Vows of an affair

Saturday, June 7, 2014
Kris: U up? wanna chat? 11:04 PM
Me: Sure 11:05 PM

·       Jun 07 11:06 PM Kris: Hi

·       Jun 07 11:06 PM Sassy: Hiya!
·       Jun 07 11:07 PM Kris: watcha been up to? having any fun this weekend?
·       Jun 07 11:08 PM Sassy: Spent most of the day with Mom, watched the Belmont Stakes horse race, ate cookies
·       Jun 07 11:08 PM Sassy: Then went out for Mexican with a theater pal we owed a favor
·       Jun 07 11:08 PM Sassy: You?
·       Jun 07 11:08 PM Kris: not so much…kinda down lately
·       Jun 07 11:09 PM Sassy: Oh?
·       Jun 07 11:10 PM Kris: oh well. Life can’t be a thrill a minute all the time…eh?
·       Jun 07 11:10 PM Sassy: Probably true.
·       Jun 07 11:12 PM Kris: I had to laugh at your response to my email…in which you said I’m a “strange and wonderful man,” was curious about the “strange” part, how you saw that.
·       Jun 07 11:13 PM Sassy: quoting to me from diagnostic textbooks has to count as strange!
·       Jun 07 11:13 PM Kris: lol…really? how come?
·       Jun 07 11:15 PM Sassy: Trust me… quite strange
·       Jun 07 11:15 PM Sassy: That I understood it and the sentiment? Wonderful!
·       Jun 07 11:16 PM Kris: surely you’ve encountered “much stranger” things. ; )
·       Jun 07 11:16 PM Sassy: It’s pretty out there… especially when combined with hitting on me when you’re 80
·       Jun 07 11:17 PM Kris: ok…lol…I guess I’m in my own strange world sometimes. will try to come back to earth…beam me back Sassy!
·       Jun 07 11:18 PM Sassy: It is fun! Don’t stop being you.
·       Jun 07 11:19 PM Kris: well…would be pretty hard to be someone else…not worth the effort!
·       Jun 07 11:20 PM Kris: speaking of “who we are”…I was thinking a lot today about how much of a mystery you are to me. that I still don’t really know or “get you” in many ways…and am very curious.
·       Jun 07 11:20 PM Sassy: Hunh. I feel like I’ve shared more with you than any other AM man!
·       Jun 07 11:21 PM Kris: I don’t doubt that…but there’s more I’m curious about, or trying to make sense of, or figuring out how to respond to.
·       Jun 07 11:24 PM Sassy: You can ask? I will tell.
·       Jun 07 11:27 PM Kris: I know… it’s not something I need to “hurry up”. I’m sure eventually I will and you’ll tell. it’s mostly about how you understand and experience sexual relationships. You say we’re similar – in some ways we may be but in some ways we’re different. sometimes I find it exciting….and other times not sure how I feel about it. but that also is part of what makes this whole thing “interesting”. want to have good sex, but there’s more….for me anyhow and figuring out “what it is” is very “different” for me. this is my first affair in 25 years. so there are some feelings to sort out. don’t know if that happened to you at first or not.
·       Jun 07 11:28 PM Sassy: Of course
·       Jun 07 11:29 PM Kris: such as?
·       Jun 07 11:31 PM Sassy: I spent forever figuring out how to make the switch from linear “normal” relationships (meet, date, love, sex, marriage etc) to non-linnear (meet, sex, more sex)
·       Jun 07 11:31 PM Sassy: Beat myself up a lot
·       Jun 07 11:31 PM Sassy: Then got over it
·       Jun 07 11:31 PM Sassy: I don’t ever want to squash your feelings
·       Jun 07 11:32 PM Kris: you’re not…why would you say that?
·       Jun 07 11:33 PM Sassy: Just want to be sure you know you don’t have to be afraid to talk about them or not talk about them… whatever works. Just because I am trying “not to be serious” doesn’t mean you have to match that
·       Jun 07 11:36 PM Kris: I understand that…and for the most part feel pretty free to talk to you about things. I “kind of” know what you mean by “not to be serious”but explain a little more. this is the “different” part. I’m not interested in you being someone else or me trying to be like you. accepting differences is ok. I just have a very “high level of curiosity” (which you have a lot of patience with–but some people find very annoying). lol
·       Jun 07 11:40 PM Sassy: You are wondering how I can be so casual?
·       Jun 07 11:41 PM Kris: yes…if that’s what you mean by “not to be serious”….
·       Jun 07 11:42 PM Sassy: I don’t want to sound pitiful… but you can only kick a puppy so many times before he will stop running to you
·       Jun 07 11:43 PM Kris: meaning you have low expectations in terms of how much people really care….other than just having the pleasure of sex for its own sake, based on painful experiences?
·       Jun 07 11:45 PM Sassy: I came into this a very trusting, open, loving person and I got lied to, stomped on, tossed aside… over and over and over and over again.
·       Jun 07 11:45 PM Kris: into this meaning having sex, hoping for more, being disappointed?
·       Jun 07 11:47 PM Sassy: Talking to men online… trying to figure out if there’s a connection… starting to feel one… maybe meeting… thinking that went really well or was at least worth exploring and… slience.
·       Jun 07 11:50 PM Kris: so now you’ve make an “adjustment” to something else. which is what I’m trying to understand .I hope it’s ok that I’m asking you this. I want to have good sex with you but I want to know you. I probably have greater “intimacy” needs then most men you’re used to. I don’t want to get “too heavy” or “scare you away” but I can’t make myself be someone I’m not and you telling me who you really are – all parts – matters to me and effects having sex with you for me too, which is probably the opposite of what many people are looking for in affairs. though you would know better than me, since this is much newer to me.
·       Jun 07 11:52 PM Sassy: My first affair I went super deep – with old flame… pinning lots of dreams and hopes and love and…it turns out even Mr. Honorable military man lies… so many lies… and being told I’m great but there is someone else who is right for him… two other women in fact… who are young and athletic and fun and cook and… of course he’s right and I am an idiot but wow it makes trusting tough.
