Dear Readers!
Today I have a special treat for you – a duet! Two bloggers in one post. Kinky, hunh?! The fabulous and talented sexy blogger Ryan Beaumont of “
The Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad” invited me (yes me!) to write a post together! Well… not exactly together but one right after the other! So you get twice as much sexy, silly, strange and super-duper intense thoughts today! I get to go first!
No Sex
Okay… I was one of those women who didn’t like sex. It was something men did to me and I endured. I liked making them happy. I liked romance and kisses but the rest? Eh. What was the big deal? My husband decided years ago that he wasn’t into me, so I decided that part of my life was over. I didn’t miss it. I turned it all off.
Sex!
Then all that changed. Philip turned me back on again! And wow, did he ever turn me on! I thought it was all talk… I knew he’d never touch a curvy old married lady. What a surprise I got! He touched me and took care of me first! Wow! The bigger surprise was that I liked it! Craved it! Wanted more!
What sex?
When he asked me what I wanted in bed, my answer was, “I don’t know.” Imagine that – a man asking me what I want! He helped me figure it out. Now I can go for paragraphs! For those who don’t have all day, it distills down to “Men. And Sex.” Whee!
Words!
As part of my sexual resurrection, and in writing here, I realized how much language makes for great sex. I know, Silent Sams can still be super-sexy but, especially in long distance relationships, talking and writing about sex is a major component, and the words you use for body parts are a crucial part. Read my sexy chats with Philip – we get going on body parts! We even use the
seven words you can’t say on TV (bless you George Carlin). I am demure in real life, so you know Sassy is in action when you start hearing those!
Listen!
When you are getting to know someone online – flirting, exploring the possibilities for more – the words you choose make a huge difference! Pay attention to the words they use – discuss what inspires you, and what makes you cringe! Here are some of my likes/dislikes on the language front:
a. Slut etc
I am a good girl. I do the right things. I am nice to people. And I think sex is a healthy, positive thing. So the whole “slut, whore, bitch, dirty, naughty” vocabulary makes me feel like you don’t know me and I want to argue with you. I know there’s a movement to reclaim those words and use them in an adoring way, but I am not there. I suffered terribly in high school with the undeserved “slut” tag and haven’t been able to joke about it. It feels like a vicious slap. I get that some men see it as a compliment… but not for me. I made a little progress when a blogger told me I could be “his slut” rather than “a slut” but it still raised my hackles.
b. Baby
I hear this word a lot. I know it is an endearment. But I don’t like it. I am NOT a baby. I am a big wild full grown WOMAN. I didn’t like “girl” either until Philip starting using it… but he is talking about the girl that I was… harkening back to the golden days we spent holding hands and kissing in high school. So this points up the importance of taking a breath and changing your mind sometimes, depending on the context.
My mother was very proper, so vulgarity is also tough. But I have learned to appreciate and use George Carlin’s seven words, especially fuck. 🙂 Shit, tits… I don’t use them much, but they don’t jar. I prefer chest, breast… If you hear them, you know something special is going on! And when Sassy gets going, it is amazing the sentences that fly from her mouth, as you’ve seen in our chats. I even typed cunt a couple of times! Used as a body part and not an insult, it can produce very hot results.
d. Body parts
Medical words are no good for me… clinical yuck. Penis, vagina. labia, rectum…oh, just stop.
I’m fine with cock, dick, ass, tits, breast, chest, clit, belly, tummy… and I try to pay attention to what the guy uses and adopt it. And gauge his mood by what words he is using. I try to vary it in my writing. I read a lot of romance novels years ago and try not to use their language! Bulging manhood. Heh.
I am still looking for a good word for the “back door?” “Rim?” Ass hole springs to mind but has too much baggage. Any ideas?
And finally.. I need a new word for what most men call pussy. I learned to read that one and not giggle, but it’s tough. I looked at a website that had like… 2000 synonyms and didn’t see one I liked. I can’t believe I don’t have a word for such an important body part… probably says something about our culture that is too deep for me to grasp. So my writing avoids it. “Inside me…?” My kingdom for a good word! Any suggestions?
P.S. I love the phrase “balls deep.” Oh yeah. Got that from
another blogger and I am keeping it! Any particular phrase that makes you hot every time you read it?
Of course, now that I’ve written all that, I want to STOP TALKING and have sex! Arrrrgh!
