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Telling other people

Too many times over the weekend I read over his messages and our chat.  They made me smile.

I looked at his Facebook account.  There were dozens of photos!  I clicked on every photo posted, soaking up details about his home, his family, his pets, and his travels.  But mostly, I stared at him.  He still had a full head of dark hair, broad shoulders, a trim body and a beautiful smile.  I cringed thinking of the half dozen photos of me online… the frumpy older lady with her husband at some party.  I hate cameras!  Thank goodness my profile photo was one of me alone of a carousel with my hair down and a big smile.

It felt like this huge thing had happened.  Which seemed silly, but there you have it.

I told other people the news and began to pick up more facts about him.

  • My little sister was out of town, so I sent her an email. 

I hope you had all your excitement pre-flight and the rest was easy.

The relentless Classmates.Com send me an email saying “you’ve received a private message from Phil Xxxxx.”  I thought…”That’s it…they may have finally found a way to make me give them money.”  But then I thought, “Hey!  Maybe I can find him on Facebook.”  Couldn’t find him on Facebook.  So I googled him, found him on LinkedIn.  But can’t see details.  But that gave me enough info to find him on Facebook.  But wait…I don’t remember anything about him.  No point really.

So I went back to the Classmates message and thought  “I wonder how far it will let me get before it asks for money?”  and started clicking.  Lo and behold, it let me see the message for free!
From:  
Phil Xxxxx (view profile)
To:  
 my name
Sent:  
August 18, 2010 08:28:29 AM
Subject:  
Hi, from Phil!
Hey, how have you been?  Hope life has treated you well.
Living in DC now, still in the military and enjoying it.
I get to the old home town several times a year.  Still many great memories.
There was a photo. Can’t see the guy I knew, but it seems harmless enough, so I sent a friend request on Facebook.  Then I realized this broke my resolve never to friend anyone from high school.  So I go check to see if he has any friends from there.  Nope.  Heh.  

We’ll see.  You can tell me I’m a dope now.

-S

She thought the photo looked like him and said, “I can’t believe you friended him.  He hurt you so badly!”  I couldn’t believe she remembered that… she was in first grade when he left town!  
  • I sent a Facebook message to my best friend from high school, asked her if she remembered him.  She said she did and she couldn’t believe I didn’t because I had adored him and been so hurt when we broke up.  She remembered that he had long brown hair and was an athlete.  She thought it was a good thing it wasn’t one of my other goofy boyfriends (that she’d also dated) that had contacted me.  
  • I went to visit my mom and dad.  They remembered him fondly from church, said he had a beautiful voice and sang in the choir.  My mother said he was a good boy, always around to help out at events.  She thought she’d seen a photo in the local paper that he was promoted.  
  • I told my online penpals.  There were about half a dozen friends I wrote to every week.  I was fascinated at how their reactions varied from curiosity to a warning about married men who contact old flames to ignoring that news altogether!
  • I told my husband I’d heard from my first boyfriend in high school, and that he wanted to take me out for pizza when he was up here in December.  He thought that was interesting.  

I was surprised how much I thought about him.  I wanted to know more.
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Two messages and a chat

I didn’t have to wait very long.  The very next morning, he sent me a Facebook message.


August 20 at 9:50am

Sassy,
How you doing? I see you are still living in Mass. In Washington myself. This is an account that I have tried to shut down. Looked for you from the FB account I use and could not find you. Guess you have searches blocked. look for me under Phil Xxxxx or email is pXxxxx1@xxxxx.net. Hope life is treating you well. I see a big smile so I assume that to be the case. Look forward to hearing from you.
Phil
I stared at it awhile.  It was so folksy!  straightforward and well-written with a little info and two ways to get more.   Which I desperately wanted to do.   So I starting writing.  I re-wrote it about 50 times, trying to be completely honest, upbeat and brief. 
August 20 at 10:55am
Philip! Wow! What a blast from the past! Great to see your smiling face on Classmates. I wish we could sit down over a pizza. 🙂
The FB account you’re trying to ditch is the only one that shows up when I google you or search FB. I can’t find your preferred account under that name or email either…I just enabled my public search setting, so you should be able to find my FB account with your other account now. Give it a try? Or we could switch to email. sass@xxxxx.net. Whatever you prefer.
I’d love to hear about your life, family, work etc. Are you in D.C. itself or a burb? We visit Rockville MD sometimes. Who do you keep up from the old home town? My entire family lives here now – my parents moved over here – so I don’t go back anymore.
So ask me whatever you want to know, and tell me lots of news!
I sat at my desk at work, wondering if I’d said the right thing.  When will he write back?

