7:54am

Good morning!   

Feel so good – guy spoiled me.  We had fun on my sofa!  

Have a fun Thursday!

7:58am Phil 

Good for you! That’s awesome!

Happy Thursday to you too!
Getting ready to take a motorcycle refresher course. Going to buy a Harley.
It’s time

8:11am 

Wow!  My guy has a fancy Harley cruiser.  Just bought it.

8:38am

[photo of Kris on his motorcycle]

8:54am Phil 

Getting the exact same thing, same model.

I like that color but I’m getting the black. 

Your Dude likes his toys – Boat, Harley, I like him

10:02am 

He hasn’t told his wife about the bike.  Stores it and sneaks around riding it.

10:58am Phil 

That’s a 28k motorcycle. Hard to hide that.

11:01am 

He spent $33K.  More than he ever spent on a car!  

But whatever… it makes him feel great!

11:03am Phil 

I hear that! I’ve spent more than that on cars but the bike is a toy.  Hard to hide that kind of purchase but doable.

Do you ride with him?

11:10am

Noooo.  I sat on it once.  He is trying to talk me into it.  It scares me!  But the risks are too much.  Plus he hasn’t ridden in 25 years, acknowledges that he is still getting the hang of it.  And it weighs 850 pounds!  He can’t right it alone.  Plus the whole “no vehicles” rule for cheaters – not supposed to ride in his car, much less on a bike – can be seen, and if there’s an accident, very tough to explain.  I know… you think I’m a wuss.

11:11am

[photo of Kris on his motorcycle with me sitting behind him]

12:19pm Phil 

That’s a great picture!  I would wait until he feels more comfortable with the bike.  It takes a while and having a rider really alters the feel of the bike and the way it handles.  Once he is confident again and he will know then go.  It’s an amazing feeling and the slight risk is worth it.  Go for a ride in the country vs on the highway or city.  Less risk, more fun.  I poo poo the entire vehicle thing.  The Beach Gal and I were always in each other’s cars and Fred and I as well. 

 I don’t get The Beach Gal.  I do those stupid little FB survey things and she very quickly does the same ones.  Might be coincidence but I really don’t believe in that.  Means she still looks at my stuff and she knows I look at hers.  Not sure how to take that or what to do with it.  Had a female friend tell me her current guy is there and available and giving her attention.  Many times that’s enough unless a better option is there.  She informed me I was not a better option because I am not available. Sounds right I guess.

Fred is pushing very hard.  All she talks about is lawyers and getting me moved out of the house and getting a place together.  I understand that I guess but it’s a constant very hard push.  I have issues though.  I think she suffers from depression.  I don’t think she leaves the house much if I am not there.  I believe she goes to work and then comes home and starts drinking and sits in her room on the computer smoking.  She keeps telling me she spent all day scrubbing and cleaning but the place is filthy.  Tub is nasty, everything is coated in very thick dust, walls are all dirty, rug is nasty.  Yard is nasty and uncared for.  I would not live like that, renting or not.  I’d clean it and keep it cared for just because I live there.  I lived there for almost six months and the place was spotless, I cleaned it and maintained the yard. She smokes inside which I hate.  I would never allow her to do that in a place of ours but I think she would try to sneak it.  The Beach Gal never, ever smoked in the house. Fred goes through a 1.5L bottle of gin in about two days.  That’s a serious amount of drinking. 

She is still telling me about the mystery guys who don’t exist and about these fabulous places they took her that I know she has never been too.  Same thing with money.  I am completely open and honest about that because it’s an important issue.  I know she makes less than half what she is telling me and I know she is not a supervisor and will never be one but she insists on telling me that she is.  That’s all a low self-esteem issue.  It’s frustrating, she’s a lot of fun and fabulous but I have come over a couple times and she was obviously hammered and hiccuping and disheveled.  I like to party and have a good time but I’m never ever drunk.  

The Beach Gal’s friend tells me she thinks her new guy is a pig and they drink nonstop which is bad for her on her meds and she does not hold her alcohol well in the first place.  Bothers me but nothing I can do.  She is brutally honest, holds nothing back, keeps her house looking neat and presentable.  I can’t live with someone who is happy to live in squalor and filth.  Fred wants out of that house and that neighborhood in the worst way and I am a very obvious way out.  She called my kids spoiled brats the other day which I naturally took offense too.  They are but it’s certainly not her place yet to call them that.  She has never even met them.  

Am I being overly critical?  She has been dirt poor her entire life, has been put down by her family for being an LPN and not a RN, has difficulty with her son who I think is embarrassed by her and the fact she exaggerates everything to ridiculous proportion.  I have always had a thing for her, felt she was a lot of fun, very affectionate and loving but she also has a mean side which I have seen a couple times in only 6 weeks and that scares me a bit too.  I walked out twice because she was being ugly and I won’t deal with it.

It’s what keeps me from moving forward.  I don’t want to be the cash cow again even on a smaller scale. That and I am still hung up on the other one who has just as many issues, just different ones.  Meanwhile back at the ranch, my wife is losing weight, exercising, mowing the lawn, cleaning and being nice for the most part.  She has her own issues like a problem with her mouth.  It all drives me crazy.  I should buy the Harley and just take off for the Keys.  Basically have no clue what the hell I am doing.  What say yee Dr. Sass?

