Sassy’s rules to write a profile

February 17, 2015 Tuesday
From: Jim
To: Sassy
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2015 5:23 AM
Subject: Re: connection
Are you saying there is more Sassy to come? I fear I will drown in the deluge, but I can hold my breath for a while. Is that a good thing?
That is a great story about the first boy you kissed. Very romantic.
The young lady I told you about died at 42 years old. I was trying to track her down, but found her obituary.
My pipe question was intended to be a double entendre. I should leave the sexy writing to you ;). They have never frozen over the last 30 plus years. Last night was really cold with very strong winds.
I beat on the pipe for a while and made it squirt. I am really relieved.
I was about ready to give up on AM and consider the $330 an inexpensive tuition for a valuable lesson learned.  My search criteria was full sized and Zaftig, over 5′ 6″ tall. I moved my search distance to 50 miles and that is how I found you. Where you live tells me you are intelligent, educated, and liberal (politics aside perhaps).  Finally, your written profile leaped off the screen and grabbed me. I frantically fired off my first message to you. My hands were actually shaking. Go back and read that message.
I am doing my best not to use you for…..inspiration. I want to save it for your return from Mexico.
From: Jim
To: Sassy
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2015 5:26 AM
Subject: Re: connection
Hi Sassy,
I forgot to touch upon my J O B.
I work for a large corporation. My schedule is flexible and I do not report to an office. I have a company car so getting around is not an issue. I spend most of my time between NH and places in northern MA. Sometimes I do overnight travel for work. I am accountable for my time, but I’m often up in the wee ours of the morning working with my European colleagues. The sun never sets on my organization. I can envision daytime fun, lunch or even an occasional overnight.
Have fun. I’m so glad you went to Mexico this week. Still wish you were here though.
From: Sassy
To: Jim
Date: Tues, 02/17/15 at 5:26 PM
Re: connection
Hiya Jim! 
Hope your day is going well and the snow is not slowing you down too much.  Did you get more this morning?  
It is really hot today so we spent a short time at the beach and the pool, then went into town for a lovely lunch by the lagoon under straw huts.  I had the most delicious seafood risotto.  Look up El Fritango Cancun.  I am having a brief siesta before dinner.  
I thought of writing a book about “Philip” finding me.  He said no one would believe it.  Ha! He is the guy every man wants to have a scotch and cigar with, and every woman wants.  
So sad your first girl died so early.  Having survived breast cancer, whenever I hear of a someone dying young, I wonder why I am alive and they’re not.  Maybe someday my second chance will be clearer.  Believe it or not, I went looking for a different old flame from h.s. when Philip found me.  He went to West Point and his trail ended in 1991 in the Gulf War, so I assumed the worst.  Freakishly, two months later he contacted me!  It was like a ghost!  He had health problems that got him tossed from the Army, but he was very much alive.  He talked me through cancer treatment and felt like an angel sent to me just for that!  We still chat now and then but never met again. 
I was going to joke about plumbing!  Mine still works!  But I was not sure and if I made light of you having no heat or water I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear from you again!  If you use the word squirt again… I can not be responsible for what will happen if you decide to meet me!  That was very naughty!  🙂 
AM gouges men.  and tricks them.  I am very sorry about that.  It is awful.  But seems better than the other free services!  How long have you been trying online dating?  You can tell me later whether it was a good idea after you have gotten a Sassy blow job?  I read a lot about philandering, and 50 miles is supposed to be the ideal distance for an affair partner.  Lessens the chances of crossing paths in real life, close enough to drive in an hour or meet in the middle in less, and especially if you search toward a more-populated area, it increases your chances.  Thank goodness you did that!  
Thanks for the stuff about your work.  I sit in an open office with an intern or two, and three colleagues.  I enjoy them.  I have an evil boss who is just back from three months off to adopt a baby.  Our office is in the midst of a renovation and lots of moving around.  I fixed it so she’d have her own office instead of sitting 3 feet from me.  Luckily, the senior staff complained about her, so perhaps some combo of those three factors will mellow her out!  
I am “wicked smart,” educated, and liberal (politically… which we probably should not discuss?) and live where it is common.  Funny that you can tell that.  
Thanks for reading and understanding my profile.  I probably should not admit I only spent about 12 minutes writing it while talking to a gal pal online one rainy night.  I was afraid if I labored over it I’d lose my nerve.  I try to follow these five rules:

  1. be myself, 
  2. be confident, 
  3. nothing negative, 
  4. be specific so I don’t waste a man’s time, and 
  5. make him laugh! 