·       Jun 07 11:54 PM Sassy: I want to believe that you are different.
·       Jun 07 11:54 PM Kris: thank you for telling me that. I was struggling with some trust things today between you and me, which is mostly about our differences… that I need to accept and am trying to figure out how to get used to
·       Jun 07 11:55 PM Kris: I want to tell you something that is a little embarrassing… but illustrates the “difference”
·       Jun 07 11:55 PM Kris: between how you’ve learned to “settle” and be “casual” and where I am really at emotionally in this right now.
·       Jun 07 11:56 PM Kris: it’s a little embarrassing, but I’ll tell you. I think it’s “to the point” of this conversation.
·       Jun 07 11:57 PM Kris: so I haven’t been on AM since I met you, except for maybe once or twice and not recently, but I still get messages from the site sent to my Yahoo email account.
·       Jun 07 11:58 PM Kris: I get notified when a new woman is added to AM, which as you know is a “big deal” to men since the ratio is so disproportionate between men and women.
·       Jun 07 11:58 PM Kris: when I got that notice I thought of going on the site to see what was going on.
·       Jun 07 11:59 PM Kris: but as soon as I thought that I couldn’t because in my mind that would be the equivalent of “cheating” on the affair I’m having with you.
·       Jun 07 11:59 PM Kris: which is “very weird” since I’m cheating on my wife who I really still love.
·       Jun 07 11:59 PM Kris: but I couldn’t do it….
·       Jun 08 12:00 AM Kris: because I don’t think I can do “really casual sex” with several people.
·       Jun 08 12:00 AM Kris: frankly, I’m not particularly interested in even trying.
·       Jun 08 12:01 AM Kris: so for now, you’re it. but you’re “different” than me in that way… and I need to adjust to that and figure out how to manage it and I don’t want you to be someone you’re not either….but you telling me that you’ve adjusted to being hurt and lied to is sad. but also creates trust and intimacy
·       Jun 08 12:02 AM Sassy: Why do you consider that embarrassing? How is focusing on me bad?
·       Jun 08 12:03 AM Kris: well… you’re different than me in that way….so it’s a little embarrassing.
·       Jun 08 12:04 AM Sassy: I am not focusing on anyone else.
·       Jun 08 12:05 AM Sassy: You are the first AM man who has made me stop looking.
·       Jun 08 12:05 AM Kris: I know…but you have “other” sexual experiences that I couldn’t have even if you’re only “physically” with me and even those are something I couldn’t do, if that makes any sense to you.
·       Jun 08 12:06 AM Sassy: What are you referring to?
·       Jun 08 12:08 AM Kris: well… like the last meet when you said you could call the guy you had phone sex with so I could watch you get off – that’s VERY different for me… and forces me to try to figure stuff out in ways I’m not used to.
·       Jun 08 12:09 AM Sassy: I don’t remember it being phrased quite that way… more of a joke… I cannot see that actually happening.
·       Jun 08 12:11 AM Kris: I know….”sort of” a joke… but also part of who you really are…..and your return to talking about your hurt and being lied to by old flame, and now learning to “not trust” and have “casual sex” because that’s what you expect.
·       Jun 08 12:11 AM Sassy: I do recall when I would have thought all of this was totally impossible and bizarre.
·       Jun 08 12:12 AM Sassy: But… it just happens. And it doesn’t feel wrong or bad… in fact mostly good. And the men seem to find it helpful and I like helping.
·       Jun 08 12:13 AM Sassy: But it does not feel connected to you, or a reflection of my feeling for you and a judgment of the quality of “us”
·       Jun 08 12:13 AM Kris: so that’s the part that is VERY different for me…that you can disconnect it in that way. if I were getting off with other women on the phone I would feel like I was cheating on both my wife AND you. but that’s just me.
·       Jun 08 12:15 AM Kris: kind of goes back to your definition of “cheating” i.e., anything you would have to hide from a husband or wife
·       Jun 08 12:15 AM Sassy: So it feels like I am cheating on you?
·       Jun 08 12:16 AM Kris: no….because in your mind you’re not but in my mind I’m jealous. but don’t expect you to do something else and part of it is also wanting to get you off and not being successful so far, so it’s all kind of “mixed up” right now.
·       Jun 08 12:17 AM Kris: I don’t have ANY claims on you in any way…so technically it’s impossible for you to “cheat” on me. again…..part of “figuring this all out” for me.
·       Jun 08 12:18 AM Sassy: So you can have sex with your wife, and me… but it bugs you when I talk on the phone or computer with other men?
·       Jun 08 12:18 AM Kris: touche!
·       Jun 08 12:19 AM Sassy: Fascinating to poke around in your mind…
·       Jun 08 12:19 AM Kris: do you think about that…me having sex with my wife?
·       Jun 08 12:19 AM Sassy: I am curious about it but only in the “learning another facet of you” way
·       Jun 08 12:20 AM Sassy: and figuring out your needs and how to fit in to “what she give” and “what I provide” etc.
·       Jun 08 12:20 AM Kris: let me answer your other question with brutal honesty….yes, it “bugs me” to think of you talking on the phone or computer with other men… but your point is fair. I’m having sex with my wife and you but that’s it… not that the “number” really matters.
·       Jun 08 12:21 AM Kris: it “bugs me” because there’s a big part of me that I’m actually violating by “cheating”… but obviously don’t value it enough to not, because I’m selfish and want pleasure.
·       Jun 08 12:22 AM Sassy: It’s interesting because I have never had anyone who cared enough about me to care if I cheat.
·       Jun 08 12:22 AM Sassy: The men who in theory love me push me to “cheat”
·       Jun 08 12:23 AM Sassy: Actually tell me to get my needs met elsewhere
·       Jun 08 12:26 AM Kris: it’s complicated for me because sex for me by its very nature is a form of intimacy that I kind of want a certain level of “exclusiveness” with, but the whole “affair” thing makes that a lie in and of itself because I’m lying to my wife who I claim to love… so where does that put the whole “trust” thing with a “lover” I’m cheating WITH? very confusing to me on a number of levels, but apparently not enough to stop cuz I want to keep going….at least so far…..you?
