Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Slept well. Still got issues but I at least feel better today. Got bigwig coming today, going to be a big one! Off I go. Have a great day!
Good morning! I’m off to the podiatrist, then running our holiday open house! Whee!
Well enjoy! Have fun with the open house. We have to talk some time. I need some serious advise. Heard a lot yesterday that really shook me. Not sure how to wrap my head around it all.
Hiya kid. I survived the sadist podiatrist. Can’t stand him! Useless! My co-workers are decorating for the party and laughing up a storm. I am trying to flash-thaw shrimp. I am here for ya kid. Hope I can help.
I find myself in a bit of a conundrum. The Beach Gal makes the earth move for me. Just one of those people who you meet that just does it for you. I truly love her to death. We shared several months together 4 years ago and it was just blissful. I got talked into going home by kids, family, and events. I made a bad call and went home for all the wrong reasons. I should have stayed with The Beach Gal, I know that. She was freshly divorced at the time and the sweetest thing. Over the past four years, we have been unable to stay away from one another and we have carried this thing on for years with very strong feeling between the two of us. There were periods of months where we had almost no conversation or contact at all. Over the four years our lives have continued to move along. The Beach Gal has always needed attention. She needs to be loved. That’s kind of a neat thing. She likes to have a drink or two and is fine with a couple. When she has too many, she can become unpredictable and sometimes mean and nasty. Not so good. I have been away up here so there was very little contact between us, mostly phone and messages. The Beach Gal being The Beach Gal, needs the attention. She had bought a small house and there were several little dive bars nearby. She started hanging out in those places and met this guy who paid attention to her and the next thing you know she was all about him. That lasted a month, was hot and heavy and then Mr. Wonderful turned out to not be so wonderful. Back to me, then there was the episode with my pal. Both got hammered on tequila and ended up naked. He was unable to perform due to the amount of booze he had but it still happened and it really bothered me. She told me nothing happened, and then slipped when she was drunk one night. My pal filled in the blanks. We get past that and are marching towards finally being able to do something without the military constraints. I thought that in November, she suddenly got tired of waiting. I found out last night that this new guy started hanging around in July and has been working it the entire time. She gave up in November. I went on a winery tour. Bought a shit ton of wine, stayed overnight. Trust me it was not a romantic getaway. It was just a trip to buy wine. That was the turning point for The Beach Gal. The next week she called me to say she was done. I did not know there was another guy till that night I saw a post from him saying sure do love ya. Told me this was not something new.
We talked yesterday and I told her, I could get over just about anything but I needed her to be committed to me. She was all about it. Last night, Mr. Wonderful comes by and tells her he won’t let her go and he loves her. I get the call that she can’t do it, can’t break this guy’s heart. Tells me he is such a sweet guy. Then tells me he is impotent, has a drinking problem, buys her shots in the bar even though she does not like to do shots and then she gets hammered and ends up flashing her tits in the bar. I guess that’s what he is into. He hits on and touches other girls in the bar and I think if he gets a better offer, he will jump at it. She is really struggling with this and that’s hard. Either you want me or you don’t. We have much work to do, lots of talking, lots of forgiving to move forward but she has to want me. If I get divorced, I’m giving up about half my earnings a year, a house, most of my possessions, my friends and some family to do this. Am I being stupid? When we are together, it’s so relaxed, so comfortable. We snuggle on the couch, play darts, dance, laugh, sing. We go for long walks on the beach. We touch and it’s electric. It’s just an unreal feeling. I’d give up everything to have that every day. It means that much to me.
My wife is reliable, a very nice woman, we get along great, we have fun together in a tame sort of way. She keeps me in check but there is none of that intense feeling, never was, not even in the beginning. You and I had a fire, intensity. It was super charged. Hell, we still do. Never felt that even once with my wife. I can continue to live the safe, comfortable life but I want so badly to feel that fire and intensity, to want to touch every second, to sleep wrapped up around each other, never wanting to be separated enough that we don’t touch. I want to kiss and break away breathless, heart pounding. I want to have hot, sweaty sex. I need passion. My wife and I don’t have it. We are a very nice prim and proper couple. We do what everyone expects us to. We are so fucking boring. The Beach Gal and I were unpredictable, fun.
