New old memories

Phil August 24 at 10:00am
Bacon ice cream? I love bacon but I’m not sure I would eat bacon ice cream. Maybe beer ice cream. 🙂 The Thai tea and Chai sounded good. I like the green tea flavored ice cream too. Guess I just like ice cream to be honest. Looking forward to a little lobster though. It’s so expensive here.
August 24 at 3:58pm
Wow! Three messages. I feel like I hit the jackpot this morning! Food, pets, and kissing! Wheee! 😉
The weather was yucky here…cold, drizzle…
So jumping right in on the deep end…I don’t know why I trust you enough to “go there” but I do. Forgive me if I am rusty. I haven’t flirted or talked about…stuff like this for a long time.
I am really disappointed in my memory. Sounds like I’ve forgotten parts of my past that could have kept me warm on the long New England Winter nights. I am flattered and astonished. Flattered that you remember, when you’ve likely been with a lot of other good kissers since. Astonished that teenaged me was a good kisser (probably some of my first real kisses). But I guess there’s nothing quite like those first kisses…
I have poked, prodded and pummeled my brain to produce memories…but there is nothing. I want to know where I met you, how long we hung out, what we did and what it was like…but it’s all gone. Arrrgh! I did keep a diary in those days…I may have to dig into the closet. But I don’t think I wrote down very much, worried that my siblings or heaven forbid, parents, would read it.
There are brief flashes of a tall, handsome, older boy with long brown straight hair, gorgeous eyes very close to mine, and one sensory image of your hand pressing on my back while we were…close. There are vague feelings…sexy, safe, fun…and then massive heartbreak that only a 14 year girl could write about with such angst. I remember a notebook full of poems that I haven’t dared to read again. But it seems like it happened to someone else, a long time ago.
I need to ask a big favor. I want you to give me those memories back. Can you do that? It might be fun. Maybe a bit at a time…as you remember and have time. Like now you could write about “that day at camp” or “the most memorable and electric kiss of my life.” *blush* Why were you there with that girl? Where were we? What happened? How did you feel? If it is…teenage boy thoughts, which may be a bit…raw? that’s okay. One guy told me later, “I picked you because I heard you sleep around.” Which was funny because I didn’t ever sleep around, and never did it at all until much, much later. But it was interesting to know! So whatever you remember, no rush…be a bachelor again for me and tell me about that time when we were together. 
If this is all too weird, I understand. We can go back to baseball and bacon…
Phil August 24 at 4:35pm
Not weird at all. I have not been with many kissers, good or bad. Married for over 30 years and have behaved myself. We met at church.  I started attending a few years earlier. I was in the choir. I started going to the church because of another girl. In my Junior year, she went off to college. You and I were kind of buddies from church. You were so cute. I think we were both in the school  Chorus too. Some of the time line is sketchy. The camp was a church retreat. You asked me to go. I remember many of us jumping into the partially frozen pond. That nite there was a fire on the other side of the pond, people were singing and it was very nice. Towards the end of the bon fire, we both leaned back and it seemed like the most natural thing to kiss you. Our lips touched and then our mouths opened and it was so intense. It was not a long kiss cause we were with a group of people but I wanted to kiss you so badly and it was electric. We walked back up the hill towards the cabins holding hands. There was much more activity over the course of the evening. I found out where you wear powder. 🙂 It was a very intense weekend. We had a lot of fun together and it was very intense. We went to the football dance and the bon fire, met at church, then went out behind the old church. We were an item. I felt bad because of the other girl and we stopped seeing each other. Stupid on my part. She was dating a guy in college and I messed up a very nice thing. I did not start going out with you for any other reason than you were cute, we liked each other, you were a lot of fun and the like became something much more intense very quickly. You were not shy or inhibited but far from easy. We certainly did not sleep together but boy was i attracted to you. You don’t feel like that all that often in life so I have always thought of you, wondered how your life turned out. I’m glad its been good. I can go into more detail because there is some of that I’ll never forget either but I’m trying to be a gentleman.
Phil August 24 at 5:01pm
I did have long brown hair, brown eyes and i did hold you very close. I never dated anyone for any reason other than being physically and emotionally attracted. We had to click and be able to have fun together. We did. I was an ass and have always regretted that. I suspect the reason you don’t remember is you shut it out cause I hurt you for a very foolish reason. I always wished we’d had more time and I had just enjoyed the time we had. I enjoyed the time we had but we were not done and I was too young and foolish to recognize that. Was teenage love I guess. Who knows if and how long that lasts but I have never forgotten and so many of the memories are clear as day to me still. That one kiss will remain with me forever. there were lots of other kisses too but man when our lips met, wow. The rest of the evening was very heated so I assume you felt the same way I did back then.
Phil August 24 at 5:33pm
Next time I am home, I’ll find the picture of us dancing. That one will bring back some memories. That was a happy care free time but I also remember being very conflicted. I should not have been. Can’t go back though. I remember your glasses, they were round, the shape of your mouth, your chin, your hair. Your mouth was small, still is I’m sure. This may be more than you wanted to hear. Just tell me to hush and I’ll go back to talking about those damn Red Sox.
August 24 at 6:55pm
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you ever so much. Wow. I…wow. *gulp*
August 24 at 7:06pm
Is there such a thing as coincidence? Look at the title of the video someone posted to my FB within 30 minutes you writing about the camp kiss last night…I never heard of it before.

