Category Archives: AM

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Pre-date advice

Master Shifu

Final Advice from Ryan Beaumont, a wonderful blogger well-versed in the ways of Ashley Madison: 

*   Do it! – You gotta do it now or it will eat at you for not doing it.  It will probably fail but you’ll either be more satisfied with what you have or emboldened to do something else.

*   Have fun, but not at someone else’s expense (of course I know you know that)

*   Be safe.  And don’t screw on first date.  I never hire someone on the day they apply.  At the very least I won’t make sure they are organized enough to come back for an interview.  Often I make them come back multiple times just to assess their tenacity and eagerness.

*   Blog about it but tell me first!   🙂

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Dancing Man

I got a wink from another man last night!  Another 6’2″ 200 pound guy in his 50s!

There was something about his profile… I couldn’t resist writing to him.  He wrote right back, gave me his Yahoo IM and said he wanted to chat!  Wow… that’s fast.  I haven’t chatted with anyone yet, but don’t see a reason not to.  I pinged him but we didn’t connect.

He found me first thing this morning.  We chatted on and off all day!  He is different from the other guys.. a salesman, very blunt, terse and right to the point.  He sent me a very hot full body photo… yum.

He asked very direct questions – Am I shaved or natural?  When was the last time I had sex?  He made it very clear what he wants – he wants to meet me and he wants to fuck!  He wants to meet at hotel on Friday!  I told him that’s a little scary.  He downshifted to meeting for a drink in the hotel bar, said no pressure but he’d get a room just in case.  We hashed through the brass tacks anyway – condoms, lube, fantasies… pouring quite a foundation to build a sexy encounter on!  I shared some porn and he shared back!  Wow.

Not sure what to make of all that.  He seems like a player, but… I want to play!  Terrified that he won’t want me once he sees me, but I am gaining confidence as more men contact me!

He told me that he teaches ballroom dance classes in his spare time, so that will be his nickname.

So to summarize my first week on AM:

     1) #1 charmed me, went quiet and is back chatting but hasn’t named a new date to meet.

     2) The Lawyer is meeting me for lunch on Thursday!

     3) The Professor writes faithfully every day, is talking about a phone call.

     4) Dancing Man wants to meet for a drink Friday!  Whee!

It makes me want to dye my hair, buy all new clothes and loose 100 pounds by Thursday!  Eeek!

The online dating thing still doesn’t seem like my scene, but maybe it will lead me to somewhere better!

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The next step

Wow!  Things are happening fast on the Ashley Madison front!  I’ve only been on there a week and I am learning a lot, in the midst of talking to three men!  It doesn’t feel like my kind of place.  But it did cheer me up. 
So I’ve tested the waters, found out men will write to me and write back to me.  Yay!  Now the much tougher test… meeting in person.  Gulp.  
I have a DATE!  with a MAN!  Gosh… I didn’t think I’d ever say that again!  
Tom, the lawyer who worked at my old firm, asked me to meet him for lunch on Thursday!  
Lunch invitations are considered a good sign.  If he was cheap or iffy, he’d ask to meet for coffee at Starbucks.  Heh.  I am telling Sis and Hubby about it, as a safety precaution.  
What am I going to wear?  What are we going to talk about?  What if he is a creep?  What if he doesn’t like me?  What if I don’t like him?  What if we like each other – then what?  Arrrrgh!!!!
Scot, the professor, sent me several messages today.  He told me enough to find his web site, seems fine with me knowing who he is.  That freaks me out a bit… but I’m rolling with it.  
Of course, I really wanted to hear from Kevin and he’s silent.  Figures.  
Wish me luck!  
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The Ivy League

