Category Archives: Message

by

Wednesday Hips Don’t Lie

Wednesday words  

Between Phil and You
September 15 at 12:49am
While you were drifting off to dreamland, I was listening to a song and gyrating around the living room again. Had to use up all the energy somehow.
Have you seen this woman dance? She is so hot… like I’d like to be for you!
Skakira – featuring Wyclef Jean
“Hips Don’t Lie”

Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on reading the signs of my body
And I’m on tonight
You know my hips don’t lie and I am starting to feel you boy
Come on let’s go, real slow
Don’t you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don’t lie and I’m starting to feel it’s right
All the attraction, the tension
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Oh boy, I can see your body moving, half animal, half man
I don’t, don’t really know what I’m doing but you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can’t so you know
That’s a bit too hard to explain
September 15 at 8:48am
Good morning! Another clear, cool fall day! It’s the phone company trucks in the parking lot this morning, towing new poles festooned with flags.  I am trying not to worry about all the secrets I shared yesterday, focusing on how you took it all so well. And still wanted to keep going! 
Phil September 15 at 9:29am
You need not worry about secrets. What did you say that was bad? I don’t remember that. We all have secrets we’d prefer stayed that way. So what.

September 15 at 12:56pm
Thanks. Probably just a product of my earlier life in the small town fishbowl.
You having a busy day? It’s finally quiet here after a busy start to the week. I failed at the crossword puzzle, so I blogged about a new restaurant, and am using the rest of my lunch hour to read up on the latest in vibrators.
Phil September 15 at 1:09pm
LOL. There’s a useful way to spend some time. I have been busy. Enjoying the day. It’s been quiet so its kind of nice.

September 15 at 4:57pm
Headed home. Plan to be online. Make of that what you will!
by

Wednesday Hips Don't Lie

Wednesday words  

Between Phil and You
September 15 at 12:49am
While you were drifting off to dreamland, I was listening to a song and gyrating around the living room again. Had to use up all the energy somehow.
Have you seen this woman dance? She is so hot… like I’d like to be for you!
Skakira – featuring Wyclef Jean
“Hips Don’t Lie”

Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on reading the signs of my body
And I’m on tonight
You know my hips don’t lie and I am starting to feel you boy
Come on let’s go, real slow
Don’t you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don’t lie and I’m starting to feel it’s right
All the attraction, the tension
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Oh boy, I can see your body moving, half animal, half man
I don’t, don’t really know what I’m doing but you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can’t so you know
That’s a bit too hard to explain
September 15 at 8:48am
Good morning! Another clear, cool fall day! It’s the phone company trucks in the parking lot this morning, towing new poles festooned with flags.  I am trying not to worry about all the secrets I shared yesterday, focusing on how you took it all so well. And still wanted to keep going! 
Phil September 15 at 9:29am
You need not worry about secrets. What did you say that was bad? I don’t remember that. We all have secrets we’d prefer stayed that way. So what.

September 15 at 12:56pm
Thanks. Probably just a product of my earlier life in the small town fishbowl.
You having a busy day? It’s finally quiet here after a busy start to the week. I failed at the crossword puzzle, so I blogged about a new restaurant, and am using the rest of my lunch hour to read up on the latest in vibrators.
Phil September 15 at 1:09pm
LOL. There’s a useful way to spend some time. I have been busy. Enjoying the day. It’s been quiet so its kind of nice.

September 15 at 4:57pm
Headed home. Plan to be online. Make of that what you will!
by

Tuesday time travel

Tuesday time travel

Between Phil and You
September 14 at 7:19am
Good morning! Another beautiful morning here…cool, just a few high clouds, seagulls cawing, traffic zipping by at three levels (street, highway, expressway). All the dog walkers heading to the park with their precious pooches! There’s color in the trees… fall is definitely on the way.
September 14 at 7:44am
How are you doing this morning? I am worrying about your jet lag from our journey through my diary. Time travel can be a bitch. Worse than coming East across the International Dateline… it’s been five days of reading for me and I still feel like someone took my guts out and put them back in a new order. But I am getting used to it.
I should call you. I know it. But I am feeling shy and… exposed after last night. So I will just sit here and talk to you while you drive to D.C. And wait for you to tell me what it was like to read all that history. Your history. In a new light. Not sure if I want it to affect you or not. I don’t want it to hurt you, that’s for sure.
It’s like my mind is this big castle, and I shut off a wing. Walled it off and painted over the door. Now I am going back, disturbing the dust and renewing all my memories. And showing it to you. You remember that place. Been thinking of it for years. But you didn’t know about what was hidden in the walls. Eeep.
I’m ready to be back in the present. My new and shiny present day with you. But I can make a couple more trips back if you need someone to hold your hand while you process it. I tried to figure out “what it all means” both to “put it to bed” back there and for its impact on now. But I can’t figure it out. Going to try to put it on the back burner and let it steep awhile…
September 14 at 8:15am
There is a old movie called “Thief of Hearts” about a burglar who robs a woman’s home and takes a locked box he thinks is jewelry. It’s her journals. Her workaholic husband assures her the thief will throw them away. But she can feel the thief reading them.
And he is. And falling in love with her. So he finds her, and makes himself the man she described wanting – someone to have fun with, listen to her, value her mind and her body. Very sexy scenes… I felt that way last night. I could feel you reading… and wanted you to come find me. It’s good that you didn’t… I would have kept you awake for a long, long time. Mmm…
The movie is out on youtube in 10 minute pieces. I was just looking at the bit where he is reading and she is squirming. It is well made for an old B-movie. But you were cuter than Steve Bauer.
September 14 at 8:17am
It’s incredible what you do to me with a few little words… “Made it worse.”
[He called me while I was driving to work with my husband in the car.  I managed to talk to him without raising any suspicions… I think]

September 14 at 10:17am
I really want to talk more. But when? Lunch? Evening?
We have our big weekly all-staff meeting this morning… but before I go I wanted to say “multiple access points!” Hee hee…
Phil September 14 at 11:40am
You are so bad!

