Anticipation

Early Thursday
Between Phil and You
September 16 at 1:29am
Phil? the rolling O? it finally stopped… another frickin half hour after you left! Man, oh, man… I’m fine. So fine… this afterglow could light the city of Boston for a week!
“These are the good old days.” Right now.
Here’s today’s tune for you. This one you’ve probably heard.
Look at the words… amazing how they fit us.

ANTICIPATION by Carly Simon
From 1972

ANTICIPATION by Carly Simon
We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And I tell you how easy it is to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me.
But I rehearsed those words just late last night
When I was thinking about how right tonight might be.
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet, I don’t know natures way
So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.
=========
September 16 at 7:53am
Good morning! I hope your are having a great day.
Not a cloud in the sky. Yet another gorgeous day there… such a string of them right now. The tops of the trees in the parking lot are bright orange now. No trucks out there today.
Gotta run… have to open up the office today. My assistant that usually does it is out today.  
Phil September 16 at 9:44am
Off to a good start. Hope you are having a great day. Out of here as soon as I can get away. Much to do!

September 16 at 10:04am
Very, very quiet here. Just me and one bubbly assistant. I don’t have anything to do except listen to a very special voicemail on my phone… I was very sorry to be in the shower when you called. But it is nice to have your voice and wonderful words to hear whenever I want.
September 16 at 10:25am
Ah, last night…last night was… memorable. You are a talented guy. *big smile*
The triple twist of old memories / last night / and future possibilities is boggling my mind. In a very good way. I jump back and forth between the teens’ first kiss to last night, then on to the fantasy of us on Saturday, naked under the stars near the pond after a chicken dinner. HAH!
Phil September 16 at 10:26am
My morning fantasy was in the shower rubbing soap over your breasts, my cock slippery, sliding into the crack of your ass, fingers probing, slippery, wet, hot, on my knees, tongue in your freshly washed ass, fingers in your pussy, you holding on to the wall to remain standing, you turn, grab my hair and pull my face to your pussy, one leg is over my shoulder, hands on your ass pulling you closer as my tongue dances on your clit, then darts inside. You say just fuck me, I want your cock. You turn around and lean against the wall, I rub my cock over your ass, probing, teasing. You say not there and reach under guiding me to your pussy, as I thrust forward, I hear the aahh, and as I start to really fuck you, I feel your legs go weak……………….

Phil September 16 at 10:37am
Hope that helps you concentrate on work

September 16 at 11:39am
You… you… Imp! Get over here and let me bite your nose. Before I stick my tongue down your throat. I suppose I deserve it, considering what I just sent you.
You know exactly what reading that does to me… shower… good… this morning I thought “he could wash my back… for a start.” and then my thoughts wandered and I was late to work! Good thing no one here cares.
question is…how many times can I read it and still have an effect? GOING TO FIND OUT!
Finish up your work. Get outta there. And CALL ME! Please?
[Phil called me and we talked for a long time while he was driving to the beach]
Phil  September 16 at 3:25pm
Thanks for keeping me company on the drive! I enjoyed it.