So… AM #1 is gone.  I woke up the next morning filled with a new spirit.  I am not going to let him ruin this experiment!  Onward and upward! 
Friday I decided to write to two guys who “winked” me.  People told me to ignore winks – if the guy couldn’t be bothered to spend credits on me then forget him.  But there was something about each profile that caught my eye.  They both wrote right back, shared more about themselves.  
The Professor
“Scot” sent me a brief message and the “key” to unlock his photos on the site.  There were four photos!  He says he’s 6′ 2″ 195 pounds and in his late 40’s, a professor who went to Yale!  Wow!  He’s got a great smile, graying, fit… I wrote back and asked a few questions.  I didn’t hear back from him right away but it is common to not hear over a weekend.  
The Lawyer

“Tom” wrote to say he’s a lawyer in downtown Boston.  His profile lists him as tall 6″2, and thin 200 pounds, in his 50s.  Hmmm…. I had a hunch and told him in a cagey way that I worked for a large law firm but have been gone 10 years and not kept in touch and don’t work with lawyers now, but he might have known me as the demure lady down the hall if he worked there (and I added something that only a person who worked at my prior employer would know).  
He wrote back saying “sounds like you might have worked at the same place??  if so, no worries– I will admit to having worked there, but it was long, long ago (think late 70s!!) and I seriously doubt whether our paths have crossed.   even so, I can keep a secret….and if you were that demure lady, I probably fantasized about you anyway!!”  That probably means he went to Harvard (as they had not started their affirmative action plan – letting in Yalies and other Ivy League law schools) until about the time I arrived in the mid 80s.  
Two Ivy Leaguers right off the bat.  Wow!   Who knew smart men would find me?!  Woot!  
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More AM #1

If you missed the first part of my story about Kevin, click here. 
Q. Could it be so easy to find a nice guy?  Would the very first guy who contacted me be the one? 
A. No.  I was an idiot.  After I told him I couldn’t meet Friday, he stopped writing mid-day Wednesday.

On Thursday when he still had not written, I fell apart.  I know… it’s silly.  But he seemed so fun and interested and I need that so badly.  

Our boss took us out to a fancy hotel restaurant for a celebration lunch for a successful conference, and I sat there watching well-dressed couples… you know the thing… how can they be together and I am good person and I am so alone?  Ugh.  I had to go to the bathroom and cry.  I had heard that men write to a lot of women and just go silent when they find someone they like better.  *sigh
I wrote a thinly disguised “Good bye and good luck” message Thursday evening and didn’t get an answer and gave up.  I was very close to closing my account.  Who needs this new roller coaster?

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AM #1 Kevin’s Questions


I started to hear from men!  If you missed that part, click to read that first.

Let’s call the third man “AM #1” because he was the first, and because he had the best approach I’ve ever seen!

I wrote back to him.  He stood out because his profile didn’t use the “check boxes” for what he was looking for or what he’s like.  He wrote nice paragraphs!  I had my chat buddies look at his profile to check for any danger signs and they approved.  I felt a real spark!  He had a great sense of humor, was open and smart!  And he made me laugh!  
He told me to call him “Kevin.”  Sometimes that is a real first name, sometimes a persona they’ve chosen.  It doesn’t matter to me.  I told him I wanted to stick with Sassy and he was fine with that.  
Kevin sent me six questions, explaining he’d had great success with it as a compatibility test.   They got me thinking.  It’s so hard to choose one answer, but I ran with it. 
Kevin’s Questions
1) What are you looking for from me as a potential lover? In other words, what fantasies can I help you fulfill?

2) If you were stranded on an island with a satellite radio that only got one genre of music, what would you pick?

3) What is your favorite feature on a man?

4) Pub or nightclub?

5) If you had two magic tickets to any event, concert or show in history, where would you take me?

6) What passions do you have?
=============
Sassy’s Answers
Your questions certainly got me thinking.  Nothing like starting off a Monday with sunshine and sexual fantasies!  

1) Sassy’s Six – Equality.  Passion.  Pleasure.  Variety.  Communication.  Fun!  

If I must name one thing – I’d like to see and feel you explode on me.  I’ve never seen it… it’s always inside me somewhere!  I will help get you to that point, of course.  
  
