Letting me be me

Thursday, May 1, 2014
Kris: leaving work. heading to gym till 10. home, shower, chat short while at 10:45? may b too late….tomorrow’s another day if that’s too late. 8:36 PM
Me: Sure! Hugs! 8:38 PM

Kris: 🙂 8:39 PM


·       May 01 10:50 PM  Kris: Hi
·       May 01 10:51 PM  Sassy: Hiya!
·       May 01 10:52 PM  Kris: How’s the sex chat world these days? Havin fun?
·       May 01 10:52 PM  Sassy: It’s pretty quiet tonight, just a couple of ladies have popped in
·       May 01 10:53 PM  Kris: I was trying to add up the total hours we spent together this past week…Sunday and Wednesday combined…how many on Sunday…and what time did I leave last night?
·       May 01 10:54 PM  Sassy: We were together from about 12:15 PM   to 11:15 Sunday, so that makes 11, plus 6:15 to 11:30 last night, which makes 5.25, o 16.25 hrs
·       May 01 10:54 PM  Sassy: Why are you doing that?
·       May 01 10:55 PM  Kris: cuz I was pouting today…feeling sorry for myself…almost didn’t text you to chat…but you’re addicting
·       May 01 10:56 PM  Sassy: Why sorry?
·       May 01 10:57 PM  Kris: I’ll tell you why if you promise not to “make adjustments” and withhold information in the future…when I want to know stuff and ask questions…
·       May 01 10:57 PM  Sassy: okay
·       May 01 10:58 PM  Kris: I was thinking…I spent 16.25 hours (didn’t have the exact number till you just gave it to me) with Sassy…and she hasn’t gotten off once…”Volt” got her off 7 times in 2 hours…that must make me “Short Circuit”…I was jealous and pouting about it…
·       May 01 10:59 PM  Sassy: Oh dear… I’m sorry.
·       May 01 10:59 PM  Sassy: Your day will… cum
·       May 01 10:59 PM  Kris: Ha ha
·       May 01 11:00 PM  Sassy: Thank you for giving me more than one chance
·       May 01 11:00 PM  Kris: more than one chance for what?
·       May 01 11:00 PM  Sassy: To see you
·       May 01 11:00 PM  Kris: are you SERIOUS?
·       May 01 11:01 PM  Sassy: I had a lot of one-shot deals. So frustrating
·       May 01 11:02 PM  Kris: well I’m a “satisfied customer”…as far as the sex itself goes I’ve gotten off every time…in different ways…I have nothing to complain about and like being with you…
·       May 01 11:03 PM  Sassy: Phew
·       May 01 11:03 PM  Kris: there’s just one thing i’m working on…(besides my mission to get you off).
·       May 01 11:03 PM  Sassy: Do tell!
·       May 01 11:05 PM  Kris: i’m trying to accept and adjust to the reality of how you see the world…how you see having sex…with me…with other men…marriage…what you want…how you want it…there’s a lot of “learning and figuring out who you are and what you like and are hoping for in all of this.
·       May 01 11:05 PM  Sassy: I’m still a work in progress.
·       May 01 11:06 PM  Kris: I mean…there’s what you like in having sex itself…that’s important…but there’s “the other stuff” too…like how much you’ll tell me and what you won’t…for example.
·       May 01 11:06 PM  Sassy: What do you mean?
·       May 01 11:06 PM  Kris: it was very “telling” to me when we were having a little pillow talk about the need to always wear a condom…
·       May 01 11:07 PM  Kris: basically I was asking you why it would be necessary for me to wear one if you knew I was negative for everything…
·       May 01 11:07 PM  Sassy: What?
·       May 01 11:07 PM  Kris: hold on…I’ll explain..
·       May 01 11:08 PM  Kris: so I was asking why it would be necessary for me to wear a condom if you knew I was negative and never had sex with anyone but you and my wife for the past 25 years…
·       May 01 11:08 PM  Kris: there was a very long pause…by you…
·       May 01 11:08 PM  Kris: I knew you were thinking hard about “exactly how to say it”…
·       May 01 11:08 PM  Kris: so I helped you out and said…
·       May 01 11:09 PM  Kris: because maybe you don’t know if I’ve had sex with someone else…
·       May 01 11:09 PM  Kris: which is a nice way of saying: “it’s possible I could be lying to you”
·       May 01 11:09 PM  Kris: but you didn’t want to say that…
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Sassy: That is not about you… it’s about the other men who have been crappy to me
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Sassy: You may change my mind. You are different in many ways…
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Kris: it’s ok…I was not offended by it.