Camp fire chat

September 15 chat

10:40pm Me My diary says you ate a lot of pancakes at camp… won some prize.  
10:40pm Phil oh yeah, ate 23 – think I won the competition, they were amazing
10:40pm Me That’s what my diary says… man, you have such a mind!
10:40pm Phil I could always eat
10:40pm Me heh
10:44pm Me I can’t believe I found all those photos from camp online!  Gotta love the internet!
10:45pm Phil I enjoyed the trip through memory lane.  Could go back there with you.
10:46pm Me It is almost bizarre the things I am finding to show you…So much history!
10:46pm Phil I’m enjoying it all
10:46pm Me We may run into Doctor Who if we keep time traveling!
10:47pm Phil LOL
10:47pm Me It is wonderful…especially with you holding my hand.
10:48pm Phil I’m ok here, now, this is good
10:48pm Me You make both the past and the present so shiny!
Yes, I am usually right here in the moment… this week has been an aberration.
10:49pm Phil you are the same funny, quirky, loving girl you always were. I’m so pleased to discover that. Time sometimes changes people and not always in a good way
10:49pm Me I like that I held on to the good stuff…and added some good stuff
10:50pm Phil fun to look back too, it’s how we found our way here
10:50pm Me bless the road – I give you all the credit for that
10:50pm Phil I take no credit, we did this together
10:53pm Me yeah…together. Lots of amazing “together”
the most amazing I’ve ever felt… with someone 600 miles away.
10:54pm Phil that’s pretty cool. Anytime people can make each other feel good, it’s a wonderful thing and you make me feel very good
10:56pm Me I’ll be very honest here and say that you make me feel incredible, and that is not usually the case. I am used to making the guy happy and taking what I can get. But this is the most… equitable? it’s ever been. It’s odd…most men just take. And I think if they took the time to give, they’d realize it’s even better. For both parties
10:59pm Phil it’s suppossed to be that way. You both give and do what it takes to make each other happy. I don’t want you make me happy> I want us both to be happy, both to enjoy, it’s no good any other way
11:00pm Me There you go with the Prince Charming thing again.. you are made of awesome!
11:02pm Phil I’m no prince and not always charming but I believe that any relationship is a two way street. Has to be. If you feel good, if you are enjoying yourself, I will too
11:03pm Me I would drink to that… if I drank!
11:04pm Phil I’m drinking to it
11:04pm Me heh.  So idea of us going back to camp, to the pond…you…me…my mind is racing… I can so see that …that was a great idea
definitely BUNK material!
11:04pm Phil back where the fire pit is, where the first kisshappened
11:05pm Me it’s slightly up the hill, on the other side
11:05pm Phil I like bunk material. I remember the spot
11:07pm Me might take a blanket this time…naked…in the dark…under the stars…ooh..
11:08pm Phil  oh yeah, my tongue tracing its way down your body
11:10pm Me I am never going to be able to look at the photos of that area in the same way again…
11:13pm Phil good! Want your legs thrown over my shoulders as my tongue dances on your clit, slipping deep inside you, licking up your sweet juices, making you writhe, and twist and thrust
11:14pm Me yes…please…more…
11:14pm Phil feeling you cum on my tongue, slipping a few fingers inside, my tongue back on your clit
11:15pm Me fingers are so good… both for that moment and for the promise of what’s to…cum!
11:17pm Me you have me twisting right now…
11:17pm Phil oh yeah, moving back up your body, over your belly, to your tits, up your neck, my cock now poised against you, rubbing the outer folds of your pussy, slowly pressing into you, so hot, so wet
11:19pm Me I may be begging at that point…need you so bad…
11:19pm Phil your hips rise to meet me, we kiss deeply, joined together, our tongues entwined
11:19pm Me want you so much
so much so much
I wish I had more words to tell you what your words do it me…
that you could be inside my head for just a few moments…hearing the explosions…
knowing what it’s like to be so empty and then suddenly filled…
so right so right
11:22pm Phil oh yeah, thrusting slowly and deep, so hot, so wet, your hands on my ass pulling me into you
11:23pm Me I wonder what I can reach while you are doing that…
can’t wait to explore your body
11:25pm Phil you may explore anything you like, I dream about that. Dream about your tongue on my cock, my balls, my ass, damn
11:27pm Me watch your face… feel your hips…listen to your breathing…
so many so much joy out there to grab onto… and give back…
11:29pm Phil my breathing will be fast, hips rising to give you access, eyes rolled back, trying to watch but not able to
11:32pm Me man oh man… wishing… wanting…
11:33pm Phil moaning, oh Sassy, it feels so good, oh oh yeah, right there, oh yeah…
11:33pm Me mmmm…
11:35pm Me I have the feeling I am going to lose control… in a very good way…
11:35pm Phil baby swing your legs over my face, oh let me eat that sweet pussy, slip my tongue into that tight ass, I love it
oh yeah, grind it on my nose, on my tongue
11:36pm Me I can ride your face…until I can’t…because I.. man…
11:37pm Phil yeah babe, slide up and down, get my tongue right where you want it. Cum into my mouth
11:37pm Me this is wrecking my head… the explosion is massive…
I don’t know what’s happening… shivers…rocking…
all those inner muscles going wild…
for real…right now…
damn
11:39pm Phil oh yeah, baby, cum for me, I want to taste it, want to feel it
oh yes
11:39pm Me my back is arching so far…trying to get to you…closer
you are going to be able to tell how I feel this time…
11:41pm Me you may have to hold me down…I may go off into outer space if you don’t…
11:42pm Phil I want it all, my fingers in your pussy while my tongue is in your ass
11:42pm Me man I am so high… all because of what you are saying… doing…
11:43pm Phil oh yes, my cock is so hard, need to be inside, deep inside, fucking you silly, balls slapping your ass, pussy is so tight, oh yeah
11:44pm Me damn…the ache is so deep right now…fill me…
tell me…tell me…
11:46pm Phil oh yeah, need to cum, want to be buried deep when my hot white cum shoots deep inside you
11:46pm Me let go…let it all go
give it all to me, Philip… I want it so bad…
11:47pm Phil oh yeah Sassy, oh yeah, cumming, shooting deep inside you, oh man
11:50pm Phil midnite again! messy again! I love it
11:51pm Me oh my goodness…My poor desk chair!
11:52pm Phil hope its soaked
11:52pm Me Just about…I’ve never…I mean…well….you know. like this. 
11:53pm Phil actually massaged my balls, rubbed a finger over my ass, slipped it inside slightly, came like a geyser
that’s wonderful!
11:54pm Me Umptth… what an image…good word…geyser… you have the best vocabulary…
I mean that!
damn…it’s not stopping…
what have you done!
11:56pm Phil tasted it, sweet, smells good, room smells like cum again
11:56pm Me It’s like there this…spring…turning inside me…
I don’t know how you do that…set it off and make it keep going…
that is… different…
11:57pm Phil oh yes, keep cumming, like to kneel over you stroking my cock, spraying cum over your tits, your face
11:57pm Me I can’t typte…feel like I am going to break in half!
11:58pm yeah baby, get wet, stay wet, cum again for me
11:58pm Me I didn’t know… I mean..Crap. This is fierce.
11:59pm Phil licking the cum off your tits, kissing you, my cum on my tongue
11:59pm Me AAAAAHHHH!
12:00am Me I am making way too much noise…ok… deep breaths…
12:00am Phil your tongue like fire, sharing, enjoying each other
12:00am Me you like it
12:00am Phil I want to make you scream
12:00am Me watching me squirm…You did! Shit…
12:02am Phil oh yes, want to make you squirm, scream, cum, and cum and cum
I want you completely spent
12:02am Me This is wicked wicked…burns, Philip…
I don’t know what’s going on…it’s still… I mean.. roiling…there’s a word.
12:03am Phil burns is so good
12:03am Me a good burn. yes…good is soooo mild compared to what is going on inside me.
12:03am Phil my cock rubbing against your ass, over your pussy
still covered with cum
12:04am Me How can it keep getting worse? I mean…better…wetter…
This is like riding a damn bull…
ah…that’s it…like being on a horse…a stallion…going so fast…wind in my hair…
12:06am Phil I am a bull, with a cock that never goes down, I can literally fuck all night, damn thing never goes down till we are done
12:06am Me crap…I just made it worse myself
I don’t know whether to curse you or worship you…damn this is so fierce…
12:07am Phil curse me, I like it, Love it when you talk dirty, so fucking hot
12:08am Me there are some very bad words on the tip of my tongue right now… but they’re mixing with some pretty heady stuff… big ball of mixed up want sitting here pulsing so deep you can see the frickin Marianas trench above me!
12:09am Phil ask me to fuck you, tell me you want my cock
12:09am Me you better fuck me…you better bury it so deep…inside me…
12:10am Phil I’m going to fuck you, hard and deep, I’m going to pound your pussy till you beg me to stop
12:10am Me not just fooling around…serious goddamned intense fucking…
I am not stopping
I am going…going…
12:11am Phil oh no, this will be serious fucking, sweat dripping, bodies slapping, cum flying, fucking
12:12am Me how do you do this?! *##$%)(%]
Every time I think I’ve reached it…it just keep going further…
I don’t understand why…can’t think about that now… just feeling…feeling so…
12:13am Phil We will both be quivering piles of flesh, completely spent, covered in cum
12:13am MeI just want you to hold onto me and rock
solid rock…inside…crap this isn’t make sense…
all my brain can do is…you…you…you…
12:14am Phil why, your thighs sticky from your juices, my juices, cum running down your ass, in your hair,
12:15am Me there won’t have to be a bonfire…I am white hot just from you touching me…
I feel like my blood is boiling…
12:16am Phil I love it. Baby, I need to go to bed, you need to clean your chair
12:16am Me I know…I know…Sorry…you just…you know
You go…I’ll come down some day…
I don’t know what it is but you’ve got it…
12:18am Phil hope you got off cause I sure did. sounded like maybe a few times
12:18am Me I lost count.
Damn
I never lose count.
not that it matters
but…damn.
12:19am  Phil that’s wonderful. You will sleep well
12:19am Me Yes sir..
uummpt
you have made this a very good night.
Rest now.
 I’m going to have that laid look again
12:21am Phil you too baby, was very hot, very wet,
good for you. I like it
12:22am Me I hope so
Because I am going to order this dish again!
12:24am Phil you may have this dish when ever you want. nite babe
12:24am Me good night.
12:26am Phil still hard, still dripping, thinking about my tongue in your ass, your tongue in mine, toys, fingers, ummmmph
12:27am Me I am still rockin here. Picturing you inside me.holding you so tight, milking it…
12:29am Phil take every drop, all of it, leaning back so you can watch my cock slipping in and out, feel it, touch it, hard and slick with our juices
12:29am Me ferocious…Who knew there was this much passion…so much
it just clenches and clenches…I know I sound like a broken record…
But…it is so intense!
I don’t understand what’s going on…
12:32am Phil cool, you need to be fucked, again and again
12:32am Me need…yes…
12:32am Phil you need a hard cock buried inside of you
12:32am Me oh. my. god. I swear it is ramping up again…no way…
12:33am Phil you need a tongue in your pussy, in your ass, need your tits licked, sucked
12:33am Me You know you won’t have to touch me…
You can just lie next to me and talk….
12:33am Phil need to feel hot cum spraying onto your tits, onto your face,
12:34am Me as if
how can I feel so alive?!
12:34am Phil fuck that, I am going to touch all of you, every inch, I am going to stick my tongue every where
12:35am Me I didn’t know this.. was possible…I mean…I’ve read about it but…I didn’t KNOW…you know?
12:36am Phil what happens when you are not the only one giving
12:36am Me It’s more though…more…
It’s not just my body…there is something going on in my head…
It’s like the blasted Olympics…faster, stronger, harder…something…
sorry…not making sense…just a blithering idiot breaking into pieces of joy over here.
thanks to you…
12:38am Phil wonderful. I’m glad. I am off to bed hon, I need sleep, gotta drive tomorrow
12:39am Me tomorrow? back to the beach so soon?
12:39am Phil yeah going tomorrow night 
12:39am Me ah…maybe I can tell you stories while you drive.
I’m sorry…I mean for you to sleep
12:40am Phil that would be hot AND FUN> Love the sound of your voice
12:40am Me You don’t have to stay…really
You’ve stayed way past… whatever…
12:41am Phil glad we could cum together, glad we could relive memories, glad we can make new ones
12:41am Me exactly right

