Monthly Archives: May 2013

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Limber tongue


Sunday, May 6
8:42am
Good morning! 52 and fog.  Hope your flight is easy! 
10:48pm
Hope you made it and are relaxing.  This photo insisted I send it to you.  You can think about my limber tongue on your hard cock… licking. 

12:53am Phil
Thank you. love it!
12:53am
🙂

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Crushed dreams

from my private journal

Saturday, May 5, 2012 
03:30 pm – Making it clear 
He called me five times and I didn’t hear the phone because I was driving.  I got out to go into Mom’s and checked my phone and jumped back in my car to call him back!  He was exercising, took me along on the elliptical and the stairs and the run around the building as he crushed my dreams completely.  
He had told his brother and was going to tell his mother that he was leaving his wife.  He has already given notice to retire next year.  And he was thinking of being with the beach gal, the woman that he left his wife for 4 years ago. She has a house at the beach where he could move right in.
I cried.  I told him to definitely leave his wife. That I wanted him to be happy.  He deserves it.  He told me not to leave Boston… he’d seen too many friends leave all their roots for the wrong reason and end up going back after a year or so.  But he said I did need to look around for another man… get a new plan.  He said he would be my friend, help me.  I asked if the new gal knows about me and he said no.  
I feel like an idiot.  A fool.  Doomed.  Stuck.  No man who loves me… job that is screwed up.  Fat.  Old.  
The folks from chat are being very good to me. 
I told Sis and Hubby.  They are both mad at him.  And not saying what I need to hear.  Ugh.
I just want to curl up into a little ball… but I have to shower and go to a party.  Whee!

Photo by Elfriede Stegemayer
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Fine Fingering

Saturday, May 5
9:13am
Good morning! 53 gray.  Have a Saturday that shines
2:55pm
Thanks for calling this morning!  Great to hear your voice and know what’s up.  I’m so excited you may get away from your wife.  And be w/someone who will be good to you!  You deserve it!
You said you sent photos from last night?  Texts?  Didn’t get them… re-send? 
I’m very sad.  I’ve cried all over you, my sister and my husband.  I should be about done, ya think?  But that which does not kill me will make me stronger, right?  Had a nice lunch with Mom and my niece.  Time to shower and party!  Don’t feel like it, but gotta do it. Rock on, kid.  
4:54 pm [A photo of him in full dress formal uniform]
4:55 pm [A photo of him and a friend in full dress uniforms]
4:57pm Phil
I’m sorry. I have been there, sad. It sucks. 
Hope the party is good. Got some tecate and tequila here.
8:00pm
Thanks for the photos!  Man, you look so trim!  
Hope your packing is going well.  
Survived the party.  Home alone listening in chat, good distraction! 
8:37pm Phil
Ahhh. Having a margarita, ironing, making sure I have it all.
8:56pm
Your thought for tonight is my finger in your ass… while I lick everything in that vicinity. 


10:36pm Phil 
You know I love that!
10:58pm
Gosh… I usually try to mention stuff you hate but tonight I thought I’d go easy on ya…
Brand new Ben Folds Five tune… listen to the words… rock to the beat.
11:15pm Phil
Well good job baby. That’s fucking hot as hell 
11:26pm
Making me very wet thinking about it…
11:58pm
Does it make you hard?
1:04am
Sweet dreams, kid.  Safe travels.


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Beautiful Voice, Crushing Words

from my private journal 

Friday, May 4, 2012

He sent a bunch of FB messages… making it clearer and clearer that there is another woman. 
I wrote back asking if I need to worry about my health because he slept with me without a condom.  And that made him very defensive.  Said he had not seen her in years when we were together.
He called me at work!  I had not heard his voice in two months.  It was glorious to hear him… but his words crushed me.  I had about three minutes before a job interview with summer student.  I listened to him for 13 minutes… all about how he didn’t know what he was going to do but he had started talking to the woman he left his wife for 4 years ago and it was looking like he would finally have the courage to leave his wife now and might go be with the other woman.  But he didn’t know if he’d have the stones to do it.  Even though the chaplain had said he was risking his health and his marriage sounded unsalvageable (and they never say that!) 
My dreams were dying… but I couldn’t tell what he was saying exactly and I had to go back to work.  I asked him to call me tomorrow.  He said he would.  Arrrrgh!  
by

