Top 10 EMR Maxims

A huge thank you to folks online who have taught me how to weather an affair, how to deal with matters of the heart and online dating etc.

There are a number of pithy sayings that come up over and over, that may or may not be true, but definitely bear thinking about… conventional wisdom for an unconventional situation, let’s say.  I want to share them with you today!

1.  The man pays.

2.  The best way to get over one man is to get under another.

3.  Men do not leave their wives.  Ever.

4.  Be where you’re supposed to be.

5.  Don’t change your routine.

6.  Don’t appear happier than usual.

7.  Men get forgiven; women get divorced.

8.  Deny deny deny

9.  Confession may be good for the soul but it can be very bad for your marriage.

10.  You only live once.

Any others that I should know?


5 thoughts on “Top 10 EMR Maxims

  1. Holly S says:

    This is such a spot-on list. I have nothing to add, just thought I’d add my commentary:
    1. I always split the bill or alternated paying. I’m a professional woman–I just saw no justification for expecting the man to always pay.
    2. Absolutely!
    3. I think this is usually true. But I got lucky–my affair partner left within a month of me leaving and we’ve been together for almost 2 years since. But I know we are in a small minority.
    4, 5, 6. All these were major tip-offs for my ex.
    7. My ex could never have forgiven me. Luckily I wanted a divorce. Unfortunately we have a terrible coparenting relationship because of his hurt and resentment.
    8, 9. After being caught, I told everything which only made things worse and made reconciliation impossible. Keep it to yourself but change your behavior and end the affair if you want to save your marriage.
    10. Yes, I’m trying to make the most of it, despite missteps along the way.

    I wish you the best in your journey, Sassy!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Good list!
    I’d just add that taking up a hobby, or rekindling an interest in an old one is very helpful in regards to #4 & 5.

    • Thanks! Great to see you Anon! Yes indeed – I’ve seen this one written as as “Make time to cheat before you do it.” Join a gym, stay at the office an extra couple of hours once a week, take dancing lessons.

      I’ve been surprised how many men do all the set up, then can’t figure out when to meet. *sigh They’re so used to working themselves to death to avoid the unhappy home that they’re locked in.

  3. 1. I’m old fashioned I say yes initially but down the road I have enjoyed women paying for me. I think more than paying one is best to make things “turn key.” For example, find a great restaurant near to where she lives but not too near and make a reservation based on her schedule. If you are going to do this find a way to get onto her calendar rather than wedging her onto your’s when convenient.

    2. Yes

    3. Most often not, it’s usually more about the economics than anything else I suspect.

    4. Definitely and this is not just about not getting caught. When your child has a school play be there not because you don’t have an alibi but because you want to. As the Godfather said once “a man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.”

    5. Yep

    6. That’s never a problem for me. As soon as I get around my wife the tension takes away any happiness I might have had before. I stay comfortably in misery at all times, it’s better that way! 🙂

    7. Yes men who cheat often do stay married, women who cheat get divorced. Again, I think this is economics on both ends. I think this is a trend that will change as women become more financially independent. Then again, women are probably more prone to forgive, particularly for the sake of the children. Men tend to be more egoistic so the affair is a stain on their manhood.

    8. I’m like Captain Kirk, I don’t believe in the no-win situation so I say never get to the point where you have to deny. That being said, when necessary deny.

    9. Yeah, I’m going to paraphrase Gordon Gekko here. If you need to confess (a friend) get a dog!

    10. Seems to be why we are answering these questions.

    Great questions! Glad you asked.

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