Blow up doll

E) Afterthoughts 
I drove home thinking… it had its moments but I didn’t want to see him again.  I have never thought that after a meet.  I’ve had some bad times but always thought it might be better a second time.

The Good

It was fun to play with a toy at last, and he was very good to let me do it to him in return, but I wish he had been more gentle.  He fucked me well for the 5 minutes he was inside me in two positions.  Okay.  Whatever.  

The Bad

He made me very sore in the first five minutes… didn’t listen when I asked him to slow down.  I didn’t get asked if it was okay to do any particular thing, or if I was cumming,  or if I wanted to do anything else.  I got one compliment, and no good reaction to anything I did except suck on him and I didn’t get to do it in a position that let me show off my skills…. i.e. where I could see his face.  It was his show all the way.  I just don’t… like him.  And more and more I find myself needing to like a guy in order to be inspired to do intimate things with him.  No cuddling.  Not much kissing.  Bleh. 
The Ugly

He had wrecked my insides.  I could feel the blood trickling out as I was thinking bad thoughts about him!  I draw the line at bleeding. 
I spent the rest of the ride home thinking of Philip and Simon, wishing I could see them again instead of doing this crap.  
I texted him.  “Home. Thanks.” 
He texted me, “ 🙂 “ 
It’s really sad… gorgeous body, his own place, no need for much stealth, close to me geographically, good conversation and… I don’t want him.  I don’t feel safe or comfortable with him in the bedroom.  It’s like “what will he make me do next?”  And “how will he hurt me next time?”  Ugh.  I feel like the law of averages caught up with me.  My luck turned bad.  13 is an unlucky number! 
Let that be all.  Not only him, but all of AM.  I am done with this fuck and run stuff.  Sex is not enough.  I need someone to be nice to me.  To say nice things.  Maybe give me a single flower.  Or go out for dinner.  Treat me like a lady.  Listen to me in bed.  I need to stick up for myself and find the right guy.  But for now, I give up.  Shelve this one under “older and wiser” and move on.  *sigh
F) Thoughts the next day – Thursday, July 11, 2013 
The next morning I was talking to a blogger friend online and more thoughts coalesced.  Bloggers are the best people!  
Like most men – he does what he wants, the way he wants – I might as well be a blow up doll.
It had its moments but….not what I wanted.  And not close enough in any direction to think I could make it into something good.  And it hurt.  I am still bleeding.  The more I analyzed it, the more violated I felt.  And it felt like it could get worse!  So sad… nice guy outside the bedroom but in the bedroom – silent, rough, didn’t pay any attention to me, just did what he wanted.   Please don’t let him want more!  
I did write to ask if he’d send me the video he made.  He said the battery died and he only got about a minute.  (Which was a lie.  I saw the light flashing as I left the bedroom).  I asked him to send whatever he had.  I never heard from him again.  
I’m done.  How can I meet anyone else?  How can I trust my judgement?  Back on the shelf.