September 14 at 11:55am
Back at my desk. Smiling at you… while my mind explodes over the threesome in the car this morning! *cough*
Phil September 14 at 12:09pm
I have still not read all of the diary entries. It was too long to display on the phone. Will do that this afternoon. It’s hard to read about the hurt. I’m not sure how much I understood about love at 16 but I knew you loved me. I may very well have loved you too. I thought I was in love with some one else. So many things at that age. I remember the pain, sorrow, despair I felt and I have no doubt you felt the same. You had incredible passion, we had passion. I did not realize I wasn’t very nice. I have never deliberately hurt anyone. I have hurt people and its always bothered me. I’ve never gone after anybody or been deliberately nasty or vengeful. I’d be ashamed of myself if I did.
September 14 at 12:30pm
Oops! I knew it was too long.
One of the things I learned from reading it was that you didn’t just hurt me (which was mostly all I remembered before, if you recall). Between your memories and reading my little book, I got back our fun times, and sexy times. Lots of singing and laughing and cuddling.
Philip – please, please don’t judge your 16 year old self too harshly. We have to be very careful what we focus on. Those kids can tell us things. Some of them are important to hear. Much of it, no.
Nowhere did I say you were trying to hurt me. You weren’t nasty. If fact, I was thinking that you were almost too nice to me. Giving me hope when there was none. I completely get it that you were in love with someone else. I knew that then. It sucked all around. But the message I got last night was that we made the best of it. We ended up friends. We went on having fun for two years! Right?
Phil September 14 at 12:44pm
That’s absolutely right. We did have fun, still are.
September 14 at 1:14pm
You bet. Fun comes in many forms. Even this time traveling is fun. At times.
Part of what may be going on right now is that I’ve read more than I sent. I tried to balance it out, but all the emo stuff is…emo. I certainly had fun reading in the main diary – to see the notation “WOW!!!” on the bus ride date. It was so nice to know what that meant. Magic hands man. 🙂
September 14 at 1:16pm
I will try to leave you alone until you’ve read more and aren’t at work. Even though I want to you to fuck me so hard right now that we don’t know what time zone we’re in…or care.
Phil September 14 at 1:23pm
I got to read the rest. I do just want to bury my cock in you. I want to fuck you till you scream. I want to feel my cum shooting inside you. I want to feel your tongue in my mouth again. I want to taste you, want your tits in my mouth again, want to feel your lips around my cock, hell I just want to feel your hand on it. Wanted you to touch me so badly.

September 14 at 2:47pm
Of all the reactions I anticipated, diary-reading as an aphrodisiac… not one of them. But I totally feel it, too. It has turned up the heat. Again.
Yearning again. Aching. Impatient. Trying to quell it. Channel it. Any tips on how to make waiting fun? Easier? I know about
-have online sex.
-Talk on the phone.
-Cold showers.
-Brisk exercise.
None of that is working! 🙂
Phil September 14 at 2:53pm
Meet, get naked, fuck, suck, lick, touch, taste, squeeze, twist, thrust, moan, cum, do it again. That would make it easier.

Phil September 14 at 3:13pm
Just a thought of course.

September 14 at 3:29pm
If you work with me on the first one, I can see to the rest. 🙂
Will that make it easier? Or as you say…worse. I’d like to find out. *wink*


September 14 at 3:30pm
I like the way you think.
Phil September 14 at 3:34pm
Hell yeah. I worry that I’m not experienced enough, dick’s not big enough, gonna cum as soon as you touch me, you will be disappointed, you won’t be disappointed, but damn, I’m willing to find out!
September 14 at 3:50pm
Yes! Focusing on the negative works! Pessimism works. It cuts it down by about…2%!
Phil September 14 at 4:00pm
Well you have seen all the bits and pieces of my body. You did not snicker or say anything like, “is that it?” I can touch my nose with my tongue, I have long thick fingers, I am a willing student and what I may lack in skill, I can make up with enthusiasm.

September 14 at 4:26pm
Let’s see… you probably were just musing, but let me try to remove these impediments. So you can’t use them to mitigate. If I can’t get control of this, neither can you?
A. Experience? Does not matter. I am a good teacher. You are a quick study. There is no test. Try things. Feel good? Say so. Not so much? Say so. Try something else.
A lot of it is instinct. You have great instincts. You told me “it’s the mind, the attitude.” You’ve certainly got that…in spades.
Do you want to know how many men I’ve actually had inside me? Will that help or no? I can’t remember if men want to know this or not?
B. Dick size? What is the saying? It’s not what you have, it’s what you do with it? (there’s a better one I am not finding, but you know what I mean). Anyway, to use my experience here, I have had a grand time with guys of various sizes. You look better than most of them. The way we are, if you had nothing at all there, we’d still have a grand time.
C. Quick trigger – might be messy on the street outside the restaurant…but so what? Rest and go again? I see no shame in this. In fact, it makes me feel incredibly sexy.
D. Disappointment – hmmm…this is trickier. Is this the “no sparks” thing? Or something else?
E. Not disappointed? Is this “she will really want me, and then what will we do?” or what?
Did that help? Or “make it worse?”
September 14 at 4:52pm
Wow… you are so not helping me. Phrases like “I can touch my nose with my tongue, I have long thick fingers” do not calm me down or help me get work done. They make me pulse inside, which is damn inconvenient. But FEELS GREAT! 🙂
They make me go to expedia.com and look up flights! Arrrgh!
September 14 at 4:55pm
Ok. I am leaving here. I am going home. To my bunk. So I will be waiting, wanting you. To type things or say things! Really what I want is for you to DO THINGS! That make my insides do things… and blow my mind.
Phil September 14 at 5:01pm
LOL, funny. I do not have a quick trigger which is good. Be messy. How many men? Does not matter, sexy to hear and hear about though. Guess average size is good. I am a quick study. Will pick up on what you like. Disappointment: you said the sex was not great with one guy. I’m not worried about sparks. It’s you, there are sparks. Would love to hear more stories, experiences. Hot as hell. I am hoping we create a story.
September 14 at 5:10pm
We’ve got a whale of a story…trying to figure out if it’s a one-act play, a two-act play or a novel the size of “War and Peace!”
I know how it starts… we’re working on the middle part… what would happen if we wrote a book? People would not believe it.