Wednesday Hips Don't Lie

Wednesday words  

Between Phil and You
September 15 at 12:49am
While you were drifting off to dreamland, I was listening to a song and gyrating around the living room again. Had to use up all the energy somehow.
Have you seen this woman dance? She is so hot… like I’d like to be for you!
Skakira – featuring Wyclef Jean
“Hips Don’t Lie”

Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on reading the signs of my body
And I’m on tonight
You know my hips don’t lie and I am starting to feel you boy
Come on let’s go, real slow
Don’t you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don’t lie and I’m starting to feel it’s right
All the attraction, the tension
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Oh boy, I can see your body moving, half animal, half man
I don’t, don’t really know what I’m doing but you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can’t so you know
That’s a bit too hard to explain
September 15 at 8:48am
Good morning! Another clear, cool fall day! It’s the phone company trucks in the parking lot this morning, towing new poles festooned with flags.  I am trying not to worry about all the secrets I shared yesterday, focusing on how you took it all so well. And still wanted to keep going! 
Phil September 15 at 9:29am
You need not worry about secrets. What did you say that was bad? I don’t remember that. We all have secrets we’d prefer stayed that way. So what.

September 15 at 12:56pm
Thanks. Probably just a product of my earlier life in the small town fishbowl.
You having a busy day? It’s finally quiet here after a busy start to the week. I failed at the crossword puzzle, so I blogged about a new restaurant, and am using the rest of my lunch hour to read up on the latest in vibrators.
Phil September 15 at 1:09pm
LOL. There’s a useful way to spend some time. I have been busy. Enjoying the day. It’s been quiet so its kind of nice.

September 15 at 4:57pm
Headed home. Plan to be online. Make of that what you will!

Wednesday Hips Don’t Lie

Wednesday words  

Between Phil and You
September 15 at 12:49am
While you were drifting off to dreamland, I was listening to a song and gyrating around the living room again. Had to use up all the energy somehow.
Have you seen this woman dance? She is so hot… like I’d like to be for you!
Skakira – featuring Wyclef Jean
“Hips Don’t Lie”

Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on reading the signs of my body
And I’m on tonight
You know my hips don’t lie and I am starting to feel you boy
Come on let’s go, real slow
Don’t you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don’t lie and I’m starting to feel it’s right
All the attraction, the tension
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Oh boy, I can see your body moving, half animal, half man
I don’t, don’t really know what I’m doing but you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can’t so you know
That’s a bit too hard to explain
September 15 at 8:48am
Good morning! Another clear, cool fall day! It’s the phone company trucks in the parking lot this morning, towing new poles festooned with flags.  I am trying not to worry about all the secrets I shared yesterday, focusing on how you took it all so well. And still wanted to keep going! 
Phil September 15 at 9:29am
You need not worry about secrets. What did you say that was bad? I don’t remember that. We all have secrets we’d prefer stayed that way. So what.

September 15 at 12:56pm
Thanks. Probably just a product of my earlier life in the small town fishbowl.
You having a busy day? It’s finally quiet here after a busy start to the week. I failed at the crossword puzzle, so I blogged about a new restaurant, and am using the rest of my lunch hour to read up on the latest in vibrators.
Phil September 15 at 1:09pm
LOL. There’s a useful way to spend some time. I have been busy. Enjoying the day. It’s been quiet so its kind of nice.

September 15 at 4:57pm
Headed home. Plan to be online. Make of that what you will!

