Listening

Tuesday, May 29
7:22am Phil
Good morning. A fairly relaxing weekend although tough mentally.  Appreciate the distraction yesterday. Amazing the effect words can have on you.  Should just roll off and no big deal but I am having a hard time with this. It was said with such venom and anger too.  After a very quiet evening last night, she wishing she could suck it back in, me wishing I was anywhere else. She never once said, I did’nt mean it, I’m sorry, forgive me, just tried to justify it. 

I slept in the office last night. She was not upset that I was gone, she was still pissed all night long. I spent some time wandering the house looking at old stuff and reminising. I remember getting much of it and there were good times and fond memories and just as many not so good and not so fond memories as well. It’s always been a mix. Not a lot of romance over the years.  Can’t remember the last time the sex was good or I actually wanted it. This morning as I was walking out the door, I get, I love you , have a nice day and all I could think was, no, you don’t.  Just hard. Enough whining, I hope your day is good and it’s a fun week. At least its a short one!
8:34am Phil
Maybe I am just too sensitive. Just seemed like a really big thing to me.
8:48am
Dear dear man… I want to hold you and pour my love and support into you.  You are a good man.  This is about her, not you.  It is ugly and hurtful, but proves you’re, as always, doing the right thing by breaking away.  This is a tough road, but it leads to a better place.  
8:56am Phil
I guess but seems like I must have had a significant part to make her say something like that.  I don’t think this was me though. I’m starting to believe what everyone has always said. She likes the status and life style I have afforded her. Me, she’s not so wild about.
1:17pm
Hiya, kid.  Fun time at the podiatrist – He said I have “good feet.”  Ha!  Work is crappy after being out but I’m catching up.  I’m taking 5 min for lunch and to let you know I’m thinking of you.  We’re people who want everyone to like us, because we try to make others happy.  But it doesn’t always work.  *sigh  Hoping work is taking your mind off it.  Remember I am here to listen.  Call me if you want to talk about it or not talk about it or whatever. 
1:23pm Phil
It’s ok. Just hard to hear I guess cause I would never say it. She thinks its trivial and I am overreacting. I see it as pretty significant. One of those things that should never come out of your mouth unless you really mean it and even then you really should reconsider. Nothing good is going to come from it
1:56pm
It’s HUGE!  I’ve listened to men in the chat room who took hearing that very hard – “how can I be the kind of guy whose wife hates him?” and they are good men, and “how can she not understand how this hurts me?”  So it’s natural you’re feeling it.  There are different types of people, and it is clear your wife is one and you’re another.  Once again, she is selfish and not considering your very valid feelings.  Something good is coming of it – you are going to remove a major source of irritation from her life? Divorcing spouses say things no one should ever say or have to hear.  Try to get past this emo stage and on to logistical details.  Take it one day at a time.  Listen to your music.  Let me distract you.  This too shall pass.  {{hugs}}
2:10pm 
Watch this cat video.  It makes me laugh every time.  Go to youtube and search for “cat vs printer translation”  In 47 seconds you will giggle, I swear.  If you don’t, you can spank me.  😛
3:46pm Phil
I’m ok.  Not like there has not been nastiness out of her before.  Went on the trip and that was telling as hell for me.  I wanted to sit by the pool and relax. She got hot and bored with that inside an hour. Wanted to do the pub crawl. She endured but it was clear she was not enjoying it.  The beach, she did not even put on a swim suit, would not sit by the water. All signs to me. 

It’s hard to look back over 30 plus years and the kids lives, dogs, cars, memories good and bad and realize all of that will be over.  Just hard to look at all the stuff and understand it’s all going away. But I want to relax, to look forward to going home, to be excited about weekends and time off again. I have an event coming up on Thursday and I know I am going to have to clean for that. She will do whatever dish she is making, and the rest is me.  At least I have events every night this week.  So the rest of the week will pass quickly.  Heading into the gym which always helps as well.
4:01pm
You are incredibly rational about all this!  Thank you very much for explaining.  I hope it helps you. The bad things will go away… and be replaced by wonderful things and people!  You have good memories and will make new ones. You deserve to be relaxed and happy.  And so does your wife.  Yay fun stuff at night!  Rock the gym!  Show me more of that sexy new body… off to a meeting! 
1:30 am
Stayed late listening in chat. Can’t stop looking at your recent photos! You have made your body into the ultimate… mmmm… what was I saying? Hubba hubba mister. Sleep well.



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Sassy Girl

It's the gal you knew in high school that you've wondered about. And she's got something to say! Time to heat up old flames!

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