Alone with The Body

Wednesday, July 10, 2013 Part 3
D) Meet #2
He called me about 5:30 pm (as I was driving home from work) to say he was done with his meeting and headed home and could be ready by 7:00 pm.  I said great, went off to run an errand with Hubby and pick up supper from McDonald’s.  
He texted me at 6:49 pm to say he was home.  I told him I’d be there in 30 minutes.  He told me to call when I got to his street and he’d show me where to park to be discreet with the neighbors. 
I brushed my teeth and washed my hands and face then drove out there.  It was raining and the traffic was awful but I finally made it about 7:40 pm.  I parked around the corner and called him.  He guided me to a spot in front of the house two doors down from him.  He met me at the door, gave me a big hug and took me to the kitchen for a glass of water.  He was drinking red wine from a carton with a spicket in the fridge.  He had on a striped polo shirt and black running pants with a white stripe down the outside of each leg.  He has short buzz cut gray hair.  He is very fit! 
We talked a little, then he took off his shirt and went into his bedroom.  There was no a/c in there.  UGH.  He asked if he could take a couple photos – set up a tripod with a little camera and did that.  I asked what he would do with them and he said they weren’t going anywhere, just give him something to look at when I’m not around.  I know… I’m stupid. 
He sat on the edge of the bed and helped me undress.  He massaged and kissed my left breast.  I asked if he’s a boob man – he replied that he is an everything man.  He pulled off his running pants and was naked underneath.  Nice.  I stared at his cock.  He put on a thin purple plastic cock ring.  I had never seen one before.  He has a beautiful body but has been in the sun too much – his skin has the super dark reddish tan that just looks stupid to me these days.  
I finished undressing and he stood in front of me.  I sucked on him a little but he backed me off saying he didn’t want to come right then.  I figured he was going to be a one-time only comer.  Most men my age are.  He pulled me to the edge of bed, grabbed a purple rabbit, lubed it and popped my toy cherry!  I told him it was my first time and he smiled.  The vibrations were really something!  He told me hold my legs up and out, which is not comfortable.  I know the position to keep my legs apart and flat, but he wanted them up and kept pushing them back into that position.  Ouch. Ugh.  He was rather forceful with the rabbit… didn’t give me a chance to get wet and it hurt on the inswing, so I told him and he slowed down a bit for a moment but then sped up again.  He was going really fast and I got sore very quickly.  He was hitting my cervix and it hurt.  Ouch!  I twisted and close my legs to relieve that, but he kept on, so I finally said, “That hurts!” and he backed off.  There was blood. Ugh!  He kept on going.  I was starting to get afraid.  This isn’t fun.  But I kept going.  Maybe it will get better? 
He flipped me up the bed on my back, then climbed over me and presented me with his cock to suck while he sucked on me.  I kinda hate 69…I had told him that.  I can’t concentrate – but I did my best and he had to back me off again because he was about to come.  He handed me the rabbit and told me to fuck his ass with it!  I asked if he wanted it hard or slow and he said, “medium.”  I had no idea what to do, and I couldn’t really see because I was under him.  I rubbed it backed and forth, then pressed it inside him a little, then further in and out, and a bit further and out, while sucking him.  At one point he moaned and told me to shove it all the way.  I did that and deep-throated him.  He moaned beautifully.  He told me to stop so he wouldn’t cum.  I don’t recall anything he did to me in that position because I had to focus on sucking and fucking him.  It was all about him. 
He told me to sit on his face.  I was afraid I’d squish him and said so.  He said he could handle it, pulled my arm hard to get me into position.  I tried to play a bit as I made my way up there, licking his nipples and kissing him, but he urged me to hurry up and over.  I really didn’t want to do 69 again, but he didn’t react to what I did so I went along.  It is not fun when you try to make a guy feel good and he just pushes you to do what he has planned.  
He sucked me while I sucked him.  It felt good to shift back and forth over his face, as I could control the pace a bit.  He pushed my head down to suck him again, though it is not ideal due to my tummy.  I took him to the edge again with my mouth, licking his balls and then deep-throating him while he moaned.  I stopped and he said keep sucking! I explained that it was tough to focus when he was sucking on me, but he pushed my head down.  Sigh.  Again, I don’t know what he did to me after that.  Looks like this is going to be all about sucking him and nothing about me. 
He pulled me to the end of the bed on my hands and knees, put on a condom and entered me doggie style.  That felt really good.  He is not long but wide… very good fit.  He went in and out a few times, kneading my ass with his hands and making low groans.  It started to hurt, so I shifted a little and asked him what he saw and all he said was, “It’s so good, going in…”  I felt cheated because I couldn’t see and he wouldn’t tell me.  I had to go into my imagination which detracted from it.  After about 3 minutes, he flipped me over, pulled my heels to his shoulders, pumped a few times, looked me in the eyes, moaned and came.  I smiled at him.  That was very hot!  He collapsed next to me for about 10 seconds.  I was hoping he would now let me do things, or I could request some way to get off.  
He got up and got me my glass of water, then went into the kitchen and turned on the TV and checked his phone.  I sat on the edge of the bed, a bit stunned.  No cuddling? No pillow talk?  Was he done?  Before I had a chance to cum?  But I was relieved to have a break.
He called to me, said he would need a few minutes to recover.  I got up and headed to the bathroom.  That’s when I noticed the blinking red light on the camera sitting on the tripod at the end of bed.  He had recorded the entire thing!  Argh… 
I found him at the kitchen table, drinking more wine, with his running pants back on.  I sat with him, naked at the kitchen table, and we chatted.  and chatted.  I touched his arm, held his hand.  He told me about running the Boston marathon.  About his dad dying of cancer.  I mentioned my dad dying while I was in chemo.  He talked about his work in construction and real estate.  About the end of his marriage.  About a girlfriend he broke up with a month ago. How he’s moving.  He gave up his apt to move in with GF but then they broke up so he’s going to live with his sister until he finds something else.  About looking for a new job.  He asked me why I can’t leave my husband.  He wanted to know where I work. I was vague.  He asked about my condo – real estate guy questions.  We talked about the Whitey Bulger trial.
I stood up to get more water and kissed him a little.  He got up to check his phone.  I knew then he was done. He finally told me he didn’t think he could go again.  I offered to use some of my talents on him.  He said I was very talented (the only compliment I got the entire time I was there) but he said he had things to do and he wasn’t kicking me out but I should go unless I wanted to help him with his resume.