I got another message very quickly!

August 20 at 11:20am
I do go back to the old home town fairly often. My entire family is still there. My brother lives there so I stay up there fairly often. I think of you every time I drive by the old church. Think about your Dad too. I hope he is doing well.
I don’t see that many people when I am in town. Most have moved away. I usually see people with my brother. The town seems to be fading but then I guess it always was. Still nice to go up there. Its a nice change from my place.
I have been in the military all these years. Its been a wonderful life. I’ve been just about every where anybody wants to go.  I am stationed in Washington now. I will be moving soon for one last tour and then retire and figure out what to do with myself. A beach house in Costa Rica sounds like a good start.
Been married to Sally all along. Had a bump in the road the past couple of years but on the mend now. Mid life crisis maybe, bitchy woman more likely. I have two kids.  there are pictures posted. Going to upload more over the weekend. Life has been good.
What are you up to now? It’s wonderful to hear from you. As I get older, I find myself more interested in old friends. Spent some time talking to folks from high school recently.
It’s great to be in touch. Please give my regards to your folks.
I was staring at that when the Facebook chat window opened!  


11:22am Phil Dropped you a quick note. getting ready to make the miserable drive to the beach. The drive sucks but its nice once I get there
11:22am Me Heh! It worked!
11:22am Phil I will be in your area in December. We could have that pizza, or maybe a lobster
11:23am Me Sounds great! Thanks for the note. How can it be 30+ years? Yikes… 
11:26am Phil Hard to believe. Just look at my pictures, you will see the years. Still feel good though.
11:27am Me I have to say I was wracking my brain trying to remember anything about you or us….not much left there. But I think you were “good people” so it’s fun to start over… 
11:30am Phil Was a long time ago. I still have fond memories, have not forgotten much. I hope I’m still good people. There’s a picture or two of us in a yearbook at a dance, talk about a blast from the past!
11:30am Me My dad just turned 88! 
11:31am Phil Wow, mine is 87, hard to believe.
11:32am Me He and Mom have a condo just down the hill from my little sister, her husband and their little girl 
11:33am Phil It’s nice that everyone is together. makes it so much easier to help them out and spend time. I have to make an effort to get up to see my folks. I go as often as i can now.
11:34am Me Yes, my dad just got home yesterday from a month in the hospital and rehab (broken toe, got awful infection, heart trouble etc) so nice they’re right here.
Where are your kids? How old?
11:35am Phil My kids live at the beach. Daughter and son in their 20’s.
11:36am Me I poked around FB looking at your family and was astonished to see that your younger brother has a son who is a big, married guy with kids. Yikes!
Are you a…grandfather? I have a mean old cat.  
11:37am Phil Oh no. I am not a grandfather. I’m not nearly mature enough for that. I’ve been accused of not growing up. Not sure I could live in a small town anymore. I’ve become spoiled by the convenience of city life. Was a great place to grow up though.
11:43am Me I loved it while I was there, but now look back and wonder how I ever lived in that fish bowl…
11:46am Phil Oh yea, everyone knew what you were doing. You managed to have a good time though.
11:47am Me I probably should stop babbling and let you drive off to the beach…and get back to work. This is a crazy time in my office.
12:01pm Phil Nothing wrong with a mean old cat. I have dogs. There are pictures of them posted.  I’m off to the beach.  Have a great weekend! Wonderful hearing from you. Looking forward to that pizza in December.
12:03pm Me Ping me whenever…have fun!

I copied the text out of the chat window into a Word doc, so I could read it over.  Holy cow!  We talked for 40 minutes.  He was so easy to talk with!  I could have kept going.  He’s such a nice guy!  So he’s got a trip up here… that’s probably what pushed him to find me.  I went back to work but could not help wondering… When will he contact me again?  
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Due Diligence

I read his first message over and over.  And over again.   What did he mean by “great memories?”  I tried to remember more about him, but there was nothing.  How could my brain have let go of all that?