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Kris: in fact…I appreciated it
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Sassy: You are a contradiction…
·       May 01 11:10 PM  Kris: how?
·       May 01 11:11 PM  Sassy: You want me to always use condom…
·       May 01 11:11 PM  Sassy: but not with you?
·       May 01 11:11 PM  Kris: no…i’m glad you always insist on any man…including me…using condoms.
·       May 01 11:12 PM  Kris: but if in fact i’m telling the truth…which I am…there’s no need for one…i’m not saying this to try and convince you I shouldn’t have to wear one…this is more about the reality of how it’s hard to trust anyone
·       May 01 11:12 PM  Sassy: It’s like you said about the boat and the sharks
·       May 01 11:13 PM  Kris: no…I understand…my point is more about the fact that it’s hard to really believe someone is telling the truth…
·       May 01 11:13 PM  Sassy: I am also protecting you from me.
·       May 01 11:14 PM  Kris: I understand that too…even though it’s a minor risk.
·       May 01 11:14 PM  Kris: but again…it’s about whether you think people will lie to you or not…like you saying maybe my wife might be cheating on me and I wouldn’t know…based on the fact that many women do and their husbands don’t know.
·       May 01 11:15 PM  Kris: there are some things people DO really know about their spouses…
·       May 01 11:17 PM  Kris: my main point is fairly simple…I want to be able to accept “your world” and you for who you are…which means you have to risk telling me the truth…even if you think I might ‘freak out”…which on some things I might…like being jealous of “Volt” getting you off…
·       May 01 11:17 PM  Kris: when I was pressing you for information you didn’t want to give it to me
·       May 01 11:17 PM  Kris: you said, “you’re tempting me to say certain things..
·       May 01 11:17 PM  Kris: because you were calculating how I might react..
·       May 01 11:18 PM  Sassy: I try to focus on what you’re like when we’re together… and how you communicate in between. The rest of your life is yours.
·       May 01 11:18 PM  Sassy: Oddly enough, I don’t want to make you feel bad
·       May 01 11:19 PM  Kris: I understand that…and appreciate it…it’s not “odd”…it’s part of your sweetness and niceness…which I appreicate and really like…
·       May 01 11:19 PM  Kris: but sometimes i’m curious about certain things…maybe some sexual experiences…with other men…
·       May 01 11:20 PM  Kris: not that I want to focus on that so much…
·       May 01 11:20 PM  Kris: but because it’s part of your life…like anything else…so i’m curious.
·       May 01 11:20 PM  Kris: when you’re willing to tell me the truth…it makes me feel closer to you…even if some parts of it I need to “get used to” and may “react a little to”…
·       May 01 11:20 PM  Sassy: I forgot a meet…
·       May 01 11:21 PM  Kris: ?
·       May 01 11:21 PM  Sassy: When you asked if I had been with anyone since I met you…
·       May 01 11:22 PM  Kris: oh?
·       May 01 11:23 PM  Sassy: It was the Sunday after our first lunch. It had already been planned…
·       May 01 11:23 PM  Sassy: Chatter… been talking to him for over a year. He was in CT on business and invited me to dinner to meet.
·       May 01 11:24 PM  Sassy: Maybe I am just too much of a hussy?
·       May 01 11:25 PM  Sassy: Or maybe the past doesn’t matter… just the future?
·       May 01 11:26 PM  Kris: what matters to me is that you do what you want to do…but just tell me the truth.
·       May 01 11:26 PM  Kris: I don’t want you to try and be someone you’re not
·       May 01 11:26 PM  Kris: if you want to be with other men…then you should be
·       May 01 11:27 PM  Kris: you shouldn’t try to be someone you’re not…
·       May 01 11:27 PM  Sassy: If I am with someone, I don’t prowl
·       May 01 11:27 PM  Kris: I don’t understand
·       May 01 11:28 PM  Sassy: I don’t go looking for another man
·       May 01 11:28 PM  Kris: this is what i’m trying to understand…
·       May 01 11:29 PM  Sassy: What?