·       Jun 08 12:29 AM Sassy: I remember very clearly when I crossed the line from “sex is what I do with people I love” to “sex is something I need, want… can get from a man I like… even if I don’t know what it means or if it will happen again”. Not ideal… not where I want to be… just… where I’ve ended up… and hopefully a means to get to a better place.
·       Jun 08 12:30 AM Kris: so when did you cross the line…that you remember very clearly?
·       Jun 08 12:31 AM Sassy: February 2012
·       Jun 08 12:32 AM Kris: after being hurt/betrayed/disappointed by old flame?
·       Jun 08 12:33 AM Sassy: no. That was May 2012
·       Jun 08 12:33 AM Kris: what happened in Feb that caused it?
·       Jun 08 12:34 AM Kris: you probably already told me…but we’ve told each other a TON of stuff….
·       Jun 08 12:34 AM Sassy: S’okay
·       Jun 08 12:34 AM Kris: meaning?
·       Jun 08 12:35 AM Sassy: It’s okay if you don’t remember everything I’ve told you. : )
·       Jun 08 12:36 AM Kris: oh good. maybe I should start printing out these conversations and reviewing them in case there’s a test at some point. but sounds like you’re not going to flunk me. : )
·       Jun 08 12:37 AM Sassy: You give me hope that you are really different… more honest… more caring.
·       Jun 08 12:37 AM Kris: ok…curious about that…but go back to what happened in Feb first….
·       Jun 08 12:38 AM Sassy: A man I knew from chat came to Boston for a business meeting
·       Jun 08 12:38 AM Kris: k…and?
·       Jun 08 12:39 AM Sassy: He was lonely, sad, horny, needing a boost. He wanted to meet, take me out for dinner.
·       Jun 08 12:40 AM Sassy: I was pretty sure he would balk at curvy old me, curious to see him after talking for 3 months…
·       Jun 08 12:41 AM Sassy: We helped each other out.
·       Jun 08 12:42 AM Kris: but why was that the line? what was the context….of what was happening just before that, that caused that to be the “line”?
·       Jun 08 12:43 AM Sassy: I did not love him.
·       Jun 08 12:43 AM Kris: before that you thought you had to….or were supposed to?
·       Jun 08 12:43 AM Sassy: Yes
·       Jun 08 12:44 AM Kris: so just the experience of sex without love caused you to feel like that was worth having….and it was ok….pleasurable….”good enough”?
·       Jun 08 12:45 AM Sassy: Here was a young (30-something), fit, trim, handsome, wealthy man who wanted to touch me
·       Jun 08 12:45 AM Sassy: Was interested in making me feel good
·       Jun 08 12:46 AM Sassy: and said I had “mad skillz” that made him feel good
·       Jun 08 12:47 AM Kris: no doubt! I can “testify” to them myself?
·        Jun 08 12:47 AM Kris: I meant myself!!!
·       Jun 08 12:47 AM Sassy: I had no confidence in any of that before him
·       Jun 08 12:47 AM Sassy: Pretty heady stuff for a frumpy old married lady
·       Jun 08 12:48 AM Kris: that was only 2 years ago! You’re a pretty “quick learner”!
·       Jun 08 12:48 AM Sassy: He had been with pros – professional sex workers… and he thought I was BETTER!
·       Jun 08 12:48 AM Kris: he’d been with prostitutes?
·       Jun 08 12:49 AM Sassy: That’s what wealthy men do when their wives lock them out of the bedroom
·       Jun 08 12:50 AM Kris: but old flame deeply hurt/betrayed you several months later…..so what was your relationship with old flame when you had that “defining moment” of casual sex?
·       Jun 08 12:50 AM Sassy: and no one on AM or Craigslist replies
·       Jun 08 12:50 AM Kris: no one replied to him?
·       Jun 08 12:51 AM Sassy: Flame was far away, military (not visitable), very married… and encouraging me to find someone else to meet my needs because he had no idea when or if he could see me again
·       Jun 08 12:52 AM Kris: but what happened in May that caused you feel betrayed…his confession of being with another woman?
·       Jun 08 12:53 AM Sassy: When he approached me he said he had never cheated, never had a BJ, that I was “the one” he had gotten off on all his life…
·       Jun 08 12:54 AM Sassy: then I find out he had lived with another woman for 6 mos, while he was separated from his wife… less than year before he found me
·       Jun 08 12:54 AM Sassy: and that if he left his wife, she would be “the one”
·       Jun 08 12:55 AM Sassy: Do you know the song “Diary” by Bread from the 1970s?
·       Jun 08 12:55 AM Kris: no
·       Jun 08 12:55 AM Sassy: The guy finds his gf’s diary
·       Jun 08 12:55 AM Sassy: She writes about finding “the man she’s waited for”
·       Jun 08 12:55 AM Sassy: Goes on and on about how special he is…
·       Jun 08 12:56 AM Sassy: But he’s a little flummoxed because she’s never said any of it to him
·       Jun 08 12:56 AM Sassy: Of course, as he reads further, he realizes… she is not talking about him
·       Jun 08 12:57 AM Sassy: So I had been dreaming… of him leaving his wife, “rescuing” me, loving me
·       Jun 08 12:57 AM Sassy: Got way ahead of myself
·       Jun 08 12:58 AM Sassy: Somehow transferred responsibility to make my life better from me to him
·       Jun 08 12:58 AM Sassy: Without any promises from him. He was very honest about that… just passion, a confidante
·       Jun 08 1:00 AM Kris: Maybe so but at the end of the day a lie is a lie… that he told you all the things he did that simply weren’t true and not so “honorable” after all plus…
·       Jun 08 1:01 AM Kris: I seriously doubt the part of you that is so intensely loyal and “taking care of others” (i.e., H) would actually allow you to fulfill your fantasy. What do you think?
·       Jun 08 1:04 AM Sassy: You mean leaving H?
·       Jun 08 1:04 AM Kris: yes
·       Jun 08 1:05 AM Sassy: Yeah… that was odd. One part of me was totally committed to never leaving H. While the other was making elaborate plans to leave him, not have to deal with my awful job anymore, run away… or have flame move here… help me with H, love me.
·       Jun 08 1:07 AM Kris: Wow! That really IS some fantasy!  a lover who helps you take care of your H! That man doesn’t exist! ( in case you haven’t figured that out yet).
·       Jun 08 1:07 AM Kris: You really do belong to the “cake club”…don’t you? LOL
·       Jun 08 1:09 AM Sassy: Cake?
·       Jun 08 1:09 AM Sassy: I told you I was an idiot about him
·       Jun 08 1:09 AM Kris: Yes….have your cake and eat it too!
·       Jun 08 1:09 AM Sassy: Problem is I don’t have any cake at home
·       Jun 08 1:10 AM Kris: No…you were in love with him…not an idiot……I think you still are to some degree….and that it still hurts.
·       Jun 08 1:11 AM Kris: It bewilders me how you maintain an intimate friendship with him…and would even have sex again with him….if he were available….which would be more than “casual sex” for sure….whether you wanted it to be only that or not…..would definitely be “more” for you.
·       Jun 08 1:11 AM Sassy: I had to make a decision
·       Jun 08 1:11 AM Sassy: Whether to hold his lies against him and push him away, to feel good
·       Jun 08 1:12 AM Sassy: Or to forgive and forget and be his friend and enjoy hearing from him and feel good
·       Jun 08 1:13 AM Kris: I have some more questions about us…but it’s getting late…r u tired?
·       Jun 08 1:13 AM Sassy: Heh… wow… didn’t notice the time at all!
·       Jun 08 1:13 AM Sassy: No… not tired. You? Have to get up early?
·       Jun 08 1:14 AM Sassy: He does feel like the past to me.
·       Jun 08 1:14 AM Kris: no…I’m not tired…and don’t have to get up early…can chat some more if you like
·       Jun 08 1:14 AM Kris: that’s a good sign of healing.
·       Jun 08 1:14 AM Sassy: Is any of this helping you?
·       Jun 08 1:14 AM Kris: in what way?
·       Jun 08 1:15 AM Sassy: Just trying to figure out why you want to know this stuff?
·       Jun 08 1:16 AM Kris: for me it’s part of what I want in an affair…to know you. I don’t have any “agenda” other than I want to be with you as a whole person… not just a body to fuck once in a while.
·       Jun 08 1:17 AM Sassy: Okay
·       Jun 08 1:17 AM Kris: I know that’s not what most people want. they advertise NSA in bold font…to be clear they want “just good hot sex”….period
·       Jun 08 1:18 AM Sassy: Yes. I can say that my theories or rules or whatever… not set in stone. Always evolving…
·       Jun 08 1:18 AM Kris: meaning?
·       Jun 08 1:20 AM Sassy: What has gone on with other men… does not determine how we are
·       Jun 08 1:20 AM Sassy: It influences how I started out but not where I can end up
·       Jun 08 1:21 AM Kris: ok…I understand…
·       Jun 08 1:21 AM Kris: so question…
·       Jun 08 1:21 AM Kris: when you say you hope I’m more “honest and caring” then other men you’ve met on AM …what do you mean by that….”honest” especially?
·       Jun 08 1:24 AM Sassy: that you tell me the truth
·       Jun 08 1:24 AM Kris: what would be something I might lie about….more than other things?
·       Jun 08 1:25 AM Sassy: that you are with other women, that you will disappear without a word, that you want more than sex.
·       Jun 08 1:26 AM Kris: I might tell you I want more than sex…but really I just want sex and not “more”?
·       Jun 08 1:26 AM Sassy: right
·       Jun 08 1:27 AM Kris: ok….we’re getting to what was bothering me today…so I’m glad we’re reviewing what really matters in this…..for both of us.
·       Jun 08 1:27 AM Sassy: thank you for talking about, not just stewing
·       Jun 08 1:28 AM Kris: I have a confession to make. I was stewing for awhile and didn’t text you because I was “sulking a little”, but then felt guilty. so here’s your list, which is also mine. dnumber one: we both need to just do what we already agreed to, which is tell each other ahead of time if we plan to have sex with someone else.
·       Jun 08 1:28 AM Sassy: You frightened me pretty hard today so I am glad to know what it was about
·       Jun 08 1:29 AM Kris: frightened because I didn’t text?
·       Jun 08 1:29 AM Sassy: Yes
·       Jun 08 1:30 AM Kris: I’m sorry. I was sulking…playing a game….I’m really sorry…..now I’m telling you the honest truth….forgive me and don’t hold it against me. it was childish and unkind, but I was also highly pissed at my wife and depressed and took it out on you a little. I’m really sorry
·       Jun 08 1:30 AM Kris: can I go back to the list?
·       Jun 08 1:30 AM Sassy: Yes
·       Jun 08 1:32 AM Kris: ok .number one: I PROMISE if for some strange reason I suddenly became “someone else” and decided I wanted to have sex with another woman while with you… I will keep my word and risk telling you ahead of time. if you will renew your promise to do the same, just tell me…..knowing I will HATE the thought of it….but that we told each other we would do this.
·       Jun 08 1:33 AM Sassy: Okay
·       Jun 08 1:33 AM Kris: I know that doesn’t take all the risk out, because I could say that now and then just try to hide it.  but I’m telling you again – I will tell you…..I promise.  and I want you to tell me…..even though I will hate it.
·       Jun 08 1:34 AM Kris: the other part of that is the risk we’re both taking in having sex
·       Jun 08 1:35 AM Kris: if I lied I could expose you to other people’s STDs….and you would be doing the same to me. I wouldn’t do that to you….and I’m trusting you to not do that to me.
·       Jun 08 1:35 AM Sassy: Right
·       Jun 08 1:36 AM Kris: ok…enough of that….number two…..
·       Jun 08 1:36 AM Kris: I will never disappear without a word.
·       Jun 08 1:37 AM Kris: I couldn’t even sulk for a whole day without feeling guilty about not texting you.