On that note, I will turn you over to the goofmeister himself, the man who a living illustration of the art of sprezzatura, has the most eclectic musical tastes this side of the Atlantic Ocean – the sports aficionado, the fabulously handsome sexy and wordy, hits and comment whore himself…. Mr. Ryan Beaumont!
Ryan’s Take:
Oh Sassy, you’ve crossed a line with me! “Sprezzatura?” Really? You know at first I was so sure you calling me something like a little weenie in Greek or some other dead language I slept through in high school. And so I had to google (I hate when a girl makes me have to google myself). OK, so I guess it’s OK. And of course you are A-OK! But then I realized you kind of did my theme for me which is good because I’ve always believe “why do it yourself when you can get a woman to do it for you!” 🙂
Sprezzarura – “a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it” (that’s googled of course).
Seems like this whole concept of confidence and getting the words right might have something to it. I wonder?
So through most of my life with Shannon sex was a reward for good behavior. Nice dinner = sex. Trip to the beach = sex. Bad mood = No sex. And Shannon always held a grudge so make up sex was something that happened after Ryan did something to make up from his screw up.
Then as I said above I met Alecia. She actually had the audacity to ask me to kiss and then said provocatively that
“we’re going to have sex.” Wow, now that is a lady. Unfortunately it didn’t last.
But then I met
Sandra and I delighted in being her “boy toy.” Now that lady surely did like sex; no strings AT ALL! It seemed effortless with her. I just showed up, smiled, listed to her complain about her hapless overweight husband and then boingo! I got laid. She delighted in the fact that I wanted her to feel good when I fingered her and rubbed her clit and massaged her inside and up and down that pubic bone. She giggled when I insisted we play in the shower after sex, knowing it would lead to a second time in front of the mirror and she would get a good view of me behind her.
And during all this time I was reading these blogs by women like
Kat and
Naughty Kitty about women who just LOVED sex. It seemed all a guy needed to do was find them and win the sex jackpot!
But then sometimes I’d read
one of Kat’s posts and she would talk about yucky stuff like needed to feel a connection and that she needed to feel respected and listened to. Now my head was spinning! Hey Kat, yesterday you were talking about hooking up with
“Young hottie” and now I have to get on the same mental wave length. I just wanted to get into the quick sex line, I didn’t realize I had to think as well.
But still those ladies wrote about just needing “a good *ucking” or really enjoying the taste of cock.
What did this mean. Were we back to being a code talker?
 |
Can’t they just blow us first
and then talk? |
And then it hit me one day. These women, in fact most women, do in fact like sex. No actually they love it. Hell, if they could they’d get nailed everyday from about every angle possible. But the catch was, WITH THE RIGHT GUY (doing it the right way). So was that a big catch? Not really. You see in this world unless you enjoy going the Lesbo route us guys are the only game in town. When you look at it that way these women are really at our mercy. It’s like pulling off at one of those exits between Staunton and Lexington on I-81; no good options. That is unless you are like me and enjoy a good greasy spoon sometimes and don’t mind the subtle smell of armpit.
So here is the secret guys, listen up. Women do like sex. The funny thing is they are really rooting for us. Take Kat for instance. How many times has she written about her husband being a complete imbecile when it comes to reading her emotions (sorry Kat, I know he really is a good guy). And yet she keeps coming back. Why? She’s rooting for him.
You see back in the day when I was Sandra’s “boy toy,” those minutes I listened to her yackety yacking about her dogs, her hair appointment, her husband forgeting to change the oil in the car, her rascal of a son-in-law, what I was doing unknowingly was connecting. The bottle of wine that I picked up for $15 said I took the time to think about her
.
So I’ve come full circle. Women are a code to be unlocked. But the thing is they are not like a 15 digit Krypton safe. Really, the code is in most cases pretty easy and probably fairly cheap. It’s the few minutes you spend hearing that she likes Italian and then confidently telling her you really have been wanting to show her this Italian restaurant that you adore. Your eagerness, confidence, and caring, that delicate mixture of beta with the subtle shift to confident alpha will crack the code every time.
It gets back to that sprezzarurafication Sassy was talking about (at least I think). Make the art of discovering her easy, carefree, and as effortless as breathing and she’ll jump yer bones like it’s goin’ out ‘O style! Because in the end she likes sex and she’s routing for YOU! So go out there and don’t waste her time “Show” her!
Julie Andrews singing “Show Me” from “My Fair Lady”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8KC7a4K3cI
