A Sunny Sunday serious moment
Between Phil and You
August 29 at 1:17pm
It’s a hot day here in the big city. I hope your day is going well.
I am going to be serious for moment…a rare thing for me.
I am feeling calmer. I seem to have settled the internal debate.
I made good use of my quiet Saturday evening. I read back over what you’ve written to me in the messages and chats. You said some incredibly sweet and wise things. I picked up concepts that I missed the first time around in the heat of the moment. You are a very special man.
I did some reading online about reconnecting with first loves. I don’t usually pay much attention to Oprah, but it’s a topic on one of her forums – she recommended Gabriel Garcia Marques’ book “Love in the Age of Cholera” (which everyone says is not worth reading), but it does focus on the power of first love. Almost everyone in the forum who had been found by their first love, and followed through, said “Don’t do it!” But the way they describe what happened made me know it is worth a try for me. If you still want to.
I do have some risks, but I don’t have small children or a jealous husband or a judgmental community to worry about. I am mostly risking my heart and my sanity. Both of them have been crushed before and bounced back.
And with my dad so close to death, and the death of a friend this summer, in his sleep at age 39, I am focusing on how special each moment in life is…how something can happen to you at any time, so you have to say things now…do things NOW..as there might not be another chance.
And there is the irresistibility of a second chance. They are so very rare. I am so incredibly grateful to you and proud of you for finding me and apologizing and offering to take a chance to see what could happen. And helping me remember that girl and how sassy I can be. And giving me a reason to be sassy. and sexy. You are made of
This week has certainly been glorious! and so worth it.
Therefore, I am resolved to stop fretting and enjoy whatever happens – online, on the phone or perhaps in person. Whatever we decide. For a little while or whatever. It will be more than I had before. I still need to be careful and think about each step. But I can do it. Because you have shown me that I can be me, and you will still care.
As Alfred Lord Tennyson said,
“Tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.”
August 29 at 1:56pm
This way, I can concentrate on making you moan. Maybe even moan a little myself. 😉