·       Jun 08 1:37 AM Kris: there’s no way I will do that to you. I’m not capable of it….
·       Jun 08 1:37 AM Kris: I will tell you clearly if something changes, just as you have promised to do for me.
·       Jun 08 1:37 AM Kris: this is getting like “vows of an affair” LOL!
·       Jun 08 1:37 AM Sassy: The same for me
·       Jun 08 1:38 AM Sassy: It may suck but it is better to know if things change, not be left wondering
·       Jun 08 1:39 AM Kris: right. one day it will happen and it will suck and one of us will be the one who initiates it and the other one will be the “receiver” and it will suck and will happen but we will at least have done it with some level of courage and “integrity” so no “cowardly disappearing without a word”
·       Jun 08 1:41 AM Kris: I want to say a little about “wanting more than sex”
·       Jun 08 1:43 AM Kris: to begin with – I’m a little “preoccupied” with wanting the sex to be better for you but trying to not “obsess” about it….but as far as wanting “more than sex”
·       Jun 08 1:46 AM Kris: I honestly spend a lot of time fantasizing as much or more about just being with you doing things that I thing are fun as having sex with you.  of course, they are somewhat “selfish” fantasies because they’re what I think are fun, which you may not. but my point is I actually enjoy being with you so it amazed me when you said you were surprised when we went boating that I would be interested in doing “mundane” things with you, or spending “hour after hour” with you. I really like being with you! that’s “more”……isn’t it?
·       Jun 08 1:47 AM Sassy: Definitely
·       Jun 08 1:47 AM Sassy: And you have been very good about doing other things with me
·       Jun 08 1:48 Kris: I’m not trying to be good. I’m trying to have fun and wanting you to have fun. have “other things” been fun for you?
·       Jun 08 1:48 AM Sassy: Very
·       Jun 08 1:49 AM Kris: ok…good…..and I’ve appreciated it when you’ve told me what you like and what you like, so we can find things we both would consider fun. so far my bike is not on that list, but I’m still going to work on that. LOL
·       Jun 08 1:49 AM Sassy: I’m surprised that you were mad at w and depressed and didn’t think “Oh… Sassy will make me feel better… I should contact her.”
·       Jun 08 1:50 AM Sassy: I saw a beautiful black Classic Harley today at lunch… very similar to your bike
·       Jun 08 1:50 AM Kris: I was having bad thoughts about you too (now this is being TOO honest)…..
·       Jun 08 1:51 AM Kris: did you think…Hmmmm…. maybe I should gently force myself to go for a ride on one?
·       Jun 08 1:51 AM Sassy: Ha ha. Nope.
·       Jun 08 1:51 AM Kris: Oh well. one can always hope….lol.
·       Jun 08 1:55 AM Sassy: Did we cover the list? Are you thinking better thoughts about me?
·       Jun 08 1:56 AM Kris: Yes…we covered the list…I thought, “She’s probably fucking someone else” same “trust” issues. we have the same ones.  on to a different subject – I had a fantasy of watching BSO at Symphony Hall with you, boating from Essex to Gloucester, going to Cape for a whole weekend (maybe camping but more likely hotel), having you spend the night with me at my house – the list goes on and on….tell me something YOU would consider REALLY FUN (other than sex—that’s a given)
·       Jun 08 2:00 AM Sassy: I’ve thought of you seeing one of my projects, showing you where I work, going on my favorite day trips to places along the coast…
·       Jun 08 2:01 AM Kris: ok…if you trust me (which I’m thinking you do)…we can do those things! I’d love to see what your real world is like…and what you enjoy – that would be fun! so if you trust me to show me, let’s do them sometime!
·       Jun 08 2:02 AM Sassy: I was even thinking of you having lunch with me and Mom. Probably a bad idea but… I was poking at it
·       Jun 08 2:03 AM Kris: wouldn’t matter to me….but who would I be? just a friend…from the projects? (tough to lie to a mom though, eh?)
·       Jun 08 2:04 AM Sassy: Good question
·       Jun 08 2:07 AM Kris: well…if you think of a good answer you can live with…let me know.  I’m open to whatever you want to do…..any more ideas? I like these so far!
·       Jun 08 2:07 AM Sassy: It is very tough for me to think ahead. Feels like tempting fate.
·       Jun 08 2:08 AM Kris: why?
·       Jun 08 2:08 AM Kris: you planning on writing me a “Dear Kris” email sometime soon?
·       Jun 08 2:08 AM Sassy: noooo
·       Jun 08 2:09 AM Kris: so why tempting fate?
·       Jun 08 2:09 AM Sassy: every time I let my guard down, start to dream and plan… poof
·       Jun 08 2:09 AM Kris: not gonna happen with me
·       Jun 08 2:09 AM Sassy: they all said that
·       Jun 08 2:10 AM Sassy: I’m so sorry you have to deal with their crappiness
·       Jun 08 2:11 AM Kris: I’m not saying we’re going to be together forever….we’re not going to be…but I’m not going to quickly lose interest and go away. we’ll have time to do everything we both want to do to have fun….everything on both our lists doesn’t even take us to the end of the summer….can’t dare to “tempt fate” at least THAT much?
·       Jun 08 2:11 AM Kris: speaking of which…
·       Jun 08 2:12 AM Kris: my wife is going to be gone a lot starting soon. so start clearing your calendar for “more Kris than you can really take”. : D
·       Jun 08 2:12 AM Sassy: Do you have nosy neighbors?
·       Jun 08 2:13 AM Sassy: Or children who “stop by”?
·       Jun 08 2:13 AM Kris: NO….I NEVER see or hear from ANY of my neighbors!
·       Jun 08 2:13 AM Kris: NO KIDS….NEVER!
·       Jun 08 2:13 AM Sassy: Does your wife?
·       Jun 08 2:14 AM Kris: NO! They don’t just “drop in”and she only has one or two and they’ll know she’s not here and won’t just “drop by” doesn’t happen…
·       Jun 08 2:14 AM Sassy: They won’t ask her about that car from MA that was there all night?