Suck that nipple

Friday, May 4
7:23 am Phil
Morning. Warm and damp today. At the gym starting my day. Well an hour ago anyway. Finishing up. Hope your day is good
8:05 am
Good morning! 51 rain. Bleh! Off to interview students for summer work. Thinking of you, trying to understand…hugs!
8:40 am
What can I do to help you smile today? Pick from the Sass menu. Silly? Sexy? Nostalgic? Amazing dreams of a brighter future? What’ll it be kid?
8:43 am Phil
Not sure I understand. I know the future will be different than what I thought. Coming to grips with that.
9:16 am
Are there household tasks you would gladly stop doing if I would do them?  I find it makes me smile to think about it, but maybe I’m weird
1:00 pm
Done with two big accounting projects! Whee! Hope you’re having a fine Friday.
1:06 pm Phil
Cool, tired but recovering. Thinking about my neighborhood buddy. We were such a great fit, had a blast, enjoyed the beach, beach music, football, the races, a love for music
1:06 pm
Did she know how you felt?
1:09 pm Phil
Should have seen it through. She was willing, still is
she knew, we were an item for 6 months
1:11 pm
Is she married still?
1:11 pm Phil
No, she was divorced almost 4 years ago
1:12 pm
So she jumped and you didn’t?
1:14 pm Phil
Yep, I separated, moved out, we made plans, and I let family, friends, kids drag me back to the exact same thing I left. I did not have the fortitude to follow through and have regretted it ever since
1:14 pm
I hear this a lot in the chat room. Have you kept in touch?
1:35 pm Phil
oh yeah
close as ever
1:36 pm
So you’re planning to go after her?
1:37 pm Phil
There would be no going after.
1:37 pm
Explain
1:42 pm Phil
She would take me today. She has been waiting for me to wake up and see the light
1:43 pm
So that’s your plan?
1:43 pm Phil
I have no plan. Lot of thoughts, lot of what ifs, lot of questions
That’s why I needed someone to talk to
1:45 pm
Very interesting.
1:46 pm Phil
Can stay and hope maybe it gets better, explore other options, hard
interesting?
1:49pm Phil
why interesting
1:59pm
That there is someone who could make your life better.  I want that for you, no matter who it is.  You could have said earlier, you know.  I am used to men with multiple options/partners. 
2:14pm
Can’t blame you… I have secrets too.  Have you had sex with her lately?  (I ask from a health perspective).  Does she know about me?  Could I be her friend also to help you both? 
2:41pm
Just a few other questions – so I know where I stand, if you have any clue.  I want you happy and not uncomfortable.  Am I an option you’re considering or should I stop thinking you’d want me?  Do you want me to be your friend? with benefits?  Let me know so I don’t make an idiot of myself, okay?  Would she do a threesome?    
2:52pm Phil
I don’t have multiple partners.  She came back into my life very recently. Drifts in and out.  Whose health are you concerned with?  Secrets?  I have been moving through life in a bit of a daze. Realized I was not happy and started looking. Found you and rekindled a friendship which I enjoy very much.  She and I have talked back and forth, her not interested in looking for anything new; me, not sure what I wanted.  She went from married, to me, and has not been with anyone else until several months ago. She met a guy, and tried dating again. Did not work out.  We were not exclusive, did not ask her for that. I could not make up my mind what I wanted.  I am still a long way from doing anything.  I know I need to do something and we were very good.  I don’t really have a lot of secrets. I don’t like them much.
I don’t know if I will leave.  It’s a big step.  I’m not a multiple partner person. Not my thing. I don’t jump from bed to bed.  I’m going to call you. 
4:24pm
Thank you very much for explaining, and for calling!  Sorry I could not talk more, but no privacy at work.  Arrgh!  I hope we can talk tomorrow… feels very productive.
4:50pm
I am in the same spot (w/out a 3rd option).  I want to leave – I want to be with you.  I am trying not to cry because I desperately need rescuing, and you feel like the man to do it.  But I also hear you saying someone else is your first choice, so maybe we leave for different people and help each other do that. 
5:09pm
But dammit, Philip… You’ve used up enough of your life being unhappy, dreading going home, untouched, unsupported.  Don’t jeopardize your health!  Get away from your wife! When you move, send her somewhere else.  Start living your life. Spend time alone, spend time with (I need some nickname? Neighbor Gal?), time with me… explore your options! 
Headed home… have a good evening, my dear dear man.
11:29 pm
Hey kid. Your thought for tonight is my breasts. Your mouth on one hard nipple, your fingers twisting the other… and me moaning… hips rolling… mmmm. Sweet dreams.
12:21am Phil
That’s a sweet thought.  You are such a friggin sexy thing.


