Talking to myself

So Phil and I parted on Thursday morning at Dulles.  I flew home and he went off on vacation with his family.  I wrote to him as usual.  And he wrote… not much or nothing.  Five messages in six days.  Fifty-four words total.  I got the sinking feeling that he was done with me.  See if you agree… 

Friday fiddling
Between Phil and You
October 8 at 2:40am
Took a long nap. Up late. Musing. Wondering what you’re thinking.
Seeing you again was so wonderful! Answered questions. Healed an old wound. Great to see bits of your day-to-day life. Such a gift. Thank you. 1000 times.
But now I know what I am missing. You. Our conversations. Our laughter. Stories about the good days and the bad times our lives. kisses. In for more yearning. But calmed by the prospect of more moments.
Tough to be home. Seeing my life in ways it might be better I didn’t see. But I am working to change parts of it.
I wrote down everything I could remember. 39 hours. Important to treasure the joy. The comfort. The fun.
Thinking of you. Trying not to write to you every 10 minutes. Be safe. Have a great trip North.
October 8 at 8:27am
Good morning! It’s a beautiful day here.. no clouds, 50’s, bright orange trees. Gulls coasting on the breeze. Looked at the satellite weather photos down the East coast – a great day for driving North. Safe travels, sweet man.
October 8 at 2:47pm
Ah, Friday afternoon. Hope your drive is going well. Office finally quiet after hectic morning of catching up, doing payroll early due to the Monday holiday. Looking forward to a long weekend!
Phil October 8 at 3:14pm
drinking wine at the wineries. Easy trip

Saturday seasons
Between Phil and You
October 9 at 1:56am
Why can’t I go to bed without writing to you? 🙂 So glad you had an easy trip. You’re traveling under my karma now.
Replaying Tue/Wed/Thu in my mind. Lots to keep me smiling for a awhile. Hope it is the same for you. Have fun at Oktoberfest! BEER! Think of me pulling you aside in the crowd to kiss you deeply… mmmm…
October 9 at 8:00am
Good morning, Philip! It’s a spectacular morning here… bright blue skies, crisp air… perfect fall day ahead.
October 9 at 9:17am
Thinking about mountains… I can hear you singing this.


“You Raise Me Up”
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up… To more than I can be.
There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up… To more than I can be.
Phil October 9 at 12:41pm
Having a blast. Great music, good food, wonderful company, mountain air. Ahhhh
October 9 at 6:42pm
You forgot to mention the beer?! 🙂
Had a full day… ready to watch the AL play-offs. Go Twins!
I know you are wicked busy being son, husband, dad etc. Thanks for sending me mgs… it makes my day!
October 9 at 7:43pm
It was my “be kind others” day on 3 fronts.  Saw my friend in the nursing home, took her out for lunch, saw my parents, and went out to supper with hubby and a friend who has no money.  Off to catch up on NCIS and baseball. *hugs*
October 9 at 10:50pm
Great photos of you today! Your smile… *swoon*
Caught up on NCIS! Freaky to watch, kept missing bits of the story because I was noticing locations I recognized! So cool… and odd how they patch bits of D.C. with other shots around L.A..
October 10 at 12:24am
Ok. The Yankees won the ALDS. In grand style. Have to give them some credit. Grrrr…. off to bed. Sleep well, sweet man.
Sunday celebrations
Between Phil and You
October 10 at 8:55am
Another gorgeous morning here. Sun. Cold. 48 degrees. Hope you have a relaxing day!
October 10 at 3:44pm
Smile by Uncle Kracker


Songwriters: Bose, Jeremy; Daly, Blair; Harding, J; Shafer, Matthew;
You’re better than the best
I’m lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that’s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
lets me know that it’s okay, Yeah, it’s okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade
Chorus:
You make me smile like the sun,
fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Even when you’re gone, somehow you come along just like
A flower pokin’ through the sidewalk crack
And just like that You steal away the rain, and just like that
Chorus
Don’t know how I lived without you
‘Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
Chorus
October 10 at 10:02pm
Quiet day today. Saw my folks. Did laundry. Yawn. Caught up on Hawaii 5-0. Missed you. Hope you had a good day. Sleep well, sweet man.
Holiday hello
Between Phil and You
October 11 at 4:15pm
Happy football day! I hope it’s a special night at the stadium.
Phil October 11 at 4:24pm 
Thanks! Me too.

October 11 at 4:34pm
Two quick questions – You in Little Italy yet?
Is this your first time at the new stadium?
October 12 at 12:33am
Good game?
Hope you didn’t get hit by lightning…
Football rules
Between Phil and You
October 12 at 7:49am
Good morning! Still basking in the game this morning? Quiet here, raining, but not supposed to last long. You driving South? Hope you get out from under the clouds soon.
October 12 at 3:06pm
Been thinking about your office. And closing the door…
When will you be a geographic bachelor again?
October 12 at 9:24pm
Hope you’re having a relaxing evening. Great Oktoberfest photos!
Had Thai food tonight! tom kar gai soup… made me think of last Tuesday night. And smile.
October 12 at 10:44pm
Just watched NCIS. Did you see it tonight? Great shots of D.C. locales. Sleep well, sweet man.
Phil October 12 at 10:46pm
Saw it. Was a good show. You too. Nite

Wednesday waiting
Between Phil and You
October 13 at 6:20am
Good morning! Hope your day is off to a great start. Cold here… only 45 degrees! But clear and quiet so far. Reading about the rescue of the Chilean miners… quite something.
October 13 at 7:04am
What’s up w/you today? Work? Play?
I’m changing my life! Made three resolutions on the plane. First step – being social on my own. Made plans with friends I want to know more about. Have three meals out planned.  Hope for good conversations and good food.
Phil October 13 at 9:43am
Good for you! I’m hauling boxes today. Whoo Hoo. Cleaning this dump up. Cannot stand clutter and got a house full. No more.
October 13 at 12:52pm
Wow! Getting rid of clutter is an awesome idea. I might add that idea to my resolutions list. Not that I have very much in my little condo, but less would still be better. 🙂
Great beach and trip photos! Looks like you had a lot of fun.
Thanks for sharing. Nice to see what came of all those plans you talked about. 
Very quiet day in the office. Trying to get ahead on various projects.
October 13 at 10:44pm
Hope you had lots of success in your anti-clutter campaign! Had a nice dinner at Border Cafe. Love Cajun food. Thought of you when someone ordered a margarita! Sleep well, sweet man. Sweet dreams.

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Sassy Girl

It's the gal you knew in high school that you've wondered about. And she's got something to say! Time to heat up old flames!

3 thoughts on “Talking to myself”

  1. Ah the balance of it all … well, he wouldn’t message back at all if he was “done with you” and something tells me that is not the case at all. Rather he was busy with family, feeling a bit guilty perhaps going right from an amazing adventure with you back into his reality.

    I know there have been times where I want to bombard lover with messages but I know that would only make me crazy waiting for him to answer and I hate that feeling of waiting for a response. So there are times where I am more “silent” and ultimately he always finds me.

  2. Interesting. I have been there myself my friend. I have a sneaking suspicion that your outcome is much better than mine. I was never good at “playing it cool”. I am more like you wearing my heart on my sleeve. Whether things work out between you and Phil or not I’d still rather be like you and I…full of passion and love and wanting to share it with just the right person.

  3. “Talking to Myself.” I have been on the receiving end AND the giving end of those text messages/chats/emails that seem to go nowhere.

    I agree with Wave Rider, I think he would not bother to message you back if he was done with you.

    It *is* so terrible to wait and wonder. I feel for you.

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