Smart phone
Between Phil and You
September 14 at 6:52pm
My phone is so dumb. Working on getting a new one. A smart one. What do you have? Any recommendations?
Phil September 14 at 6:57pm
I have a blackberry. Love it. Does everything. Emailed you a photo


September 14 at 7:02pm
Looking at the Samsung Vibrant. Sister just got one and loves it. On T-mobile. Definitely want one that syncs with Android, google etc.
Current phone (Samsung t639) is a piece of crap…no battery life, doesn’t ring half the time, screen the size of a postage stamp.
For some reason, I am finding I want to be better connected. Have access to FB maybe. 🙂
Phil September 14 at 7:29pm
That phone will do all of that. About done with my workout. All pumped up now. Not so puny like in the pictures

Phil September 14 at 7:30pm
Waiting for my eggplant parm hero. Italian place conveniently located next to the gym

September 14 at 7:46pm
Oh…that’s sound great! I am home eating a turkey/swiss sandwich, with green beans on the side. Saving money.  Looking at sexy photos in email, talking to my sister in IM, my friend in the nursing home on the phone, and you on FB! Nothing like multi-tasking!
September 14 at 7:52pm
Ok. Dinner’s done. Dispatched other people. Hubby’s out. I’m all yours. Do with me what you will.
Phil September 14 at 8:15pm
Getting naked to jump in the shower.  Check email. Sent you three photos.  
September 14 at 7:32pm
Whew…it feels like we’re in the midst of about 10 different topics at once. Trying to figure out if I left anything unanswered…
The photos… there is nothing to say but WOW! Okay, I could say a lot more. But I am so hot I can’t type!
Phil September 14 at 7:33pm
Like I said, fat guy in front of the mirror.

September 14 at 7:41pm
Look…am I gonna have to smack you? You know you’re gorgeous. Cut it out. Fat is such a…bad word.
Phil September 14 at 8:38pm
Thinking about the first time I held your ass, the first time I saw your breasts and tasted your nipples, the first time my fingers slipped inside of you, tasting you and smelling you on my fingers and loving it, wanting more. 


Thinking about your hand closing around my cock, squeezing, stroking, my knees weak. You smile and say finally. You lean down and kiss the head of my cock, your tongue swirling around the head, you slowly take it into your mouth, so hot, so wet, the sight is amazing, so turned on, feels so good. Oh yeah baby, suck my cock, it feels so good.
September 14 at 8:51pm
So what do you want for your birthday?
Phil September 14 at 9:03pm
have no idea. Yeah was interesting having hubby sitting there while we talked. What did he say?

by

A 14 year old’s diary

Time traveling thoughts
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:47pm
Will she hit send?
I decided that if you could confess to thinking of me for 37 years, I could let you see a little of what I was thinking when I was a teenager. Thought the 11/17/73 one is a little too prophetic…and the 2/18/74 one a bit too risque! But I am trusting you.
Sorry to send so much. Believe it or not, this is only a fraction of it. I picked ones that represent the rest, and established the timeline.
Remember not to
1) take it too hard when I curse you, and
2) get confused about what she says, and us now.
Summary:
That girl loved you. A lot. For a long time. Years. Then she hated you. And then she realized she’d always love you. Knew if you ever came back, she’d give you whatever you wanted. Then she forgot. Freaky.
The main thing that hit me as I typed all this was “How did I manage to hide all this from him and be his friend?” and once again, “how did I forget all this?”
I need a hug.
I know…shut up and send it.