by

Suck that nipple

Friday, May 4
7:23 am Phil
Morning. Warm and damp today. At the gym starting my day. Well an hour ago anyway. Finishing up. Hope your day is good
8:05 am
Good morning! 51 rain. Bleh! Off to interview students for summer work. Thinking of you, trying to understand…hugs!
8:40 am
What can I do to help you smile today? Pick from the Sass menu. Silly? Sexy? Nostalgic? Amazing dreams of a brighter future? What’ll it be kid?
8:43 am Phil
Not sure I understand. I know the future will be different than what I thought. Coming to grips with that.
9:16 am
Are there household tasks you would gladly stop doing if I would do them?  I find it makes me smile to think about it, but maybe I’m weird
1:00 pm
Done with two big accounting projects! Whee! Hope you’re having a fine Friday.
1:06 pm Phil
Cool, tired but recovering. Thinking about my neighborhood buddy. We were such a great fit, had a blast, enjoyed the beach, beach music, football, the races, a love for music
1:06 pm
Did she know how you felt?
1:09 pm Phil
Should have seen it through. She was willing, still is
she knew, we were an item for 6 months
1:11 pm
Is she married still?
1:11 pm Phil
No, she was divorced almost 4 years ago
1:12 pm
So she jumped and you didn’t?
1:14 pm Phil
Yep, I separated, moved out, we made plans, and I let family, friends, kids drag me back to the exact same thing I left. I did not have the fortitude to follow through and have regretted it ever since
1:14 pm
I hear this a lot in the chat room. Have you kept in touch?
1:35 pm Phil
oh yeah
close as ever
1:36 pm
So you’re planning to go after her?
1:37 pm Phil
There would be no going after.
1:37 pm
Explain
1:42 pm Phil
She would take me today. She has been waiting for me to wake up and see the light
1:43 pm
So that’s your plan?
1:43 pm Phil
I have no plan. Lot of thoughts, lot of what ifs, lot of questions
That’s why I needed someone to talk to
1:45 pm
Very interesting.
1:46 pm Phil
Can stay and hope maybe it gets better, explore other options, hard
interesting?
1:49pm Phil
why interesting
1:59pm
That there is someone who could make your life better.  I want that for you, no matter who it is.  You could have said earlier, you know.  I am used to men with multiple options/partners. 
2:14pm
Can’t blame you… I have secrets too.  Have you had sex with her lately?  (I ask from a health perspective).  Does she know about me?  Could I be her friend also to help you both? 
2:41pm
Just a few other questions – so I know where I stand, if you have any clue.  I want you happy and not uncomfortable.  Am I an option you’re considering or should I stop thinking you’d want me?  Do you want me to be your friend? with benefits?  Let me know so I don’t make an idiot of myself, okay?  Would she do a threesome?    
2:52pm Phil
I don’t have multiple partners.  She came back into my life very recently. Drifts in and out.  Whose health are you concerned with?  Secrets?  I have been moving through life in a bit of a daze. Realized I was not happy and started looking. Found you and rekindled a friendship which I enjoy very much.  She and I have talked back and forth, her not interested in looking for anything new; me, not sure what I wanted.  She went from married, to me, and has not been with anyone else until several months ago. She met a guy, and tried dating again. Did not work out.  We were not exclusive, did not ask her for that. I could not make up my mind what I wanted.  I am still a long way from doing anything.  I know I need to do something and we were very good.  I don’t really have a lot of secrets. I don’t like them much.
I don’t know if I will leave.  It’s a big step.  I’m not a multiple partner person. Not my thing. I don’t jump from bed to bed.  I’m going to call you. 
4:24pm
Thank you very much for explaining, and for calling!  Sorry I could not talk more, but no privacy at work.  Arrgh!  I hope we can talk tomorrow… feels very productive.
4:50pm
I am in the same spot (w/out a 3rd option).  I want to leave – I want to be with you.  I am trying not to cry because I desperately need rescuing, and you feel like the man to do it.  But I also hear you saying someone else is your first choice, so maybe we leave for different people and help each other do that. 
5:09pm
But dammit, Philip… You’ve used up enough of your life being unhappy, dreading going home, untouched, unsupported.  Don’t jeopardize your health!  Get away from your wife! When you move, send her somewhere else.  Start living your life. Spend time alone, spend time with (I need some nickname? Neighbor Gal?), time with me… explore your options! 
Headed home… have a good evening, my dear dear man.
11:29 pm
Hey kid. Your thought for tonight is my breasts. Your mouth on one hard nipple, your fingers twisting the other… and me moaning… hips rolling… mmmm. Sweet dreams.
12:21am Phil
That’s a sweet thought.  You are such a friggin sexy thing.