·       Jun 08 2:15 AM Kris: We could park it someplace else safe nearby, or I could drive you back and forth.
·       Jun 08 2:15 AM Kris: But no…nobody will notice.
·       Jun 08 2:15 AM Kris: You’d have to see my property to understand – it’s very private and people can’t even see where we normally park our cars.
·       Jun 08 2:15 AM Sassy: Okay… just want to think it through. I do not want to get you in trouble!
·       Jun 08 2:16 AM Sassy: But you seem to be very good at that
·       Jun 08 2:16 AM Kris: all our neighbors have the same amount of large property as ours – minimum of two acre lots, practically a “whole city block” where you live.
·       Jun 08 2:16 AM Kris: good at what…getting in trouble….or avoiding it?
·       Jun 08 2:16 AM Sassy: Avoiding it, looking ahead…
·       Jun 08 2:17 AM Sassy: I was worried today that you’d been caught
·       Jun 08 2:18 AM Kris: ABSOLUTELY! I really care about my wife. I love her. I don’t want to just “avoid getting in trouble” – I really don’t want to hurt her above all else. I don’t want to say that to take away from you and me…but it’s true….in the same way you are loyal and committed to your H and would probably not want to intentionally or unintentionally hurt him.
·       Jun 08 2:19 AM Kris: No….I was sulking. I’m sorry. please forgive me. I was thinking…”I’m going to wait for her to text me”. it was childish.
·       Jun 08 2:20 AM Sassy: I was going to but you told me to shoo, so I felt like I had to wait
·       Jun 08 2:21 AM Kris: I thought about that. how I was kidding, but that you might take it seriously – my twisted sense of humor.  back to “security plans” I even was fantasizing where I would hide you on the outside chance there was an absolutely “emergency/unusual” situation where you would need to.  chance is almost non-existent, but kind of like having a “fire drill” in mind even though you may not need one…and probably never willl.
·       Jun 08 2:21 AM Sassy: wow… that is so cool
·       Jun 08 2:22 AM Kris: don’t hold this against me…..but I was thinking of where you would….and wouldn’t “fit”
·       Jun 08 2:23 AM Kris: some closets you would, others you wouldn’t….thought of the specific “escape route”….and how I would “delay a visitor”
·       Jun 08 2:24 AM Kris: I was also thinking that you “fit” against me on the back of my bike (sorry—can’t fault a guy for trying…like my “mission” to learn you first name. : )
·       Jun 08 2:24 AM Sassy: Heh… very good. That’s one of the main safety advice items I hear… have a plan, like if you meet someone you know in a restaurant… have a story ready
·       Jun 08 2:25 AM Kris: Yup…I’m always “scheming.” How does that fare with our   “trust” thing though…when you watch someone consistently lie to a person they claim to love…for me that’s a “conundrum” (not sure that’s the right word)…
·       Jun 08 2:26 AM Sassy: I try not to think about it
·       Jun 08 2:27 AM Sassy: I know that’s dopey but it mostly works
·       Jun 08 2:27 AM Kris: no…it probably just save a lot of energy.
·       Jun 08 2:27 AMSassy: You have to lie to her. There’s no reason to lie to me
·       Jun 08 2:27 AM Kris: true!
·       Jun 08 2:27 AM Sassy: One of the women in chat has “the perfect guy”
·       Jun 08 2:28 AM Kris: except for the same reason – fear of how you might react but we’ve already agreed to tell the truth.
·       Jun 08 2:28 AM Kris: oh?
·       Jun 08 2:28 AM Sassy: She goes on and on about him… the presents, the trips, the thoughtfulness
·       Jun 08 2:28 AM Sassy: Finally someone said, “Is there anything wrong with this guy?”
·       Jun 08 2:28 AM Sassy: She didn’t miss a beat… “He cheats on his wife.”
·       Jun 08 2:29 AMKris: Ha ha….just a “minor fault” eh?
·       Jun 08 2:29 AM Kris: I mean…if you’re going to have a “character flaw” make it count (and feel really good!).
·       Jun 08 2:30 AM Sassy: I can usually justify being the “other woman” because the w withholds, or is a bitch or something..
·       Jun 08 2:30 AM Sassy: But it is trickier with you
·       Jun 08 2:30 AM Kris: Oops…not the case here.
·       Jun 08 2:30 AM Kris: so?
·       Jun 08 2:30 AM Sassy: I don’t think about it. It’s your business.
·       Jun 08 2:31 AM Kris: but it does bring up something you want to know quite a bit….
·       Jun 08 2:31 AM Sassy: I did not drag out. You stepped out. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else
·       Jun 08 2:31 AM Sassy: And I am not trying to get you away from her.
·       Jun 08 2:31 AM Kris: true. definitely NOT your responsibility….and, no, you’re not.
·       Jun 08 2:31 AM Sassy: You like my rationale?  : )
·       Jun 08 2:32 AM Sassy: I like to think I might even make you a better husband.
·       Jun 08 2:32 AM Kris: you don’t need a “rationale”. from your point of view there’s nothing “wrong” about any of this, if I understand your thinking correctly. you know that many people consider it “wrong” (including me, strangely)…but I’m not sure you do.
·       Jun 08 2:33 AM Kris: but you bring up a point that is important…
·       Jun 08 2:34 AM Kris: what IS it I’m wanting…that you’re looking to give?
·       Jun 08 2:34 AM Kris: honestly, I don’t really know, which is a mystery to me. I can’t define it even for myself so that it makes a lot of sense.
·       Jun 08 2:35 AM Sassy: Different… new… another perspective… fun without pressure
·       Jun 08 2:35 AM Sassy: a toy up your ass?
·       Jun 08 2:35 AM Kris: Ha ha yeah…and someone who even quotes sources about exactly how to do it!
·       Jun 08 2:36 AM Kris: wouldn’t want to be guilty of “plagiarism” (spelling?)….ha ha
·       Jun 08 2:37 AM Sassy: Any of that sound worth trying?
·       Jun 08 2:37 AM Kris: Definitely!