Selected “emotions”
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:48pm
September 18, 1973
Philip makes me happy! He’s not that nice, but to me, he’s great. I seem to survive between times, motivated by the thought “He’ll be there.” He keeps me going. He makes me happy.
October 11, 1973 [day after the retreat]
PHILIP!
Today was the test. I had a great time at the retreat, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know the words are, “I love you!” I hope + pray it’s mutual.
November 13, 1973
Ever since October 18, the last time Philip touched me, I’ve been in a permanent depression. Good things come and go but nothing seems to be good enough to pull me up once and for all.
November 17, 1973
Our play “Up the Down Staircase,” was tremendous! For one beautiful moment at the cast party, I had Philip’s head on my lap, just like old times. I realize now that I am only kidding myself when I say I hate him. I will always love him, no matter what he does to make me hate him, no matter how many other friendships I find in between. I will always have that warm feeling of real love when I think of him. I don’t care for the thought, but I must face what is. I have the feeling that even if I were married someday (heaven forbid) I would give him my love if he came and asked for it.
It’s terrible to think someone egotistical, self-centered cute charming bastard has that kind of control over you. It’s hard to really love someone who is like that, can’t really love you back, whose in love with someone else the way you are with them. I’ve had [another suitor] since him, but when [he] left, I really didn’t care. I thought of Philip. I have fun with [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted], but it’s just not the same. Perhaps I’ll never really get over this, never fall in love again. I’m crushed, and right now I just have to face it and live with it. Dreams will keep me alive.
December 9, 1973
Today Philip took back his cross necklace. I cried. It was bad.
January 14, 1974
Today was a very good day. Philip was in a good mood, my team won the Super Bowl and I had my own time to do everything. Nothing went terribly wrong.
February 6, 1974
I went to the high school tonight. Philip was there. Oh, how he makes me happy. No one puts that “certain look” on my face the way he does. If I had one wish, I would wish that the happiness his friendliness brings to me would last. I wish he would always be my friend. It is good now, and I can only enjoy it while it does last. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.
February 7, 1974
We didn’t have school today. I saw a tender scene on TV. It suddenly brought to the surface all the flashbacks, dreams and wishes that I’ve been desperately trying to bury to avoid going crazy. I go into fits, shaking, crying etc. He really gets to me. I love him, I need him. I want him. I used to think that if you wished for something hard enough and long enough, it would come true. I’ve gone through months of wishing for him every minute of every day. I have a few moments now and then to be thankful for, but I hope it will get better. I want him so much. It’s hard to love someone so much.
February 17, 1974
Today I teamed up with Philip and two guys from church. We went roller skating. We get along so well together. I enjoy being “one of the guys.” Philip was in a good mood. I can read him like a book. We went to McDonald’s, we messed around, we had so much fun! Suggestions came for going again next Sunday. I hope so. We have such fun together. I wish tonight could have gone on forever. It was so perfect. I need the kind of magic we had tonight. It’s so wonderful. Nights like tonight make life worth living again. It’s great!
February 18, 1974
It’s times like this that I think I might actually have him. How wonderful that would be! If I could wish for one thing, it would be for his love. It does come once in a while and that is enough for me. It’s better than none at all. I have an inch. A mile is too glorious to even dream about. (Maybe I could have 8 inches?)
April 14, 1974 EASTER
Philip was in a good mood today. It made me feel good. I still love him, even though I am mixed up with other guys who love me a great deal. I’ll never stop loving him.
April 23, 1974 Wednesday
What a day! Tonight, it was like being back last fall. I was with the quartet, I was having fun with them, messing around like all those heavenly time back then. Even Philip was romantic and VERY friendly. I was estatic! I got all their songs on tape. I was in heaven. I feel a kind of love for [name redacted] but it is nothing, no where near the great love I feel for Philip. I love him so much.
September 19, 1974 (one year later)
Philip has been so great to me lately. I keep thinking about the fact that its been a year now. Today, he came up behind me at my locker, put his arms around me and blew in my ear. It nearly scared me to death. I was really shaking. It’s been a year since I was so in love with him. I’ve grown a lot and been through a lot since then. I guess I will always enjoy having Philip as my friend. I think there will always be a place for him in my heart. It’s funny, I can read him like a book. I almost always know what is coming. But lately, he’s been so sweet, I wonder what is going on.
December 24, 1974 Tuesday
I had my thrill for the year. Philip kissed me Merry Christmas.
December 28, 1975
Philip leaves for the military this week. I thought it wouldn’t matter, but somehow I just hate to see him leave. After about the third occasion I had to tell him good-bye, I was at the end of a line of men, who had all shaken his hand, so I of course did also, as I had done the other 2 times. This time, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was surprised.

The cross  

Between Phil and You

September 13 at 9:29pm
So…quick question. Is the cross you gave me (and then took back) the same one  that you wear now?
Phil September 13 at 9:47pm
No, that one was silver. I would not do that now. Lost that cross overseas
September 13 at 9:50pm
Phew.  Not sure why, but that’s a relief. What wouldn’t you do now? 
September 13 at 9:52pm
I have an odd memory of wearing that cross and nothing else above the waist… and the look of wonder and um..lust..on your face. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Phil September 13 at 10:38pm
Lust, wonder, desire. I want you now, more than I wanted you then.  Different person.  I would never take it back.  I am most definitely a different man than that boy

September 13 at 10:45pm

I guess on this point, that’s good. But that boy was someone very special. And I’m sure you still are!
So you still want me, huh? Time travel didn’t dissuade you?
Phil September 13 at 11:05pm
Nope, not a bit. Made it worse
September 13 at 11:13pm
It was the “8 inches” comment that did it, right?
Phil September 13 at 11:20pm
To bed for me. Gotta drive in the morning. Good nite babe, sleep well and pleasant dreams.
September 13 at 11:24pm
Sleep well, sweet man. Safe travels.

by

A 14 year old's diary

Time traveling thoughts
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:47pm
Will she hit send?
I decided that if you could confess to thinking of me for 37 years, I could let you see a little of what I was thinking when I was a teenager. Thought the 11/17/73 one is a little too prophetic…and the 2/18/74 one a bit too risque! But I am trusting you.
Sorry to send so much. Believe it or not, this is only a fraction of it. I picked ones that represent the rest, and established the timeline.
Remember not to
1) take it too hard when I curse you, and
2) get confused about what she says, and us now.
Summary:
That girl loved you. A lot. For a long time. Years. Then she hated you. And then she realized she’d always love you. Knew if you ever came back, she’d give you whatever you wanted. Then she forgot. Freaky.
The main thing that hit me as I typed all this was “How did I manage to hide all this from him and be his friend?” and once again, “how did I forget all this?”
I need a hug.
I know…shut up and send it.