·       May 01 11:31 PM  Kris: what you really want. I don’t want you to try and be someone you’re not….really…I think you and I are wired a little differently…but I can live with that…I don’t want you to adjust to my expectations just to please me…or because you like me enough to want to keep me around…because I think I can adjust to you being different than me…I really only need one thing from you…just tell me the truth if I ask you a question…you don’t have to “volunteer information” if I don’t ask…just don’t lie to me…
·       May 01 11:32 PM  Sassy: Sure
·       May 01 11:32 PM  Sassy: I don’t think I am that different
·       May 01 11:32 PM  Sassy: I’ve had some weird times, searching for what I want
·       May 01 11:32 PM  Kris: how do you think you are not that different?
·       May 01 11:32 PM  Sassy: I would like to find one man
·       May 01 11:33 PM  Kris: but I may not be enough
·       May 01 11:33 PM  Sassy: If I can see you once a month or more… I’m pretty settled
·       May 01 11:34 PM  Kris: now I want to believe you…but…
·       May 01 11:35 PM  Kris: you just seem like a gal who likes casual sex with different men…and that’s fine…if that’s who you are…seriously…I’d just like to know…to know YOU…
·       May 01 11:36 PM  Kris: once a month is not going to be enough for me…if you want to keep me around…
·       May 01 11:36 PM  Sassy: Yay!
·       May 01 11:36 PM  Kris: how about twice a week?
·       May 01 11:36 PM  Sassy: Hee hee
·       May 01 11:36 PM  Kris: or a minimum of a certain number of hours…and we HAVE to meet our quota!
·       May 01 11:37 PM  Sassy: Sound like a pipe dream
·       May 01 11:37 PM  Kris: why?…what’s stopping us?
·       May 01 11:37 PM  Kris: other than bad sex?
·       May 01 11:37 PM  Sassy: I dunno… just hasn’t ever happened.
·       May 01 11:37 PM  Kris: why not?
·       May 01 11:38 PM  Sassy: Guy has not been available
·       May 01 11:38 PM  Sassy: I don’t like casual sex.
·       May 01 11:38 PM  Kris: i’m available!
·       May 01 11:38 PM  Sassy: I go into every start hoping it will be non-casual
·       May 01 11:39 PM  Kris: I think your relationship…and sex with “old flame”…is non casual…
·       May 01 11:40 PM  Sassy: And it hurts like hell. And I haven’t seen him since Sept ’11
·       May 01 11:40 PM  Sassy: I may never see him again.
·       May 01 11:40 PM  Kris: how come?
·       May 01 11:41 PM  Sassy: Because he’s basically a man of honor. He won’t do what it takes to meet me unless the military sends him close to me so he can cover it up without too much subterfuge… or because it mean more to me than to him? I dunno
·       May 01 11:45 PM  Kris: I think you love him and if he were here you would make love to him…it would be really good, hot sex…but not “casual”…i’m sorry it hurts like hell…and knowing these things is part of how you trust me with important parts of yourself…and I know you want me to just fuck you hard (i’m trying)…but you letting me in more than your pussy helps me…if that makes any sense…
·       May 01 11:46 PM  Sassy: Ah… I see
·       May 01 11:46 PM  Kris: see what?
·       May 01 11:46 PM  Sassy: You are in my head.. much more than any AM man has been
·       May 01 11:48 PM  Kris: it was what I was thinking the most about before we met on Wednesday…and the “disconnect” it creates for me…in terms of what I think you really prefer and like…but also I like it “different ways” too…but the women I’ve been with in the past (brief affairs when separated from my wife)…didn’t want me “in their heads”…they just wanted a good fucking…and for me to “keep a distance” from inside their heads…
·       May 01 11:48 PM  Kris: i’m greedy…I want it all.
·       May 01 11:48 PM  Sassy: I am not them
·       May 01 11:49 PM  Sassy: What would “all” look like?
·       May 01 11:51 PM  Kris: well. not really “all”…but some combination of “just a good fucking” mixed in with “real intimacy”…caring about you as a whole person…really liking being with you…pillow talk after sex…hugging…cuddling…doing other things sometimes that are just fun…even if we didn’t have sex every time we met (not sure that will really happen—but it’s a “fantasy”)—–like talking you on a boat ride…or just doing stuff together sometimes…besides fucking.