Kent & Anya – MY FIRST KISS.mp4
SYTYCD season 7 routine

Phil August 24 at 7:24pm
Wow! That’s kinda cool. 
Phil August 24 at 7:28pm
I hope the wow gulp did not mean I upset you. You asked. I am going to hit the gym and then open a bottle of wine and relax. Ask anything you like. Its nice to chat. I’m enjoying this. Wonderful to be in touch again. Like I said, we can go back to food if I am being too personal.
August 24 at 8:39pm
Oh, Phil…don’t worry. I am not upset. I am thrilled! There are so many thoughts swirling in my brain…and um..causing other parts of my body to react. *cough* That hasn’t happened in a long time. Oops. I am not supposed to be telling you that. Ah, well…
Anyway…first of all, thank you ever so much for
– remembering all that,
– thinking of me now and then over the years,
– being brave enough to get in touch,
– taking a chance asking me about the camp kiss,
– writing it all out for me, and
– explaining about why you ended it.
I do wonder what you thought would happen when you tried to be in touch.
The word you use…”intense” sounds exactly right. I have an impression of us “Fitting together”…physically, mentally… clicking as you said, in a way that doesn’t happen very often. Not specifics about you, exactly, but when I was with other guys thinking, “Gee, this is nice, but not like it was with Phil.”
Did we say “I love you” back then? I was usually slow to say those words.
I am pretty sure I thought when you ended it…”he’ll be sorry…some day he’ll say he was an ass and regrets it.” Heh. I only had to wait 30-something years. Hee! But I do understand now. It made sense to you at the time…you were 16 and trying to do the right thing. Very noble.
You are a very special guy. And a perceptive one. Incredibly perceptive… definitely keep writing. You are a gentleman. Whatever you write won’t change that. If it gets weird, I will tell you to hush. But don’t stop now! I like hearing it all, except for the bit about you liking the Yankees.
I would love to see that dance photo if you can find it.
When you mention dates, like “being married for years” I wonder where I was on that date…I know it’s impossible, but I wish I had a timeline of your life and mine so I could say “heh…he was getting married while I was…” if it was summer, I was home from college, working. Did you get married in a church? 
If there is anything you are curious about, from back then, or now, or in between, you can ask. We can talk about food, pets, and kissing! And whatever else is on your mind. I don’t know about you, but this is the most fun I’ve had in a long time. 🙂
Phil August 24 at 9:24pm
I’m thrilled other parts of your body reacted. Mine too. I do not remember if we said I love you. We did fit well. That has not happened that often. My wife and I fit but that was a rebound kind of thing. We became more good friends than anything else over the years. Comfortable but not terribly exciting. I went into the military out of high school. Met the recruiter at the County Fair. Went to boot camp. First time in a plane! Went to school and then met overseas.  So many countries! I was going to get out after that tour but decided to stay for a few more. I went to the beach and taught, played tons of sports, got married back home at the other church on the hill.  Got my college degree and went back to overseas. More countries! Had two kids. Became an officer – more countries. After that, many more tours on the East Coast. Its been a marvelous adventure.

I had no idea about reaching out. Did not expect to be talking about camp. Glad I can have a good effect on you. Just the thought of you did that to me. I have had to adjust several times to get comfortable. I can close my eyes and relive it all again. I can feel you. I remember holding you, holding your hand, touching you, unsure, afraid, you were and I am sure are still something else. I see the girl I knew in the way you write. Nice to know that girl is still there.
Phil August 24 at 10:51pm
off to bed. you have captivated my imagination. Going be hard sleeping on my stomach is all I can say. Hope you had a good evening.  Driving to the beach tomorrow night and then to North Thursday morning. Won’t tell you where my mind has been and is, but you can guess. Loved hearing that our discussion turned you on cause it sure as heck did me. I was aroused instantly. Nite Sassy, looking forward to hearing from you. I’ll find the picture of us and send it to you. have some others to post as well. Sleep well. Have fun dreams.
August 24 at 10:52pm
What adventures you’ve had! I will try to sum up the last 35 years of my life…but not tonight.
You are so sweet! I am so touched that you are sharing these thoughts…a rare thing. I will never forget this day. I can’t explain how special it makes me’s too tied up in my life now that we haven’t talked about…but it’s very good. It is marvelous to have some new “old memories.” I want to write more and read more and I want…

but I have to go to bed…running the big conference, may be off the grid for awhile tomorrow. Have to sleep.
Are you driving all day tomorrow? My mind is racing that you will be so close, only a few hours from here…but there’s no sense thinking that. And I am not very exciting in person where it would have to be all baseball and bacon.
Sweet dreams!

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