I finally clicked on his Classmates.com profile.  There was a photo of a smiling man, sitting at a table with a pizza and a bottle of red wine, about to pick up a slice.  I couldn’t see any sign of the boy I knew, but he was so cute!  It was a great photo – nothing flirty, just friendly.  I stared at it for a long while.  He had a full head of dark hair and a mustache.  I love mustaches.  He was trim, with lovely shoulders.  I’m a sucker for shoulders.  He had on jeans and a classy maroon sweater.  Casual, comfortable, and nice looking.  Inviting…

So I googled him.  Not much there.  Except for a Facebook account that listed the military as his employer.  Was that the one?  I didn’t want to reply on Classmates.com but here was my chance to be in touch without saying anything.  I didn’t want to risk a message if it turned out to be the wrong guy.  I could send him a friend request.  I puzzled over whether to do that… but then I put myself in his shoes.  And realized I did not want to leave him hanging.  He had done everything right.  I could at least reach out.  That way if he turned out to be an unpleasant correspondent, I could block him and be done with it.

I decided to sleep on it.  I went to work the next day and thought about it in between meetings.  When I got home, I looked at everything again – his message, his photo, his blank Facebook page… and made up my mind to get in touch.

So late in the evening of August 19th, I clicked the Friend Request button and went off to bed.

I lay awake wondering if he’d friend me or message me?  What did he want?

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Reconnection: The First Message

How did it start?  On a warm summer Wednesday afternoon during a crazy week at work, I got home after a long day, and settled down at my desk to read a bunch of personal emails on my laptop in air-conditioned comfort with a big glass of water.  I had just taken a sip when I saw a message from Classmates.com that said “You got a PRIVATE MESSAGE from Phil Xxxxx.”  I sprayed water all over my keyboard!  


Are you listed on that site?  Classmates.com tries to be a social network, listing the people from your class in high school who sign up, but it doesn’t get on most people’s radar.  They send a lot of email but you can’t get to the good stuff without buying a GOLD MEMBERSHIP.   I’ve managed to resist.  I had fun in high school but I moved away to college and moved on.  My Facebook is locked down so I don’t have to hear from them.  I keep in touch with my best friend via email, and the rest?  Eh.  But this message said I could read without paying, which meant the guy paid to write to me.  And he had gone beyond the usual channels to find out more about me.  No one else had tried to get in touch.  Why him?  Why now after 30-something years?


I wracked my brain trying to remember something about this guy.  There weren’t any memories left, just a few odd facts.  
  • He was my first love.  
  • He went to my church.  
  • We dated very briefly in the 1970’s when I was a freshman and he was a junior, which in those days amounted to holding hands in the hallway and stealing a few kisses in a dark corner at a dance.  
  • He broke my heart when he dumped me with the “let’s be friends” line. 
What could it hurt to read the message?  Curiosity won and I clicked the link.
From:
Phil Xxxxx (view profile)
To:
Sassy Girl
Sent:
August 18, 2010 08:28:29 AM
Subject:
Hi, from Phil!
Hey, how have you been?  Hope life has treated you well.  Living in DC now, still in the military and enjoying it.  I get to the old home town several times a year.  Still many great memories.
Hmmmm… that was anti-climactic.  But he seems harmless enough.  Should I answer? 



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Reconnect with Same Sassy Girl

So who am I?  I never know how to answer this question!

I’ve always gone by my middle name, so you can call me Sassy.  I’m that girl with the long hair that you knew in high school.  Maybe you sat next to me in homeroom or algebra or sang with me in the choir.  Didn’t we ride the bus together?  Maybe you never spoke to me.  Or you danced with me once?  Or we dated a couple of times and nothing ever came of it.  Was I your high school sweetheart?  Your first love?  Your old flame?  But you dumped me before anything really happened.  You didn’t know it then, but as the years rolled by you’ve realized that what we had was very special and you wonder what became of me.  Late at night, when your life gets crazy, you think about me.

For reasons that will become obvious, I won’t share my real name or specific location, and plan to strip all identifying details from my posts.  I will change certain details to protect myself and other people.  The specifics are not important, and could cause me a fair amount of trouble in the real world.  This blog will be our little secret.  And the less I say about me, the more you can fill in the details with what you remember about your first love.  See, won’t that make it more interesting?

