Reconnection: The First Message

How did it start?  On a warm summer Wednesday afternoon during a crazy week at work, I got home after a long day, and settled down at my desk to read a bunch of personal emails on my laptop in air-conditioned comfort with a big glass of water.  I had just taken a sip when I saw a message from Classmates.com that said “You got a PRIVATE MESSAGE from Phil Xxxxx.”  I sprayed water all over my keyboard!  


Are you listed on that site?  Classmates.com tries to be a social network, listing the people from your class in high school who sign up, but it doesn’t get on most people’s radar.  They send a lot of email but you can’t get to the good stuff without buying a GOLD MEMBERSHIP.   I’ve managed to resist.  I had fun in high school but I moved away to college and moved on.  My Facebook is locked down so I don’t have to hear from them.  I keep in touch with my best friend via email, and the rest?  Eh.  But this message said I could read without paying, which meant the guy paid to write to me.  And he had gone beyond the usual channels to find out more about me.  No one else had tried to get in touch.  Why him?  Why now after 30-something years?


I wracked my brain trying to remember something about this guy.  There weren’t any memories left, just a few odd facts.  
  • He was my first love.  
  • He went to my church.  
  • We dated very briefly in the 1970’s when I was a freshman and he was a junior, which in those days amounted to holding hands in the hallway and stealing a few kisses in a dark corner at a dance.  
  • He broke my heart when he dumped me with the “let’s be friends” line. 
What could it hurt to read the message?  Curiosity won and I clicked the link.
From:
Phil Xxxxx (view profile)
To:
Sassy Girl
Sent:
August 18, 2010 08:28:29 AM
Subject:
Hi, from Phil!
Hey, how have you been?  Hope life has treated you well.  Living in DC now, still in the military and enjoying it.  I get to the old home town several times a year.  Still many great memories.
Hmmmm… that was anti-climactic.  But he seems harmless enough.  Should I answer? 



Reconnect with Same Sassy Girl

So who am I?  I never know how to answer this question!

I’ve always gone by my middle name, so you can call me Sassy.  I’m that girl with the long hair that you knew in high school.  Maybe you sat next to me in homeroom or algebra or sang with me in the choir.  Didn’t we ride the bus together?  Maybe you never spoke to me.  Or you danced with me once?  Or we dated a couple of times and nothing ever came of it.  Was I your high school sweetheart?  Your first love?  Your old flame?  But you dumped me before anything really happened.  You didn’t know it then, but as the years rolled by you’ve realized that what we had was very special and you wonder what became of me.  Late at night, when your life gets crazy, you think about me.

For reasons that will become obvious, I won’t share my real name or specific location, and plan to strip all identifying details from my posts.  I will change certain details to protect myself and other people.  The specifics are not important, and could cause me a fair amount of trouble in the real world.  This blog will be our little secret.  And the less I say about me, the more you can fill in the details with what you remember about your first love.  See, won’t that make it more interesting?

There will be a lot more on this topic as we go along, but here are some basics for a start:

I am a demure woman in my early 50’s with an ordinary life with

  • a liberal arts college degree
  • a day job in an office, 
  • a husband, 
  • cats, 
  • a car, 
  • a condo
  • a loving family
  • faithful friends
i.e., nothing special.  I know lots of interesting people.  I love restaurants.  And long walks by the ocean.  I spend a lot of time clicking around the internet.  Geez, I sound like a boring personals ad!  
In typical “old married lady” fashion, most of my sex life is inside my head.  My husband and I are best friends everywhere except the bedroom.  So I gave up on that.  Turned it off.  Didn’t miss it much.   
Then my first love finds me again after 30+ years… and comes at me at 100 mph!  I discover a whole other side to myself.  And starting thinking about my past, and my future and sex in a whole new way!
Let’s get to the good stuff about how I went from zilch to a sex blogger in 60 seconds (okay, it took a little over a year… but still…)

Yes or no?

So guys… gals… let’s start right out with the tough question:

Should you or shouldn’t you?

  • Should you find that girl you were sweet on in high school?  
  • Find out what she looks like now?  
  • Find out how her life turned out?  or even… 
  • Should you get in touch with her? 
  • Find out if you still have that chemistry?   
  • Find out if she’s that same sassy girl you’ve been dreaming about all these years? 
  • Should you respond if someone from your past reaches out to you?

The short answer is NO.  If you can keep from doing it…. don’t.  That way there be dragons!

Thumb through your yearbook.  Listen to the oldies music.  Cherish your memories.  Fantasize all you want about what might happen.  Get on with your life.  I am not kidding.  Reconnecting can be a complete disaster!

It didn’t work out when you were in high school and it is very unlikely to work out now.  There are a million ways this can go wrong.  If you read up about it on the internet, there is story after story of the mess people have made of their lives trying to relive their past.  Experts warn against it.  Go ahead, Google “reconnecting with a high school sweetheart” and read up… I can wait.

If you have a jealous spouse, small children, a judgmental family, a close-knit community where everyone is going to look down on you (or worse) if you do it?  Walk away now.  You risk your marriage, your family, your livelihood, your sanity and worst of all?  A BROKEN HEART!

You’re going to do it anyway?

So you can’t resist?  If your curiosity gets the better of you and you are going to step onto the roller coaster, take a trip down memory lane and find her… or if someone has found you and you’re going to respond?  Stick around.  We’ll talk… I’m here to help.

Maybe you know better, but you want to read about what happened to me (and whoever else comments) and laugh and cry and live vicariously?  Stick around.  I’ll tell you some stories.  Maybe other folks will chime in.  We’ll all learn something.  Maybe you’ll find an old friend to reminisce about the good ole days? or you’ll be that one-in-a-million person whose dream comes true – you’ll reconnect with your true love after all these years and get married and live happily ever after.  It could happen.  Who knows, this might be fun!

Two warnings

1) I am not an expert 
        I’ve been there, done it.  Found people and been found.  Several times.  I’ve been very lucky.  And I still don’t have all the answers.  My situation is not typical.  I will try to connect you with good advice.  But take everything I (or anyone else) says with a big fat pretzel’s worth of salt.  In the end, you’re on your own.

2) Much of this is x-rated
         Let’s be honest.  Bottom line?  This is about sex.  If you don’t want to read about sexy stuff, infidelity, angst, irreverent musing and immoral behavior, move along to next blog.  I respect that.  I really do.  To each his or her own.  But it is going to get hot and heavy and crazy in here.  There are going to be stories, photos, links and even videos that involve vulgarity, naked people, deep emotions, and all sorts of wild shit!  If that sounds like fun, keep reading and leave a polite comment now and then to let me know you’re out there and what you think.

If you’re read this far, thank you.  Now let’s get to the good stuff!

Defining terms

same/sām/

Pronoun:
The same thing as something previously mentioned.
Adverb:
Similarly; in the same way.
Adjective:
Identical; not different; unchanged.
Synonyms:
adverb.  similarly – likewise
adjective.  identical – identic – like – equal – even – similar


sas·sy/ˈsasē/

Adjective:
Lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky.
Synonyms:
saucy – cheeky – impertinent – impudent – pert – forward


girl/gərl/

Noun:
  1. A female child.
  2. A person’s daughter, esp. a young one.
Synonyms:
lass – maid – lassie – maiden – wench – damsel – gal