Selected “emotions”
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:48pm
September 18, 1973
Philip makes me happy! He’s not that nice, but to me, he’s great. I seem to survive between times, motivated by the thought “He’ll be there.” He keeps me going. He makes me happy.
October 11, 1973 [day after the retreat]
PHILIP!
Today was the test. I had a great time at the retreat, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know the words are, “I love you!” I hope + pray it’s mutual.
November 13, 1973
Ever since October 18, the last time Philip touched me, I’ve been in a permanent depression. Good things come and go but nothing seems to be good enough to pull me up once and for all.
November 17, 1973
Our play “Up the Down Staircase,” was tremendous! For one beautiful moment at the cast party, I had Philip’s head on my lap, just like old times. I realize now that I am only kidding myself when I say I hate him. I will always love him, no matter what he does to make me hate him, no matter how many other friendships I find in between. I will always have that warm feeling of real love when I think of him. I don’t care for the thought, but I must face what is. I have the feeling that even if I were married someday (heaven forbid) I would give him my love if he came and asked for it.
It’s terrible to think someone egotistical, self-centered cute charming bastard has that kind of control over you. It’s hard to really love someone who is like that, can’t really love you back, whose in love with someone else the way you are with them. I’ve had [another suitor] since him, but when [he] left, I really didn’t care. I thought of Philip. I have fun with [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted], but it’s just not the same. Perhaps I’ll never really get over this, never fall in love again. I’m crushed, and right now I just have to face it and live with it. Dreams will keep me alive.
December 9, 1973
Today Philip took back his cross necklace. I cried. It was bad.
January 14, 1974
Today was a very good day. Philip was in a good mood, my team won the Super Bowl and I had my own time to do everything. Nothing went terribly wrong.
February 6, 1974
I went to the
high school tonight. Philip was there. Oh, how he makes me happy. No one puts that “certain look” on my face the way he does. If I had one wish, I would wish that the happiness his friendliness brings to me would last. I wish he would always be my friend. It is good now, and I can only enjoy it while it does last. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.
February 7, 1974
We didn’t have school today. I saw a tender scene on TV. It suddenly brought to the surface all the flashbacks, dreams and wishes that I’ve been desperately trying to bury to avoid going crazy. I go into fits, shaking, crying etc. He really gets to me. I love him, I need him. I want him. I used to think that if you wished for something hard enough and long enough, it would come true. I’ve gone through months of wishing for him every minute of every day. I have a few moments now and then to be thankful for, but I hope it will get better. I want him so much. It’s hard to love someone so much.
February 17, 1974
Today I teamed up with Philip and two guys from church. We went roller skating. We get along so well together. I enjoy being “one of the guys.” Philip was in a good mood. I can read him like a book. We went to McDonald’s, we messed around, we had so much fun! Suggestions came for going again next Sunday. I hope so. We have such fun together. I wish tonight could have gone on forever. It was so perfect. I need the kind of magic we had tonight. It’s so wonderful. Nights like tonight make life worth living again. It’s great!
February 18, 1974
It’s times like this that I think I might actually have him. How wonderful that would be! If I could wish for one thing, it would be for his love. It does come once in a while and that is enough for me. It’s better than none at all. I have an inch. A mile is too glorious to even dream about. (Maybe I could have 8 inches?)
April 14, 1974 EASTER
Philip was in a good mood today. It made me feel good. I still love him, even though I am mixed up with other guys who love me a great deal. I’ll never stop loving him.
April 23, 1974 Wednesday
What a day! Tonight, it was like being back last fall. I was with the quartet, I was having fun with them, messing around like all those heavenly time back then. Even Philip was romantic and VERY friendly. I was estatic! I got all their songs on tape. I was in heaven. I feel a kind of love for [name redacted] but it is nothing, no where near the great love I feel for Philip. I love him so much.
September 19, 1974 (one year later)
Philip has been so great to me lately. I keep thinking about the fact that its been a year now. Today, he came up behind me at my locker, put his arms around me and blew in my ear. It nearly scared me to death. I was really shaking. It’s been a year since I was so in love with him. I’ve grown a lot and been through a lot since then. I guess I will always enjoy having Philip as my friend. I think there will always be a place for him in my heart. It’s funny, I can read him like a book. I almost always know what is coming. But lately, he’s been so sweet, I wonder what is going on.
December 24, 1974 Tuesday
I had my thrill for the year. Philip kissed me Merry Christmas.
December 28, 1975
Philip leaves for the military this week. I thought it wouldn’t matter, but somehow I just hate to see him leave. After about the third occasion I had to tell him good-bye, I was at the end of a line of men, who had all shaken his hand, so I of course did also, as I had done the other 2 times. This time, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was surprised.

The cross  

Between Phil and You

September 13 at 9:29pm
So…quick question. Is the cross you gave me (and then took back) the same one  that you wear now?
Phil September 13 at 9:47pm
No, that one was silver. I would not do that now. Lost that cross overseas
September 13 at 9:50pm
Phew.  Not sure why, but that’s a relief. What wouldn’t you do now? 
September 13 at 9:52pm
I have an odd memory of wearing that cross and nothing else above the waist… and the look of wonder and um..lus
t..on your face. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Phil September 13 at 10:38pm
Lust, wonder, desire. I want you now, more than I wanted you then.  Different person.  I would never take it back.  I am most definitely a different man than that boy

September 13 at 10:45pm

I guess on this point, that’s good. But that boy was someone very special. And I’m sure you still are!
So you still want me, huh? Time travel didn’t dissuade you?
Phil September 13 at 11:05pm
Nope, not a bit. Made it worse
September 13 at 11:13pm
It was the “8 inches” comment that did it, right?
Phil September 13 at 11:20pm
To bed for me. Gotta drive in the morning. Good nite babe, sleep well and pleasant dreams.
September 13 at 11:24pm
Sleep well, sweet man. Safe travels.

by

Monday memories

Happy Monday
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:26am
Happy Monday! I hope you are having a great morning!
It’s a gray morning here. Seems perfect for Monday. But I am not listening to it. I feel good. Raring to go. If you were here, there would be ravaging! Woot!
Did you ever get into really bad weather? They were talking on the radio about Hurricane Igor with 150 mph winds out in the Atlantic. I wonder if anyone is out there in it… hope not. Have a great day! I’m off to work! 

Phil September 13 at 8:19am
I do sleep naked. Always have. Was the diary stuff bad or good? Freaky did not sound great. :). Today is a football day!

