Wednesday, December 5, 2012
I was doing great. An ok day. Pulled up The Beach Gal’s Facebook because I can’t help myself, not much there. I see she is hidng new phoots from me and I am sure almost all of her posts. Means those are photos of her and Mr. new. Again, just hurt, opened it all up all over again. I’m so damned stupid.
Hiya, kid. Did you sleep? Eat? First… you don’t know what you’re not seeing. Second… stop looking! I know… that’s tough. But let the damn wound heal. Stop picking at it!
Go talk to some subordinate, make his or her day.
So what does your wife think is going on with you?
It’s 53 degrees! Daydreaming about you here… going for a walk on the beach in Gloucester, eating chowder and lobster, smiling in the afternoon sunshine. If only I could walk!
Slept a little, still not eating. I know but I can’t help myself. My wife has not even picked up on the fact that I have been so miserable, so withdrawn. She is not a particularly sympathetic person and probably just thinks it’s a work thing, not that she would ask. I guess it’s nice out here too. I don’t much care. I’m not even interested in football this week. Could care less. Parties galore and much merriment and I don’t want any part of any of it. I am usually such a Christmas person. Sucks.
Done with the weekly staff meeting. Whee! We had a guest speaker. I was thinking that you’d like to pick his brain. It amazes me all the research being done and no one is changing based on it.
My mind boggles at how different I am from your wife. Course you’d probably say I notice too much, am too sympathetic and want to hug you too much! I do hope the Christmas spirit and other people’s merriment will infect you. I’m very glad to hear you’re not leaning on alcohol… that could be very bad. It’s good you have a mask to put on.
Not interested in football? Get to a doctor STAT!
I would never do that with booze. I drink cause I enjoy it not to get hammered or avoid life. Life is too short to take that route. Not my style. I will ache and slowly the ache will fade. I will remember and smile. I will always regret not doing more. I love that free spirited girl. She would have been horrible as an Officer’s Wife but she’s amazing fun and we would have had so many great times outside of the military. I like to sit on the front porch naked. Not worry that anyone might notice. Just hang out, sip a drink, laugh. My wife would not do that if I held a gun to her. I used to love to skinny dip in my pool. Only in the pitch of dark for her. I’d do a nude beach in a nano second, climb in a hot tub with other people. So would The Beach Gal. I am going to miss that so much and I’ll never get it again.
Ah… the days you’ve had! I do not believe you will never have fun again.
I’ll have fun, I manage to find it but damn that girl was something. Every day is a little better. This afternoon was horrible but now a little better. Goes in waves of miserable depression, nausea, etc to just a heavy heart. I need to will myself to have better days. I can do that. I’ve done it before. Swam for forty minutes today, feels like my arms are going to fall off. That’s a good distractor. Lost more weight and still dropping. Takes me a couple of months to get back on track from this and I will end up 30 lbs lighter which is ok.
Lots of discussion tonight. Nice. Probably won’t amount to much but nice
Oh? With whom?
The Beach Gal
Wow. I was expecting that.
Common pattern. And you are irresistible.
Chatted most of the afternoon and evening
Do we end up naked on the porch for the next 40 years?
Irresistible, no but I do think I’m a good man
Gist of the chatting?
I love her, almost at the end of military tour, free to make moves. Kids will get over it
At first, too late, I won’t hurt this good new guy. Won’t do this again. Tonight very different, very loving
Told ya… irresistible!
I am proud of you for fighting for what you want
Emotional tie has always been so strong
Always done for every one else, never me
Hide the knives
Don’t know yet what happened if anything but it was so nice
I hope your roller coaster ride is over… that you can swing up and stay up with her!
What’s that mean?
When you tell my wife…hide the knives.
Oh, yeah no shit. Don’t want anything from here. Just my clothes and tools.
and the plants
The Beach Gal is a pretty wild roller coaster. Need a harness for that one but worth it
Will grow new ones
Fun to plan, eh?
Been planning. Have all these ideas but got so bogged down with work, I have not been sharing.
Much to do. Have to rebuild our trust in each other. Doable but takes time, work, love
Did you mention naked on the porch?
The house. Knockout walls, expand, put in tiki bar, hot tub, bigger kitchen. And naked on the porch. It’s a stoop so you are right there by the road, cars going by
It’s very cool. I pretty much wander around naked any way
So back to the Beach.
It’s wrong on every level but so hot and so much fun
Not wrong. Your house, whatever!
I am so happy for you.
Will be at the beach for awhile. Where The Beach Gal’s place is. Mile from the beach. Great waterfront bar, nice uncrowned beach where you can also be naked
You have a one track naked mind tonight!
We never wore a lot of clothes around each other
Ha ha. I’m not particularly shy about that. Why I work hard in the gym
Sorry… I got lost in thinking about that. Back now.
What? Me naked?
la la la….
I can get that way pretty quick
Trying to behave. Not confuse you further.
Ever had sex on the beach? Not the drink? Wow! The threat of getting caught, the sound of the surf, then run into the water
la la la…not listening!
Really don’t get sand where you think
I promise… if a guy offers, I will do it.
It’s amazing! We were on a beach were we not?
Were we? Other than Cancun in our minds…
There was a beach in gloucester
Mmmmf…. sorry… got lost again.
Very interesting sushi party photo! Always did want to try this on you with lobster maki… Bet you could get into this.
Sleep well, sweet man. I mean it… sleep.
Sleep well, sweet man. I mean it… sleep.