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FFF Turn

Here’s the Flash Fiction Prompt from Advizor54’s blog.  Pop over there to see what he and other fabulous bloggers wrote about this photo.  
Key word – “turn“
Word Limit = 250
Extra Credit – Include any one or more of the following: sisters, revenge, church choir, or the names Cindy, Kirsten, or Arielle
Bonus points – Complete one new sexual act before this posts (a new location would also count)
===========
Don’t think about.  Just do what they tell you.  
How did I let myself get talked into this shoot?  It is A LOT of money for half a day’s work, and the guy has a great ass.  And there’s a woman director named Arielle.  Heh… such a porno name.  Did she come up through the ranks? 
It will be over soon.  Soon. 
The lights are hot.  The sheets scratchy.  The mattress too soft and smells funny.  But the guy had gentle hands.  He isn’t being too familiar, only doing what she tells him.  
I can buy a big lobster dinner.  New clothes.  Maybe fix my car.  
Concentrate.  Don’t think about how fabulous his skin feels.  This is a job.  An art film.  Cough cough.  I hope no one I know sees it.  Especially the people in my church choir.  Though that tenor in the back row would probably love it.  I can never run for political office now.  Or be Miss America.  Just as well!  

Maybe I’ll show Stewart.  Would he like it?  Like me better?  Hmmm… better sex?  
How are they going to make this look sexy?  It feels so fake!  The shots are so vanilla.  Editing maybe… sure hope so.  
“Turn over!’ She shouts.  Ah, now things are getting more interesting.  No one will notice me with this hunk’s ass in the foreground.  
“And… cut!  That’s a wrap!  Thank you all.”  I survived! 
“Wanna finish without an audience?”  he whispers. 
“Roland!  Let’s go home!” she orders.  
by

Beach gal


Thursday, May 3
7:59 am Phil
Wow, much more than I was expecting. I enjoy every second we have as well. We have chemistry and genuine feelings for each other and enjoy being together. We are very different people though from very different backgrounds. Your life is in Boston, you would miss it terribly, trust me on that. My life is in some beach town and I would miss that horribly. I’m athletic and I enjoy athletic things, I love to walk, run, play. Could we be happy together, who knows. A lot goes into living with someone and it is not always easy. 

I never told you about my entire situation. Never seemed to come up. My wife is not your Hubby.  My wife’s issues are that she is very selfish, always has been, she is also lazy, always has been. Those are two attributes I do not share and they drive me crazy. When sex becomes a chore and merely a tool to get the other to leave you the hell alone and quit bitching, it tells you something. I left 4 years ago I believe. Fell head over heals in love with my neighbor. I will tell you if you want to hear. I have a few issues that plague me and no clue where to go. Talked to one of my chaplains for a couple hours yesterday. I just needed to talk to someone before I exploded. When people look at me and ask if I’m alright, I know it is starting to affect me and to show. You don’t want to hear this. Would we fit, yeah I think so but I think other things would interfere and that’s never good. We spent a very short time together long ago and a few short interludes since and we have a tie on here but it takes a lot more than that to get to know someone to feel completely comfortable and at ease. It’s a process and not an easy one all the time. 