Brass tacks chat

Tuesday, September 14 chat
10:23pm  Phil Hey, girl.  If we’re going to meet, we need to figure out certain things.  Do you want me to bring condoms?
10:24pm Me Yes. You must not get me pregnant! 
10:26pm  Phil  certainly not with me, snipped years ago
i want to cum inside you
10:27pm Me  Tell me you can’t possibly have AIDS
10:27pm Phil  I can’t possibly have aids. Get tested every year and don’t fool around. Military requirement
10:28pm Me Man, this is getting down to brass tacks…isn’t it.
10:28pm Phil Never had any STD
10:28pm Me Yeah, me neither
10:30pm Phil simple matter of being careful and faithful.
10:30pm Me I got tested before I got married…haven’t had sex with anyone else since, and haven’t had an blood transfusions or IV drugs
10:30pm Phil  I was always a good boy, not a terribly exciting sex life but safe anyway
10:30pm Me So many of my friends died of it…made me wicked paranoid.
10:34pm Phil  glad you are still here and healthy
10:35pm Me  Amen to that. Same to you.
10:36pm Phil  Have swinger friends who have lived that life style forever. they are careful and healthy. she has a thing for me. Have been naked in the hot tub with them but never more than drinks and hanging out
10:37pm Phil  You know I would wear a condom if you wanted me too. I will never do anything or ask you to do anything you are uncomfortable with
10:41pm Phil  I do want to taste that pussy and I want to slide my tongue down the crack of your ass. Damn, I’m horny. again
has something to do with talking to you
10:42pm Phil  the thought of you bringing me to the edge over and over just turns me on so much. 
10:44pm Me Front and center and ready for your tongue.
10:46pm Phil Show me that pretty pussy
10:46pm Me I do wish you had been the first…somehow think it would have been better.
10:46pm Phil  do you like to be licked?
10:47pm Me  Yes. It drives me absolutely insane.
10:47pm Phil would have been special I think.
10:47pm Me Of course, I feel like a virgin is some ways, with it being so long.
Don’t know what works anymore…
10:47pm Phil cool, I am going to drive you insane. Want you to cum on my tongue
means it’s going to be tight
10:48pm Me I had to put a towel on my desk chair, you know.  I may sing to you…
10:49pm Phil good, love the thought of your juices running down your ass. Would love to lick them up
10:49pm Me I sing a lot…
10:49pm Phil that would be nice
I like that, it’s hot as hell
10:51pm Phil I want to be looking INTO YOUR EYES as I enter you. Nice and slow, enjoying the feeling, enjoying each other
10:52pm Me Mmph…that caused a huge twinge..
10:53pm Phil I want to kiss you, long and hard before we start to move
10:53pm Me where are your hands at that point? Trying to see it…
10:54pm Phil then slowly at first then faster and harder, deeper, the sound of our flesh slapping together, my balls bouncing off your ass
my hands are on your breasts
I need to touch them, taste them, see them, rub my wet cock on your nipples, slide between them
10:56pm Me Oh!  You have the best ideas…Philip…
10:59pm Phil I’ve had lots of time to think about it
11:00pm Phil oh Sassy, cum on my cock, I want to feel it
11:01pm Me  I thought I had turned all that off…but no, it seems like it was building up inside me and is pouring out now…
11:01pm Phil I want to taste us together
11:01pm Me you can do that.
11:01pm Phil oh yes, fuck me back, give it all to me
11:03pm Me  Yes, you will not be in this alone…I am going to be right there with you every step. Making sure you know it’s me. and how what you do makes me feel…how your touch and your tongue light me up
11:04pm Phil mmmmm, I want to lick and kiss you every where
11:05pm Me How are we going to decide who gets to go first? Flip a coin?
11:05pm Phil  I’ll know it’s you. It will happen like it happens
11:06pm Me Or is there an order of events that make sense… hmmmm… something to ponder
which do you want more…
11:06pm Phil believe me, I’m not going to fight about who does who first
11:06pm Me heh….Girls are trained to let the guy lead… tough to break that.
11:07pm Phil I want to taste you, to make you cum. That’s what I want, I can wait
11:08pm Me Oh, man…
11:09pm Phil I want to slip my tongue into your ass, I want to see how you react, what gets you going
11:09pm Me there’s all sorts of language that seems natural right now, but I don’t know if you’re ready for that…
11:09pm Phil I’m ready for anything
11:11pm Phil you first always. I know you will make me very happy. That’s what you used to say
11:11pm Me I said I’d make you happy?
11:11pm Phil I know I will be satisfied beyond my dreams.
11:12pm Me Did you see the crack about 8 inches in my diary?
11:12pm Phil you did 
I did see that
close
11:12pm Me Heh
11:14pm Me I was so glad that was there… to lighten things up a bit.
and to show that I wanted you back…that way.
11:15pm Phil I did laugh when I saw it
11:16pm Me Even if I didn’t really know what it meant!
11:16pm Phil  I wanted you too. Always have
11:17pm Me That feels like a miracle to me…I had completely given up.
11:18pm Me This has been the most amazing month…
so where do you want to go now? An old favorite? A new something? More after dinner thoughts?
11:19pm Phil you never flinched when my hands slipped down your pants and I held your ass, you did not flinch when my fingers slipped inside you, you did not flinch when my lips closed around your nipple
11:19pm Me You were magic… felt so right…electric
11:20pm Phil tell me what you would do with your hands or mouth
11:20pm Me Do you want sassy or sexy?
11:21pm Phil both
11:21pm Me oooh…
I can see you sitting in a big chair…
11:21pm Phil  I am in a big chair
11:21pm Me I’m going to sit sort of half on you lap… and kiss you deep and fierce
11:22pm Phil umm I like that
11:22pm Me then kiss your ear and make low sexy noises…
maybe a sucking sound
until you take a quick breath
then kiss your neck…
11:22pm Phil I just did
11:23pm Me and kiss your marvelous shoulders….
11:23pm Phil  oh yeah
11:23pm  Me I’m going to write things on your chest with my fingers…
make little patterns…tease you
smile…that knowing smile…
11:23pm Phil  oh yeah
11:24pm Me pay proper attention to your nipple… tugging with my teeth, tweaking with my index finger…
11:24pm Phil I love to have them licked, sucked, bitten
feels so good
11:25pm Me check out your muscles….
then slide down a bit
kiss each hip
11:25pm Phil  my muscle is hard
11:26pm Me blow a big raspberry on your tummy and make you giggle…
11:26pm Phil tease me baby< I like it
LOL
11:26pm Me then I will look up into your eyes…
I will probably be talking to you…
telling you what I am going to do
11:27pm Phil yes……………
11:27pm Me making you burn….
11:27pm Phil  tell me
11:27pm Me maybe some mushy sentimental stuff…
maybe some dirty words…
make George Carlin proud.
11:28pm Phil talk dirty to me, I love it
11:28pm Me I may ask you if you like what I am doing…
I may tell you the secrets of the universe…
as I make my way down your body.
11:29pm Phil i like it
11:29pm Me I’m going to look at you… you will see what that does to me.
then I will touch your legs…get them just where I want them so I can fit between them.
11:30pm Phil I love that. I want to see you, enjoy the look – lust, love all combined
11:30pm Me maybe hum a little…then let you feel the vibration different places…
11:31pm Phil oh yeah, vibration is good
11:31pm Me You are going to get a little impatient…very natural… might beg a little…
11:32pm Phil  thrusting my hips up, I want it so bad
11:32pm Me I will pay attention to those signals…
at just the right moment… I will slip onto the floor
and put my fingers on you…
testing…teasing…
watching your face…
11:33pm Phil oh yeah, oh finally, been so long, touch me
11:34pm Me I will use my hands…
one on your cock…
one underneath, I think
learn your body
11:34pm Phil  eyes closed BUT I want to watch, moaning, squirming, thrusting, please
11:34pm Me gently stroke
take your balls in my other hand…
testing…
trying
11:35pm Phil  oh yes
11:35pm Me different things… see what makes you react the most.
11:35pm Phil  oh yes, Sassy, it feels so good
11:36pm Me try to figure out a way to get you higher. but not too fast.
run a finger around the rim of your ass…
turn you just a bit so I can get to the ass more
experiment
11:37pm Phil  oh yes, lifting my hips, so good
ummmm
11:37pm Me then when you are really revved up
I will start licking…
probably in from your hip…
so it builds up…
11:38pm Phil oh my cock is jumping
11:38pm Me and finally
start sucking the tip, running my finger under the head…
11:39pm Phil  oh yes, oh yea baby, suck me
11:39pm Me then start testing…seeing how deep I can take it…
worry about my teeth…
be very careful…
11:39pm Phil  don’t worry about teeth
I can feel it, hot wet
11:40pm Me
I will try to leave enough of your mind intact so you can tell me what is best… may not be able to the first time…
11:41pm Phil  oh Sassy, so hot
11:41pm Me  I will put a hand on your ass, the other on your cock, so I can have some control over your rocking…
then tip down, or up…looking for the best angle…
You will be wondering if I am going to let you cum in my mouth…
interesting question…
and if I will swallow it…
11:43pm Phil umm, all feels amazing
will you?
will you?
11:44pm Me will it make you happy?  will it blow your mind?
11:45pm Phil yes but only if you want to
11:45pm Me we’ll see…let’s say that I do…
11:46pm Phil  ok, good enough for me
11:46pm Me it is totally possible…
11:47pm Me i’ve done it before… not often, I can do it again… for you…
11:48pm Phil ummmm, kiss me, want to taste my cum on your tongue.
11:48pm Me oh, yes…that is definitely my plan.  Mmmm.. you taste so sweet. 
11:48pm Me I will pop back up and hold onto you while you shake…
and kiss you ever so deeply
11:49pm Phil  oh yeah
ummmmmmmm
11:50pm Me it depends on the chair, but it might be possible to sit in your lap just a certain way
and press you inside me while you are still resting…
then feel you grow…
change…
11:51pm Phil oh yeah, still hard, feels so good
11:51pm Me press my tits against your chest…
then start moving…
with your hands on my hips…
11:52pm Phil  fuck me Sassy
11:52pm Me then you’d work them around my back, press me close to you…
and I would ride…
your cock
like a Western saddle…
11:53pm Phil  ride me cow girl
11:53pm Me yee haw
11:56pm Phil ummm, made a mess again
11:57pm Me cool..what was the tipping point?
11:59pm Phil  ride me cowgirl
12:00am Me heh…. thought the saddle might do it…
12:01am Me Had me soaring
12:02am Phil  wow
midnight, wish we could curl up and go to sleep
12:03am Me was just thinking that…
And how my online fellatio still works..
is that spelled right?
I don’t know why we can’t seem to make you come at 9 pm…
12:04am Phil  yup, and it worked
12:04am Me will have to work on that.
12:04am Phil no lie
12:05am Me mmm…
12:05am Phil  sent you the picture of what you do to me
12:05am Me I like to bless each hour of the day with a little sperm.
I’ll alert the cat.
12:05am Phil  lol I’ll send toona
12:06am Me He’s sleeping on my hand….he can’t type very well
but he knows what he wants.
12:07am Phil  I’m sure he does
12:07am Me What a day!  
threesome, time travel, condoms…
12:08am Phil  smells like cum in this little room
12:08am Me cum in my mouth… never a dull moment around you!
12:08am Phil we covered the gambit
I do try
12:08am Me barely scratched the surface…so much more…tomorrow!
12:09am Phil  uh huh picture of the mess you caused
12:09am Me maybe I’ll do your back tomorrow…
12:10am Phil  ooooh
12:10am Me the flip side…
we are going to be dynamite
12:10am Phil  I’ll go to sleep with that on my mind.
12:11am Me Sleep well.
12:12am Phil  oh yeah. Go to bed, you too. Pleasant dreams
12:12am Me No chance of sleep right now…going to read back over this chat…
 think about you lying there
maybe make some notes for tomorrow…
12:13am Phil I will be asleep goodnight Sassy
12:14am Phil LOL cool
12:15am Me good night, my sweet man.

Tuesday time travel

Tuesday time travel

Between Phil and You
September 14 at 7:19am
Good morning! Another beautiful morning here…cool, just a few high clouds, seagulls cawing, traffic zipping by at three levels (street, highway, expressway). All the dog walkers heading to the park with their precious pooches! There’s color in the trees… fall is definitely on the way.
September 14 at 7:44am
How are you doing this morning? I am worrying about your jet lag from our journey through my diary. Time travel can be a bitch. Worse than coming East across the International Dateline… it’s been five days of reading for me and I still feel like someone took my guts out and put them back in a new order. But I am getting used to it.
I should call you. I know it. But I am feeling shy and… exposed after last night. So I will just sit here and talk to you while you drive to D.C. And wait for you to tell me what it was like to read all that history. Your history. In a new light. Not sure if I want it to affect you or not. I don’t want it to hurt you, that’s for sure.
It’s like my mind is this big castle, and I shut off a wing. Walled it off and painted over the door. Now I am going back, disturbing the dust and renewing all my memories. And showing it to you. You remember that place. Been thinking of it for years. But you didn’t know about what was hidden in the walls. Eeep.
I’m ready to be back in the present. My new and shiny present day with you. But I can make a couple more trips back if you need someone to hold your hand while you process it. I tried to figure out “what it all means” both to “put it to bed” back there and for its impact on now. But I can’t figure it out. Going to try to put it on the back burner and let it steep awhile…
September 14 at 8:15am
There is a old movie called “Thief of Hearts” about a burglar who robs a woman’s home and takes a locked box he thinks is jewelry. It’s her journals. Her workaholic husband assures her the thief will throw them away. But she can feel the thief reading them.
And he is. And falling in love with her. So he finds her, and makes himself the man she described wanting – someone to have fun with, listen to her, value her mind and her body. Very sexy scenes… I felt that way last night. I could feel you reading… and wanted you to come find me. It’s good that you didn’t… I would have kept you awake for a long, long time. Mmm…
The movie is out on youtube in 10 minute pieces. I was just looking at the bit where he is reading and she is squirming. It is well made for an old B-movie. But you were cuter than Steve Bauer.
September 14 at 8:17am
It’s incredible what you do to me with a few little words… “Made it worse.”
[He called me while I was driving to work with my husband in the car.  I managed to talk to him without raising any suspicions… I think]

September 14 at 10:17am
I really want to talk more. But when? Lunch? Evening?
We have our big weekly all-staff meeting this morning… but before I go I wanted to say “multiple access points!” Hee hee…
Phil September 14 at 11:40am
You are so bad!

September 14 at 11:55am
Back at my desk. Smiling at you… while my mind explodes over the threesome in the car this morning! *cough*
Phil September 14 at 12:09pm
I have still not read all of the diary entries. It was too long to display on the phone. Will do that this afternoon. It’s hard to read about the hurt. I’m not sure how much I understood about love at 16 but I knew you loved me. I may very well have loved you too. I thought I was in love with some one else. So many things at that age. I remember the pain, sorrow, despair I felt and I have no doubt you felt the same. You had incredible passion, we had passion. I did not realize I wasn’t very nice. I have never deliberately hurt anyone. I have hurt people and its always bothered me. I’ve never gone after anybody or been deliberately nasty or vengeful. I’d be ashamed of myself if I did.
September 14 at 12:30pm
Oops! I knew it was too long.
One of the things I learned from reading it was that you didn’t just hurt me (which was mostly all I remembered before, if you recall). Between your memories and reading my little book, I got back our fun times, and sexy times. Lots of singing and laughing and cuddling.
Philip – please, please don’t judge your 16 year old self too harshly. We have to be very careful what we focus on. Those kids can tell us things. Some of them are important to hear. Much of it, no.
Nowhere did I say you were trying to hurt me. You weren’t nasty. If fact, I was thinking that you were almost too nice to me. Giving me hope when there was none. I completely get it that you were in love with someone else. I knew that then. It sucked all around. But the message I got last night was that we made the best of it. We ended up friends. We went on having fun for two years! Right?
Phil September 14 at 12:44pm
That’s absolutely right. We did have fun, still are.
September 14 at 1:14pm
You bet. Fun comes in many forms. Even this time traveling is fun. At times.
Part of what may be going on right now is that I’ve read more than I sent. I tried to balance it out, but all the emo stuff is…emo. I certainly had fun reading in the main diary – to see the notation “WOW!!!” on the bus ride date. It was so nice to know what that meant. Magic hands man. 🙂
September 14 at 1:16pm
I will try to leave you alone until you’ve read more and aren’t at work. Even though I want to you to fuck me so hard right now that we don’t know what time zone we’re in…or care.
Phil September 14 at 1:23pm
I got to read the rest. I do just want to bury my cock in you. I want to fuck you till you scream. I want to feel my cum shooting inside you. I want to feel your tongue in my mouth again. I want to taste you, want your tits in my mouth again, want to feel your lips around my cock, hell I just want to feel your hand on it. Wanted you to touch me so badly.

September 14 at 2:47pm
Of all the reactions I anticipated, diary-reading as an aphrodisiac… not one of them. But I totally feel it, too. It has turned up the heat. Again.
Yearning again. Aching. Impatient. Trying to quell it. Channel it. Any tips on how to make waiting fun? Easier? I know about
-have online sex.
-Talk on the phone.
-Cold showers.
-Brisk exercise.
None of that is working! 🙂
Phil September 14 at 2:53pm
Meet, get naked, fuck, suck, lick, touch, taste, squeeze, twist, thrust, moan, cum, do it again. That would make it easier.

Phil September 14 at 3:13pm
Just a thought of course.

September 14 at 3:29pm
If you work with me on the first one, I can see to the rest. 🙂
Will that make it easier? Or as you say…worse. I’d like to find out. *wink*


September 14 at 3:30pm
I like the way you think.
Phil September 14 at 3:34pm
Hell yeah. I worry that I’m not experienced enough, dick’s not big enough, gonna cum as soon as you touch me, you will be disappointed, you won’t be disappointed, but damn, I’m willing to find out!
September 14 at 3:50pm
Yes! Focusing on the negative works! Pessimism works. It cuts it down by about…2%!
Phil September 14 at 4:00pm
Well you have seen all the bits and pieces of my body. You did not snicker or say anything like, “is that it?” I can touch my nose with my tongue, I have long thick fingers, I am a willing student and what I may lack in skill, I can make up with enthusiasm.