September 13 at 8:30am
Happy football day! Wheee!
September 13 at 8:31am
Oooh…naked. That has me even more awake. 🙂
September 13 at 8:33am
Diaries are… Sweet. Joyous. Sexy. Brutal. Wicked. Sad.
Prophetic.
Lots of answers. More questions.
Did I say I probably had not written much about you? Wrong.
Can’t figure out how to explain what’s in there… have tried three times, but can’t hit send. Will keep trying. Maybe excerpts. Maybe a summary. We’ll see…
[Phil called me at the office.]
September 13 at 12:01pm
Thanks for calling! That was a sweet surprise. Certainly got my week started on an up note!  It thrills me (and frightens me) how you can tell what I need, and do it. Bodes well for our…em…other interactions.
I am amazed we stayed on target for nearly 40 minutes. We touched on deep stuff… with smiles and laughs and sighs. I am feeling much calmer about the whole diary thing.
I plan to send you a few snippets when I get home. If I don’t lose my nerve. Hubby is away this evening, so I should have some free time. We’ll see what we can learn from that sassy young girl.
Phil September 13 at 2:03pm
Can’t wait. Just finished my meeting. Off to do some painting. Really enjoyed talking to you this morning. Have a wonderful day. Football tonight. I can’t wait!
September 13 at 3:16pm
I got off the phone wondering how I got so lucky. 🙂
I dashed into the weekly staff meeting and blew them all away with my cheeriness. They were still sucking on their coffee, trying to wake up, and I was soaring! Oops.
I finished the NYT crossword puzzle without stopping. A rare thing.
Just survived my annual performance review! Nice to have that done. Boss said “Exemplary Job! Let’s get your position upgraded and get you a raise! Can’t live without you!” Heh.
So I am on a roll! Whee!
  
September 13 at 4:58pm
Heading out. Still soaring! I will cross my fingers for your team! But not too many TDs.
by

Dinner details


September 12 at 1:05pm
At the office. Copying for a meeting. Too quiet. Too much time to think. Of a tall handsome man. With magic hands…wondering what he would do if he were here. Wondering if he will ever be here…
Phil September 12 at 2:05pm
I will be there. We will have dinner. You will feel my hard cock against you as I kiss you hello. I will brush against your tits so I can feel them. I will run my hand over your ass. Then we can eat. During dinner, my hand will slide along the inside of you thigh. I will slip a finger under your panties, into your pussy. I will remove the finger and lick it looking at you. I will take your hand and place it on my cock. That’s all before the appetizer arrives

Phil September 12 at 2:23pm
Would like to be under your desk eating you, unseen. My tongue darting inside of you, flicking your clit. Your juices running down to your ass, my tongue licking them up. You trying to focus and get things done, fingers slipping inside, first one, then two, twisting, pumping your pussy as my tongue stays on your clit.


September 12 at 8:55pm
Home at last! Told myself not to run to the computer…you been watching football…no time for messages. Heh. Not one message, but two! *big smile*
And oh, what messages! Triple H. Hot, hot, hot…damn. You know what to say. You really do. Now I am wet, wet, wet! And I like it…
September 12 at 9:13pm
Day went very well. But what a long haul…oof.


And then 10 of us strolled down to this new restaurant. It was hopping! Very cool to see and be seen. We knew the people at the table next to us, and the people two tables over, and the ones next to them! I gave my business card to the manager and introduced everyone. Felt very grown up and connected. Not my usual scene at all!
I had the corn chowder, which was odd because it was water based. Sorry…chowder should be creamy! Tasty but strange. Then I had the spaetzle with ham, mushrooms and compte cheese. Yum. They gave me a free dessert – chocolate cake with dark chocolate ganache and raspberry coulis! And my sister paid for everyone!
They had a huge wine/beer/foofy mixed drink list. Something like 32 beers on tap? That’s a lot of pulls!
It is another wicked loud place though…which is bothering me more and more these days. So I don’t think it’s going to be our go-to place. But it was fun to check out the scene.
Phil September 12 at 10:09pm
Glad you had a fun evening. Sounds like a cool place. I like lots of options for beer. Watchin the last game of the evening. Skins look decent.

September 12 at 10:17pm
Dinner with you sounds delicious. And I am not talking about the food. It sounds like an embarrassment of riches. A feast for the senses.
Right now, I would give almost anything to be able to see you. Just look at you. See you smile or wink. And hear you laugh. Or be very serious. Or whisper in my ear. It wouldn’t matter if it was the Gettysburg address or the weather or something sexy.
But I might get to touch you as well. And breathe in your essence. And even…taste you. Oh, my. I may cry.
Are you ticklish? I have very vague memory that you were…
Phil September 12 at 10:24pm
I can be ticklish. Depends on the mood but I can be.

September 13 at 12:44am
Been reading about you in my diaries. I wrote a lot. Freaky.
Headed to bed. Wish I could crawl into a bed with you. Do you sleep in the nude? Sleep well, sweet man.
by

Sunday sports

Phil September 12 at 5:44am

You too. Still not done. What a monumental task. I’m bushed but there is football this afternoon!

Phil September 12 at 5:49am
No tattoos. Not much you have not seen. Dinner sounded fun. I like to do Chinese that way. Gonna be a long morning. My wife has so much stuff, took forever to clear the rooms so I could get to paint. Rest of the house now looks like a disaster zone. I need a massage. I can think of a body part you could massage. That would feel amazing right now.

September 12 at 5:57am
Good morning! It’s another sleepy dawn here…clouds making a Van Gogh like pattern in the sky.  Oh, my…you are having a busy time!  So which games are you watching today? I hope they play well and your snacks are good!
Phil September 12 at 6:12am
All the games! Got Sunday ticket and 4 tvs.

