[from my private journal]
11:20 am – Roller Coaster rolls on
Wow… I never seem to post here anymore. And when I do it’s private!
I am still on the roller coaster that a long distance relationship brings.
I had a revelation on Wednesday night.
He had been very attentive the previous Monday and Tuesday as he prepped to be away on a long business trip, being all excited that we’d have time to talk and maybe even Skype! Then I didn’t hear from him for two days while he was at the beach. What was he hiding? Did he see the other woman? Then when I asked how it went he said, “Had a blast! Off to the West.” I was brave or stupid and complained about his silence. He told me I could slap his ass and we had a nice little chat, but he signed off to sleep pretty quickly.
Just a few words Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday…. finally on Wednesday he pinged me with a flirty tone. I took a chance and told him to call me. He typed the room phone number and we had a wonderful hot half hour. I remember why I put up with all the rest. He makes me feel so sexy and alive!
I realized I don’t miss sex, I miss HIM. Which stinks, because it is very tough to fix. I don’t know if I will ever see him again, either due to logistics or his lack of desire to do so now that he may be going back to beach gal. If her ever leaves his wife…
Then I decided hey! If I can’t have lobster at every meal, I’ll try to filet mignon or the pasta with spicy sausage!
I do so want to be touched and kissed, but I can’t imagine opening myself up to another guy. But I am torn because every guy I talk to can’t hold a candle to him. But perhaps it is time for Mr. Right Now while I can’t see Mr. Right? Now if there was just Mr. Interested! I am talking to a gaggle of guys online but they never translate into anything physical.
Ah, well… time will tell I suppose. In the mean time, I am having fun with the online guys. It is way better than the nothing I had for years!