Jump with me

Week 38

Wednesday, May 2, 2012
8:10am
Good morning! 46 cold cloudy.  Have a wonderful Wednesday!
8:17am Phil
Good morning. What would you do? If you had two paths: 

– One that guarenteed financial security and a comfortable although boring life. With someone who is a good person who you have feelings for but are not in love with. 

– The other, loss of that financial security, risk of alienating family and friends but with a person you long for, laugh with and enjoy. 

Would you take the risk or play it safe?  Harder than it sounds. 

This is hypothetical. I have asked others who said they would stick with what they had if it was not painful. Others emphatically said they would go for it. Lot of risk in going for it. Lots of unknowns. What do you think? I told one of my young officers the other day who said he and his wife were room mates, that was not good enough. You will grow old with regrets.  There is more to it than that.

10:12am Phil
Hope your day is good.

11:14am Phil
Did not mean to freak you out with the above question. It’s hypothetical based on a conversation I had the other day. Interesting issue and I think I know what I would do. I value your judgement cause you are a very bright girl and you tend to think along the same lines as I do. The other piece of the conversation is does it matter how old you are or how much the financial loss would be. Stay safe and just muddle along in a decent, not miserable life or say fuck it and go for the gusto. My brain gives me one very logical answer and one that I have heard other people say. My heart says something completely different. I’ve never really become a grown up.  I act that way because my job requires it but otherwise I’m a pretty carefree goofball who loves to have a good time. Just curious what you think and I know you are in a life position to have perhaps thought about this.
11:22am
Hiya!  Busy – staff meeting at noon, interviewing three students who might work for us this summer, helping boss prep for trip.   Tough to do when all I want is to read over a message on FB and come up with exactly the right reply…
8:19pm
Finally home!  Whoo… crazy day.  Thank you for asking my opinion.  I am not freaked out.  I’ve thought a lot about the question over the past year.   I have three thoughts – general, personal and a story. 
8:36pm
Why did you tell that officer there should be more? 
In general, I have told lots of people I know:
1) No one can answer for you.  Too many variables, all very personal.
2) Take your time to decide. 
3) Talk to people.  Ask as many questions as you can of your new love and experts and trusted friends to know the consequences of each option.  There will still be unknowns. That’s okay.  The only things for sure in the life are death and taxes and neither of those are any fun!
4) Change is never as bad as you think.  If you don’t change, it will still be as bad as it is or worse next year.
5) If this change doesn’t work, change again. 
6) Money isn’t important.  Happiness is. 
On a personal level, go back and look at 1-6 above with your own life in mind.  What do you want to do?  How can I help?
8:53pm
For the record, it is unbelievably tough to say this in a Facebook message when it feels like the rest of my life is on the line.  But I will try.
I love you, Philip.  I want you in my life.   Do you know what it takes for me to say that?
I am not used to thinking of myself and I don’t take risks.  Before I met you, I thought, “I could never leave my husband, my family, my projects or my job. I don’t need a physical relationship.”  Now I think, “If I am with Philip, everything else will fall into place. I need someone to touch me sometimes.  And let me touch him.”
 I am ready to make you happy.  It scares the crap out of me, but I need to find out.  I want a true partner in life.  And I want to be a true partner to you.  We deserve to be happy and lead a full life.  Sex is part of it, but talking, working, living together, loving, giving each other space, being part of each other’s families, fetching you a beer… so many other things are part of it.   I don’t think either of us can quite fathom how amazing our lives will be when we don’t have to do everything ourselves! 
8:59pm
I read an amazing blog post.  (Of course, it has disappeared so I can’t just send you a link).  It was written by a married man trying to support his beloved as she considered leaving her husband and starting a new life together.  It was called “Jump with Me.”  He told her about wanting to sky dive.  It was very scary, but he wanted to fly and see the amazing view.  But more than that, he wanted someone to jump with him.  To hold his hand and experience the thrill, and then be around to talk about it later and share the memories.  

Now, I have no urge to throw myself out of a plane.  But I do want to take a big scary step and see a new life.  And I want you with me.  Today, tomorrow and forever.  Jump with me, Philip?
10:25 pm
So… that was all way too serious. Time for some FUN! Your thought for this evening is me giving you a massage…



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Sassy Girl

It's the gal you knew in high school that you've wondered about. And she's got something to say! Time to heat up old flames!

2 thoughts on “Jump with me”

  1. Today marks 15 months since I “jumped.” There have been many wonderful times and many dark days, but I have no regrets. The love of my life and I are building a “real-life” relationship and I am finally living life on my own terms. Sure, I struggle financially and coparenting with my ex is difficult, but the happy moments make it all worth it. And I truly think this best is yet to come.

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