·       Jun 08 2:39 AM Kris: There are some things that are kind of “obvious”…like a vibrator pressed against the most sensitive part of my cock is going to get me off or you sucking my cock or using your hand and a vibrator in my ass at the same time might feel good. but never did it before. your finger in my ass was hard to judge cuz it needed to be lubed a little more, but I’m game.
·       Jun 08 2:40 AM Kris: as I said before – wish we could find the “magic for you” too. sigh
·       Jun 08 2:41 AM Kris: I think I told you this fantasy before…but now that I understand what you really need, not sure it would work for you…but I’ll repeat it anyhow.
·       Jun 08 2:42 AM Kris: if I could put my cock in your ass and you could play with yourself with a toy and get off that way, I could feel you cum with my cock in your ass but there’s some pretty big “IFs” in that scenario…as we’ve learned from past 10 milling sexual encounters…..oy vey!
·       Jun 08 2:43 AM Kris: 10 million (you have the actual number written down someplace I’m pretty sure….lol).
·       Jun 08 2:43 AM Sassy: What do I really need?
·       Jun 08 2:44 AM Kris: a good hard cock pounding you deep and hard long enough for you to cum
·       Jun 08 2:44 AM Kris: correct me if I’m wrong…I’m all ears
·       Jun 08 2:45 AM Sassy: Could be… I don’t know. I was surprised the stunt cock was… eh
·       Jun 08 2:45 AM Kris: and I was a little surprised that vibrating ball at least “started you a little” given in was mostly pressing you near or on your clit.
·       Jun 08 2:46 AM Sassy: Yes
·       Jun 08 2:46 AM Kris: yes…you were a little surprised too?
·       Jun 08 2:46 AM Sassy: very
·       Jun 08 2:47 AM Sassy: I thought either all of them, or especially the vaginal ones, would be good… or all bad
·       Jun 08 2:47 AM Sassy: I have not played with them without you BTW
·       Jun 08 2:47 AM Sassy: In case you were worrying about being replaced
·       Jun 08 2:48 AM Kris: lol…not at all. I think you SHOULD try playing with them without me (just don’t tell me who’s on the phone or computer at the same time….”jealous guy” can’t handle that….yet)
·       Jun 08 2:48 AM Sassy: though I have some thought of trying to figure out what works and then showing you…
·       Jun 08 2:49 AM Kris: ABSOLUTELY! GO FOR IT (plus I need all the “help” I can get!)
·       Jun 08 2:49 AM Sassy: We’ll see…
·       Jun 08 2:50 AM Kris: you make me laugh…you always say that when you have some degree of hesitation.  why are u hesitant?
·       Jun 08 2:52 AM Sassy: I really think of all that as sex and that’s something I do with a guy
·       Jun 08 2:53 AM Kris: your depriving yourself of the joy of masturbation….if I didn’t masturbate I’d be missing about 90% of the sex I’ve had since I was 13 years old. that’s half a century of beating off….something I wouldn’t want to miss! : D
·       Jun 08 2:54 AM Sassy: It makes me feel… lonely
·       Jun 08 2:55 AM Kris: use your imagination then you can be with someone temporarily, or think about how you’ll be teaching me what makes you feel good so I can do it right/better.
·        Jun 08 2:56 AM Sassy: It’s tricky to do with H here
·       Jun 08 2:56 AM Kris: maybe we should try phone sex with you using the toy and telling me what you’re doing and how it feels? that would be VERY different, especially for me!
·       Jun 08 2:56 AM Kris: do it in your car. call me on the phone.  tell me what you’re doing and how it’s feeling.
·       Jun 08 2:56 AM Sassy: Can’t plug them in car
·       Jun 08 2:57 AM Kris: lame excuse. double AA batteries…..remember?
·       Jun 08 2:57 AM Sassy: Oops… right!
·       Jun 08 2:57 AM Kris: gotcha!
·       Jun 08 2:57 AM Sassy: Duh
·       Jun 08 2:57 AM Sassy: Where am I going to park?
·       Jun 08 2:58 AM Sassy: I will mull this over…
·       Jun 08 2:58 AM Kris: if you could grope me in a public garage near the entrance on a first date! I’m sure you can find a place.
·       Jun 08 2:58 AM Sassy: Ha ha
·       Jun 08 2:58 AM Sassy: Who was that woman?
·       Jun 08 2:59 AM Kris: I don’t know… pretty “Bodaciously Sassy!” though!!!
·       Jun 08 2:59 AM Sassy: Shameless hussy
·       Jun 08 2:59 AM Kris: no shame at all – complete hussy
·       Jun 08 3:00 AM Sassy: But damn that was fun
·       Jun 08 3:00 AM Kris: snake charmer…mesmerized her “victim”
·       Jun 08 3:01 AM Sassy: I’ve taken it much further in my mind… so bad
·       Jun 08 3:01 AM Kris: but he didn’t mind at all – felt so good – was taken by surprise. loved it! THAT was different!!
·       Jun 08 3:01 AM Kris: no…so GOOD…want to tell me?
·       Jun 08 3:02 AM Sassy: the details don’t quite work but I gloss over that.  end up sitting on the trunk with you inside me
·       Jun 08 3:02 AM Sassy: or kneeling, sucking
·       Jun 08 3:03 AM Sassy: trying to keep quiet, hide it, but doing it
·       Jun 08 3:03 AM Kris: omg! think of all the traumatized children with parents trying to get to their cars. passing by, on their cell phones calling the police.
·       Jun 08 3:03 AM Kris: what’s that man doing to that lady, mommy?
·       Jun 08 3:04 AM Sassy: I wish we could get over making sex a secret, scary thing
·       Jun 08 3:05 AM Kris: well, yes…but there’s such a thing as “age appropriate” disclosure of information too, but I know what you mean.
·       Jun 08 3:05 AM Kris: too many people are taught that “sex is dirty”… which interesting as a “two-edged” sword.
·       Jun 08 3:06 AM Sassy: Indeed
·       Jun 08 3:06 AM Kris: because adults then use that to actually get off….
