Thursday, December 27, 2012
Good Morning Sass. Trying to figure what God is trying to tell me and have not a clue. I adore The Beach Gal but I am aware that her choices may have devastating impact. She says she chose me and seems committed. We have been here before. I saw her in July and everything was normal, we were loving and laughing, I met her Mom and Sisters, we were talking about a future. I found out that she was already talking to Floyd and he was hitting on her pretty hard. That continued until October when it became a full flown relationship. He just showed up at her door. That only happens when you give out your address, which she has done before, I watched her do it once and yanked it out of the guy’s hand after shoving him into a wall. If she gets lonely, she ends up in the bars and she gets stupid. She was in one the other night, hammered. she got all upset cause my wife and I went shopping for my kid for Christmas. She drank 20 something beers and had to be brought home. That’s how she ends up with some bar fly cause she gets flirty and they take that as interest or a player and now we have a problem Houston. I’m not going to be there till late next year or so and that’s a lot of time alone between then and now. If one of those guys had been a keeper, good hard working guy, would not have bothered me as much. Both guys were absolute creeps. Her best friend says she was paying me back for lack of attention or something and that she picks guys like that cause she knows they are not keepers and she thinks I’ll come right back. I don’t know. I can deal with depression, I can deal with drinking, I can hold that down I think, I’ve tried in the past and failed but I can’t deal with other guys. Problem is I love her so bad it hurts. My heart says yes, yes, yes – ,my brain keeps saying you better think about this. Do you say fuck you brain and go with your heart? What say you OH Guru of relationships. I’ll see The Beach Gal next week. First time since June. That will tell a lot. Does it still feel the same, do I feel distant, does it bother me that another guy slept there, ate there as recently as a month ago. Does she still look at me the same? Is the hug still as powerful as it always has been? Lot of questions will be answered within the first ten minutes I think.
I’m going to stop and see Fred as well. Coffee in a very public place. Not making the mistake of going to her place or anywhere remotely private. Don’t trust myself in that environment and not nearly ready to open that can. I’d like to see her, see what’s there, see how we look at each other. I know she would welcome me into her bed and into her life and she’s a perfect fit for my family. She would fit right in. The Beach Gal…. I’m not so sure. She bats her eyelashes, gets too close to the men, makes the other women uncomfortable. My brain is a dangerous thing, gets me in trouble but its also saved my ass. Life should be simpler. Probably would not be as much fun.
How was your evening sweet girl?
Found myself at the rainforest bar having a beer last night, I like that place, tropical and restful.
Have a great day Sass.
I talk to that silly girl though and she just makes me laugh! What are your plans today? I hope something fun!
Good morning! My, my…so many thoughts swirling! I will think and say more later. I’m off to meet an electrician for lunch. Maybe I’ll get kissed. Have a grand day!
Ooooh, have fun. If you get kissed, I want to hear about it.
Does that mean a kiss?
dish dish dish
awwwwww, hope that means the fun continues.
Have fun sweet girl!
You not talking to me any more?
Hiya… thanks of asking. Sorry…takes me awhile to figure out what I think. I will note for the record that you don’t even tell me when you are seeing your ladies and leave me alone for days to wonder! Promise to do better on that front?
I will do better. I don’t mean to ignore you.
Going next week. Very excited about seeing The Beach Gal. Apprehensive about Fred. I’m being very careful with that. There are things I will not do.
I am so excited for you! It’s great that you get to have fun!
I have enough moral conviction not to go there. I really care for Fred, we have a good time and that’s all I plan to do. I’m very much in love with The Beach Gal so it’s two very different things. I think Fred wants much more. I need to at least see her and see what I feel.
How was your lunch?
I hope you lose your morals.
I told The Beach Gal today that I have no intention of sharing her ever. Men can look all they want, she can have a good time as long as she comes over and kisses me and goes home with me. There can’t be others.
Why do you say that?
I know for a fact, she would sleep with me if I showed interest. Why lose my morals
I want you to try things, be bold, step out of the crap they saddled us with about guilt and b.s. and enjoy life. Live your fantasies! Don’t do anything that will keep you awake at night, but no one cares how many women you’ve been with… or what you do with them or how great you feel…
My problem is I really care for her a lot. I don’t want to lead her on, I don’t want to fuck her and leave her. If we go there, I want it to mean something. We have been friends for so long, pretty hot for each other for as long, I know it would be very intense and very good but I’m afraid she would blow my mind
I care baby. It’s not a guilt thing. I care about both these women, probably love them both. Will I kiss her, hug her, hold her hand, most likely.
What has been the key all along? Honesty… openess… sharing… letting it out when you are so used to keeping it bottled up. Your mind could use some explosions.
I am not advocating for either one…
Yeah maybe but these are people with feelings and hearts. Neither is someone I picked up in a bar and cared little about.
Fred would rock my world if I let her. The Beach Gal already has. So did you.
I know that if you had stuck to straight and narrow, we would never have happened… and The Beach Gal wouldn’t have… you won’t relax around Fred. .. and we are somehow the key to your happiness. So roll with it…
But I have always been a shameless hussy, so what do I know?!
I’m a pretty sensitive person I think. I’ll relax around Fred – we could always do that. I am so afraid of letting my guard down, a simple kiss turning into so much more, the touch of a hand, the brush of a hand across a breast. The girl is so frigging hot, she smolders and then that sweet southern accent comes out and I’m toast.
You a hussy? That’s bullshit.
You are another sweetheart with a big heart and a lot to give. I did not last long around you and we enjoyed some damn romantic evenings and some pretty hot nights.
You are so sweet! Thank you for saying!
You are very sensitive! You are going to hurt people but hey, we’re big girls. We’re taking our chances, putting our best selves out there for you. Check it out, make your choice.
I am trying to figure out how to help you deal with The Beach Gal’s flirting. Don’t worry about the bar guys… they mean nothing. It’s a way of reconfirming her sexiness… acting out just like the exhibitionism, or the other high-spirited stuff you enjoy. and playing with you. Like… “See what you’ve got, mister? You’ve got someone so hot she can… ” Laugh it off. Or invite the guy home and let him help you fuck her, whatever.
She is not a finite resource that gets stained or used up somehow by being around men. The less you focus on it, the less she may do it. Don’t make it a way for her to get under your skin or she will use it.
Of course… this is a “do what I say, not what I do” situation. The one thing that makes me sick to my stomach and think of walking out is Hubby’s messing with other women. But he does it inside our community, in public at parties etc… bleh.
[He called me for a report on my lunch and we talked for an hour! He wanted to hear every detail about my meet with Volt, and talk about Fred and The Beach Gal]
Thank you for calling! That was fun.