·       May 01 11:51 PM  Sassy: That seems totally possible
·       May 01 11:53 PM  Kris: so to me that’s more than “casual sex”…but if you got bored with me or titillated by someone pursuing you…and you wanted to fuck some other guy…then let me “freak out” and tell me.  I’ll be jealous…and wonder if you had a better time with him…and maybe pout a little…but I need you to be who you really are…and just tell me the truth…and I think I can deal with whatever happens…even if some parts of it bother me…don’t be someone you’re not….
·       May 01 11:55 PM  Sassy: Okay
·       May 01 11:55 PM  Kris: Okay…I’ll just have to believe you…and deal with whatever happens…as it happens…
·       May 01 11:55 PM  Kris: so when’s our next “meet”?
·       May 01 11:55 PM  Sassy: When do you want to?
·       May 01 11:56 PM  Kris: whenever you do…asap…..
·       May 01 11:57 PM  Sassy: Looking at my calendar
·       May 01 11:59 PM  Sassy: Friday free after work… Saturday with Mom 1:30 – 7… Sunday meeting 3-6 PM  
·       May 02 12:01 AM Kris: Sunday meeting as in “meet” meeting?
·       May 02 12:03 AM Sassy: Project committees… zzzz
·       May 02 12:03 AM  Kris: what’s your preference for day/time…and then we’d need to figure out place…
·       May 02 12:05 AM  Sassy: Hmmm
·       May 02 12:05 AM  Sassy: thinking
·       May 02 12:05 AM  Sassy: It is so nice to be wanted!
·       May 02 12:08 AM  Kris: of course!
·       May 02 12:09 AM  Sassy: Timing of my other stuff makes it tough.
·       May 02 12:10 AM  Sassy: Is there a time’s that easiest for you to sneak away?
·       May 02 12:11 AM  Kris: not really…with all my talk about “telling the truth”…I seem to have an endless list of believable lies for my wife…
·       May 02 12:12 AM  Sassy: Anything you’ve been dreaming of doing?
·       May 02 12:12 AM  Kris: probably should just choose a day/time that seems to allow most time…free to continue “learning/exploring”…between the three days coming up I would probably choose: 1) tomorrow night, 2) Sunday night
·       May 02 12:13 AM  Kris: I’ve been dreaming of doing ANYTHING that leads to you having an orgasm…you tell ME…
·       May 02 12:14 AM  Kris: I know that’s not fair…because it’s really not something you can just “cook up”…and I need to do my end…and “keep up” my end of the bargain…
·       May 02 12:15 AM  Kris: I was thinking we didn’t do the “over the bed” thing…me in your mouth and flicking your nipples with my tongue
·       May 02 12:15 AM  Sassy: Let’s plan on Sunday night
·       May 02 12:15 AM  Kris: ok…Sunday night it is…if your place isn’t free it’s my turn to pay for a hotel room.
·       May 02 12:16 AM  Sassy: Let me check with Hubby
·       May 02 12:16 AM  Sassy: He’s been talking about going to see the original Godzilla… not sure when that will be
·       May 02 12:16 AM  Kris: ok
·       May 02 12:19 AM  Kris: I had a day of “playing with my bike” planned for tomorrow…but in the morning I’ve got to attend to a “high pressure” task at work first….my “worst fear”…having my paperwork audited…missing important documents…have to get up early…go in…write docs. have them reviewed before they go higher up….any big errors or omissions and they can take back all the money they’ve paid…highly stressful…all of which is to say…
·       May 02 12:19 AM  Kris: I need to pull myself away from you because I have to get up early.
·       May 02 12:20 AM Sassy: Sure. Should have said earlier!
·       May 02 12:20 AM  Kris: No problem…I needed to talk to you…you can tell me about Sunday later…chat maybe tomorrow?
·       May 02 12:20 AM  Sassy: We can talk tomorrow night?
·       May 02 12:21 AM  Kris: We’re thinking the same thoughts…THAT’S a little scary…LOL
·       May 02 12:21 AM Kris: Sweet dreams Sexy Sassy!
·       May 02 12:21 AM Sassy: Sleep well.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *