Before I left on my trip, my head was filled with questions. I wrote them down, so I wouldn’t have to think about them so much and I could stay in the moment with Phil while we were together. Here are the answers after my trip.
1) Is everything I’ll need packed?
Yes. Could have done with one more top for the surprise lunch at the club.
2) I hate flying. But I will do it for the chance to see someone or doing something really great. Will today be really great?
Yes!
3) Can I fly without getting sick to my stomach? Or picking up a bad cold?
Stomach – Yes! Did not get queasy at all.
Cold – Remains to be seen. Was someone coughing right behind me on the way down.
4) Is this the first day of the rest of my life? Or just another random Tuesday on which I have an interesting adventure? Which do I want it to be?
It felt like middle ground. Which is a good place. I wanted to have a good time. Have sex again after 10 years. But not fall madly in love. Just middling. It was that.
5) Can you meet up with your first love again after such a long time and have it not be a disaster?
YES!
6) Can we talk in person as easily as we do on the phone?
Even better.
7) Will Phil want to touch a fat, old, married lady? Will I want to touch him?
Yes. Yes. YES!
8) Will the heat of our online sex translate into real life?
Didn’t seem quite as hot to me, but I expected that. It was certainly hot enough. The initial moments when he did what he’d wanted to do all his life were spectacular. He is a fabulous kisser! His fingers inside me were spectacular! Hearing him moan when I had his cock in my mouth? Priceless.
9) Will we ever actually make it to the restaurant?
Eventually. 🙂 Arrived at 5:15 pm. Got to the restaurant about 9:15 pm.
10) Can Phil be unfaithful? Can I?
Yes. Without batting an eyelash. People who have lived without passion for so long will jump at a chance at it.
11) Will the chemistry of our teenage encounters still be there?
ABSOLUTELY! Worse!
12) Will he be done with me once we’ve gone all the way? Will his conscience take over like it did when we were teenagers?
Not yet.
13) Will my body do what my mind wants to do?
Just about. Had a little trouble in some positions. Not even sore!
14) Do I still love him? Does he love me? If so, is that a good thing or just a source of endless longing and misery?
Didn’t say it or even think much about it.
15) Will this be enough? Or will we do it again?
Not enough. MORE! December? Sooner?
16) If the physical stuff doesn’t happen, can we still be friends?
Physical stuff happened, so this is moot. But I begin to wonder about what happens in January when he moves.
All in all, it feels like I am in just the right spot for now.