·       Jun 08 3:06 AM Kris: they enjoy being able to “do the forbidden”…. makes it more fun…dangerous…taboo….adds to the excitement.
·       Jun 08 3:06 AM Sassy: I was wondering today if I am less exciting because it’s okay with H
·       Jun 08 3:07 AM Kris: you mean to him?
·       Jun 08 3:07 AM Sassy: No, to AM men who are looking for someone to be taboo with
·       Jun 08 3:08 AM Kris: who knows? everyone’s different. I can tell you a secret little part of my “dirty mind” about that if you want though.
·       Jun 08 3:12 AM Kris: is this connection slow….or r u nodding off….it’s getting late..
·       Jun 08 3:12 AM Sassy: oooh… I got musing about your dirty mind!
·       Jun 08 3:13 AM Kris: yes?
·       Jun 08 3:13 AM Sassy: Do tell!
·       Jun 08 3:14 AM Kris: yes…there is something exciting about the explicit thought “I’m fucking another man’s wife” having the forbidden…taboo. but then the whole nature of having an affair lends itself to that. as far as you being ‘less exciting” because H is ok with it, I doubt anyone would really care….either they would want you or they wouldn’t….but I can only speak for myself. who knows?
·       Jun 08 3:16 AM Kris: as you know…I was pretty “weirded out” by H being ok with it (and you with his GFs). but didn’t make you “less exciting” to me, just something out of my sphere of experience (and now I’ve politely said “Hi” to him… by accident!) LOL
·       Jun 08 3:17 AM Sassy: And nothing bad came of it.
·       Jun 08 3:17 AM Sassy: another of those “OMG! I CAN’T DO THAT” type things that just happens and is fine and you move along
·       Jun 08 3:18 AM Kris: guess so… weird. hope I don’t become something unknown to myself. lol
·       Jun 08 3:19 AM Kris: although my wife is convinced I’m already there….nagging me daily to cut my hair…which I’m resisting and letting grow.  one of your earrings is next.
·       Jun 08 3:20 AM Kris: had a fantasy I know for sure you would never do…but which means that my personal is less “play acting” and more “just what I’m like and enjoy”….want to hear it?
·       Jun 08 3:20 AM Sassy: hee!
·       Jun 08 3:20 AM Kris: I meant “persona”
·       Jun 08 3:20 AM Sassy: Sure
·       Jun 08 3:21 AM Kris: I went to my mother’s house today. unfortunately had to borrow more money – part of depression and fight with wife.
·       Jun 08 3:21 AM Kris: as I was driving home from my mother’s I had an urge to go get my bike.
·       Jun 08 3:21 AM Kris: I fantasized having you ride on it with me.
·       Jun 08 3:21 AM Kris: and going to the outer burbs and finding whichever bar the “badest boys in town” drank at.
·       Jun 08 3:22 AM Kris: would be there in leather with you….
·       Jun 08 3:22 AM Kris: they would all greet me…and it wouldn’t be “play acting”
·       Jun 08 3:22 AM Kris: my real nickname was “Wild Kris”
·       Jun 08 3:22 AM Kris: because then I really was not “play acting”
·       Jun 08 3:23 AM Kris: I would go in, say hi, buy some drinks for old drinking buddies, buy a coke for myself and whatever non-alcoholic drink you wanted, hang out for awhile and leave.
·       Jun 08 3:23 AM Kris: that was it…..
·       Jun 08 3:23 AM Kris: those days were REALLY wild and dangerous
·       Jun 08 3:24 AM Sassy: How long ago was that?
·       Jun 08 3:24 AM Kris: a little bit of what I’m trying to “recapture” in my “dotage”
·       Jun 08 3:24 AM Kris: last time was probably 25 years ago.
·       Jun 08 3:25 AM Sassy: One of my online pals talks about how he is a serious businessman, father, husband, and then silly and funny and sexy with his gf… and he begins to wonder which is him
·       Jun 08 3:25 AM Sassy: same with Sassy and DL
·       Jun 08 3:25 AM Kris: probably both, at different times, like DL and S…both real but different times expressing selves
·       Jun 08 3:26 AM Kris: Wow! Has the same thought at the same time…scary!
·       Jun 08 3:26 AM Kris: can’t wait for the first mutual Os together…
·       Jun 08 3:26 AM Sassy: Okay… we should probably sleep… even though I feel this magic and I won’t want it to end
·       Jun 08 3:27 AM Sassy: Hope it will be worth waiting for
·       Jun 08 3:27 AM Kris: meaning?
·       Jun 08 3:27 AM Sassy: The O’s
·       Jun 08 3:28 AM Kris: yes, but hope won’t have to wait too much longer either. one last thing then I’ll let you go.
·       Jun 08 3:29 AM Kris: I’m really sorry for scaring you by not texting. I won’t do that again. sleep well. Mwah!
·       Jun 08 3:29 AM Sassy: Thank you. Sweet sexy dreams Kris.

0 thoughts on “Vows of an affair

  1. Prof4fun says:

    Sassy, you have the most to lose in this relationship. Kris' wife hasn't shut him out of the bedroom, ie, still having sex with him. He has declared that he still loves her. He has also indicated that this affair is temporary. Sassy, you must really still love your husband to stay with him without any indication of any future intimacy. You deserve better, ie, deserve to be loved and in a relationship with somebody that not only loves you as a friend but who also wants you to be his longterm lover. Sassy, you're just to forgiving and kind to other people. Be better to yourself in the future.

  2. Thank you for your advice Prof! I dream of a whole relationship with one man, but those are not the cards I've been dealt. I love one guy and promised to care for him. I love Philip, but that's not the answer. I'll stick with that and get sex elsewhere. It's what I call “The French Model” where I have a husband at home and a lover too! That's how I am good to myself, not just sitting on the shelf. Kris has hung around longer than any other AM man and takes me on such adventures! I focus on each day – fun, passion. Very little emotion. So when he goes, I won't “lose,” just cherish the memories, be sad for awhile and move on. I know I am not going to meet “the one” on AM or anyone who will stick around long. Not great but much better than nothing!

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