I liked the fun thought by the way.
8:17 am
Good morning! 46 rain bleh. Thanks for all your thoughts. I want to hear them all. Good, bad, sexy, serious…we may not have had face time,.but we have written and talked more than most couples! Have a great Thursday!
What did the chaplain say? Did you talk about me?
8:25 am Phil
I talked to Chaps about my wife and my feelings there. She was stunned by all the pent up emotion, anger. Said I had to do something before it affects me physically. I will tell you my entire past several years if you really want to hear it. Not sure you really do. I have never told anyone.
8:27 am
I want to be the one you talk to. Especially if it can help you.
8:32 am Phil
Ok. When I have time, I will tell my sordid tale.
9:02 am Phil
I need a real friend, someone to listen and offer advise. I know what I want, know where I want to be, how do I get there.
9:08 am
Can I be that? I want to
9:08 am Phil
You sure about that Sass?
10:52 am
It is what it is, right? Might as well unload it
2:16pm
A hint?  I am dying of curiosity over here.  I told you I would be your friend no matter what.  I just want you to be happy.  
3:22pm Phil
Huh? What?
Did you know I moved out almost 4 years ago and was in and out for the next year and a half?
3:31pm
Yes.  You told me.   I was not clear on the timing or the duration, but I know that you left.  And dated someone else.  You said your children convinced you to go back? 
3:44pm Phil
Married 29 years, never strayed once. Rock solid. I was a choir boy. Started to realize several years ago that I was not real wild about my wife.  She was never much of a cook or house keeper. She was always selfish. My wife always came first. The women has more jewelry than the average jewelry store. She has craft supplies beyond belief, all kinds of other gadgets.  Crafting takes time, energy and motivation of which she has none.  She has never held a real job.  She has a degree and should have been earning a nice salary and retirement. Never worked anywhere with benefits or that paid decently. She does absolutely nothing outside as far as yard work. Does not much inside. I have been the gardener, house keeper and chef for too many years. I don’t have a partner. Have felt that way for many years.  At some point she started bad mouthing me to her friends and the neighbors.  Talking about me being an asshole and just a dick and a pay check.  She did it when I could hear it and I was supposed to take it.  The good news was I was gone on deployments and travelling a tremendous amount so I really did not care.
   The last few years I was home a lot more.  Spending most of my time drinking with the guys in the neighborhood, all of us talking about our wives being bitches, not giving It up or whatever.  A new family moved in down the street and the woman and I took an immediate liking to one another.  We hung out in their garage, drank beer, played darts, listened to tunes.  We just hit it off and always seemed to end up at the same table at neighborhood events or in the same corner of the yard.  We often talked and laughed for hours.  All innocent stuff about kids, yards sports, nothing inappropriate at all. Everyone had pools in the neighborhood and I noticed that she had one of those asses you just want to take a bite out of.  I thought I was being discreet but apparently not.
4:28pm Phil
told you it was a sordid tale
4:36pm
Where is the sordid part? 
4:58pm
Heading home.  Eager to hear more.  *Pats you gently on the shoulder.*
8:39pm
Your thought for tonight is me lying naked next to you… sleeping quietly… my chest rising and falling, the curve of my hip… a peaceful smile on my face. 

11:15 pm
Is it hailing there? I’m see photos of hailstones from my Chi friends. Hope you’re safe inside somewhere!
11:47 pm Phil
Not here. Sitting out having a cigar
1:00 am
Phew. Thanks for saying. I’ll leave you in peace then.



by

Jump

Jump by Val Halen

8:45pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlq0lYB3iSM
Jump lyrics
Songwriters: Van Halen, Alex; Van Halen, Edward; Roth, David Lee;
I get up, and nothin’ gets me down
You got it tough, I’ve seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what’s real
Ah, can’t you see me standin’ here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen
Ah, can’t you see what I mean?
Ah Might as well jump (Jump)
Might as well jump
Go ahead an’ jump (Jump)
Go ahead and jump

Ow oh
Hey you
Who said that?
Baby, how you been?
You say you don’t know
You won’t know until you begin
So can’t ya see me standing here
I got my back against the record machine
I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen
Ah, can’t you see what I mean?
Ah
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Jump
Might as well jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Get it in, jump
(Jump)
Go ahead and jump
Jump
Jump
Jump
Jump




by

Jump with me

Week 38

Wednesday, May 2, 2012
8:10am
Good morning! 46 cold cloudy.  Have a wonderful Wednesday!
8:17am Phil
Good morning. What would you do? If you had two paths: 

– One that guarenteed financial security and a comfortable although boring life. With someone who is a good person who you have feelings for but are not in love with. 