She has become accustomed to going out and howling at the moon. Not my thing. I don’t do dive bars. I like nice little places with good food, a nice selection of beer and wine, a band. I go to have something to eat, dance a little, have a few drinks and go home. Will she find me suddenly boring? Sitting on the couch in my arms may not be enough. It’s all I want but it may not be enough. The song says, baby, you’re all that I want when your lying here in my arms. So true. This is so hard. I know people who took the safe route, kept the money, the house, stayed in the bland relationship. They found their joy in life elsewhere. Travel, golf, whatever. I know people who took the leap, left everything behind and chased happiness. Some found it and are such joyful, fun people to be around. Others are still looking but are also pretty happy with their life. Do what they want when they want. What do you do? I want this girl so much but I am so afraid I won’t be enough for her, that she will be restless, bored. She is ten years younger as well. Will she stay when I am not as mobile? I expect that by 90 or so, I am going to start to slow down some.
I need a Sass pep talk. Maybe I worry too much. Nothing I can do at this point. Her call and then see where it goes I guess. I just don’t know. I do know, if she chooses the other guy, I will never go back. I’ll zip my heart up and take the safe road forever.
How’s that for a mouthful? I hate podiatrists. That stuff friggen hurts. Just glad I don’t have feet issues.
Enjoy the party!
Going to take the night for you to read this. The Beach Gal’s Girl friend says she wants us to fight over her. She likes the fact that two guys are playing tug of war over her. I’m not fighting anyone. That’s juvenile. She needs to unfuck this and make a call. easy as that i guess. Would you like two guys fighting over you? That’s real cute till it actually happens and one of them hurts the other. Seen that scenario play out a couple times and one of them got hurt bad. One went to the hospital, the other to jail. Stupid, I’m not playing that game. Make a choice and deal with it.
This just keeps evolving. My brain says one thing, my stupid heart says the opposite. What does it know? Distance makes things so hard and neither of us wants to hurt anyone but some times someone has to be hurt. I love my wife but she deserves a man who thinks she hung the moon, who wants to touch her every time he sees her. That’s just not me and that’s just not fair. She supported me through my time in the military and she will take away a nice pension for it. She won’t be poor or destitute. She’s a classy lady, she will find a good man who earns well and can take care of her in the style she’s accustomed. Why can I not shake this girl? Why am I so eaten up?
Having a beer and burger alone at the club. Nice. Hope you are enjoying the evening.
Hiya kid. Party came off well. I came home and collapsed…3 hr nap!
Read over all you’ve written… Hope it helps to write – I often find explaining stuff to you helps me decide what I think. I have questions and ideas for you… but sounds like you are still processing and I should let you do that before butting in.
I have simply decided that I love her. She makes me happy. She is quirky and kooky. She got a little lost but she has such a beautiful soul and such a wonderful heart. I let her down, we let each other down and I want to spend the rest of my days making up for it. Speak away baby. Needed to talk, vent, helps. I get it out and it’s gone.
That’s it? Or did I get it right?
If you’ve decided, it’s all good. And it feels right to me.
It was good when you were together before? Then it can be again. I just want you to be happy.
Oh my god, I was never happier
It’s fabulous when we are together. Hard when you are separated by half a country.
What do you think?
We had so much fun.
Once you are together, it will be fine. But this time, when there are problems, you’re going to speak up. You are not going to suffer in silence.
My sister says, “I have these conversations with my husband in my head and I get really mad at what I think he’d say and wonder why he doesn’t change…”
She was not the problem. My inability to give myself completely was the issue. She never felt I was completely devoted to her. Won’t screw that up again
Ahh, yeah me too. Get spun up over nothing
Oh, this is so exciting!
I was just looking at the photos of the same-sex couples getting married in Seattle… so much love, emotion… people together 38 years… there was a big group reception for them all, with the governor and the first dance was “At Last.” Awww….
Saw a couple in uniform… thought of you.
Got the house to myself. Got a fire going, NCIS on, nice scotch, cock in my hand. Love it!
Ha ha just feels good
Want to call and spread it around my way?
[He called me and we helped each other cum]
Thank you baby
[photo of his gorgeous cock in his hand]
[photo of his living room fireplace with a roaring fire]
Had fun. Thanks babe.
The naughty kitty
[photo of my slit]
And one more because you’re so bad it’s good.
[another photo of my slit]
Umm, thank you . That pussy needs a cock in it
You are most welcome. Yes… need it bad.
It’s almost criminal what your voice does to me… yummmm.
I’m glad 🙂