I want an equal partner who will try things with me, and let me try things, then share what felt good and what didn’t and how to make it better.  I want different things on different days – sometimes slow and gentle savoring, other days… wham!  It’s been quite awhile for me, so the basics are very alluring.  But I read a lot, and look at…ahem…a certain kind of photos and videos that have given me a long list of things I want to see if they feel good.  

2) Broadway show tunes – varied, evocative of their time, and I can sing along!  

3) Shoulders. 

4) Pub on a weeknight and nightclub on a special occasion.

5) The Ed Sullivan Show the night the Beatles debuted.  

6) The demure lady is into a fabulous community project in her “spare time.”  And finding that hidden gem – a cheap, fast and good new restaurant.  

Sassy adores poking around inside a man’s head, and scours the internet to find that hot sexy photo or .gif or video to give him something to… think about, and make him look forward to being alone with her.  Have you seen the photo of the woman looking stern?  The caption reads, “I found the porn on your computer.  We should try that!”  ðŸ˜‰  Would it weird you out if I sent you some favorites?  

I’d like to know your answers to those questions.  And three other things: 

a. How old you were when you lost your virginity?

b. Is there something about you women find surprising?

c. Your perfect meal for a special occasion

=============
Kevin replied:
He started with, “Hooray!  Absolutely loved your message this morning. You’re a keeper – a inimitable combination of sexual excitement, energy and ability to articulate thoughts in real sentences.  I shouldn’t tell you this and keep you to myself, but that’s a one of a kind” then added his answers to the questions and answers to the questions I asked in return. 
Answers from Kevin

And if that wasn’t enough, you would take me to the first Beatles night on Ed Sullivan. If I could return the favor, I’d take you to a Beatles show at the Cavern Club in Hamburg, Germany in the early sixties before they hit the big time. Imagine the raw energy of the Beatles and the sexual charge of a night with wild Europeans in the early 1960’s!  But I’m getting ahead of myself. That was question 5. Here are my answers in our compatibility test:
1) You couldn’t have more eloquently stated what I am seeking sexually. My wife has lost all interest in sex. I haven’t. The basics are as alluring as an oasis in a desert, but so are the luxuries. Explode on you? How much fun would that be to get to the point and have you moaning for me to do it. Yum. I feel literally ready just imagining it as I type.  Photos and videos that you pick to seduce me? Please, please, please, please, please – send them:)
2) Broadway? Good choice. I love musicals – Avenue Q, Rent, Drowsy Chaperone (it’s super corny, but dang it, I love it!). But my remote island pick would have to be rock for its variety. If you were a stickler and limited me to one subgenre of rock, I’d adopt a ‘tude and pick blues instead:)
3) Smile. I melt for them. Sexy, sweet, sly. Yum. How would you describe yours?
4) Pub. Pubs are for talking. I like to chat and laugh.
5) See above.

6) Playing adult sports – volleyball, running, tennis, etc..  Also microbrews. And I’m a book nerd.
============
He answered my questions on another email: 
And now your final three questions:
a. How old you were when you lost your virginity?

18. First month of college after a long term high school girlfriend who thought dry humping was the bees knees.

b. Is there something about you women find surprising?


I don’t know if this counts as surprising, but I find women are way more interesting then men once you become a real adult. Women still enjoy talking about a variety of topics. Men want to talk about business and golf. At least that’s how it is in the dang suburbs. I should have stayed living in the city.

c. Your perfect meal for a special occasion

On Maui eating outside with a spectacular view of the Pacific Ocean, eating Ono, fresh pineapple and drinking a microbrew from Kona Brwing Company while staring at the beautifully tanned smile of the woman across from me.

Hope my answers hold your interest:)

xoxoxoxoxo

Your fantasy man,.

Kevin

===========
He is smart, funny and sexy… doesn’t go on about work or sports.  He is 49 and lives about an hour out of Boston.  I managed not to talk about Philip or my blog or whine about my weight!  You would’ve been proud of me!  
My head filled with images of smiling, touching, stealing kisses… groping!  And sometimes… MORE!
The fantasies roiled my brain and sometimes my body.