12:34pm

Wow… those are quite some paragraphs!  Thank you for writing all that… I hope it helps you!
You’re going to spank me but… do what you want.  Then you’re going to ask…. “but what do I want?”  Think about yourself first – where do you want to be?  Doing what?  Which woman fits into it?  Perhaps there is someone better?  Or you can decide which foibles you can live with in exchange for wild sex?

The Beach Gal and Fred would be different with you around, to an extent.  It is pretty clear that your wife is not the answer.  So get on that bike and ride.  Being on your own would make things clearer?  I honestly don’t see a clear path – would tell you if I did.  There are a lot of moving pieces, but if you can decide a direction for you, perhaps the “who to do it with” might follow?  May be time for you to make another list – put down the questions in order that you need to answer. Jot down possible answers… like… where do I want to live?  Then “If the Keys then… or if The beach then…” sort of project manage like you would at work?

12:35pm 

No comment on my guy in that photo?  Whenever you think you look old, take another look at this photo.

12:37pm Phil 

I think he looks like a lot of fun.  Got a big smile.  Is he older than me?  Hard to tell.

12:41pm

He’ll be 63 next week.  He is a lot of fun!  

He’s the first one interested in doing stuff other than sex.

12:53pm Phil 

I don’t know what I want.  I’m not willing to do anything just for the sake of sex.  I agree both would be different with me in the picture.  Fred would act much differently in an effort to please me. The Beach Gal was much different when I was there.  I get that and they are both fun and wonderful women.  My wife is not bad but she feels entitled.  Told me she was being very patient as I work through financial issues caused by her jewelry and car habits.

12:53pm Phil 

That said, she is itching for a new car, a $3500 watch she has her eye on and she buys anything else that she likes all while keeping me on a very tightly controlled budget.  She is squirreling away about $5000 a month into her personal checking and savings account and can’t seem to account for where that money goes.  I get 800 bucks a month that I use for gas, food at work, dry cleaning and etc but if I don’t spend it all I don’t get to build it up, she cuts back what I get next time which sucks.  She still does not cook and I have zero physical attraction for her totally vanilla boring ways which makes things hard.  Not that she does not have a healthy sexual appetite but I’m one of those guys that has to want to do it and I don’t.  I could care less.  She has taken to flashing me and I just give her a WTF look which pisses her off. 

Lawyer tells me she will get 50% of my retirement plus half that much again in spousal support for 14 years plus I will get stuck with any debt, paying her living expenses until divorced and most likely her legal fees.  The lawyer feels she will not sign a separation agreement and will drag it out as long as she can.  That’s a hefty price to pay.  Lawyer said I should think long and hard, it will forever change how I live and I know she will use the kids against me which sucks.  I know no one is perfect, no couple is perfect and I have lived with both of the other girls.  I had The Beach Gal drinking ice tea and Fred did not drink like this when I was there but she likes fancy china, and ornate furniture and dressy meals and I’m not much into any of that.  If I can’t go in a t-shirt and flops, I don’t want to go.  Fred is already pushing to move to a really pricy area where her grandchildren are.  I’m not rushing anything.  Taking my time and if the girl does not want to give me some time, that’s ok.

            

1:01pm

Okay.  Set up your own bank account right now and have your pay and retirement direct-deposited into it.  Give her something generous… $1K a month.  She pays her living expenses from her “money saved.”  If she signs separation/divorce papers, she gets more.  Until then, zilch.  Leave and get your own place far away.  FL?  NC/SC islands? Don’t see any of them.  Chill.  Think.  Will you feel better?  Or miss one of them more?

1:03pm Phil 

I can’t leave, I have a job but that would be the right thing. Might find someone new and better, who knows

1:04pm

So you’re sticking with the job?

1:06pm Phil 

Until I find another. Money is good, it’s interesting, provides another source of retirement income and enables me to look for jobs elsewhere

1:10pm

Okay.  So… find your own little place nearer there?  Be your own man for awhile.  Find out what is important to you.

1:24pm

Or try living with Fred… no booze, no cigarettes… TRUTH… no promises… set a deadline, like… a one year lease?

1:31pm Phil 

I think I would like that better, do some gourmet cooking, sip nice wine, relax a little with no pressure and really figure it out. Not all women are greedy and lazy or depressed. My wife has depression and compulsive issues as well. Fred was not so different last time, smoked, drank, was a lot of fun, talked a lot about cooking but did not do that much of it, was no housekeeper and displayed a nasty temper and lied and exaggerates her ass off. When I left, she changed all the locks, refused to give me any of my stuff back, said her room mate did not want me in the house. Her roomie and I are buds so I know all of that was bullshit and I know she said those nasty things about me kids.

1:35pm

Wait… I’m confused.  You lived with Fred for 6 months?

1:38pm Phil 

It was about 3 last time I guess, and lived with her for 7 months in 1980.

1:39pm

Aha.
Wait… were there two times?

1:40pm Phil 

She had a temper back then too but she’s pretty much always sweet as can be, that southern charm thing.

1:41pm

Can’t expect someone to be nice every minute…

1:44pm Phil 

Actually three times. Once was 79 I think. She and her husband were together back then, I stayed in the spare room and we had a blast. She is marvelous 97 percent of the time. Just got to cut down the drinking and smoking and go easier on my kids. They had a very different life than hers, Dad gone all the time, Mom not setting strict guidelines.

1:44pm Phil
97% good ain’t bad

I’m not the easiest person to deal with either and lord knows I recognize that

2:05pm Phil 

You look good on a Harley by the way

2:12pm 

Awww. Thanks!  Thought that might give you some fun ideas.

2:25pm Phil
I like it!