September 14 at 4:26pm
Let’s see… you probably were just musing, but let me try to remove these impediments. So you can’t use them to mitigate. If I can’t get control of this, neither can you?
A. Experience? Does not matter. I am a good teacher. You are a quick study. There is no test. Try things. Feel good? Say so. Not so much? Say so. Try something else.
A lot of it is instinct. You have great instincts. You told me “it’s the mind, the attitude.” You’ve certainly got that…in spades.
Do you want to know how many men I’ve actually had inside me? Will that help or no? I can’t remember if men want to know this or not?
B. Dick size? What is the saying? It’s not what you have, it’s what you do with it? (there’s a better one I am not finding, but you know what I mean). Anyway, to use my experience here, I have had a grand time with guys of various sizes. You look better than most of them. The way we are, if you had nothing at all there, we’d still have a grand time.
C. Quick trigger – might be messy on the street outside the restaurant…but so what? Rest and go again? I see no shame in this. In fact, it makes me feel incredibly sexy.
D. Disappointment – hmmm…this is trickier. Is this the “no sparks” thing? Or something else?
E. Not disappointed? Is this “she will really want me, and then what will we do?” or what?
Did that help? Or “make it worse?”
September 14 at 4:52pm
Wow… you are so not helping me. Phrases like “I can touch my nose with my tongue, I have long thick fingers” do not calm me down or help me get work done. They make me pulse inside, which is damn inconvenient. But FEELS GREAT! 🙂
They make me go to expedia.com and look up flights! Arrrgh!
September 14 at 4:55pm
Ok. I am leaving here. I am going home. To my bunk. So I will be waiting, wanting you. To type things or say things! Really what I want is for you to DO THINGS! That make my insides do things… and blow my mind.
Phil September 14 at 5:01pm
LOL, funny. I do not have a quick trigger which is good. Be messy. How many men? Does not matter, sexy to hear and hear about though. Guess average size is good. I am a quick study. Will pick up on what you like. Disappointment: you said the sex was not great with one guy. I’m not worried about sparks. It’s you, there are sparks. Would love to hear more stories, experiences. Hot as hell. I am hoping we create a story.
September 14 at 5:10pm
We’ve got a whale of a story…trying to figure out if it’s a one-act play, a two-act play or a novel the size of “War and Peace!”
I know how it starts… we’re working on the middle part… what would happen if we wrote a book? People would not believe it.

Smart phone
Between Phil and You
September 14 at 6:52pm
My phone is so dumb. Working on getting a new one. A smart one. What do you have? Any recommendations?
Phil September 14 at 6:57pm
I have a blackberry. Love it. Does everything. Emailed you a photo


September 14 at 7:02pm
Looking at the Samsung Vibrant. Sister just got one and loves it. On T-mobile. Definitely want one that syncs with Android, google etc.
Current phone (Samsung t639) is a piece of crap…no battery life, doesn’t ring half the time, screen the size of a postage stamp.
For some reason, I am finding I want to be better connected. Have access to FB maybe. 🙂
Phil September 14 at 7:29pm
That phone will do all of that. About done with my workout. All pumped up now. Not so puny like in the pictures

Phil September 14 at 7:30pm
Waiting for my eggplant parm hero. Italian place conveniently located next to the gym

September 14 at 7:46pm
Oh…that’s sound great! I am home eating a turkey/swiss sandwich, with green beans on the side. Saving money.  Looking at sexy photos in email, talking to my sister in IM, my friend in the nursing home on the phone, and you on FB! Nothing like multi-tasking!
September 14 at 7:52pm
Ok. Dinner’s done. Dispatched other people. Hubby’s out. I’m all yours. Do with me what you will.
Phil September 14 at 8:15pm
Getting naked to jump in the shower.  Check email. Sent you three photos.  
September 14 at 7:32pm
Whew…it feels like we’re in the midst of about 10 different topics at once. Trying to figure out if I left anything unanswered…
The photos… there is nothing to say but WOW! Okay, I could say a lot more. But I am so hot I can’t type!
Phil September 14 at 7:33pm
Like I said, fat guy in front of the mirror.

September 14 at 7:41pm
Look…am I gonna have to smack you? You know you’re gorgeous. Cut it out. Fat is such a…bad word.
Phil September 14 at 8:38pm
Thinking about the first time I held your ass, the first time I saw your breasts and tasted your nipples, the first time my fingers slipped inside of you, tasting you and smelling you on my fingers and loving it, wanting more. 


Thinking about your hand closing around my cock, squeezing, stroking, my knees weak. You smile and say finally. You lean down and kiss the head of my cock, your tongue swirling around the head, you slowly take it into your mouth, so hot, so wet, the sight is amazing, so turned on, feels so good. Oh yeah baby, suck my cock, it feels so good.
September 14 at 8:51pm
So what do you want for your birthday?
Phil September 14 at 9:03pm
have no idea. Yeah was interesting having hubby sitting there while we talked. What did he say?

A 14 year old's diary

Time traveling thoughts
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:47pm
Will she hit send?
I decided that if you could confess to thinking of me for 37 years, I could let you see a little of what I was thinking when I was a teenager. Thought the 11/17/73 one is a little too prophetic…and the 2/18/74 one a bit too risque! But I am trusting you.
Sorry to send so much. Believe it or not, this is only a fraction of it. I picked ones that represent the rest, and established the timeline.
Remember not to
1) take it too hard when I curse you, and
2) get confused about what she says, and us now.
Summary:
That girl loved you. A lot. For a long time. Years. Then she hated you. And then she realized she’d always love you. Knew if you ever came back, she’d give you whatever you wanted. Then she forgot. Freaky.
The main thing that hit me as I typed all this was “How did I manage to hide all this from him and be his friend?” and once again, “how did I forget all this?”
I need a hug.
I know…shut up and send it.

Selected “emotions”
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:48pm
September 18, 1973
Philip makes me happy! He’s not that nice, but to me, he’s great. I seem to survive between times, motivated by the thought “He’ll be there.” He keeps me going. He makes me happy.
October 11, 1973 [day after the retreat]
PHILIP!
Today was the test. I had a great time at the retreat, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know the words are, “I love you!” I hope + pray it’s mutual.
November 13, 1973
Ever since October 18, the last time Philip touched me, I’ve been in a permanent depression. Good things come and go but nothing seems to be good enough to pull me up once and for all.
November 17, 1973
Our play “Up the Down Staircase,” was tremendous! For one beautiful moment at the cast party, I had Philip’s head on my lap, just like old times. I realize now that I am only kidding myself when I say I hate him. I will always love him, no matter what he does to make me hate him, no matter how many other friendships I find in between. I will always have that warm feeling of real love when I think of him. I don’t care for the thought, but I must face what is. I have the feeling that even if I were married someday (heaven forbid) I would give him my love if he came and asked for it.
It’s terrible to think someone egotistical, self-centered cute charming bastard has that kind of control over you. It’s hard to really love someone who is like that, can’t really love you back, whose in love with someone else the way you are with them. I’ve had [another suitor] since him, but when [he] left, I really didn’t care. I thought of Philip. I have fun with [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted], but it’s just not the same. Perhaps I’ll never really get over this, never fall in love again. I’m crushed, and right now I just have to face it and live with it. Dreams will keep me alive.
December 9, 1973
Today Philip took back his cross necklace. I cried. It was bad.
January 14, 1974
Today was a very good day. Philip was in a good mood, my team won the Super Bowl and I had my own time to do everything. Nothing went terribly wrong.
February 6, 1974
I went to the
high school tonight. Philip was there. Oh, how he makes me happy. No one puts that “certain look” on my face the way he does. If I had one wish, I would wish that the happiness his friendliness brings to me would last. I wish he would always be my friend. It is good now, and I can only enjoy it while it does last. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.
February 7, 1974
We didn’t have school today. I saw a tender scene on TV. It suddenly brought to the surface all the flashbacks, dreams and wishes that I’ve been desperately trying to bury to avoid going crazy. I go into fits, shaking, crying etc. He really gets to me. I love him, I need him. I want him. I used to think that if you wished for something hard enough and long enough, it would come true. I’ve gone through months of wishing for him every minute of every day. I have a few moments now and then to be thankful for, but I hope it will get better. I want him so much. It’s hard to love someone so much.
February 17, 1974
Today I teamed up with Philip and two guys from church. We went roller skating. We get along so well together. I enjoy being “one of the guys.” Philip was in a good mood. I can read him like a book. We went to McDonald’s, we messed around, we had so much fun! Suggestions came for going again next Sunday. I hope so. We have such fun together. I wish tonight could have gone on forever. It was so perfect. I need the kind of magic we had tonight. It’s so wonderful. Nights like tonight make life worth living again. It’s great!
February 18, 1974
It’s times like this that I think I might actually have him. How wonderful that would be! If I could wish for one thing, it would be for his love. It does come once in a while and that is enough for me. It’s better than none at all. I have an inch. A mile is too glorious to even dream about. (Maybe I could have 8 inches?)
April 14, 1974 EASTER
Philip was in a good mood today. It made me feel good. I still love him, even though I am mixed up with other guys who love me a great deal. I’ll never stop loving him.
April 23, 1974 Wednesday
What a day! Tonight, it was like being back last fall. I was with the quartet, I was having fun with them, messing around like all those heavenly time back then. Even Philip was romantic and VERY friendly. I was estatic! I got all their songs on tape. I was in heaven. I feel a kind of love for [name redacted] but it is nothing, no where near the great love I feel for Philip. I love him so much.
September 19, 1974 (one year later)
Philip has been so great to me lately. I keep thinking about the fact that its been a year now. Today, he came up behind me at my locker, put his arms around me and blew in my ear. It nearly scared me to death. I was really shaking. It’s been a year since I was so in love with him. I’ve grown a lot and been through a lot since then. I guess I will always enjoy having Philip as my friend. I think there will always be a place for him in my heart. It’s funny, I can read him like a book. I almost always know what is coming. But lately, he’s been so sweet, I wonder what is going on.
December 24, 1974 Tuesday
I had my thrill for the year. Philip kissed me Merry Christmas.
December 28, 1975
Philip leaves for the military this week. I thought it wouldn’t matter, but somehow I just hate to see him leave. After about the third occasion I had to tell him good-bye, I was at the end of a line of men, who had all shaken his hand, so I of course did also, as I had done the other 2 times. This time, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was surprised.