So the emails sailed back and forth Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He asked to meet Friday.  I told him not this weekend due to the project, but anytime after Saturday. I started to hope.  Could it be this easy? 

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AM #1 Kevin's Questions


I started to hear from men!  If you missed that part, click to read that first.

Let’s call the third man “AM #1” because he was the first, and because he had the best approach I’ve ever seen!

I wrote back to him.  He stood out because his profile didn’t use the “check boxes” for what he was looking for or what he’s like.  He wrote nice paragraphs!  I had my chat buddies look at his profile to check for any danger signs and they approved.  I felt a real spark!  He had a great sense of humor, was open and smart!  And he made me laugh!  
He told me to call him “Kevin.”  Sometimes that is a real first name, sometimes a persona they’ve chosen.  It doesn’t matter to me.  I told him I wanted to stick with Sassy and he was fine with that.  
Kevin sent me six questions, explaining he’d had great success with it as a compatibility test.   They got me thinking.  It’s so hard to choose one answer, but I ran with it. 
Kevin’s Questions
1) What are you looking for from me as a potential lover? In other words, what fantasies can I help you fulfill?

2) If you were stranded on an island with a satellite radio that only got one genre of music, what would you pick?

3) What is your favorite feature on a man?

4) Pub or nightclub?

5) If you had two magic tickets to any event, concert or show in history, where would you take me?

6) What passions do you have?
=============
Sassy’s Answers
Your questions certainly got me thinking.  Nothing like starting off a Monday with sunshine and sexual fantasies!  

1) Sassy’s Six – Equality.  Passion.  Pleasure.  Variety.  Communication.  Fun!  

If I must name one thing – I’d like to see and feel you explode on me.  I’ve never seen it… it’s always inside me somewhere!  I will help get you to that point, of course.  
  
I want an equal partner who will try things with me, and let me try things, then share what felt good and what didn’t and how to make it better.  I want different things on different days – sometimes slow and gentle savoring, other days… wham!  It’s been quite awhile for me, so the basics are very alluring.  But I read a lot, and look at…ahem…a certain kind of photos and videos that have given me a long list of things I want to see if they feel good.  

2) Broadway show tunes – varied, evocative of their time, and I can sing along!  

3) Shoulders. 

4) Pub on a weeknight and nightclub on a special occasion.

5) The Ed Sullivan Show the night the Beatles debuted.  

6) The demure lady is into a fabulous community project in her “spare time.”  And finding that hidden gem – a cheap, fast and good new restaurant.  

Sassy adores poking around inside a man’s head, and scours the internet to find that hot sexy photo or .gif or video to give him something to… think about, and make him look forward to being alone with her.  Have you seen the photo of the woman looking stern?  The caption reads, “I found the porn on your computer.  We should try that!”  ðŸ˜‰  Would it weird you out if I sent you some favorites?  

I’d like to know your answers to those questions.  And three other things: 

a. How old you were when you lost your virginity?

b. Is there something about you women find surprising?

c. Your perfect meal for a special occasion

=============
Kevin replied:
He started with, “Hooray!  Absolutely loved your message this morning. You’re a keeper – a inimitable combination of sexual excitement, energy and ability to articulate thoughts in real sentences.  I shouldn’t tell you this and keep you to myself, but that’s a one of a kind” then added his answers to the questions and answers to the questions I asked in return. 
Answers from Kevin

