Brain tricks

Thursday, July 31, 2014
9:09am Phil 
Good morning. Hope your day is good!

That damn girl has completely fucked up my head. I was ok, moving along. I did not need to hear about how happy she is with her new guy even though he is broke and not very bright. Her friends are on her for the obvious. The guy lives with her, does not help with bills, she buys his clothes, bought him a phone and she can’t afford all that. Her friends all feel she is being used. Broke dude has a place to live, phone, clothes and food and is getting laid. Why would he not be as nice to her as can be. Her friends don’t trust the dude and don’t like him but Beach Gal is stubborn and the more people push back at her the more she stands tall. I don’t think this will last long cause his money pays for beer and cigarettes and nothing else. I think she puts gas in his truck too. I just don’t get it. Dude does not smile and in my opinion he’s goofy looking. When your friends are all going “what are you thinking?!” eventually no one wants to hang with you cause your boyfriend says douchy things all the time. I understand not caring about money, but when you are already struggling financially and it’s not going to get any better, it makes it hard. When you are educated and a pretty bright articulate person, I would think at some point, you run out of conversation with someone who just isn’t very bright and that’s what people say about this dude, he’s slow, inappropriate and not especially likable.

            I need to accept the fact that all she needs is someone who pays attention to her. She says he loves her, is good to her, makes her laugh and would do anything for her. No shit, he’s back to living in his truck otherwise.
           She said we shit just isn’t meant to be, and you need to just walk away and get over it, ok then why call me sweetie and babe and why be so concerned with how I’m doing?  I am just so conflicted!
            Hope your day is good and you have a better day.

Awww Philip… I hear you.  I have my own issues, but they don’t involve such a long-term thing with so many variables.  I know it seems like a morass.  But first, don’t worry too much about the guy.  As you say, he won’t be there long.  Second, enjoy whatever time and talk she gives you.  Third, mouth off to me!  I hope today is better for you too!

I am mired in helping run a retirement party outdoors this afternoon for someone I am very glad is leaving!  Here is the menu. Wish you were here to taste it… and me!  
Armenian Lamejun Pizzas
             Red Pepper Paste
             Spinach and Cheese
             Meat with Garlic

Vegetarian Stuffed Grape Leaves

Quinoa Salad

Fruit Salad

Dips, Olives and bread
            Tan:  Hummus – chickpeas, tahini, olive oil, lemon, garlic
            White: Jajek – cucumber, yogurt, garlic and mint
            Orange: Feta-pepper spread
            Beige: Baba ganoush – eggplant, onions, tomatoes
            Green: Tabouleh – bulgar, parsley, mint, scallions, lemon, olive oil
            Dark-green: stuffed grape leaves with rice and tomatoes
Falafel with tahini garlic sauce
            Walnut baklava
             Pistachio baklava
             Florentine cookies

3:55pm Phil 
Party sounds divine. 
Meeting one of my former military colleagues tonight to talk leadership. He is struggling with it. His wife asked if I would talk to him. Should cheer me up. Always up to talk to folks in the service. 
I don’t know what will happen with Beach Gal. I truly don’t. Hurts my heart is all. Enjoy playing hostess!

Chinese food for dinner at a different place – Changsho.  Not bad but I don’t need to go back.

Soup dumplings, stuffed beef scallion pancake 
and flank steak au poivre!

10:54pm Phil 

Another place she and I used to come. I miss this, miss the girl

Awww, kid.  How does the song go?  “I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…”  I hope things get clearer soon.

11:30pm Phil 

That’s what the song says. 
She has posted nothing since. Wonder if it struck her odd to fall right into sweetie and babe. I will live, had a nice time, wonderful memories but remember dancing and laughing with her in that place, our place right down the street.

You doing ok tonight? I know you have things weighing on your heart too. 

Was supposed to go to a winery tomorrow. Have zero desire for that. Stayed over here instead of going to see her. Gotta go tomorrow though. 
Maybe I’ll have wonderful dreams. Sweet dreams


Weird night.  I haven’t watched TV in forever, but hubby bought our first flatscreen from a neighbor for $200 and put on a Magnum PI marathon.  Tom Selleck reminds me of you!
Sleep well dear man.

11:33pm Phil 
I love Magnum PI. One of my favorites

I miss holding someone when I sleep. Both girls loved sleeping in my arms, always close, next to me. I miss it more than I ever imagined

The guy canceled our meet for tomorrow night.  Said he’d see me noon Saturday… not clear for what.  *sigh

I hear that… Kris adored being close to me… *sigh

11:37pm Phil 
Awww, we’re both having strange, lonely weeks


He’d wake me up at 4 am to… well.. you know

The next morning I asked him how it was to “sleep with a woman he could wake up and fuck.”

He giggled, looked both ways, then leaned over and whispered… “I fucked her and it felt great!!”
He was so good to me.

11:40pm Phil 
I love it! 
People get in your head and heart and just stay there. 
Sometimes that’s fun, others sad
Good guy

My brain is playing that trick… building him up now that he’s gone.

11:42pm Phil 

The way the mind works. I remember Beach Gal’s issues clearly but I remember the sweetness as clearly and there was a lot of that


I suppose it’s best that I am dwelling on the best moments, not doing the “he’s gone so he must be a jerk” thing

I’d better get to bed… I do wish all the best for you!  Hope both our luck changes SOON!

11:54pm Phil 
Nite babe

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