I didn’t mean to make you shake! Thanks for telling me that… 

Oh, go ahead and be inspired!  I hear the more you get sexy, the more sex you want!  I wish I could be inside your head… seeing what you think about, what revs you up, what sends you over.  Ah well… there’s time and I will have fun figuring it out! 
Gotta run… time to get ready for dinner.  We eat early so the little niece can get to bed at a reasonable hour.  Look up The Crab House Cancun.  😉 
Tomorrow I’m taking a boat ride over to Isla Mujeres.. not sure of my computer access.  Don’t fret if you don’t hear from me until late.  
Take care… nothing can happen to you in the next few days that will keep us from… hugging!  Mwah! 
From: Jim
To: Sassy
Date: Tue, Feb 17, 2015 at 8:24 PM
Subject: Re: connection
Hi Sassy,
Sounds like another perfect day in paradise!
I love seafood risotto. I’ll be looking up those restaurants for sure.
So you have no fewer than two heavy hitters that are into you to the point of obsession. I feel like I am joining an elite club! Maybe you are what makes them great.
We shall see who makes whom squirt. That was a nice sentence but I think you know who will definitely squirt. I said squirt twice, no, thrice! Come hither my dear!
Thanks for telling me where you went to college.  I had you pegged as a Wellesly girl by our second email, so I was close. I should have known since you love men so much.  Based on what you know so far where do you think I went to school?
No surprise that you are liberal.  I would be very comfortable in your area. 
You are very open with me and at the same time you play your cards close to the vest. Unless your parents were beatniks I don’t think Sassy is your given name. If they were beatniks I can dig it. I turned on, and made that scene baby!   
So here is the reveal for your fun and enjoyment. I am the mystery that is an enigma. My colleagues describe me this way.  [some hints about where he works]. Isn’t this fun?
You now have enough data to get a fix upon my identity. Don’t worry we are sympatico!
Regarding AM, the investment was worth it. Our emails alone are worth at least $500.00. You are so very kind to mention me getting Sassy blow job. I can’t fix a bid to that. Besides, without AM how would I have met you?
Yes, you inspire me. I intend to return every drop of that inspiration to you. Yes, that is sexy indeed. I’ll meet you at the gate at Logan. Look for the man who has had an erection for nearly a week!
I do hope this missive finds you before you drift off to sleep.
Sweet dreams my sweet Sassy.
From: Jim
To: Sassy
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2015 8:35 PM
Subject: Re: connection
Sorry this was poorly written…almost got caught   🙁
From: Sassy
To: Jim
Date: Tues, 02/17/15 at 11:07 PM
Re: connection
Hiya Jim!  
Your messages are such a treat!  I smile, I giggle, I sigh and I tingle!  You are a wonderful writer. 
I liked this day best.  There was time to catch my breath.  I like the excursions but I like some time on my own as well. 
Please DO NOT GET CAUGHT.  I have walked that road with an AM man and another pal, and it is NOT FUN.  If you need help to stay safe, say so.  I pay attention to the many ways to hide and delete and browse incognito to protect yourself.  
I had a different risotto tonight at a very fancy restaurant.  It was not nearly as good as the one at lunch at the dive bar down along the lagoon.  There’s a lesson there somewhere. 
You are too funny.  Or very perceptive.  Or both.  Your quip about the heavy hitters was a new insight.  When they first contacted me I was puzzled… things never went far in high school.  Why did they even remember me?  Why didn’t the boy I lost my virginity to get in touch?  The answer seems to be “unfinished business.”  Apparently, a very powerful motive.  I had three men contact me in the space 4 months in 2010.  So odd.  The third was a gay man in FL who had to tell me he was regretting never having sex with a woman and if he ever had, he would’ve wanted me.  But was not wanting to do it now.  Huh. 
You seem pretty great already but if I can boost you up a notch, I am happy to do it! 
Oh my!  Squirting for everyone, I say!  Hee!  Or gushing.  Spurting?  This is going to be fun.  