There will be a lot more on this topic as we go along, but here are some basics for a start:

I am a demure woman in my early 50’s with an ordinary life with

  • a liberal arts college degree
  • a day job in an office, 
  • a husband, 
  • cats, 
  • a car, 
  • a condo
  • a loving family
  • faithful friends
i.e., nothing special.  I know lots of interesting people.  I love restaurants.  And long walks by the ocean.  I spend a lot of time clicking around the internet.  Geez, I sound like a boring personals ad!  
In typical “old married lady” fashion, most of my sex life is inside my head.  My husband and I are best friends everywhere except the bedroom.  So I gave up on that.  Turned it off.  Didn’t miss it much.   
Then my first love finds me again after 30+ years… and comes at me at 100 mph!  I discover a whole other side to myself.  And starting thinking about my past, and my future and sex in a whole new way!
Let’s get to the good stuff about how I went from zilch to a sex blogger in 60 seconds (okay, it took a little over a year… but still…)

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Yes or no?

So guys… gals… let’s start right out with the tough question:

Should you or shouldn’t you?

  • Should you find that girl you were sweet on in high school?  
  • Find out what she looks like now?  
  • Find out how her life turned out?  or even… 
  • Should you get in touch with her? 
  • Find out if you still have that chemistry?   
  • Find out if she’s that same sassy girl you’ve been dreaming about all these years? 
  • Should you respond if someone from your past reaches out to you?

The short answer is NO.  If you can keep from doing it…. don’t.  That way there be dragons!

Thumb through your yearbook.  Listen to the oldies music.  Cherish your memories.  Fantasize all you want about what might happen.  Get on with your life.  I am not kidding.  Reconnecting can be a complete disaster!

It didn’t work out when you were in high school and it is very unlikely to work out now.  There are a million ways this can go wrong.  If you read up about it on the internet, there is story after story of the mess people have made of their lives trying to relive their past.  Experts warn against it.  Go ahead, Google “reconnecting with a high school sweetheart” and read up… I can wait.

If you have a jealous spouse, small children, a judgmental family, a close-knit community where everyone is going to look down on you (or worse) if you do it?  Walk away now.  You risk your marriage, your family, your livelihood, your sanity and worst of all?  A BROKEN HEART!

You’re going to do it anyway?

So you can’t resist?  If your curiosity gets the better of you and you are going to step onto the roller coaster, take a trip down memory lane and find her… or if someone has found you and you’re going to respond?  Stick around.  We’ll talk… I’m here to help.

Maybe you know better, but you want to read about what happened to me (and whoever else comments) and laugh and cry and live vicariously?  Stick around.  I’ll tell you some stories.  Maybe other folks will chime in.  We’ll all learn something.  Maybe you’ll find an old friend to reminisce about the good ole days? or you’ll be that one-in-a-million person whose dream comes true – you’ll reconnect with your true love after all these years and get married and live happily ever after.  It could happen.  Who knows, this might be fun!

Two warnings –

1) I am not an expert 
        I’ve been there, done it.  Found people and been found.  Several times.  I’ve been very lucky.  And I still don’t have all the answers.  My situation is not typical.  I will try to connect you with good advice.  But take everything I (or anyone else) says with a big fat pretzel’s worth of salt.  In the end, you’re on your own.

2) Much of this is x-rated
         Let’s be honest.  Bottom line?  This is about sex.  If you don’t want to read about sexy stuff, infidelity, angst, irreverent musing and immoral behavior, move along to next blog.  I respect that.  I really do.  To each his or her own.  But it is going to get hot and heavy and crazy in here.  There are going to be stories, photos, links and even videos that involve vulgarity, naked people, deep emotions, and all sorts of wild shit!  If that sounds like fun, keep reading and leave a polite comment now and then to let me know you’re out there and what you think.

If you’re read this far, thank you.  Now let’s get to the good stuff!

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Defining terms

same/sām/

Pronoun:
The same thing as something previously mentioned.
Adverb:
Similarly; in the same way.
Adjective:
Identical; not different; unchanged.
Synonyms:
adverb.  similarly – likewise
adjective.  identical – identic – like – equal – even – similar


sas·sy/ˈsasē/

Adjective:
Lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky.
Synonyms:
saucy – cheeky – impertinent – impudent – pert – forward


girl/gərl/

Noun:
  1. A female child.
  2. A person’s daughter, esp. a young one.
Synonyms:
lass – maid – lassie – maiden – wench – damsel – gal