September 12 at 6:14am
While you are watching the games, I have a busy day planned, then it’s off for yet another birthday dinner at 6:30 pm! (To be honest, I am rather over this birthday thing). 

So I won’t be at my computer…which is probably good for me. But I will be thinking of you and your big…screen TV.
September 12 at 6:22am
Wow…I begin to doubt you are really in the military – no other women around the world, not much swearing and no tattoos? Heh.


September 12 at 6:31am
I read your short message last night thought, “I bet he could use a massage.” The idea of spreading my legs and sitting over your ass and getting my hands on your aching muscles…kneading, pounding, stretching them out so you feel amazing…oh, yes.
I wonder how long you would let me work on your back and shoulders before your front, below the waistline, had to be taken care of? Oh, man, you’ve got my imagination going AGAIN!
September 12 at 6:54am
It’s tough to write erotica with a hungry mean cat staring at me. I hope your dogs don’t pester you this way.
September 12 at 9:00am
You’re painting…I am trying to envision you painting a room. Rollers…brushes…colors…but it quickly turns into you painting me – my breast – with a strawberry, covered in warm chocolate, then licking it off my flushed skin. Or me, using a green banana dipped in caramel to paint your ass…then sucking it off. Oooh…
Phil September 12 at 9:59am
If you are going suck chocolate off something, I know how you could have cream filled chocolate
September 12 at 10:01am
My favorite donut is a Boston Cream. Chocolate icing. Cake. Cream.
September 12 at 10:14am
I am not going to drive to D.C.
I am not going to fly to D.C. and rent a car.
I am not going to take the train to D.C. and get on the Metro.
I am not going to D.C. now.
I am not not not…NOT.
But man, do I want to. Want to. Want to. WANT TO!
September 12 at 10:36am
I am going to take a shower now. A long shower. do something I’ve never done before. put the shower head between my legs, let it pound on me and pour into me until I call out your name and explode. Sit there and watch me.
September 12 at 11:50am
The universe hates me. Or loves me. Not sure which. I go into the bathroom, turn on the radio…it’s 70’s weekend on WODS 103.3! All those tunes..the memories…the words I know. Flashback to high school dance floors…Yikes. More time traveling. Eeep. Well, I am not going by myself. Here’s one of the tunes to pull you back with me.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TtuMWvLlaY

The Eagles’
One Of These Nights.
Lyrics:
One of these nights
One of these crazy old nights
We’re gonna find out
Pretty mama
What turns on your lights
The full moon is calling
The fever is high
And the wicked wind whispers
And moans
You got your demons
You got desires
Well, I got a few of my own
Oo, someone to be kind to in
Between the dark and the light
Oo, coming right behind you
Swear I’m gonna find you
One of these nights
One of these dreams
One of these lost and lonely dreams
We’re gonna find one
One that really screams
I’ve been searching for the daughter
Of the devil himself
I’ve been searching for an angel in white
I’ve been waiting for a woman who’s a little
Of both
And I can feel her but she’s nowhere
In sight
Oo, loneliness will blind you
In between the wrong and the right
Oo, coming right behind you
Swear I’m gonna find you
One of these nights
One of these nights
In between the dark and the light
Coming right behind you
Swear I’m gonna find you
Get ‘ya baby one of these nights
One of these nights
One of these nights
I can feel it
I can feel it
One of these nights
Coming right behind you
Swear I’m gonna find you now
One of these nights..etc….
by

Saturday scenario

Phil September 11 at 5:17am

Morning girl. Dinner sounded wonderful. Glad you had a good time. I had a wonderful 18 year old scotch, sat around yapping, nice evening. Renovation work today. Gym first. Have a great day!

September 11 at 5:51am
Good morning! Another beautiful morning here. Nothing stirring yet. I am marveling at the amazing deep blue of sky…turning orange at the horizon. If you were here to watch the dawn with me, you could get exercise…of a different kind. Hmmmm….back to bed for me.
Saturday scenario
Between Phil and You
September 11 at 11:54am
I start to wake up…what day is it? It’s SATURDAY! YES! No alarm…no work. YES! I’m lying on my right side near the edge of the bed, in that hazy brain space between sleep and not quite awake…maybe I will drift back to sleep.
Suddenly, I feel your hand on my stomach, inching slowly lower. You’re pressed against my back, all warm and furry and hard. How long have you been there? Doesn’t matter. So nice. Hard…mmm… something very hard in the crack on my ass. I smile. That smile. I need to wake up…feel all this…wake up…wake up!
Your finger slips inside me and I twist, my knees pressing together. A quick breath and a low moan ease out of my mouth and my teeth start worrying my lip. I can’t seem to catch my breath…
You slip your other hand under me and go right to my breast…slowly grasping, squeezing. Then a single finger teases the nipple, around and around. It causes sparks between my legs! I try to think of the look on your face. Wishing I had a big mirror. The triple action of your hand on my breast, your finger inside me and you cock pressed against me…I’m awake now. And aroused. You can tell that I was ready for more.
You use your knee to press me up slightly and part my legs…I know what you were trying to do but… is it physically possible? You make a soft, humming sound in my ear…like a gourmet appreciating a sip of the finest wine. I stretch and move up a bit more.
You press a second finger inside me. I gasp. You stop for a moment, then slowly, slowly, press further, turning a bit, testing. The palm of your hand presses hard, and releases…then presses again. I start to rock against you…
You lick my neck, my ear…just little licks…here, there…I shiver in response…more awake, more aware, unable to stay still. I press back a bit more…trying to get you inside me…can it…work?
Your knee, your hands…some magic…and you are inside me, pressing me up your body. I feel your hips on my ass..your skin so hot… Ahhh…mmmmm
And then you put your finger into the top of the folds and every nerve starts to fire toward the center of my body. I hear the blood rushing in my ears, mixed with your rapidly increasing breathing. I start to lose my mind a bit…wanted to tell you…something, but can’t form any thought other than WOW!!! so hot…so deep…so….oh, oh, oh!
And you move faster and faster…slamming against me, held tight by your hands. I start to soar…
And the words spill out of you in a rush between labored breaths…”Are you… awake now?”
“Mmmm….hmmmm….” I manage to reply, even though there is no blood going to my brain.
“Are you….feeling good?”
“Oh! No…,” I purr…”fabulous!”

