early morning September 13 [continued]
He slid back up my body, gave me a deep kiss and collapsed into my arms. We held each other and I floated back to earth. I felt like my bones had melted.
I took a deep breath and told him, “I love you.” This was the first time I said it to him in person.
He hugged me very tightly but didn’t reply. I wanted to crawl into a hole, but stayed in his arms thinking about how he’s had nothing but trouble from the people who’ve said that to him, so it’s no big surprise he can’t say it back. Or maybe he doesn’t love me… maybe I am just a good fuck? Or he’s too much the man of honor to say it when he’s married to someone else? Who knows? But it was tough after all the months of dreaming about hearing it from him. But I am glad I made it clear how I feel. I don’t ever want us to mess up and lose each other again due to lack of communication! I wanted to ask him how he feels, but I know better than to ask a man about his feelings!
He slid back up my body, gave me a deep kiss and collapsed into my arms. We held each other and I floated back to earth. I felt like my bones had melted.
I took a deep breath and told him, “I love you.” This was the first time I said it to him in person.
He hugged me very tightly but didn’t reply. I wanted to crawl into a hole, but stayed in his arms thinking about how he’s had nothing but trouble from the people who’ve said that to him, so it’s no big surprise he can’t say it back. Or maybe he doesn’t love me… maybe I am just a good fuck? Or he’s too much the man of honor to say it when he’s married to someone else? Who knows? But it was tough after all the months of dreaming about hearing it from him. But I am glad I made it clear how I feel. I don’t ever want us to mess up and lose each other again due to lack of communication! I wanted to ask him how he feels, but I know better than to ask a man about his feelings!
I tried to interest him in another go, playing with his balls and ass, but he was falling asleep. He talks a lot online about how he wants me to touch him under there, but it wasn’t having an effect tonight. He explained he had been awake for 20 hours, had to sleep to function, so I let him drift off. I know… sometimes sleep is more important.
I figured out how to hook up my computer to the Ethernet cable, wrote a quick email to let my sister know I was fine, then wrote my pal a long email to capture all the details of the day. I unpacked a bit. I kept my stuff along the wall. I didn’t want to make a mess or get in his way.
I got to bed about 2 am, sleeping in the second bed so I wouldn’t disturb him. I lay listening to his even breathing, feeling like I was in exactly the right place.
I got to bed about 2 am, sleeping in the second bed so I wouldn’t disturb him. I lay listening to his even breathing, feeling like I was in exactly the right place.
No idea how long I will be here, but for now I am here and he’s beautiful and I feel so alive! WHHHHEEEE!
It sounds like this has been a good trip!
“Feeling like I was in exactly the right place.” Isn’t that really all we are trying to accomplish in life when it’s all said and done. Regardless of what happens I think it is great that you had that feeling.