand inside my pants on my ass and squeezed.  His right hand trailed down inside the front until two of his fingers were inside me.  OH MY GOD!  He is not going to take this slow, I realized.  I was very gratified that my plumbing still worked…wetter than ever!  Hallelujah!  I began to breathe more quickly and he stopped kissing me, looking into my eyes as he moved his fingers in and out of my body.  I have never seen a hotter look!  
I got even hotter when he knelt, lowered my pants and panties and put his tongue inside me! I pulled his head to me and ran my fingers through his hair and made a lot of noise.  I put my knee on the coffee table so I could spread my legs more.  He held my hips and flicked my most sensitive spot with his tongue.  He sucked and licked in an amazing rhythm.  Very quickly, my inner muscles start pulsing… my knees going weak.  He kneaded my ass and licked me until I trembled.  Everything was happening very fast.   I could not think anymore… just felt wave after wave of molten heat coursing through me as if he had set my blood on fire.  I came from physical contact with a man for the first time in over 10 years!   It was incredible!  I felt more alive than I ever have before!  I want him!  He wants me!  WOW!!!!!

Visit Part 1 – Finally Face to Face

I was so worried that something would happen before I went to ruin my trip.  Like a work emergency.  Or some gross physical ailment like a cold sore.  Or getting my period.  Or a bladder infection.  Or hemorrhoids flare-up.  Or getting a bad sniffling cold with a cough.  Or breaking my leg.  Or my flight being cancelled.  Or my dad dying.  But the fates were kind!  
Trip report 
Day 1 – Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I woke up feeling fine, finished all the prep and was raring to go.  I even felt like it was good hair day, my dark tresses cascading down my back in just right way!  I thanked my lucky stars that I had the coiffure I’d rocked as a teenager.  I’d had a number of hairstyles over the years but was back to the same look he remembered.  I was as ready as possible to go meet Phil again! 
I wore a casual work outfit – blue print top and silk scarf, dark blue dress pants, dark sweater and comfortable shoes – that made me look like a professional traveling on business.  My husband drove me to the airport, and dropped me off with a cheery wave.  There was no line at security.  The security regulations requiring “fluids in little bottles in a plastic bag,” and “take your shoes off” and full body scan were new since I’d flown six years ago, but I made it through with ease.  I bought bottled water and sat fidgeting at the gate, scoping out the crowd and listening to the CNN news blaring from the monitor slanting down from the ceiling.  We boarded on time.  I had a window seat. 
My JetBlue flight down to Dulles was easy.  They know how to make passengers happy!  It was beautiful clear October day and I entertained myself watching the foliage and other scenery miles below as we made our way down the Eastern seaboard.  I chatted with the passenger in the aisle seat – a lady scientist headed to an NIH conference.  Without giving many details, I admitted to her that I was meeting my high school sweetheart for the first time in forever, and that I was very nervous.  She giggled and patted my arm, telling me I gave her a good first impression so she had a great feeling about how it would work out.  We arrived a little early, about 5:00 pm.
Phil had agreed to meet me at the baggage claim area.  As I got off the plane, I was so nervous I forgot where they said we should go to get luggage, so I was puzzling over that as I took the train to the escalators and cleared the secure area.
I saw him before he saw me.  I was so relieved to see him, standing against a pillar just outside the security checkpoint, checking his phone, looking around anxiously, dressed in a football fleece and jeans.  I knew who he was right away.  I had studied the photos he texted me, and the ones on Facebook.  He looked up as the crowd pushed toward him and when he saw me, his smile lit up his entire face and he rushed toward me.  
The first hug was amazing!  We fit together just as I remembered – I felt the old chemistry immediately.  He looked much better in person!  I had the urge to stay in his arms forever, but he let go after about 5 seconds and started chatting nervously, asking about the flight.  His voice was even sexier in person!  He tried to take my rolling suitcase, but I didn’t let him.  I wanted to show him I am strong and independent – my own person, not some girl to be taken care of.  But he looked like he needed something to do, so I relented and gave him my laptop computer bag.  
We walked side by side out to his car – a modest sedan.  I hoped to grab him or have him do something there, but he kept his distance as he stowed my bags in the trunk.  He opened my door and pointed me into the passenger seat, and closed the door quickly.  I put on my seat belt as he got settled, and turned to him, but he started the car, rolling out of the short term lot without a glance at me.  I could not take my eyes off him.  He’s gorgeous!  Beautiful thick head of hair, muscular shoulders, trim figure… yummy.  He had lost weight since many of the photos online were taken.  I started to tingle all over!  
He watched the road and didn’t do anything but chat as the car inched through rush hour highway traffic for over an hour as we made our way to the district.  I twitched in my seat, desperate to touch him, but not wanting to initiate anything without some sign from him.  He drove down through the center of D.C. past the monuments and the Capitol while he waxed poetical about the majesty of the historic architecture and how you should see where you are visiting.  I told him about my last trip to D.C. on business many years ago.  I loved the scenery but squirmed with the effort of not touching him.  It took every ounce of control not to grab him at every stop light!  I stared at him, hoping he would turn my way and give some indication of his feelings….but he didn’t.  
We talked easily, but I grew more and more convinced that he was disappointed in my appearance and didn’t feel the chemistry.  I was so sad I was right that he would not be interested in me in any way beyond friendship.  I was very curious as to where we were going to dinner, but decided not to question him, to stay in the moment and go with the flow, trusting him to make the decisions.  I was resigned to a platonic visit and concentrated on making conversation.  