And if that wasn’t enough, you would take me to the first Beatles night on Ed Sullivan. If I could return the favor, I’d take you to a Beatles show at the Cavern Club in Hamburg, Germany in the early sixties before they hit the big time. Imagine the raw energy of the Beatles and the sexual charge of a night with wild Europeans in the early 1960’s!  But I’m getting ahead of myself. That was question 5. Here are my answers in our compatibility test:
1) You couldn’t have more eloquently stated what I am seeking sexually. My wife has lost all interest in sex. I haven’t. The basics are as alluring as an oasis in a desert, but so are the luxuries. Explode on you? How much fun would that be to get to the point and have you moaning for me to do it. Yum. I feel literally ready just imagining it as I type.  Photos and videos that you pick to seduce me? Please, please, please, please, please – send them:)
2) Broadway? Good choice. I love musicals – Avenue Q, Rent, Drowsy Chaperone (it’s super corny, but dang it, I love it!). But my remote island pick would have to be rock for its variety. If you were a stickler and limited me to one subgenre of rock, I’d adopt a ‘tude and pick blues instead:)
3) Smile. I melt for them. Sexy, sweet, sly. Yum. How would you describe yours?
4) Pub. Pubs are for talking. I like to chat and laugh.
5) See above.

6) Playing adult sports – volleyball, running, tennis, etc..  Also microbrews. And I’m a book nerd.
============
He answered my questions on another email: 
And now your final three questions:
a. How old you were when you lost your virginity?

18. First month of college after a long term high school girlfriend who thought dry humping was the bees knees.

b. Is there something about you women find surprising?


I don’t know if this counts as surprising, but I find women are way more interesting then men once you become a real adult. Women still enjoy talking about a variety of topics. Men want to talk about business and golf. At least that’s how it is in the dang suburbs. I should have stayed living in the city.

c. Your perfect meal for a special occasion

On Maui eating outside with a spectacular view of the Pacific Ocean, eating Ono, fresh pineapple and drinking a microbrew from Kona Brwing Company while staring at the beautifully tanned smile of the woman across from me.

Hope my answers hold your interest:)

xoxoxoxoxo

Your fantasy man,.

Kevin

===========
He is smart, funny and sexy… doesn’t go on about work or sports.  He is 49 and lives about an hour out of Boston.  I managed not to talk about Philip or my blog or whine about my weight!  You would’ve been proud of me!  
My head filled with images of smiling, touching, stealing kisses… groping!  And sometimes… MORE!
The fantasies roiled my brain and sometimes my body.

So the emails sailed back and forth Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He asked to meet Friday.  I told him not this weekend due to the project, but anytime after Saturday. I started to hope.  Could it be this easy? 

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Hearing from MEN!

I lost my bet that no man would contact me!  It took less than 24 hours after I signed up!

Many of the women in chat have tried Ashley Madison at one point or another, and told tales of getting 800 emails the first day and being overwhelmed but then getting to pick exactly what they thought they wanted and being lavished with attention.  I knew it would not be like that when I listed my weight (even fudging downward by 20 pounds).  
I had no idea how I would choose.  I’ve never chosen a man in my life!  They always approached me, mostly online, one at a time, years between offers.  What would happen if I got contacted by more than one man?  How could I tell anything from a profile?

So on the first day I checked the “viewed me” list and 47 men looked at my profile!  I checked the “Messages” area – 5 “winked”at me (the free way to say “I see you there and would like to talk”) and I got 3 messages (which cost money).  Of the three messages, 
  • one was canned and boring – I don’t think he looked at my profile, 
  • one was awful “text speak” “Hey How R U Babe? Wanna chat?” and 
  • one had potential.  

Now what?

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Wading into Ashley Madison

“Just Waiting” by Mike Shaw
Check out his amazing photography
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+MikeShaw/posts



How did this happen?

It was a dark and stormy night.. no, really, it was!  I was talking to a very smart and kind woman in a chat room for cheaters on a rainy Sunday night, feeling very low.  I was whining about how it had been a year since I’d seen Philip, with no plan to meet again.  And he forgot my birthday.  And so did Hubby.  No card.  No present.  Not a word.  Not even a Facebook message!  If you ever want to make a woman feel unimportant and uncared for?  Forget her birthday.

It was time to try something different.  Find someone local to make me smile, to touch me and let me touch him!  But how?

Ashley Madison

My chat pal suggested I sign up for the “married but looking” website Ashley Madison, an online dating site for married people.  That’s right… a web site where married people can hook up!  It’s free for women.  She advised me to throw together a profile – don’t think too hard about it – men don’t care what you write as long as you have a vagina!  I told her no man would write to me, with my height and weight stats sitting there.  She bet me someone would.  I told her I couldn’t imagine meeting strangers, seeing the disappointed look in their eyes when I walked in all curvy.  She said I didn’t have to meet – just chat online and enjoy the attention.  But not to rule out a meet if a guy seemed nice.  Just be careful – public place, tell someone where I went etc.

I had read a lot about Ashley Madison (“AM”).  Many bloggers talk about their adventures, and chatters are always asking for advice on their profiles, or what does it mean if someone says this or that, or why doesn’t she write back etc.  Women talked of being overwhelmed with contacts – like 800 in the first 24 hours!  Some met wonderful partners who brighten their days and give them something they aren’t getting at home.  It’s not to find a new spouse, just for fun and sex.  I had done the big emo relationship – I wanted to try having fun and sex!

AM Terms

I knew the AM terminology from reading other blogs:

  • Wink – a free way to say “Hey!  I like your profile!  Look at my profile! Write to me!” 
  • Message – an email, costs the man credits (money)
  • Chat – online talk in real time, costs the man big money
  • View – when you click on a profile, it records your visit and tells the guy you looked at him and I could see who was looking at me, wink or message them if they look interesting
  • Favorite – Men can mark a profile to add it to their list of favorites. AM will tell the lady they did it, maybe get her to look at their profile, and they tell him when she logs on.

It irked me that men had to pay, but everyone said it produced a better quality of men and made them think more carefully about who and how to approach women.  I resolved to set up a new email account and get them over there to email or chat for free as soon as I determined they were okay.

I knew how to stay anonymous.  I’d been blogging and chatting for nine months, gotten lots of safety tips about how to keep secrets online and how to meet.

AM Men 

I’d read about the different kinds of men out there and how to spot them:

  • Guilt kings – think they can cheat but guilt overwhelms them and they don’t carry through
  • Email kings – just want to email, never intend to meet
  • Chat kings – looking for cyber sex only
  • Collectors – want photos, no intension of meeting
  • One and done – favor one-night stands
  • Doms – want to control you, call them master or sir 
  • Subs – want you to control them
  • Kinks – long list of interesting things that turn them on
  • Cowards – talk and talk and then stand you up, don’t have to balls to carry through

Several chatters had recommended trying online dating, even come up with a catchy name for me to use, but I had always put them off.  But on this night, it felt worth a try.  It was not where I wanted to be, but maybe it would lead to a better place.

AM Profile Tips 

I remembered the many tips I’d read in various blogs:

  • Be confident!  Confidence is sexy!
  • Be positive!  
  • Don’t say too much – less for them to object to!  
  • Do not whine about your spouse
  • Tell them about you!  Tell them what you want!  
  • Make them laugh!  


Wading in 

I went to the site and signed up.  I spent about 15 minutes puzzling over writing a profile then sent it to several chatters to make sure I didn’t say anything stupid or dangerous.  I decided not to put up any photos.  They said it was great!  So I raised a flag to the world of married men – Me!  Right here!  SEX!

It was an interesting exercise – terrifying and exciting.  Maybe this would be the answer?!  Will I sink or swim?

by

Shallow waters



Sunday, September 16, 2012 

Dear Readers,

Fair warning!  There are going to be a different kind of posts in my blog now and then.  I hope you’ll enjoy reading them and not be too shocked at the new path I am choosing to explore.

Two years ago, I jumped into the deep waters of an extra-marital affair with Philip.  Now I’m going to try wading in the shallow waters of online dating married men.  Whee!  Will any guy write to me?  Will I meet anyone?  Will I actually get to have sex for a change?

I’ll still post my conversations with Philip – he is encouraging me to find someone local and is interested in following along on my adventures.

If nothing else, there will be great stories, I’m sure.  Please keep reading and riding the dating roller coaster with me!  Mwah!

-Sassy