The cross  

Between Phil and You

September 13 at 9:29pm
So…quick question. Is the cross you gave me (and then took back) the same one  that you wear now?
Phil September 13 at 9:47pm
No, that one was silver. I would not do that now. Lost that cross overseas
September 13 at 9:50pm
Phew.  Not sure why, but that’s a relief. What wouldn’t you do now? 
September 13 at 9:52pm
I have an odd memory of wearing that cross and nothing else above the waist… and the look of wonder and um..lus
t..on your face. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Phil September 13 at 10:38pm
Lust, wonder, desire. I want you now, more than I wanted you then.  Different person.  I would never take it back.  I am most definitely a different man than that boy

September 13 at 10:45pm

I guess on this point, that’s good. But that boy was someone very special. And I’m sure you still are!
So you still want me, huh? Time travel didn’t dissuade you?
Phil September 13 at 11:05pm
Nope, not a bit. Made it worse
September 13 at 11:13pm
It was the “8 inches” comment that did it, right?
Phil September 13 at 11:20pm
To bed for me. Gotta drive in the morning. Good nite babe, sleep well and pleasant dreams.
September 13 at 11:24pm
Sleep well, sweet man. Safe travels.

A 14 year old’s diary

Time traveling thoughts
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:47pm
Will she hit send?
I decided that if you could confess to thinking of me for 37 years, I could let you see a little of what I was thinking when I was a teenager. Thought the 11/17/73 one is a little too prophetic…and the 2/18/74 one a bit too risque! But I am trusting you.
Sorry to send so much. Believe it or not, this is only a fraction of it. I picked ones that represent the rest, and established the timeline.
Remember not to
1) take it too hard when I curse you, and
2) get confused about what she says, and us now.
Summary:
That girl loved you. A lot. For a long time. Years. Then she hated you. And then she realized she’d always love you. Knew if you ever came back, she’d give you whatever you wanted. Then she forgot. Freaky.
The main thing that hit me as I typed all this was “How did I manage to hide all this from him and be his friend?” and once again, “how did I forget all this?”
I need a hug.
I know…shut up and send it.

Selected “emotions”
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:48pm
September 18, 1973
Philip makes me happy! He’s not that nice, but to me, he’s great. I seem to survive between times, motivated by the thought “He’ll be there.” He keeps me going. He makes me happy.
October 11, 1973 [day after the retreat]
PHILIP!
Today was the test. I had a great time at the retreat, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know the words are, “I love you!” I hope + pray it’s mutual.
November 13, 1973
Ever since October 18, the last time Philip touched me, I’ve been in a permanent depression. Good things come and go but nothing seems to be good enough to pull me up once and for all.
November 17, 1973
Our play “Up the Down Staircase,” was tremendous! For one beautiful moment at the cast party, I had Philip’s head on my lap, just like old times. I realize now that I am only kidding myself when I say I hate him. I will always love him, no matter what he does to make me hate him, no matter how many other friendships I find in between. I will always have that warm feeling of real love when I think of him. I don’t care for the thought, but I must face what is. I have the feeling that even if I were married someday (heaven forbid) I would give him my love if he came and asked for it.
It’s terrible to think someone egotistical, self-centered cute charming bastard has that kind of control over you. It’s hard to really love someone who is like that, can’t really love you back, whose in love with someone else the way you are with them. I’ve had [another suitor] since him, but when [he] left, I really didn’t care. I thought of Philip. I have fun with [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted] or [name redacted], but it’s just not the same. Perhaps I’ll never really get over this, never fall in love again. I’m crushed, and right now I just have to face it and live with it. Dreams will keep me alive.
December 9, 1973
Today Philip took back his cross necklace. I cried. It was bad.
January 14, 1974
Today was a very good day. Philip was in a good mood, my team won the Super Bowl and I had my own time to do everything. Nothing went terribly wrong.
February 6, 1974
I went to the high school tonight. Philip was there. Oh, how he makes me happy. No one puts that “certain look” on my face the way he does. If I had one wish, I would wish that the happiness his friendliness brings to me would last. I wish he would always be my friend. It is good now, and I can only enjoy it while it does last. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.
February 7, 1974
We didn’t have school today. I saw a tender scene on TV. It suddenly brought to the surface all the flashbacks, dreams and wishes that I’ve been desperately trying to bury to avoid going crazy. I go into fits, shaking, crying etc. He really gets to me. I love him, I need him. I want him. I used to think that if you wished for something hard enough and long enough, it would come true. I’ve gone through months of wishing for him every minute of every day. I have a few moments now and then to be thankful for, but I hope it will get better. I want him so much. It’s hard to love someone so much.
February 17, 1974
Today I teamed up with Philip and two guys from church. We went roller skating. We get along so well together. I enjoy being “one of the guys.” Philip was in a good mood. I can read him like a book. We went to McDonald’s, we messed around, we had so much fun! Suggestions came for going again next Sunday. I hope so. We have such fun together. I wish tonight could have gone on forever. It was so perfect. I need the kind of magic we had tonight. It’s so wonderful. Nights like tonight make life worth living again. It’s great!
February 18, 1974
It’s times like this that I think I might actually have him. How wonderful that would be! If I could wish for one thing, it would be for his love. It does come once in a while and that is enough for me. It’s better than none at all. I have an inch. A mile is too glorious to even dream about. (Maybe I could have 8 inches?)
April 14, 1974 EASTER
Philip was in a good mood today. It made me feel good. I still love him, even though I am mixed up with other guys who love me a great deal. I’ll never stop loving him.
April 23, 1974 Wednesday
What a day! Tonight, it was like being back last fall. I was with the quartet, I was having fun with them, messing around like all those heavenly time back then. Even Philip was romantic and VERY friendly. I was estatic! I got all their songs on tape. I was in heaven. I feel a kind of love for [name redacted] but it is nothing, no where near the great love I feel for Philip. I love him so much.
September 19, 1974 (one year later)
Philip has been so great to me lately. I keep thinking about the fact that its been a year now. Today, he came up behind me at my locker, put his arms around me and blew in my ear. It nearly scared me to death. I was really shaking. It’s been a year since I was so in love with him. I’ve grown a lot and been through a lot since then. I guess I will always enjoy having Philip as my friend. I think there will always be a place for him in my heart. It’s funny, I can read him like a book. I almost always know what is coming. But lately, he’s been so sweet, I wonder what is going on.
December 24, 1974 Tuesday
I had my thrill for the year. Philip kissed me Merry Christmas.
December 28, 1975
Philip leaves for the military this week. I thought it wouldn’t matter, but somehow I just hate to see him leave. After about the third occasion I had to tell him good-bye, I was at the end of a line of men, who had all shaken his hand, so I of course did also, as I had done the other 2 times. This time, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was surprised.