Wellesley?  HA!  What made you say that?  Am I like other Wellesley alums you know?  I know several women who graduated from there. I am not like them.  They are the intellectuals, the philosophy majors, like my dad.  I was the practical one, the organizer, like my mother.  They can discuss Kant or Hegel or Nietsche.  I wonder where we’re going for dinner and how to split the bill and whether I can find a coupon!  I certainly do like men.  Certain men. 
I was pondering where you went to college… I dare not guess.  There are signs of UNH, MIT, Dartmouth but then I thought somewhere unusual… I sense bits of self-made and other times “old boy network” so very tough to say.  Am I close? 
The name thing is tricky.  My parents were definitely not beatniks.  My first fella “Philip” named this side of me… wondering if I was “the same sassy girl” he remembered.  It helps me in two major ways: 
1) You will think I am crazy but I feel like I have two sides.  There is the good girl – a demure business woman with the office job, an elderly mother and the sexless marriage and bills to pay and… zzzzz.  BORING!  I don’t want to be reminded of all that.   Then there is the Sassy Girl.  She’s fun!  She is the one you want to play with.  It’s like those ads with the devil on one shoulder saying “DO IT!” and the angel on the other side warning about the risk and the mess.  I try to shut her up as much as possible and let Sassy out. 
2) I am protected.  Not so much from you, though there are nasty men out there… but from the wife or the son who sees an email or a text and decides to trace THAT GODLESS WHORE WHO SEDUCED… ahem.  Only thing is… there is no real name.  And a Yahoo account that leads nowhere.  No address.  Only a google voice phone number and a “fake name” and a dead end.  So I hope you will call me Sassy and be happy to be in on the scheme.  If we carry on awhile, I will talk about “real me” in person where no one can find it on your phone or computer!  
If you can figure out who I am, tell me.  I want to plug those holes and only reveal when I am ready!  I am not part of the evil in the world, but you have no way of verifying that.  I’m sorry it has to be that way for now but I have heard too many stories from friends and run into bad situations myself that make me wary.  
I used to be a big-time Googler trying to figure out who I was talking with… but I’ve given it up.  I wait and let things roll along.  If you are an enigma, I will have to send to Bletchley Park for the code.  
Wow… you are so incredibly sweet to say my emails are worth it.  Being valued… wanted… heady stuff that!  I am so enjoying this conversation.  We’ll have to play “how else would we have met” as we get to know each other better.  The small world factor usually means it would have happened… but AM certainly makes it easier, if not exactly easy.  
Meet me at Logan?  Hee!  I have already been fantasizing about that.  Very tempting to see your smiling face, get a hug.  If  there was any chance I could be presentable and scintillating after a long flight, or even guarantee I could be on time, I would totally be up for it!  But alas, I will probably be toast.  
Have I actually been exciting you in a physical way?  I haven’t even been really trying yet.  Okay… maybe with that snippet of erotica.  There is definitely much more to cum!  If you’d like to read more of my sexy stories, let me know. 
Here are two other things I am wondering about:
Are you really 49?  I find that men who put a “9” in their age are usually at least a couple of years older.  It doesn’t matter… just wondering.  It’s good to fudge a little to avoid detection.  I am really 55, until September. 
Where do you stand on guilt issues?  I’ve run into “guilt kings” on AM, though I am never sure if that’s true or their way to let me down easy if they don’t want to continue.  I have none at all.  I feel like I should but I don’t.  
I want to write and write… but I must get to bed.  Breakfast arrives at 7:30 am and I have to be in my swimsuit and packed, ready to head out to the boat before that.  Ugh.  I wish I could just write to you… it is such a great part of my day!  

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