I took the hint and got dressed and took off.  He gave me a very nice hug on the way out.  I thanked him for popping my toy cherry.  He laughed and said, “My pleasure.”  He said he’d be in touch.  He went out on the porch to check around and told me the coast was clear.  I went to my car.  I texted Hubby to tell him I was on my way home, ask if he needed me to pick up anything. 

Pre-meet jitters

Wednesday, July 10, 2013 (continued)

C) In-between thoughts

I should be excited.  
The more I think about it, the more nervous I get.  

Why am I doing this?!  
Sex… right.  

I have to get naked in front of a stranger.  Eeek!
You get to be naked!

Maybe he will make me cum
… yummm.

But he wasn’t… nice.  
I can’t really expect that.  It’s just sex.  *sigh

I miss Philip.  
*big sigh

This is too hard.  
Oh, stop it.  Just go and have fun!

If I weren’t desperate, I wouldn’t go.  
You are desperate!  GO!

Meeting The Body

Wednesday, July 10, 2013
To: The Body
From: Sassy
Sent: Wednesday, July 10, 2013 12:11 PM
Subject: Time change? 
Hiya Hot Stuff! My meeting was cancelled, so my calendar is open now.  If you want to meet earlier, me know.  If not, you will see my smiling face at 2 pm. 
From: The Body
To: Sassy
Sent: 12:16 pm 
Subject: re: Time Change?
I will call shortly and head down
This meet almost didn’t happen.   He put my phone number into his phone wrong.  And then he wrote me email to tell me that and say he was on his way, and I never got it!  He showed it to me on his phone, but I never got it.   I did find the email later… in my spam filter!  Argh. Tech hates me! 
B) Meet #1 
I never heard from him, so I went out to meet him at 2 pm.  As I sat in Starbucks, I wondered if I should’ve waited for his call.  I sat there until 2:15 pm, then headed to the little grocery next door to pick up a late lunch.  He was coming out the door!  I didn’t catch it, but he did and called my name “Sassy?”  Why was he in the grocery?  Why didn’t he go into Starbucks?
I turned around and gave him a quick hug.  He had on jeans and a striped polo shirt, with very short gray hair.  His stats on AM looked about right in terms of age, height and weight.  He has a great smile and beautiful eyes.  He looked a bit like Harrison Ford in his short haircut days.

                                 Harrison Ford
He pointed to his car parked on the street and suggested we go sit there and talk.  I had told him to park in the grocery lot – where it free, sheltered with trees and not many people pass by.  But he didn’t listen. Of course, people were streaming by on the street and driving past and it was a little nerve-wracking. 
We started to talk and he reached for me.  He tweaked my nipple and said, “Wow!  They are huge!”  We kissed quickly then he broke it off and looked around.  He pressed me back into my seat and put his hand down my pants and poked around until he found my clit and proceeded to drive me crazy!  He was going too fast and rough, but I assumed he realized time was short and thought this was how to excite me in record time.  I buried my face in his neck, nibbled on his ear, made squeaky noises and then started a little dialog about what he was doing and what was going to happen if he didn’t stop.  I was just about ready to cum when he stopped.  A woman was locking up her bike to the parking meter right beside the car!  We laughed and sat back and took deep breaths.  
She left and no one was around, so he unzipped his fly, took my hand and said touch me.  I pulled him out just a bit so I could see, then licked my hand and pumped him a bit.  There was pre-cum.  I told him I really wanted to put my mouth on him.  He said be quick, so I leaned over and sucked him twice then sat back up.  I tried to kiss him again but he didn’t want to.  Haven’t run into that before. 
He said, “I really wish we could be naked.  Come over to my place later?  I’ll be there after about 6 pm.  Come over and we’d have a place where no one was around.” I didn’t answer right away and he said, “Well, I’ll be there…”
I told him he was very tempting… he smiled.  I said I’d like to see him.  We worked out that he would call me after his last meeting that he thought would be over about 6 pm.
He said he had to go, kissed me on the cheek and I got out of the car.  
Elapsed time: 15 minutes
I went back to the office and found his email… in my spam filter! 
So this was the 13th AM guy I’ve met. Will he call me?  Will I get to be alone with him?  Will I get to have sex?!   I hope that 13 turns out to be a lucky number!  