– The other, loss of that financial security, risk of alienating family and friends but with a person you long for, laugh with and enjoy. 

Would you take the risk or play it safe?  Harder than it sounds. 

This is hypothetical. I have asked others who said they would stick with what they had if it was not painful. Others emphatically said they would go for it. Lot of risk in going for it. Lots of unknowns. What do you think? I told one of my young officers the other day who said he and his wife were room mates, that was not good enough. You will grow old with regrets.  There is more to it than that.

10:12am Phil
Hope your day is good.

11:14am Phil
Did not mean to freak you out with the above question. It’s hypothetical based on a conversation I had the other day. Interesting issue and I think I know what I would do. I value your judgement cause you are a very bright girl and you tend to think along the same lines as I do. The other piece of the conversation is does it matter how old you are or how much the financial loss would be. Stay safe and just muddle along in a decent, not miserable life or say fuck it and go for the gusto. My brain gives me one very logical answer and one that I have heard other people say. My heart says something completely different. I’ve never really become a grown up.  I act that way because my job requires it but otherwise I’m a pretty carefree goofball who loves to have a good time. Just curious what you think and I know you are in a life position to have perhaps thought about this.
11:22am
Hiya!  Busy – staff meeting at noon, interviewing three students who might work for us this summer, helping boss prep for trip.   Tough to do when all I want is to read over a message on FB and come up with exactly the right reply…
8:19pm
Finally home!  Whoo… crazy day.  Thank you for asking my opinion.  I am not freaked out.  I’ve thought a lot about the question over the past year.   I have three thoughts – general, personal and a story. 
8:36pm
Why did you tell that officer there should be more? 
In general, I have told lots of people I know:
1) No one can answer for you.  Too many variables, all very personal.
2) Take your time to decide. 
3) Talk to people.  Ask as many questions as you can of your new love and experts and trusted friends to know the consequences of each option.  There will still be unknowns. That’s okay.  The only things for sure in the life are death and taxes and neither of those are any fun!
4) Change is never as bad as you think.  If you don’t change, it will still be as bad as it is or worse next year.
5) If this change doesn’t work, change again. 
6) Money isn’t important.  Happiness is. 
On a personal level, go back and look at 1-6 above with your own life in mind.  What do you want to do?  How can I help?
8:53pm
For the record, it is unbelievably tough to say this in a Facebook message when it feels like the rest of my life is on the line.  But I will try.
I love you, Philip.  I want you in my life.   Do you know what it takes for me to say that?
I am not used to thinking of myself and I don’t take risks.  Before I met you, I thought, “I could never leave my husband, my family, my projects or my job. I don’t need a physical relationship.”  Now I think, “If I am with Philip, everything else will fall into place. I need someone to touch me sometimes.  And let me touch him.”
 I am ready to make you happy.  It scares the crap out of me, but I need to find out.  I want a true partner in life.  And I want to be a true partner to you.  We deserve to be happy and lead a full life.  Sex is part of it, but talking, working, living together, loving, giving each other space, being part of each other’s families, fetching you a beer… so many other things are part of it.   I don’t think either of us can quite fathom how amazing our lives will be when we don’t have to do everything ourselves! 
8:59pm
I read an amazing blog post.  (Of course, it has disappeared so I can’t just send you a link).  It was written by a married man trying to support his beloved as she considered leaving her husband and starting a new life together.  It was called “Jump with Me.”  He told her about wanting to sky dive.  It was very scary, but he wanted to fly and see the amazing view.  But more than that, he wanted someone to jump with him.  To hold his hand and experience the thrill, and then be around to talk about it later and share the memories.  

Now, I have no urge to throw myself out of a plane.  But I do want to take a big scary step and see a new life.  And I want you with me.  Today, tomorrow and forever.  Jump with me, Philip?
10:25 pm
So… that was all way too serious. Time for some FUN! Your thought for this evening is me giving you a massage…