The Man With Lots of Periods

I got a message from another AM guy!

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Date:  Nov 18th – 1:41pm
From:  Rob
Message:

Hi……..read your profile……….liked it ………I am smart and funny…..I teach at a college ,am in great shape , love to please women…’real women’…..would love to chat with you and see what happens…………….hope to hear from you…………best ………….Rob
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Well well… another professor.  But what an odd format.  Maybe there was a sale on periods?  And spaces before commas.  And single quotes?  Yikes.  
I popped onto AM to check out his profile.  Let’s see… Hmmm… 5’10” and 160 pounds.  Another shorter, skinny guy.  I’m off those for now after Speedy.  Not fair to let him ruin it for all guys of his stature, but…. I need a break.
He clicked a bunch of check boxes.  Nothing scary but zzzzz.  His writing has that same explosion of periods.  Strange.  Here’s a fun line “I love a woman who smells delicious.”  Okay.  Not thrilling me.  I may be shallow to want a man who know how to punctuate, but I’m taking a pass. 
Three days later – he wrote again!  
Date:  Nov 21st – 1:20pm
From:  Rob
Message:
Hey Miss Sassy ……….it’s Rob ,again ,with my second ‘shout out’ to you …………let’s talk …….what harm would that do?………I would like to hear from you ……all the best ……………
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What?  This was my first experience with a guy writing twice.  That is so…not done!  It’s in the AM FAQ.  Don’t pester a lady who does not reply!  He spent money twice?  Hunh.  I decided to write back and say thanks but no thanks.  So here goes with my first rejection letter:
To: Rob on AM
Date:  Nov 21st – 3:31pm
From:  Sassy
Message:
Hiya Rob. My goodness! Thank you! Two messages… during a holiday week, no less! It is lovely that you are writing when everyone else is busy with family. What on earth in the profile of curvy lady or your life that would inspire that?! 
You have a great profile, but I wasn’t going to waste your time. Feel free to give me your rationale if you don’t agree. Here’s my logic. I aim to make a man happy and I don’t think I can do it for you because: 
1. I can rock your world online or on the phone, but I am a BIG gal. I don’t pay much attention to stats, but I find that men under 6 feet/ 230 pounds aren’t happy when they see me. There is such a social stigma to being with a woman about the same height and bigger… even if no one sees me but you, it is tough to fight it. It’s sad that a bright, funny, sexy woman with a gorgeous smile, blue eyes, sultry voice can’t have that offset her size but that seems to be the way of the world and the visual nature of men. 
2. I worry that I’d squish you! 
3. You picked “anything goes” and I appreciate your honesty, but I don’t want to look for someone again in a short time. 
4. Your brothers-in-cheating have muddied the waters. I’ve had bad meets, so I am shy right now. It might take me awhile to meet and you probably want someone to suck on you next week. Oops… that may have been a little too blunt. Ah, well. 
5. I smell bad. Just kidding! That’s sassy me! But I’m not into perfumes… 
You deserve the woman of your dreams! And from what you wrote, it’s not me. But I do have natural breasts! I am a boob man’s bliss. And I don’t mind chatting if you want a buddy. Give me your email or yahoo chat ID if you want off of here. Not productive if you’re looking for sex soon. But as you say, it can’t hurt. If not, Best of luck! Happy Thanksgiving! -Sassy
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Of course, he wrote right back. 
Date:  Nov 21st – 8:36pm
From:  Rob
Message:
Sassy……..it is a busy time but you must see how interested I am in getting to know you…….this was the fastest rejection I have ever received…..WOW………I really love ‘big’ women and I know I CAN ‘HANDLE’ you….you can be shy and we can take some time…….so don’t write me off so fast.I also don’t chase a thousand different women…..let me make you happy …..it can happen …..I’m in great physical shape ,take care of myself and know we can hit it off…….why not give me a chance ,we only live once ……..let’s meet for coffee soon and see what we think………I’m a good guy looking for someone to make happy…..I KNOW you will like me if we can speak in person and go slow,if that’s what you want……..don’t throw me away so fast …….have a great holiday ……I look forward to hearing from you …….soon……….best ……..Rob
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Hmmm… okay.  I’ll explore a little further.  Let’s see what he does with #1’s famous questions. 
To: Rob on AM
Date: Nov 21, 2012
From: Sassy
Hiya Rob,
Why are you so interested?  What did you see in my profile?  I know…I’m female, but besides that? 
My goodness, what a salesman you are!  It was not a rejection… just trying to tell it like it is.  Keep you from spending days talking to me and then be disappointed.  But hey, if you want to take a chance, let’s blather on.  It’s not a busy time for me.  I have four blissful days off from work!  
Okay.  Here’s my mischief email.  Use it unless it’s not safe for you?  Don’t want you getting into trouble.  [redacted] at that yahoo place.  That’s also the way to chat with me in real time if you’re up for that. 
Here’s some questions I’ve had fun hearing answers to.  Try them out?  I’ll answer in return if you like. 
1) What are you looking for from me as a potential lover? In other words, what fantasies can I help you fulfill? What do you crave? 
2) If you were stranded on an island with a satellite radio that only got one genre of music, what would you pick?
3) What is your favorite feature on a woman?
4) Pub or nightclub?
5) If you had two magic tickets to any event, concert or show in history, where would you take me?
6) How old were you when you lost your virginity? 
Ask me whatever you think might tell you if you’d be comfortable with me.  It’s so tough to know what matters other than the feel of your skin or the glint in your eye when you’re about to explode, or whether I like Heinz or Hunt’s ketchup?  
-Sassy
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Sassy Girl

It's the gal you knew in high school that you've wondered about. And she's got something to say! Time to heat up old flames!

4 thoughts on “The Man With Lots of Periods”

  1. Hey you… gotta look out for those fukken professors… just sayin’…

    Some people get on to me from time to time about my use of ellipses… but I think that is the way I talk… so there.

    Ido like your questions… :o)

    I hope all is well with you…

    ~shoes~

    1. Great to see you shoes! Mmm… professors. Yum.

      I adore a lot of ellipses but this guy? I don’t know what those are! I wonder if he has a cat that “helps him type?”

      #1 was so clever. Maybe you can answer the questions someday?

      Life is certainly better than it was this time last year!

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