He wrote back!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013
He wrote back first thing in the morning and attached another yummy nude photo!  I sooo want to touch that body!
From: The Body
To: Sassy
Sent: Tuesday 7/9/13 8:02 am 
Re: Connection 
Thanks for the photos! Would love to see more. Are you in the Boston area? I’m in nearby suburb. What is your situation? Do you get time during the day or evenings? My schedule is flexible. I’m not attached but am not looking for a relationship that leads to something serious like marriage or living together. Need  a break from that. 
Your a big girl…:) the kind I like to get behind if you know what I mean? Sure we could meet. I live alone I can host. Can you host as well? Understand if you can’t. Anymore skin pics? 🙂 J
To: The Body
From: Sassy
Sent: Tuesday 7/9/13 3:41 pm 
re: Connection 
Hiya J! 
Another great photo!  What a way to start my day!  Yum. 
You ask good questions! I am in Boston!  I have family in your town so I go there a lot.  
I am married.  We’re good friends except the bedroom.  He isn’t interested. I had breast cancer 3 years ago – fine now – but I want to live life to the fullest!  Hubby knows that in general, so I don’t have to hide my activities.  
I’m an office manager, work 9 – 5 in theory but I can take time off or have “doctors appointments” for daytime meets.  And my evenings and weekends are mostly free.  
Thanks for explaining your situation.  I haven’t met a single guy… worry about different expectations, but your words make sense.  I can’t leave H, just want to find a nice guy to fill in what’s missing.  
You can host?  Wow!  I might be able to sometimes, but it’s trickier. 
Well…behind is good.  Side. Front…under, over, wrapped around?  🙂 What’s your favorite? 
I don’t have photos on my work computer, so I’ll send you a little sexy story I wrote to give you insights into my mind. 
To be safe, can we meet for coffee or lunch first?  I’ve run into a few very creepy dudes so I need to be careful at the start.  
You sound really fun.  I’m excited! 
I emailed him a copy of “The View” my 4-paragraph erotica.  
From: The Body
8:02 pm Nice……..
9:19 pm He pinged me on Yahoo IM and we talked for about 2 hours!  
We covered the three basic areas – about our lives, sexy stuff and practical details of meeting – wanna have coffee soon, where do you live, where’d you grow up, his young son, my cats, are you shaved, send me more photos, said he’d jack off to my breasts, I told him to call me and let me listen, he suggested 69 – I told him I don’t like 69, would rather concentrate on him!  
He said he had to do some emails for work and signed off as we finalized a plan to meet for coffee tomorrow at 2 pm near my office.  
9:49 pm He sent me another naked photo.  Yum.  What a body! 

Starting again

Monday, July 8, 2013

July 2013 
So… it’s been 3 months since I met the Traveler.  Five months since I’ve had any real sex (with Mr Hyatt).  I had some great kissing with Seaman in May and Mr Truck in June, but I would really like to have meet a nice man and have sex and see him more than once!  But no one is writing me.  I didn’t even hear from Mr Truck or Panties Man all week!  
But my luck changed on Monday night after the long holiday weekend.  
The start 
So… he wrote to me on AM.  
From: The Body
To: Sassy
Monday 7/8/13 9:02 pm 
Hi sassy, maybe we could connect. i’m not far from you. Let’s see? J 
You can reach nme at […….] as well.
So… short message, nothing special.  Profile is okay, nothing special, nothing scary.  He is tall!  He gave me access to three photos – a face shot and two naked ones.  Fantastic photos!  Beautiful body!  They made my fingers itch to touch him and my insides woggled.  
I wrote back on Yahoo and attached two photos – my famous cleavage and a full body/face shot when I was dressed up for an evening out. 
To: The Body
From: Sassy
Sent: Monday 11:53 pm 
Subject: Connection 
Hiya J!  
So great to get your message!  Thanks!  And those photos!  Yowza!  I melt at sexy shoulders and toes, and you have both.  Here’s a couple pics in return.  My hair is longer now but I look the same otherwise.  Hope they make you want to see more!  Meeting would be fun.  Anything you want to know first? Hugs with groping!