Off to D.C.

Tuesday travels
Between Phil and You
October 5 at 8:41am
Good morning! Here’s to a great Tuesday!
Gray morning and cold! Brrr…. 50’s. The trees are completely orange in the parking lot… looks like they are on fire in slow-motion.
Phil October 5 at 8:58am
Gorgeous here! Can’t wait to see ya!

October 5 at 9:17am
I’m definitely headed in the right direction, weather-wise.
I am looking forward to seeing you. But I can’t wait to hug you. 😉
October 5 at 1:05pm
Ok…showered, shaved, packing, put out a couple of fires at the office via email, dressed… packing up the computer. Heading to the airport. Next stop… Philip! Whee!

Pre-flight jitters

I am blessed with online friends who listen to me and give me good advice.  My emails in the three days leading up to my trip to D.C. offer a small window into my turbulent thoughts about my upcoming trip.

Saturday, Sept 29 email
Dear Betsy,
Thank you ever so much for your thoughts.  I appreciate them so much.  They resound in my brain like a pinball and then fall into the “BONUS” slot!  They make more sense than you can possibly know.
I will share some very personal info here.  If it is too much, tell me to hush.  
Monday evening I lost my battle to keep from buying a plane ticket.  Yesterday was the 37th anniversary of our first kiss.  
Phil is meeting me at Dulles next Tuesday evening.  We are very clear that for now it means dinner with an old friend.  I am not staying at his apartment.  It may mean more, it may not.  We’ll see. I told him I can deal with whatever his reaction is, as long as he is honest.  But it’s time to find out, at least on a basic level.  It could be a fun dinner and no more.  It could be a fun fling.  It could be more.
I’ll be very personal here and say that I haven’t been intimate with a man in over 10 years, so a fling can be a very special opportunity for me to have something I had given up hope of ever having again. Phil has never slept with anyone except his wife.  I am still not believing he will break that for me.  But he reports she is “not a passionate person.”  So it could be a special chance for him.  I am very nervous about his reaction to my chubby self, but no can predict whether the online chemistry or the chemistry of the past will still be there even if we were both super models!  But he has already exhumed me (gross but fitting analogy) so that I feel more alive and sexy than I have in my entire life.    
We are also very clear that we’re not running off together.  I can see us “getting it out of our systems” next week.  Which would be less of a roller coaster for both of us.  Or I can see us falling back in love, and sneaking off for magic moments in a “Same Time, Next Year” fashion.   Though that won’t be possible in his next job so this seems like our only opportunity.  
Amazingly, my husband is completely supportive, even excited, that I have this chance.  He doesn’t consider this cheating or being unfaithful as long as he knows about it.  
I told Phil I think of myself as that old, faithful, married lady and I don’t know who I will be after this.  He said we’ll both still be old married people.  Faithful…not so much!   Neither of us have ever been unfaithful before.
So I am a bundle of emotions and practical considerations (not having flown for six years) and so ready for next week and yet not.  You know how that goes.  
Thank you for reading.  And for caring.  
Sunday, October 3 email
HI, Betsy,
I hope you’re having a great Sunday.
Thank you ever so much for writing to me this week, sharing your perspective. I have been reading over the messages, seeing new options I had not considered.  It gives me strength.  
I am a ball of nervous today.  Cursing non-refundable plane tickets.  Feeling old, fat and ugly.  Sure he will not want to make the fantasies real.  Worried that seeing me will rob him of the fantasies that have fueled his sex life for years.  
I thought offering to go to D.C. would make us closer, give us something fun to look forward to this week.  But it has made him mostly silent.  So I have no way of knowing what he’s thinking.  I worry that he has changed his mind, or feels fat himself.  But there are small hints that he has decided that he loves me.  And is overwhelmed and confused about what that means.  And can’t say much without saying that.  And doesn’t want to talk about it on FB.  Arrrgh!
I tried on skirts.  I haven’t worn a skirt in years.  But he has a fantasy about me in a skirt in a restaurant, so why not?  Trying to decide if I should fly in it, so he sees it right away?  Or have it in my bag to put on later, depending on how things go.  Odd that a little scrap of cloth can be such a metaphor for how I am approaching all the questions about my trip.
I have put both your phone numbers into my mobile phone, and will plan to call you if I come up for air on my trip.  
Gotta run.  Have a great day!
Monday, October 4 email

Dear Betsy,

I did what you told me.  It worked wonders!  I sent Phil a message asking him to call me.  We talked for over an hour.  It was incredible!  He is so much fun.  He makes me smile.  And think about deep issues.  
He is the one who is confident that the current shape of our bodies won’t matter.  He says it’s all about attitude and emotional connection.  Time will tell!  
What do I want?  Good question.  I am not used to anyone asking me that.  I am used to figuring out what other people want and making it happen.  And that’s what makes me happy.  But I hear you.  And so does Phil.  He has been amazing that way, asking me what I want on a number of fronts, in a way no man ever has.  We’ll see if it is that way in reality.  
I have stopped trying to figure out what will happen.  I’m focusing on practical matters and have planned up to a first hug.  The rest will flow from there.  
I have given all my contact info to Phil and my husband and my sister.  So if heaven forbid, I don’t get off that plane, Phil can call someone here, and if he is an axe murderer, hubby will know who to send the police after!
Thank you, Bets.  For listening.  For telling me what you think.  For understanding.  I am so lucky to know you!