7:41 pm Me: Please call – big news.

===============

10:13 pm – The Big C
[Private post from my public blog]

I had just gotten off the phone with Philip. I was feeling fine. Then the land line rang. I often don’t answer it, because it is sales people more often than not. But I picked it up this time. It was my doctor.  She said, “There’s no good way to say this. You have breast cancer.” I had been pretty sure this call was coming after something the radiologist said yesterday. But it still seemed unreal. No one in my family gets cancer. My doctor said she’d refer me to a surgeon. Did I want to see someone who would operate at Mt. Auburn or the Brigham? We talked about the options, and I decided to go to Kenmore so I’d end up at the Brigham. She asked if my husband was at home. I told her he was, and I could tell my boyfriend too, explaining that my first love had found me and was giving me an incentive to change my life, be healthier etc. so that’s why I had the mammogram.  She chuckled. 

She said they’d run more tests on the samples, and that would help the surgeon decide what to recommend, from lumpectomy and chemo or radiation to mastectomy. She said she would get back to me tomorrow with an appointment time, probably in the next couple of weeks. She told me it was ductal cancer, the most common kind, that they know how to treat, and it should not effect my life expectancy. She said it was small, about 1 centimeter and there was cancer in about half the samples they took. 

I told Hubby. He hugged me. 

I tried to reach my sister, but she was in a meeting at church. I left a message.  My husband said I should text her as well. I did that and texted her husband also. I called Mom.  I called Philip and left a message. Then I sent him a FB message. And then texted him.  My sister called me during a break about 8:15 pm. She was crying. She’d already had a hard week dealing with Dad and hospice, and now this.

Philip called me back about two hours later, asked right away what was wrong and was very supportive. He told me about his spectacular dinner – filet mignon, brandied mushrooms, baked potato, asparagus, and scallops wrapped in bacon! With a nice Italian wine. I told him I did not want to be all about breast cancer. I still wanted to have fun. But I might need him to distract me and kick my ass now and then. He said he’d be on Facebook chat later, in a very suggestive way I haven’t heard for over a month. 

I sent email to my online pal Betsey. 

I talked to my husband about how to handle my local projects. I might need them as a distraction. But I might not be able to handle it. Hard to know. 

I am mostly focused on taking it one step at a time. Not getting ahead of myself. Not wanting to deal with all the medical stuff and make decisions I don’t know how to make. And have to focus on myself and have people know my business. And maybe lose my glorious cleavage. 

Please let it not interfere with seeing Philip in December. Please let it not effect my work.  Please let it not be as bad it seems like it might be.