The cross  

Between Phil and You

September 13 at 9:29pm
So…quick question. Is the cross you gave me (and then took back) the same one  that you wear now?
Phil September 13 at 9:47pm
No, that one was silver. I would not do that now. Lost that cross overseas
September 13 at 9:50pm
Phew.  Not sure why, but that’s a relief. What wouldn’t you do now? 
September 13 at 9:52pm
I have an odd memory of wearing that cross and nothing else above the waist… and the look of wonder and um..lust..on your face. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Phil September 13 at 10:38pm
Lust, wonder, desire. I want you now, more than I wanted you then.  Different person.  I would never take it back.  I am most definitely a different man than that boy

September 13 at 10:45pm

I guess on this point, that’s good. But that boy was someone very special. And I’m sure you still are!
So you still want me, huh? Time travel didn’t dissuade you?
Phil September 13 at 11:05pm
Nope, not a bit. Made it worse
September 13 at 11:13pm
It was the “8 inches” comment that did it, right?
Phil September 13 at 11:20pm
To bed for me. Gotta drive in the morning. Good nite babe, sleep well and pleasant dreams.
September 13 at 11:24pm
Sleep well, sweet man. Safe travels.

Monday memories

Happy Monday
Between Phil and You
September 13 at 7:26am
Happy Monday! I hope you are having a great morning!
It’s a gray morning here. Seems perfect for Monday. But I am not listening to it. I feel good. Raring to go. If you were here, there would be ravaging! Woot!
Did you ever get into really bad weather? They were talking on the radio about Hurricane Igor with 150 mph winds out in the Atlantic. I wonder if anyone is out there in it… hope not. Have a great day! I’m off to work! 

Phil September 13 at 8:19am
I do sleep naked. Always have. Was the diary stuff bad or good? Freaky did not sound great. :). Today is a football day!

September 13 at 8:30am
Happy football day! Wheee!
September 13 at 8:31am
Oooh…naked. That has me even more awake. 🙂
September 13 at 8:33am
Diaries are… Sweet. Joyous. Sexy. Brutal. Wicked. Sad.
Prophetic.
Lots of answers. More questions.
Did I say I probably had not written much about you? Wrong.
Can’t figure out how to explain what’s in there… have tried three times, but can’t hit send. Will keep trying. Maybe excerpts. Maybe a summary. We’ll see…
[Phil called me at the office.]
September 13 at 12:01pm
Thanks for calling! That was a sweet surprise. Certainly got my week started on an up note!  It thrills me (and frightens me) how you can tell what I need, and do it. Bodes well for our…em…other interactions.
I am amazed we stayed on target for nearly 40 minutes. We touched on deep stuff… with smiles and laughs and sighs. I am feeling much calmer about the whole diary thing.
I plan to send you a few snippets when I get home. If I don’t lose my nerve. Hubby is away this evening, so I should have some free time. We’ll see what we can learn from that sassy young girl.
Phil September 13 at 2:03pm
Can’t wait. Just finished my meeting. Off to do some painting. Really enjoyed talking to you this morning. Have a wonderful day. Football tonight. I can’t wait!
September 13 at 3:16pm
I got off the phone wondering how I got so lucky. 🙂
I dashed into the weekly staff meeting and blew them all away with my cheeriness. They were still sucking on their coffee, trying to wake up, and I was soaring! Oops.
I finished the NYT crossword puzzle without stopping. A rare thing.
Just survived my annual performance review! Nice to have that done. Boss said “Exemplary Job! Let’s get your position upgraded and get you a raise! Can’t live without you!” Heh.
So I am on a roll! Whee!
  
September 13 at 4:58pm
Heading out. Still soaring! I will cross my fingers for your team! But not too many TDs.

Dinner details


September 12 at 1:05pm
At the office. Copying for a meeting. Too quiet. Too much time to think. Of a tall handsome man. With magic hands…wondering what he would do if he were here. Wondering if he will ever be here…
Phil September 12 at 2:05pm
I will be there. We will have dinner. You will feel my hard cock against you as I kiss you hello. I will brush against your tits so I can feel them. I will run my hand over your ass. Then we can eat. During dinner, my hand will slide along the inside of you thigh. I will slip a finger under your panties, into your pussy. I will remove the finger and lick it looking at you. I will take your hand and place it on my cock. That’s all before the appetizer arrives

Phil September 12 at 2:23pm
Would like to be under your desk eating you, unseen. My tongue darting inside of you, flicking your clit. Your juices running down to your ass, my tongue licking them up. You trying to focus and get things done, fingers slipping inside, first one, then two, twisting, pumping your pussy as my tongue stays on your clit.


September 12 at 8:55pm
Home at last! Told myself not to run to the computer…you been watching football…no time for messages. Heh. Not one message, but two! *big smile*
And oh, what messages! Triple H. Hot, hot, hot…damn. You know what to say. You really do. Now I am wet, wet, wet! And I like it…
September 12 at 9:13pm
Day went very well. But what a long haul…oof.


And then 10 of us strolled down to this new restaurant. It was hopping! Very cool to see and be seen. We knew the people at the table next to us, and the people two tables over, and the ones next to them! I gave my business card to the manager and introduced everyone. Felt very grown up and connected. Not my usual scene at all!
I had the corn chowder, which was odd because it was water based. Sorry…chowder should be creamy! Tasty but strange. Then I had the spaetzle with ham, mushrooms and compte cheese. Yum. They gave me a free dessert – chocolate cake with dark chocolate ganache and raspberry coulis! And my sister paid for everyone!
They had a huge wine/beer/foofy mixed drink list. Something like 32 beers on tap? That’s a lot of pulls!
It is another wicked loud place though…which is bothering me more and more these days. So I don’t think it’s going to be our go-to place. But it was fun to check out the scene.
Phil September 12 at 10:09pm
Glad you had a fun evening. Sounds like a cool place. I like lots of options for beer. Watchin the last game of the evening. Skins look decent.

September 12 at 10:17pm
Dinner with you sounds delicious. And I am not talking about the food. It sounds like an embarrassment of riches. A feast for the senses.
Right now, I would give almost anything to be able to see you. Just look at you. See you smile or wink. And hear you laugh. Or be very serious. Or whisper in my ear. It wouldn’t matter if it was the Gettysburg address or the weather or something sexy.
But I might get to touch you as well. And breathe in your essence. And even…taste you. Oh, my. I may cry.
Are you ticklish? I have very vague memory that you were…
Phil September 12 at 10:24pm
I can be ticklish. Depends on the mood but I can be.

September 13 at 12:44am
Been reading about you in my diaries. I wrote a lot. Freaky.
Headed to bed. Wish I could crawl into a bed with you. Do you sleep in the nude? Sleep well, sweet man.