I can feel you chuckling and grinning. You shove even deeper inside me…sweet punishment for my sassy ways!

“Fabulous, you say. I will show you fabulous…” and I only have a split second to ponder what that might mean when you go wild…pumping, pressing, slamming into me, murmuring dirty, sexy words over and over in my ear.
I see stars…literal spinning, shining stars and I realize I am not breathing, not getting enough air and I start to take deep, deep breaths…and you slow down…arghhh…but I realize your plan in another moment.  You are gone…wait!
Then you flip me over, and press on top of me…taking my mouth so completely…tongues…breath together…Ahhh, yes… We fit ourselves back together – lips, arms, torso, hips, legs intertwining.
Finally I can get my arms around you, my hands on your back, my nails, scraping the skin gently as I make my way down the length of you… and tilt my hips up and press you back inside me. My teeth nip at your shoulder…and then you look into my eyes.
I forget what happened after that, but I smiled the entire rest of the day. Maybe you remember?
Phil September 11 at 9:31pm
Still at it. What a pain in the ass.

September 11 at 10:27pm
Yuck…what a long day for you. Poor guy. Did you think it would take this long or was there a glitch?
While you were slaving away, I had a nice nap. And then went out to dinner.
Another birthday dinner! whee. We had Chinese – old-fashioned pupu platter/drinks with umbrellas place. Six of us. Ordered 4 appetizers and 5 main dishes, and passed them all around.
Someone gave me a temporary tattoo of flaming dice! They had a discussion about the merits of various parts of my body with regard to where I should put it, while I blushed. You don’t have any tattoos, do you? I think I would have seen them already…
September 12 at 12:01am
Hey, there…heading off to bed. Sleep well sweet man.

by

Literary football sex

Literary reference (in honor of the football season)
Between Phil and You
September 10 at 11:11am
“Tell Me What You’re Thinking About,” he said.
We are at this Baltimore Colt-Minnesota Viking football game, and it is very cold. Four or five of us are huddled under a big glen plaid blanket. Suddenly, we jump up to watch Johnny Unitas running toward the goal. As he races down the field, we all turn as a body, wrapped in our blanket, screaming with excitement. Somehow, one of the men – I don’t know who, and in my excitement I can’t look – has gotten himself more closely behind me. I keep cheering, my voice an echo of his, hot on my neck. I can feel his erection through his pants as he signals me with a touch to turn my hips more directly toward him. Unitas is blocked, but all the action, thank God, is still going toward that goal and all of us keep turned to watch. Everyone is going mad. He’s got his cock out now and somehow it’s between my legs; he’s torn a hole in my tights under my short skirt and I yell louder as the touchdown gets nearer now. We are all jumping up and down and I have to lift my leg higher, to the next step in the bleachers, to steady myself; now the man behind me can slip it in more easily. We are all leaping about, thumping one another on the back, and he puts his arm around my shoulders to keep us in rhythm. He’s inside me now, shot straight up through me like a ramrod; my God, it’s like he’s in my throat! “All the way, Johnny! Go, go, run, run!” we scream together, louder than anyone, making them all cheer louder, the two of us leading the excitement like cheerleaders, while inside me I can feel whoever he is growing harder and harder, pushing deeper and higher into me with each jump until the cheering for Unitas becomes the rhythm of our fucking and all around us everyone is on our side, cheering us and the touchdown…it’s hard to separate the two now. It’s Unitas’ last down, everything depends on him; we’re racing madly, almost at our own touchdown. My excitement gets wilder…almost out of control as I scream for Unitas to make it as we do, so that all go over the line together. And as the man behind me roars, clutching me in a spasm of pleasure, Unitas goes over and I…
from Nancy Friday’s book “My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies.”

Phil September 10 at 11:32am
Wow! I love it!
September 10 at 1:13pm
Phew. I am so glad you get it. So glad!
Since you turned my desk into a trigger, I thought I’d return the favor and add a new flavor to your football menu. 🙂 
This passage is the start of the book. and in the next sentence, her lover gets up, puts on his pants and leaves. It is the beginning of the end of their relationship. So it’s a cautionary tale about being very careful who you share your fantasies with. I am so happy I can share with you!
Every time I send something, I think carefully and hold my breath…hoping you’ll get it. And you do. In spades. I hope you know how special that is! I suppose eventually I will get over worrying about it. Trust…working on trust. But know, if any particular thing makes you go “EEEWWW!” you can say that. Really. And explain, if you can, so we learn more about what works. I feel like I go out on a limb…over and over…and you run right along with me and we jump off together and soar! Powerful stuff.
  
Phil September 10 at 3:51pm
Nothing makes me go eewww. I love to try new things, to experiment. I loved the story. It’s something I could see myself doing.

September 10 at 4:27pm
You don’t say eeew. But you can, if the day arrives that I pop up with something too out there. You have been good about saying “Interesting, but not my thing” on such fronts as pain etc. so I know you feel comfortable saying where your lines are.
In the past, I’ve read fantasies, or written my own, and been outside them, detached, watching, thinking…”Oh, that’s interesting.” But for various reasons, I couldn’t get into them.
Now, I can see myself in them. With you. thinking, “Oh, yes…yes…” and I’ve been…reacting to them in um…interesting ways. It’s an interesting change…makes me feel slightly out of control…but I am deciding that’s alright.